Love, Drugs, and Roma Tomatoes
by oO8 Giacente Lolita 8Oo
Summary: A/U eventual spashley. Spencer was just another kitchen worker living her life, until one fateful night where she's handed a job that takes her into the dark side of life. She find herself teaming up with Ashley, struggling to overcome problems that pop up in their way. Rated T, but contains strong rated M themes like language, drug/violence and other mature themes.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own any part of South of Nowhere. I checked. Twice.**

 **A/N: Hi! Hello! It's been years. Seriously it had been, I've checked. I am Lolita, and I have written two other stories years ago for the SoN universe called Possibilities and Ad Amor, Ex Mors. If you have read them fantastic, if not feel free to check them out. Right now they are dead stories, but if you enjoy them and would like to see them resurrected send me a message and let me know.**

 **However in the spirit of growing older and making different moves, I've decided to start fresh with this new fan fiction which I hope you take the time to enjoy.**

 **I would like to take a moment though to give you some warnings. This fan fiction is rated M for a reason. There will be some strong language, mentions of violence, drug abuse and references and probably sex. Possibly other triggers which if pops up I will be sure to let you know. I strongly recommend that if you are a recovering drug abuser to go find another story, because there is graphic portrayals of drug abuse and triggers. I also do not condone drug use, as we DONT DO DRUGS KIDS (except weed.)**

 **Enjoy! Please be sure to leave me reviews or send me DM's letting me know how you like the story, any errors you might find since I am without a beta, or even just to say hello! I am posting the first few chapters up right away, and I intend on updating once or twice a week thereafter.**

You know, at 23 years old, I feel like I should have my life together. A nice paying job, my own place with my own space, maybe even a boyfriend with a piece on the side. That's what all the other girls on my Facebook friends lists seem to have as I scroll through my timeline. One of them even spent a month in Cancun with her new fiancé just a few weeks ago.

Instead I rent out a room in a townhouse in some upper middle class development with three other, slightly neurotic, residents, all of who where significantly older than I am.

They're good people, but their relationships with one another are so complicated and l noticed that me living here means getting swept up in all their drama.

We have Mary and Mike, older, rougher looking couple. They aren't married, but they might as well be. Both of them are in their upper 40's, and they've been together for the last 15. Mike looked like a biker guy, only a little softer and not as threatening in appearance. He had two Harley's but no license, and it didn't seem to phase him. I guess his general nonchalance was the reason why he spent a good time in and out of jail. Mary met him while in rehab while they were both recovering from heroin and opioid abuse and they were together on and off for years. They were both a happy looking couple, and got along just well for me. It was the other housemate that seemed to cause us all grief.

Her name was Kerri, and she was kind of neurotic. From my understanding since being at this house, she was still hopelessly in love with Mary after they dated for a short period after meeting online. She struggled with OCD, and it caused her to overthink and obsess over minute details in conversations and it affected her perception of reality. Often times it lead to her feeling personally attacked by the rest of us and it wasn't unusual for the middle aged woman to become offended by a comment that was never meant to be malicious. Plenty of mornings began where I had been woken up at 6 in the morning to Kerri losing her shit to Mary and Mike for problems that were either nonexistent or frankly not even her business.

I mostly keep to myself. I work as a prep cook in a family Italian restaurant in the mornings and usually chose to stay cooped up in my room. Asides from seeing Mary, who was a server at work, I hardly saw the other two. It was nice while it was quiet and I was alone in the house, but it was often that I would find myself filling with dread at the thought of having to go downstairs to go out and smoke a bowl or fix myself something to eat. Just the thought of running into someone and being exposed to the drama that stems from having four completely people living in close quarters makes my heart twinge with anxiety.

I am not a confrontational person, and I avoid it like the plague.

I've had people tell me it would be easier to move back home, but that was just as anxiety-triggering as it is here. At least here I know that no one is going to be checking in on me constantly or judging me for stupid things that were out of my control.

My mom, Paula, was a good enough person. She was perhaps a bit obsessed with the family image and keeping up appearances the church, but that was normal from the quiet suburbs I grew up in outside of Los Angeles, California. I'd never admit it, but part of me almost believed that the reason why she wanted to adopt my brother Clay was because he was black and that would only improve her reputation. But she did take care of me and my two brothers with the love of a mother, despite the badgering and hovering.

My father, Arthur on the other hand was the opposite. He couldn't care less what anybody thought of him or the family. He loved life with every fiber of his being, and of the three kids, it was the one who didn't even share his DNA that inherited that joy and good-heartedness. He worked as a social worker, and he was one of the best. Unfortunately he always got too involved with each of his cases, and you could tell that it was taking a toll on him. After years of developing a drinking problem, he crashed his car late one night and was killed instantly. It was determined that he had been driving under the influence at the time. Mom got even more attached to me, Clay and Glen, and in turn Glen and I started to pull away.

Glen was always an asshole, so that hadn't been much of a surprise. But Mom never expected to wake up one day and find that my room was empty after my 18th birthday.

A lot happened between then and now to get me here living in Pennsylvania with a couple of strangers who barely co-existed, but it feels like it happened so long ago and in a different life time.

I sighed, closing the laptop on my lap and glanced up at the tv, the pause menu of a game I had been playing glowing from the screen. I was stuck and had been trying to find a guide online, but I couldn't seem to get my attention span to stay focused. I glanced down at my wallet, slightly open from when I had been looking for my debit card to purchase this game, lying on the ground next to my bed. I picked It up and glanced at the drivers license.

I looked so happy in this picture, taken on my 16th birthday when I passed my test on the first try. I had been super proud of my achievement and ready to follow the path I had been on, a life I had foreseen to be rife with success and an active social life. 16 year old me would have thought I'd have at least graduated college by now.

The sound of a car door had me looking from the picture to outside the window, falling onto the green Mini Cooper parked in the front of the townhouse. Downstairs, Bizket, Kerri's jack russel terrier, erupted into angry barking , scratching at the door as the doorknob rattled.

"BIZKET ENOUGH!" A voice from down in the basement a few floors below yelled from the stairs at the excited dog. I could hear Kerri's sigh of irritation as she climbed the basement stairs to investigate the cause of the pooches excitement.

I froze in place on my floor of my second story bedroom, careful not to make noise to alert the woman downstairs. I heard the front door open and Mary's voice as she greeted the happy dog. "Hey puppy!" The door closed and I heard Kerri mutter something to Mary. It was hard to make out from behind my closed door.

"Kerri! Stop it, I just god home for god sakes!" Mary had a loud voice, and it resonated clearly from my position. Mary was a heavier woman, not very shy, with a loud voice that was usually filled with good humor. She had a great heart, which is why she offered me this room, but after being taken advantage of for years, she developed less patience for petty drama. Her relationship with Kerri was short lived, ended well before I met the two, but Mary's love for Mike won in the end, which never sat well with the other woman. Why Kerri stays here is beyond me when it clearing takes a toll.

Kerri wasn't a bad person by any means. But her low self-esteem and paranoid tendencies left her suspicious and manipulative. When she felt hurt or upset, she tended to lash out at sore subjects or with blatantly backhanded tactics to the point where it was almost emotional abuse. It was usually fine when it was just the two of us, but I often felt myself get tired of listening to her ramble on about the same topic or self-deprecation and always found some way to excuse myself.

Downstairs the bickering continued, Mary's heavy footsteps moving up the stairs signaling her retreat to the asylum of her room. Soon after I heard Kerri's footsteps traveling down to the basement.

Taking advantage of the quiet, I slipped downstairs, keys and wallet in hand and out the front door.

It was still nice outside, the wind chill bringing the temperature down slightly. It had been an unseasonable warm day for late February, hitting as high as 50 degrees with clear skies and sun. The sun was still out, offering what little warmth it could in the late afternoon.

I crossed the parking lot and across the road to the empty lot I kept my car parked. I click of my key fob and the doors unlocked. I settled inside and sat, staring out the windshield. I knew I had wanted to get out the house, but I hadn't thought as far ahead as to where I was actually going. After a moment I decided to run down across the highway to the local Wawa and decide from there.

The trip lasted two minutes, signs of rush hour beginning to show on the main highway that ran down the length of 3 towns. The parking lot was starting to fill up, so I pulled the car around the back of the store and parked along the trees and out of the way. Grabbing my phone and wallet, I headed into the little convenience store. As I walked through the double doors, I dialed a number on my phone and tucked it up to my ear.

"You lick 'em, we stick 'em", answered a rough voice, a ghost of a southern accent in his voice.

I smiled slightly at the old man's greeting. "Hey, Bo-bo. Are you still at Boca's Basement?" I replied, pulling a tall coffee cup out of the dispenser and filling it with the house brew.

"Uh, yeah, I got in at like 4:30 or so but I didn't have to clock until 5, see. What are you up to, Spence?"

I patted the cap on the cup, making sure it was on correctly before making my way up to the register. "I was thinking about swinging by." I looked up at the girl behind the counted and offered a small smile, putting the phone between my shoulder and my ear so that I could pull money out of my wallet.

"Oh yeah, sure, I'll be here. Do you mind doing a run for me? We can do a line."

I glanced up at the cashier, receiving a nod that the transaction was complete and I headed to leave the store. I glanced around the parking lot, the idea of making a run giving me an uneasy feeling of anxiety.

"Yeah, Bo, that's fine I guess. Did you get a hold of Aiden?" I asked, doing another scan around the lot before heading to the back of the store. There was something about talking about illegal stuff that suddenly puts me on edge. As if I went from a "running an errand" mindset to "doing shady things mindset". You would think the anxiety alone would be enough for me to reject the request, but it was just thrilling enough to get me to keep saying yes every time.

He gave his affirmation and I hung up, unlocking the car and getting in. I breathed out slowly, collecting my nerves and preparing to drive down the highway the three miles between me and my workplace.

I have no idea what my life has become.


	2. Chapter 2

I pulled into the parking lot of the shopping plaza that my workplace resided. Boca's Basement had been there for over a decade, feeding people cheap pasta meals that were basically reheated in huge portions for a moderate price. The food wasn't fantastic but it also wasn't terrible so we got a fair amount of business. I worked back of house in the kitchen as a prep cook so I didn't really get to see the guests who came here, but the talk from the servers had me guessing that a lot of cheap people came in to dine and do their fair share in driving the employees to alcoholism. Not that I cared. It wasn't really my problem besides providing enough entrees to cover both the food that would be ordered and the food that wouldn't reach satisfaction and promptly discarded. Upper middle class yups were the most wasteful people.

I got out of the car to see Bo already standing in the front of the restaurant, cigarette in his mouth with the wind blowing his gray hair in crazy directions. He was in his upper fifties but he acted like he was stuck in his mid-twenties, always making sly remarks and cat-calls at the female servers as they walked past the dish pit. He was harmless enough, having known him from when we worked across the street at the movie theater. Offhand, he seemed like the kind of man you warn your kids about approaching, but after a conversation or two you realize he's just a drunk old coke-head who spent too much time in jail and was just making up for lost time. He broke out into an almost creepy grin as he saw me approach.

"Hey, kiddo. How's it going?" He said cheerfully.

I pulled a cigarette from the packet in my pocket and lit one, joining him at his spot in front of the store. "I was bored, I figured I'd come down and see who was working." I took a pull of the cigarette and looked out into the almost empty parking lot. It was only Tuesday, so the business in the plaza would mostly just be regulars with nothing better to do.

"Feel like taking a trip down to see Aiden? I figure you grab me a 40 and we can sit and do a line." His eyes skimmed around the parking lot before settling back on me, a hopeful glint in his eye.

Bo was always looking to score some coke. He had a friend that lived in a shady city not far from us that I became friends with over time. From doing pick ups we grew to become familiar with each other until one day when I went to pick up for myself and it was like the relationship status changed from "Business" to "Pleasure". Aiden was a cool enough guy, but it was obvious that he had a thing for me and it made going down there by myself a bit of a chore. I liked him well enough and I'd flirt around with him as a joke or if I felt that it would benefit my cause but nothing ever came of it, and I wasn't really keen to change that. I mostly held him at a distance despite his efforts, but there have been days where I would get bored and we would play on his PlayStation and smoke a blunt or two.

Coke wasn't really my first choice when it came to substance abuse. Asides from fucking up my nose, it always left me with a racing heart and an overactive brain that failed to make the right choices. I rarely chose to use it as a recreational, but I would do it socially hanging out with Bo or if I was dreadfully bored and wanted something to enhance my gaming skills. I mostly stuck with weed and benzos which chilled me out, but every now and again I have to admit that uppers have an occupational advantage that weed just fails to reach.

"Like I said, it's cool, Bo. I really don't have anything else to do." I assured him, taking the 20's out of his hand. I didn't mind doing these runs for him when he asks, but sometimes Bo had this way of telling you to do it, or acting like it was something that was decided beforehand. It felt like I was getting taken advantage of, and with the risks involved, sometimes I just wanted to flat out refuse.

I never did though. Maybe that's my problem.

I headed back to my car, pulling up a Spotify playlist to listen to during the 20 minute trip to Aiden's house in the city. I really shouldn't be driving down that far, especially on the bypass since my car was neither inspected nor insured, but the idea that it made the trip more risky was even mores enticing. I pulled out of the plaza and onto the bypass ramp, heading west to the city.

I zoned out, half listening to the Spanish Fuego playlist and half observing the cars around me. All my trips had me trained to look for police cruisers and undercover, and I found myself doing it out of habit these days. The trip passed by quickly and uneventfully enough, and I found myself pulling into a torn up gravel driveway in an old looking house on the west side.

The sun was almost set, leaving me in the shadow of the house as I put the car in park. I turned the vehicle off and sent Aiden a quick message letting him know I had arrived. Moments later he replied, letting me know it was okay to go inside.

I climbed the old wooden steps to the second level apartment, opening the peeling white door and stepping inside. Aiden stood in the kitchen, looking down at sometime on his phone.

He was an attractive enough guy. He was tall, dark and handsome, dark hair trimmed neatly out of his green eyes, olive skin tanned despite the cold season. Tattoos, some old and faded, others new and bright, covered his arms. Some of the older ones I suspected were jailhouse tattoos, however I had never bothered to ask the slightly older guy.

He looked up at me and smiled, a cheesy grin that reached his emerald eyes. "Hey, baby girl, long time no see!" He greeted, wrapping his arms around me in a hug. I gave him a half-hearted hug back and stuffed my hands in my pockets.

"Hey, man, how is it? Staying out of trouble?" I said, falling back on small talk. I was anxious to get this over with. Some days I didn't mind hanging around, but I was more keen on making this a short visit.

He nodded, leading me into a room to the side where he slept. He reached into the tv stand and pulled out a small black case. He popped it open, pulling baggies of varying substances out until he found one full of a white powder.

"Bobo said he wants a 40" I said, laying down the two 20's onto the floor next to Aiden.

"So whatchu been up to?" He asked, disregarding the money. He looked up at me expectantly.

"Oh you know, I've been working a lot. I have a day off tomorrow so…" I trailed off, looking for any kind of topic to satisfy the man's need for small talk.

He nodded enthusiastically as he carefully separated some of the white powder into a small empty sandwich bag, tying it off at the corner. "Word, word, I go in tomorrow. You working? You know I love being able to come see you." He gave me a quick wink as he ripped the extra plastic off the bundle and handed it to me.

"I'm off but I could get called in. If anything I'll stop by and we can smoke." I offered.

Suddenly the phone on the bed went off, followed by a rapid knocking on the front door. Quickly Aiden shut the case, setting it back into the tv stand and stood up. "Hold on, homie, let me get that quick."

He walked out into the kitchen and opened the front door. "Oh shit, Ashley, come in, come in."

He walked back in, followed by a young girl about my age. She was a little darker that Aiden, with curly brown hair and soft, light brown eyes. She looked at me suspiciously, unsure of who I was.

I stayed sat in the office chair I had found myself on and stayed quiet, not trying to interfere if this was one of Aiden's customers.

Aiden noticed the stiff reaction, realizing we hadn't met before. "Shit, Ashley, this is Spencer," he introduced, pointing to me. "Spence, this is Ashley."

I reached my hand out and she ignored it, choosing to just stare at me. "I worked with Aiden at Movie Pub." I explained. It wasn't a lie. Me and Aiden had worked together, but he had been a dish washer and I was bar tending at the time. We had never formally met but Bo had insisted that we had met before meeting him officially during a drug run.

The brunette turned away from me and looked back at Aiden, who had reclaimed his spot in front of the tv. "You got a 20 I can get real quick?" She asked in a rushed voice, looking at me from the corner of my eye to gauge my reaction. I trained my eyes on my phone, pretending not to pay the conversation any mind.

I had no reason to linger now that I had my goods, but there was something about this new person that had caught my attention. Maybe it was the way she disregarded me. Maybe it was how unexpected it was to see someone this attractive show up at a place like Aiden's.

She was really attractive.

Aiden clicked his fingers, snapping my attention away from my phone. He held a half burning blunt in his hand, the aroma of marijuana hitting my nose. I shook my head.

"No I need to head out and I don't want to smoke and drive. You know, in case I get pulled over or something." I declined, starting to get up out of the chair.

He pointed over to the bed side table where Ashley was leaned over. "Want a line?"

I really wanted to say no. I really did. It would be hypocritical to reject the weed but accept the coke. But something about seeing Ashley bent over with a rolled up dollar at her nose made me say yes. Like I had to prove to the girl that I wasn't just some weird outsider. As if it somehow proved that I was trustworthy to have witnessed the girl's drug transaction and that I wasn't a narc.

I walked over to the table and she handed me the dollar, eyes on me carefully watching what I was doing. I set the bill just inside my nose and aimed the end toward the line she had carefully arranged for me and I quickly inhaled, pulling the snow white powder up the tube and into my sinuses.

I looked up, inhaling sharply through that nostril to clear it, making sure that the drug found its way to its destination. Almost immediately I could feel my heart rate increase, although I wasn't sure if it was from the cocaine or if it was from the look that Ashley was giving me.

A look of approval? Satisfaction? Was that… arousal? I narrowed my eyes in confusion at her, and she cleared her face back to a blank slate that gave off an air of coldness. I inhaled again and turned back to Aiden.

"Hey, thanks again, but I need to get going." I said, jutting a thumb towards the door.

Aiden jumped up off the floor and opened his arms, giving me a tight hug goodbye. "All right. Let me know when you get home," he said, knowing damn well I probably wouldn't.

I nodded and headed to the front door, heart twitching and jumping in my chest.


	3. Chapter 3

I pulled back into the plaza parking lot like I had done an hour ago, and just as before, Bo was waiting for me out in the front. He saw me park and started to walk over. I hit the button to unlock the door just as he walked up and he climbed inside.

"Hey kiddo, everything go okay?" He asked, looking at me expectantly.

I nodded. "Yeah everything went okay. Aiden says hey." I replied, passing on the message. I gestured to the floor at his feet. "Grab the plate."

The old man grinned and reached between his long legs underneath the car seat and pulled out a oval orange porcelain plate. I tossed the small plastic bag to him and he quickly cut it open with his switchblade, dumping half the bag's contents onto the plate and wrapping the rest up in a gum wrapper he had in his pocket. He handed me over the plate to chop up.

"I walked into a fucking mess when I came in. It's the servers, man. It's like none of them know how to stack fucking plates." He said, pulling a cigarette from his front coat pocket and lowering the window. "Fucking old lady was running her mouth the whole way here, and I had to walk in on the whole god damn dish line full of shit." He sighed and shook his head, looking out the window. "I'm so tired of it, man. I want a raise or I'm just going to quit."

I nodded, half listening as I cut the white powder with a razor blade I kept in a compartment in the dash. Every day Bo had the same complaints. He didn't have a bad life, h was just tired and bored. We didn't have much in common between the 30+ year age gap and a difference in personality, so we didn't have much to talk about to begin with. The topics usually ended up just being mutual rant sessions and discussions about drugs. It worked out for the most part and gave us a sense of comraderie, and the amount we hung out would make it seem like we were close friends to anyone outside the circle. Still I felt like it was a pretty shallow friendship and I honestly doubted that if Bo did quit and leave that I would be truly bothered by his absence.

"Someone stopped by Aiden's while I was there." I mentioned, separating the powder into two even lines. "Some girl named Ashley?"

Bo rolled up a bill from his pocket and looked thoughtful. "Was she pretty? Had like, darkish hair? Like a dark Mexican or something?" He asked, ignoring the tone of ignorance in his question. He handed me the roll.

I took it and readied myself momentarily before taking my line, passing the plate back to Bo with watering eyes. I sniffed, brushing my nose to make sure there was no residue lingering. "Sure, Bo. She was my age. Didn't seem very friendly."

Bo brought the plate closer to his face and vacuumed his line, sniffing a few times before licking a finger and cleaning the plate. He tucked it back under the seat. "That's his cousin I think. I've seen her lingering around his place yesterday when I swung by. He mentioned she might be coming over to Boca's to be a server." He looked at me with a dirty look on his face. "That's a piece of ass I don't mind seeing every day."

I lit my own cigarette, feeling my heart throb in my chest and my hand start to feel shaky. "Why do you always have to be like that?" I questioned. "It's like you a dog in heat, panting at every young thing that walks past."

He chuckled, unfazed by the critique as he tossed his cigarette butt out the window. "I'm only appreciating." He responded, opening the car door and getting out. He circled around the car until he was on my side to talk to me through my window. "Let me get back in here before Whitney starts complaining" he said, hunching his shoulders against the cold wind that was starting to pick up.

"Alright, Bobo. I should probably get going too. You know I hate driving in the dark." I said, turning the key over to start the car. Music from my Spanish playlist resumed, the melody of "Indecente" by Anitta blaring through the speakers louder than I anticipated. I turned it down so I could resume my conversation with the old guy. "You work tomorrow?" I asked him.

"Yeah, I come in at 9 to do the floors." He answered, looking over his shoulder to the restaurant doors.

"Alright I'll see you then." I said, awkwardly trying to end the conversation. The coke in my system was starting to pluck at my nerves, and I was anxious to get home and away from people.

He started to walk away and I threw the car in reverse, pulling out and heading to the direction of the highway to my home. I stopped at a red light at the intersection and waited for the light to turn, tapping the steering wheel with impatience.

I spotted a cop out of the corner of my eye turning off the highway onto the road I was waiting on, noticing that instead of the local police it was a State SUV heading to the local station down the street. It seemed certainly out of place and I made my heart skip with nerves. It almost seemed like it slowed down as it passed, and I found myself trying to see the officers face but the window tint and the glare of the setting sun made it hard to make out if the officer was even a male or a female. My breath caught and I watched them pass, continuing on down the road to the station without further hesitation. The light turned green and I let myself exhale before continuing on my way home, making the turn a little too quickly as I rushed to get off the road. Seeing as my car was not considered street legal, I was not about to get pulled over.

XOXOX

I turned the car off, eyes glued to the back of the townhouses I had parked behind. All the lights were off in the houses, but I was sure someone was watching me through one of the windows. The slightest movement of a curtain in one of the windows seemed to prove my suspicion, even though I knew rationally that it was highly improbable that any of these people cared about a random car in the lot.

This paranoid anxiety only happens after I do coke. I was generally an anxious person, but when I did coke it only seemed to intensify the uneasiness of being in public. Sometimes it seemed like the people I passed by knew that I was fucked up on something, and it was like I could feel their judgement without even having to look in their faces. They probably didn't notice or care, but to my brain I might as well have been carrying a big neon sign.

I reached over to the glove compartment and pulled out a gray canvas case I kept all my weed stuff in. The charcoal filling helped to mask the heavy smell of the weed, and it was discrete enough that if I left it out I didn't have to worry about nosy people thinking it held something suspicious. I quickly unzipped it and pulled a small blue glass pipe shaped like a skull out of one of the side pockets, still half packed with ashy pot. I needed to calm my nerves before I attempt to go inside and face my housemates.

They knew I smoked pot, and they were okay with me smoking provided I did it outside and didn't store it in the house. Since they were all in recovery to some degree, Mary had made a point when I first moved in that drugs and alcohol were not welcome indoors and within temptation. They didn't know that I did anything else besides the weed and I planned to keep it that way. They let me stay here out of good will, and I didn't want to ruin that trust or risk getting kicked out if they found out that I was out getting fucked up on stuff like cocaine or that I occasionally brought them inside. They thought I was just a lost kid who needed some direction and support, and I didn't want to chance them viewing me as something troublesome and kicking me out.

I flicked the lighter to life and took a deep pull off the pipe. I exhaled, the thick smoke filling the air around me and I welcomed the familiar scent.

Anything to get my heart to slow down and these paranoid thoughts to slow. I glanced down at my phone and noticed that I had a notification from Facebook. I opened it and saw it was just a comment notification, nothing important.

I clicked back to my newsfeed and scrolled for a few minutes, buying myself some time to smoke more of the pipe and calm down.

The weed seemed to do kind of did the opposite. Instead of racing, my heart felt like it was pounding against my rib cage. A steady, hard beat that made me feel just as uncomfortable as a racing pace. My eyes felt glued to the screen of my smartphone, screen softly shaking as my hand continued to tremble. I laughed softly at a video of kittens that I had paused at, swiping up on the screen to load more status from earlier in the day. A small thought wriggled to the front of my mind, reminding me of the fact that I was spending far too much time in my car and I needed to go inside.

A glance to the top of my screen told me I had spent the better part of 45 minutes just staring at my phone, time that felt like only five had passed.

I needed to get the fuck out of my car.

I silently chastised myself, forcing myself to turn the phone screen off and unbuckle the seat belt that I still wore. Another quick look around confirmed that there was no one around walking their dogs and I all but threw myself out of the driver seat and into the parking lot, nearly tripping over my foot and losing my balance.

Adjusting myself and making sure I had all my belongings with me, I started to walk to the section of townhouses to my home. Arriving at my front door, I took one long breath to calm and collect myself the best I could and opened the door.

Thankfully the front room was dark, only a small woof from under the blanket in the easy chair greeting me. I walked over to where the jack russel hid under the afghan blanket and gave him a pat where I imagined his head would be and headed to the stairs. I made it to my room without incident, and sighed with relief in the safety of my room.

No sooner had I sat on the bed did I hear a small knock on my door.

"Yes?" I called out, hoping I didn't have to get up. Silence on the other side killed that hope, and I stood up, begging that my face and eyes didn't give me away. Carefully I opened the door and saw Kerri waiting expectantly on the other side.

"Hi Spencer. Do you know where Mary is?" She asked, peeping around me to look into my room.

I shrugged, turning to look into my room to see if there was anything incriminating that the older woman might pick up on. Aside from the usual mess of dirty work clothes on the floor, there wasn't much really to be concerned about. I did notice however that a trash bag I had on the floor next to the desk that doubled as a television stand had disappeared. "No, haven't talked to her all day, why?"

The older woman laughed nervously, eyes darting around as she tried to explain herself. "I don't know if you heard but we had and argument earlier and she took off while I was asleep. I wasn't sure if she talked to you about it."

I sighed with quiet annoyance, irritated that I was being dragged into the drama. "Listen Kerri, I didn't hear what the fight was about and I've been out for a couple hours so…" I trailed, hoping she would get the hint and leave me alone.

She didn't, continuing on as if deaf to my clearly disinterested tone. "Oh well I feel that it's best that everyone gets along, and I just don't know how to rightly say how I'm feeling. I don't understand why she just won't listen to me and listened to why what she does bothers me." She huffed and ran a hand through her short, buzzed hair. "I just don't understand why she can't just listen to me without going off about some whackadoodle nonsense about me making a big deal about everything. She just doesn't respect that I have feelings and that it's just downright offensive to me."

She looked at me for reassurance or for me to agree. I just looked down and rubbed my eyes. Sometimes it was hard to believe that this woman was in her fifties. "This sounds like a conversation you should be having with her. You know I don't want to get involved with this, and I don't even know what she said to be able to give any kind of input." I explained.

"Have I done something do you?" She accused, my annoyance finally picked up.

"No, no, I'm just tired, and I don't want to stand here gossiping and talking about the people we live with. It makes it hard to get along with everyone." I put a hand on the door, hoping she would get the hint and step out of the room. I needed to invest in a lock. "I have work early in the morning and I don't think that I'm the person you should be talking to about this."

"Okay well I sent you a message on Facebook that you didn't respond to. I know that some people ignore messages even when I can see that they're online…" She stood fast in her spot in the doorway.

"I was driving mostly, Kerri. I don't answer messages when I'm driving." I cut her off, not even bothering to hide my vexation.

She stared at me for a moment and seemed to catch the hint. "Right, well I'll let you get some rest then. Sorry for bothering you." She hung her head as if she was feeling remorse and headed back down the stairs, pausing as if waiting for my response and giving a shake of her head when I started to close the door instead.

I exhaled as the door latched shut, leaning my head against the cool wood.

A ding from my phone alerted me to a new text message and I walked back over to the bed, picking up the cell phone.

 **Thanks 4 stopping by. Always good seeing u. I'll see u again tom xAiden**

I paused, trying to decide if I was in the mood to reply or just ignore it. Choosing the later, I flopped onto the bed and turned on my gaming system, switching to Netflix. Maybe binging on a show would help me sleep. Or at least pass the time until my alarm goes off for work tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Sorry this chapter was posted later than the other three. I only had time to throw the first three up before I had to do something. I already have the next few chapters planned out. Updates will be Mondays and Thursdays. May add little bonus chapters in between if I feel motivated and have time.**  
 **Follow to receive update notifications. Review to show some love. Enjoy! See you Monday!**

The shrill beeping of my alarm broke the silence. I glanced down at the phone on the floor and groaned at the time. I had slept for an hour. I closed my eyes, willing myself to move and stand up, but a small ache in my chest begged me to sleep. It was like a tightness that was nearly painful, like the muscle of my heart was sore from a heavy workout while simultaneously smoking a cartoon of cigarettes. Another side-effect of cocaine that I was not fond of. The alarm blared on, daring me to stand up and hit the snooze button.

Finally with a moan of protest I pulled myself up, sitting on my knees and rubbing my eyes. I could already tell it was going to be a miserable day. I pulled my blond hair out of its messy bun and ran my fingers through it, hoping to be able to get away with not brushing it. After catching on several tangles it became obvious that it would require effort to look presentable and I gave up, throwing it back into a loose knot and finally climbing out of bed.

A pair of sweatpants and a black t-shirt found on the floor became the day's outfit, and I left my room in search of coffee. The first floor was quiet, everyone had presumably already left off to work. Mary's tv had still been on upstairs in the attic, but it was always on and made it hard to determine if she was home. A quick peek into the kitchen found me half a pot of coffee, although cold, with the promise of caffeine to ease my silent suffering. How considerate.

The coffee stayed in my mug for long enough to mix with some cheap vanilla creamer stolen from Wawa before it was tossed down, the need to get caffeinated dire enough to forgo mixing the cold beverage. I poured myself another cup and swallowed it in a few gulps. The tightness of my chest eased up as the caffeine hit my stomach.

I don't know why I keep doing this to myself, poisoning myself with crap. A glance at the time informed me that I was running a few minutes late, and I was out the door. The sun was obscenely bright for 9:30 in the morning, and I realized with regret that I had left my kitchen cap on the floor of my room.

I felt the complete opposite of this bright and cheerful day. The commute down the highway was rough, the sun glaring across the asphalt and my sleep-deprived eyes overly sensitive. I made it to my usual parking spot beside the red RAV 4 that my manager drove, and rested my head against the steering wheel, closing my eyes for a quick two minute nap.

A knock on the glass window startled me to alertness.

"Heya, kiddo!"

The tired but chipper face of my older coworker was pressed against the glass, peering in at me as his hands tried to block the glare. I rolled the window down.

"Hey Bo." I grumbled, voice still rough with sleep.

"Damn kid, did you sleep at all?" He asked, looking slightly worried. No doubt my eyes were dark with tired bags.

I clicked the button to unlock the car and he moved to the passenger side, letting himself in. "Smoke a bowl?" He offered, pulling a small blue glass pipe from his pocket. I accepted it gratefully.

"I feel like I got hit by a bus, I'm so tired." I said as I took a puff, passing it back. I choked slightly as it burned my throat.

He chuckled, taking a hit himself. "I think Aiden's working over at Movie Pub. I can run over and grab a little pick-me-up." He held the pipe back to me.

I waved the offered pipe away and rolled up the windows. "Whatever you want, Bo. I need to get inside and clock in though." I climbed out, hoping that the prep list for the day would be easy so I could have a quick day.

"Alright Spencer. I'll be inside in a minute." He replied, walking out to cross the street to the big movie theater across the road.

Inside, I was greeted my the sound of old 50/70's music. You would think it would grow tiring of hearing the same songs every day, but more often than not I'd catch myself singing along to a particular song. It was a nice mix, the ambience it gave off suiting the odd restaurant. The walls were covered in Italian memorabilia and black and white photographs. It was a cute establishment, and it's charm was what kept the guests coming back. At least that was what I assumed since it couldn't possibly be the food.

Once inside the kitchen I noticed my general manager behind the line dressed in an apron. Soft R&B played from her phone as she scribbled down a number on the list, most likely counting the leftover prep from the day before. Her hair was down today and I could help but notice that it looked different, like she got it colored or highlighted.

"Morning, Whitney." I said, hoping to pass for awake and alert. She looked up from the clipboard and gave me a small smile.

She was about my height, shoulder length brunette hair that was usually straight. She had it curled today, which suited her tanned, heart-shaped face. Her brown eyes were just as tired as mine, no doubt from the two young children she had at home.

"Good morning, Spencer. Enjoy your day off?" She greeted through the line window, taking a pause from her counting.

I looked down at my feet sheepishly. "Maybe a bit too much," I admitted.

She walked over to me, handing me the clip board. "Lucky for you the list isn't that big. You don't even have to make marinara sauce today. We were pretty slow last night, nearly a grand under what we did last year. I actually had to send the line cook home an hour early."

Surprised, I looked down at the clipboard and saw how much food we still had left over. "Damn, Whit. That's surprising considering how nice out it was." I checked the other page and saw it was similarly filled out. "The way Bo was talking from when he first walked in you'd think you guys got slammed."

"He's being over-dramatic, as usual." she scoffed, crossing her arms and looking towards the door. "There was maybe a few pans and stuff yesterday when Carlos was working prep but there was only like, two tables during lunch," she explained. "Besides, Bo came in smelling of whiskey, so anything on that dish line would have seemed overwhelming."

I sighed. "Bo came in drunk again?" I shook my head and went to continue until I heard the front doors open. Why was I not surprised.

"Hey it's a party!" Bo said, Aiden in tow close behind.

Whitney looked at Aiden, obviously displeased. Aiden wasn't an employee of Boca's but he was around enough in the mornings to know that he was a distraction. "Bo, did you even start the list I made for you?" She asked him pointedly, referring to the list of cleaning tasks she usually set up for the old man for his maintenance shifts.

Bo waved it off. "It'll only take me 'bout an hour or two. I mean, it's just the floors and the walk-in."

Whitney rolled her eyes and walked off to the back of the restaurant where the office was, clearly not in the mood to deal with the old man. Once out of earshot, Bo turned to me with a grin. "Come outside and do a line?" He asked, pointing to Aiden.

Aiden looked at me with a cheesy smile. "Damn girl, even in sweatpants you still look fine." His eyes trailed down my figure, the appreciation clear on his face as he observed my curves.

I brushed him off, pulling my keys out of my pocket and heading out the door.

Or at least tried to. If I hadn't walked right into someone.

"Watch it!" A soft raspy voice voiced their displeasure. A very familiar raspy voice.

I looked up and met the soft brown eyes of the girl from Aiden's. His cousin Ashley I think.

"Sorry, that was my fault. I wasn't paying attention." I apologized, backing up to get out of her way.

"Yeah, that was your fault. Maybe if you kept your eyes up you wouldn't have run into me," she snapped, spotting Bo and Aiden as they walked towards us. Noticing we were all heading outside, she stepped out the second set of doors to stand out with us.

The four of us walked out to my car, Bo and I up front and Aiden and his cousin in the back. It felt weird to all be cramped up in my little sedan when I knew that I should be working as I was on the clock, but the idea of having relief from this exhaustion won me over. I gratefully accepted the plate when my turn was next, insufflating my powdered energy supplement.

Feeling slightly better, I turned around and looked at the newcomer. "So why are you here?" I asked, courage starting to make its way through my veins.

She glared at me slightly, as if judging me for the question. "Why is it any of your business?" She challenged. Her light brown eyes flashed, almost as if she daring me to push the topic.

The plate traveled around a second time and again I accepted the drug offering, this time feeling much more like normal. "I don't mean to be rude, but the three of us are working, so I doubt you're just hanging out."

She just stared out the window, a small sigh fogging up the glass in front of her. "I have server training today. I'm beginning to think that I made a bad choice picking this place." Her voice was bitter, like she had already made up her mind to hate the place before even setting foot inside the building.

I rolled my eyes and started to pull my headphones out of my pocket. Clearly there was something about me that this girl found so offensive. We got out of the car and headed back inside the door, me bee-lining for the prep station to try and make up for the time wasted outside. Back in the office I could hear Whitney's music still playing softly; she probably didn't even notice our absence.

I looked regretfully at the prep list. Minutes before it had brought me relief. Now it just didn't seem enough to my coke fueled brain. I started setting up my equipment when Bo walked past with Ashley, heading to the office to talk to Whitney about the job orientation. I glanced back down at my stuff and plugged my headphones in. I'd have to check in later with Whitney to see what she thought of the brunette and if she noticed the girls bad attitude like I had.

XOXOX

"Why does your knife look like that?" I looked up, yanking the headphones out of my ears and looking at the brunette that had appeared next to me.

Ashley had on the black oxford and spaghetti printed tie that was required of all the servers. You could tell by her pose and tone of voice that she was trying to stay cool despite the tacky outfit but it only made her look more cute than fierce.

 _Wait, cute?_ I thought to myself. Did I just think that Ashley might look cute? There was no denying that she was attractive, but it wasn't usually a characteristic that stood out so much to me. Usually a personality like hers put me off, but for some reason I couldn't pull my eyes off off the girl. It was a little disconcerting considering that I wasn't even attracted to women.

I must have taken to long to respond or was caught staring because Ashley snapped her fingers close to my head, bringing me back into the conversation.

"Hmm, what?" I muttered, pausing the music on my phone.

"The knife? Why does the blade have so many colors?" She repeated, pointing to the blue chef knife I was using to cut the ends off of eggplants.

"Oh. It's coated in titanium. Gives it that rainbow gloss. It helps the knife hold an edge and keeps the blade thin for more efficient cuts." I explained, pointing out how thin the blade was. It was damn near a large razor blade with a plastic handle. I had several scars along my right hand and index finger from where I accidentally nicked myself cutting tomatoes or cleaning the blade,

She rolled her eyes, obviously not interested in my fun fact. "I didn't ask for a sales pitch." She muttered, turning to walk away from me to the back of the restaurant. .

I grabbed her arm before she could walk too far away, making her turn to face me. The attitude needed to go. "The fuck is your problem?" I asked, looking her in the eye. It was quiet for a moment or two with only the sounds of "Bug Eyes" by Dredg playing faintly from the headphones poking out of my shirt.

Finally she responded. "The fuck is your problem?" she mirrored, throwing me off.

"Excuse me?" I asked, jaw slightly agape in disbelief. Of course she would try and spin this on me. She already seemed to hate me already. My already elevated heart rate skyrocketed, and I knew I had to walk away before my words got the best of me and I really turned mean. Especially with a razor sharp knife in my hand. I set the sharp blade down on the counter before my body acted on my thoughts and walked off towards the walk-in refrigerator. I needed to cool off.

Inside I sighed, relishing the cool air blowing on my skin from the fan. The walk-in was quiet, calm, and smelling faintly of Alfredo sauce and spicy sausage. It was an ideal place to get my head together and not let my narcotic fueled emotions get out of hand. I took a few minutes to control my breathing and calm the crazy in my brain, interrupted when I heard the door behind me open and shut as someone entered. I busied myself looking at the trays on the speed rack, pulling one out and examining the breaded entrees as I hoped to look occupied.

Not hearing the usual noise like I would have expected for someone grabbing something, I turned around and was startled to find Ashley staring back at me.

"What… are you doing?" I asked slightly, heart rate picking back up as my mind struggled to come up with a reasonable explanation for the way she was looking at me. Was I… afraid? Or was I nervous? Surely she wasn't looking to continue our exchanging of words.

She stepped closer and I found myself stepping back further into the walk-in until my back hit the lone pillar near the back wall. She moved an extra step forward until she was most definitely in my personal space, staring at with with this hard to read expression and raised hands, I braced myself, expecting her to do something along the lines of bitching at me or even hitting me.

"Ashley? What…" I was cut of when her mouth suddenly collided with mine. Surprised, I opened my mouth to protest, only to feel Ashley's tongue swipe in and silent the words. As quickly as she moved in, she moved away, a dark shadow across her face as she exited the walk-in, leaving me half-sitting against the pillar with my fingers to my lips. Did she just kiss me?

 _What the actual fuck did that mean?_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Wow, I'm actually surprised how well this story was received. I checked the traffic the next day and it was amazing to see how many people took the time to read my fic. I know my history of not finishing stories precedes me, and I'm sorry. Life happened and I was unable to update. Please don't worry, I have this story plotted out for many more chapters and have no intention on abandoning it. This is going to be a lengthy story, so hopefully you all are in it for the long run.**

 **I want to take a minute to give a shout-out to K1989 for leaving the first review. It pleases me that you love the storyline, and I hope that you continue to follow this story.**

I stood there frozen in place for a few moments, fingertips pressed against my lips as my brain struggled to reboot. To say that was unexpected would be a gross understatement. Voices from the other side of the metal walk-in door broke me from my trance, and I glanced around the shelves, looking for something to use as so to not leave empty handed. Last thing I wanted was to be caught slacking off after being unproductive all mornng. Grabbing a block of mozzarella cheese I exited, passing the usual line cook Benny chatting with Bo just outside the door.

I slipped past them, grabbing my pack of cigarettes out of the pocket of my hoodie hanging on a hook and dropping the cheese block on the stainless steel counters of my work station. I beelined it for the front door, sitting on a bench outside the restaurant and I lit a cigarette, inhaling the unpleasant tasting smoke in hopes of calming my nerves.

My mind kept flashing back to the moment Ashley stole a kiss, overstimulated brain replaying the event over and over dompulsively as I tried to wrap my mind around it. It had happened completely out of the blue and I wasn't sure how to react to it. It made my heart pound and my palms sweat. I wasn't gay. At least I had been sure that I wasn't. I never thought about kissing other girls when I was in school, and my mother had always preached that it was a sin. It wasn't like I was a homophobe like my mother; I always treated the gays in school like anyone else and I felt that it was their choice to make. It just wasn't my cup of tea. I've even had a girl confess to me in high school. So then why was I so affected by this now? Was it just because it was so forward?

It didn't help that I didn't even know who the girl was really. I knew her name and that she had a very dour demeanor but that was about it. She just popped up into my life. I didn't ask for this and I certainly hadn't expected to have an encounter like that with her. I didn't need the extra drama. I hadn't even been looking for a boy to kiss, let alone deal with having a girl kiss me.

I really wanted to feel uncomfortable that it had happened or to feel a little disturbed, but I was surprised to feel that I was basically okay with it and even more so surprised when I realized that I enjoyed the kiss. Her lips were just so much softer than a guys and sweeter from the lip gloss she wore. I would even go as far as to say it felt right.

I groaned in frustration, willing my mind to stop with the over-thinking. That was how I drove myself crazy, and I needed to learn how to stop myself from compulsively replaying thoughts and conversations like that. I flicked the half-burnt cigarette into the parking lot and watched it continue to burn, tendrils of smoke climbing into the early afternoon.

"Hey pretty lady," a familiar voice called out from my left, and I turned my head to see Aiden walking across the street from the Movie Pub. He wore a white leather jacket that seemed slightly out of season but suited him well. He plopped down next to me on the bench, adjusting the PlayStation snap-back he wore to better keep the sun out of his eyes. "Keeping busy?" He asked, resting a hand on my leg. It was a friendly move, not flirtatious, and I wondered if maybe there was a deeper reason for me never pursuing the guy. He was only a few years older than me, probably close to my brother Glen's age, and was well attractive. i would be crazy not to try and hook up with him. Despite the fact that he was obviously willing to take the friendship to the next level, I was always disinterested.

I shrugged. "It's going steady. List isn't that big but I really haven't been able to focus. I'd say it'd take me about an hour to finish if I work straight through without distractions." I shaded my eyes and looked him up and down, checking out his outfit. "Isn't that whole outfit against dishwasher dress code?" He wore a some pop-culture tee that I didn't recognize and faded black skinny jeans accompanied by a pair of expensive looking black Nike high tops and a shiny wrist watch. It was definitely not something you would want to wear while spraying wing sauce off a dish.

He waved me off. "They don't give a fuck, and neither do I. I could replace all this shit in a night or so." He boasted, leaning back against the bench and stretching out his legs. "What's up with you? Why you got such a weird face on?"

I shot him a look, taking offense to the second not-compliment I received that day. "Jeez, just tell me I look bad if that's the case. No need to be nice about it." I sneered sarcastically.

He sat up a bit, instantly trying to fix his mistake. "No, girl, I just meant you looked upset, you know what I mean? Not that you look bad or anything." He reached over and gave my back a light rub, like he was trying to comfort me. "You look fine as always." He licked his lips and looked me over, no doubt trying to prove his appreciation. I gave him a light shove.

"Why did Ashley chose to work at Boca's, of all places?" I asked. "Couldn't she have served over at Movie Pub with you?"

He shook his head, glancing over at the movie theater before returning his gaze to me. "Nah, she didn't want to have to work with me. She knows I would fuck with her too much. I told her to come over here since I knew you and Bo would look out for her." He explained, reaching into his jean's pocket for his cell phone. "I didn't think you would be so against her being around."

I felt a little guilty. Aiden was entrusting us to look after his cousin and all I've done was be slightly less than friendly to the girl. Sure she had an attitude, but that didn't mean I had to sling it back. I remembered the dark look she had on her face when she left me.

"I'm just in a shitty mood today and I think that she's just rubbing me weird, that's all. What's her story anyway?"

He sighed, tapping away a message on his phone. "Don't worry about it, she's harmless. My uncle, her dad, OD'd or something. She's been staying with my mom down the street but she mostly just hangs out with me all the time when I'm home. She's my partner in crime, so to speak." He looked at me, trying to read my face. "Why, did something happen?"

 _She kissed me…_

"No, I just never saw her around before, that's all." I said instead, looking down at my feet and checking the time on my phone. "I'm surprised that she was pretty up front looking to score last night."

He put the phone back in his pocket and stood up. "She's been around the last few months. I'm surprised you two haven't met before. Bo has. I'm sure she just assumed you were another local looking to score so she didn't pay you any mind." He stood in front of me and held his hand out to help me up. "You should hook up with her."

I pulled my hand away in surprise, eyes wide as I stared him in the face. "Wha…what?" I stuttered.

He chuckled. "Hang out with her. Be her friend. She just sits at my house staring at her phone or her iPad all day and it would do her nice to have another ho to hang out with, you feel me?" He leaned back against the bench, legs spread and hands behind his head.

I stood up, straightening the apron I still had on and running a hand through my hair. "Right, well she doesn't really seem to like me, and frankly I think she's kind of a bitch."

He shrugged. "She really isn't, though. She just doesn't play well with people. I don't even think she likes me half the time." He stood up, glancing at his watch before he gave me a small wave. He walked back across the street to his work, leaving me to myself. I watched him for a moment before I went back inside, spotted by Whitney standing at the host podium.

"Spencer." She said, beckoning me to join her. I stood at the front, the extra four inches of the podium giving Whitney a height advantage for once. She tucked a loose strand of brown hair behind her ear before she spoke, double tapping the computer screen as she checked something. "Can you do the meatballs now? Benny is losing his shit because lunch is picking up and everybody seems to want the spaghetti and meatballs today." She asked, looking down at the prep list she had grabbed from my station.

I looked down at the paper, seeing she had changed the ten pound order to twenty. I groaned. "Aww I was almost done too." I complained, irritated that the list had gotten slightly larger.

"Sorry, Spence. We've been getting a bunch of random groups walking in today. Must be the weather." She sighed, tapping on the host screen to change the colors on some of the tables marked. I noticed that the bar area was unusually full. "Besides, you really haven't started much of anything, so I wouldn't say this is putting you behind."

Instead of responding I just walked back into the kitchen, passing the servers parked at the kitchen table rolling their silverware. Nate, the server who was training Ashley, was learning how to tie his tie into a bowtie from a YouTube video while Ashley sat beside him, finishing his sidework for him while they chatted softly. I stared for a moment, hoping she would look up, but she continued to stare down at the silverware on the table before her.

Slightly disappointed I went to the back of the kitchen to start the meatballs that Whitney had requested.

XOXOX

The rest of the day passed uneventfully. Ashley managed to stay out of sight, and with my hands full of prep tasks it was easy to avoid her and stay out of her way. By the time 4 o'clock came around I was ready to leave, headphones in as I ignored everything but the checklist. Just as I was preparing to clock out my phone started to ring.

"Aiden?" I answered, checking the caller ID.

"You and Bo still at work?" His voice said through the speaker.

Entering my number on the computer screen, I clocked out and scanned the kitchen to see if Bo was around. I spotted him walking up, getting ready to clock out himself.

"Yeah we're both clocking out now." I replied, moving out of the way to give him access to the computer.

"My ride bailed. Any chance you can take me and Ashley back to my crib on the west end?" He asked hopefully, the loud noise of people in the background as a movie let out near where the man stood..

I sighed. I might as well seeing as I was already taking Bo home. It would probably be an awkward ride with Ashley in the car since I hadn't really seen her since the walk-in. I touched my fingers to my lips, remembering the kiss she took from me.

"That's fine. I'll meet you outside." i answered, voice distant and automatic.

A few minutes later and we were all packed into my little Ford Taurus, ready to make the trip down the bypass to the city. As we climbed up the ramp to get onto the bypass, Aiden, seated behind me, tapped my shoulder and held out a lit blunt for me to take. I rolled my window down a few inches, followed by the other three in the car, and took a few puffs before passing it to Bo besides me. The irony didn't fail to reach me as I remembered declining Aiden's offer the night before because I had to drive. I gave a ghost of a chuckle, unnoticed by the other three. I was probably the only one who ever noticed my hypocritical moments.

I glanced at the rear view mirror at Ashley, who was silent and staring out her window. She accepted the blunt from Bo and took a couple of light hits before passing it back to her cousin. She exhaled out the cracked window, shivering slightly at the cold flow from outside. I turned the heat up, shaking my head slightly as I chastised myself for looking at her when my eyes should have been on the road or scanning for cops.

Bo and Aiden joked around with each other, passing dirty jokes and talking about some of the female servers we knew from over at Movie Pub. Me and Ashley both stayed silent, her staring blankly out the window and me listening to the boys while trying to restrain myself from looking at Ashley. I was failing.

"Whoa, Spence! Slow down!" Bo yelled from the passenger side as the car in front of us drastically slowed down. I hit the breaks, chest slamming into my seat belt at the sudden loss of momentum. The car in front of us seemed unperturbed by the near collision, having slowed down to take the next exit.

I followed the car down the exit ramp into the outskirts of the city following the road that took us into the west end of the city. A few minutes later and I was parked in the same spot in the gravel driveway as the night before.

"You two coming in?" Aiden asked as he got out of the car. Me and Bo shared a quick glance before getting out ourselves. I'm sure Bo was planning to pick up anyway. The four of us climbed the stairs to Aiden's apartment on the second floor and entered the small living space.

"I'm going to use the bathroom real quick," I said, moving toward the hall to the restroom. Ashley walked ahead of me to another room at the end of the hall, not even bothering to join the guys in Aiden's bedroom. She closed the door, momentarily making eye contact with me before the door completely shut.

I waited a few heartbeats before going into the bathroom, peeing quickly to rejoin the other two. As I turned the light off in the bathroom, I noticed that the door to the room Ashley was in was slightly open, as if encouraging me to join her. I hesitated, the desire to let the matter die and the need for answers conflicting with one another. Eventually the need to understand won and I found myself pushing the door open wider.

The room was completely empty save for Ashley sitting cross-legged on the floor, staring down at the iPad in front of her. She was scrolling through her Spotify, the voice of Lil Xan mumbling quietly from the speakers. She seemed to either not notice that I had walked in, or simply didn't care.

"Why are you in here by yourself?" I asked the brunette. Aiden said she hung around the place fairly often, so I was kind of surprised to see that the room was bare. I would have thought that she would have left a few things here.

Aiden lived with another person, a friend's mom that took him in that let him pay rent in drugs, which worked out well for the older guy. I rarely ever saw her since she worked weird, long hours, and the one time that I did spot her was as she was collecting her weeks worth of crack before leaving the apartment.

"What are you doing here?" She asked dryly, turning the music off and putting the tablet to sleep. She looked up to me, obviously bored.

I stared at her, waiting to see if she would start a conversation first, if she would mention the kiss or ignore that it happened. She didn't seem at all bothered by my scrutiny, in fact she stared back with the same intensity, as if challenging me to speak first. After all, I was intruding.

"Why did you kiss me earlier?" I asked, deciding to get right to the point. I felt like she at least owed me an explanation.

"Why does it matter?" She responded with another question of her own. This wasn't going to get anywhere. I sighed and plopped myself down on the ground near the brunette, legs bent with my chin resting on my knees.

Not recieving an answer she turned the iPad back on and resumed her playlist, setting it back down on the floor and reaching into her pocket. She wiped her sleeve over the top of the black glass screen, cleaning off the finger prints before setting a small white bundle on top of the device. Quietly and with practiced movements she opened the plastic and cut up a portion of the fine powder, breaking it out into small lines.

Loud laughter erupted from down the hall to Aiden's room, the obnoxious guffaw from Bo traveling down the hall clearly. Seems like my friends were amusing themselves without me.

Ashley picked a straw out from her pocket and bent down, my eyes drawn to the slight cleavage that showed from her shirt. I closed my eyes, feeling slightly dirty for stealing a peak.

Quickly she snorted two of the lines in quick succession, wordlessly pushing the device and straw over in my direction like a peace offering. Unsure, I picked up the straw and moved it around with my fingers.

"You going to take the lines or what?" She asked, looking up at me with expectant eyes. He tone was softer than before, and I felt my guard slip a little. I caught myself staring into her light brown eyes, amazed that such a standoffish person was capable of having eyes as warm as hers. Warmth that was hinted in what felt like sadness. Maybe I had been too quick to judge her.

I leaned over and took the two lines that were offered, overly aware of Ashley's eyes still watching me. I passed her back the device and we sat there for what felt like ages, staring at the floor. The silence made me uneasy, but Ashley seemed quite comfortable in the absence of conversation. Still the question burned in my mind.

"Why did you kiss me?" I asked again, breaking the silence finally after a few minutes. I was pretty determined to sort it out.

She groaned with irritation, clearly displeased that I wouldn't drop it. "Are you still stuck on that? Let it go, it didn't mean anything." She growled, turning the iPad screen back on and opening her Instagram page. I felt myself fall back into disliking her.

It meant nothing? People don't go around kissing strangers just because they felt like it. This wasn't Hollywood. There had to be a reason. Otherwise I wasted my day thinking about it for nothing.

"It was really rude to just do that to someone without asking." I pointed out. "You're lucking I didn't hit you."

She snorted, amused. "I highly doubt that you would have hit me. You aren't that kind of person. And it's not like you stopped me."

"How would you know?"

She stared at me, reading my face. "You kept staring at me all the time. I figured that's what you wanted from me." She edged closer towards me, pushing the iPad away to the edge of the room and stopped on her knees in front of me. From her position she had a height advantage over me as I sat cross-legged, eyes down on the ground and avoiding her stare.

She reached out and touched my chin with a forefinger, bringing my gaze up to hers. Her expression was hard to read, mischief mixed with something a little darker. "You're thinking about it now." She breathed, leaning in close. She smelled like earth and lavender, a combination that felt familiar and comforting. She paused just short of my lips and smirked, pulling away and standing up, leaving me with a short-circuiting brain and no air.

She left without another word or explanation, me still sitting and leaning forward where she had just occupied.

My face instantly went red with embarrassment and I buried my face in my knees. What the hell was wrong with me? I couldn't figure out why the brunette had such an effect on me. She left me flustered while remaining cool and unaffected. It really wasn't fair.

Music from down the hall started playing and I followed it back to Aiden's room. Aiden was busy playing his Friday the 13th game on his PlayStation while Bo chatted mildly with Ashley. Bo and Ashley looked up from their conversation to me, and Ashley offered no sign that just moments before we had almost kissed. Bo made a comment that I missed staring at the brunette, who laughed and leaned on the arm rest of the office chair to quietly respond to the old man. He barked out a laugh, making me curious on how Ashley was so relaxed near him but so closed off to me. Maybe I was overthinking things.

They picked back up on their conversation and I sat myself next to Aiden, who's character had just taken a chainsaw to the back of the head.

"FUCK" he yelled at the screen, angrily tossing the controller aside. He looked over and noticed me, a smile returning to his face.

"Hey gorgeous, there you are. I missed you," he said, giving me a one armed hug. "Thanks for the ride." He gave me a wink and picked the controller back up as the next game started. After a half hour of watching him play I decided it was probably time to start heading back.

I signaled to Bo and he waved me off, letting me know that he would be with me shortly. I gave Aiden a quick hug and a nod to the oblivious brunette and walked outside to wait in my car.

Soon after Bo hopped in, and we pulled out to go to his house back in the woods outside the city.

"You up for another round?" He asked, holding up another small bag similar in size to the one Ashley had earlier. I knew he was just stalling. His old lady liked to nag a lot and I knew he was just trying to postpone the inevitable. To be honest, I wasn't quite ready to be by myself then either.

We talked about work things as we drove to our little spot out in Amish county. We liked to go off the main road to the more private ones that the horses and buggies generally traveled. Bo knew some of them, having helped them build silos when he was younger, and knew of a nice pull in that we could stop and do a few lines, smoke a bowl and chill without being bothered.

When we made it to our spot and rolled the windows down, he changed the topic. "What were you and Ashley talking about?" He asked, glancing at me through the corner of his eye.

Nervously I fidgeted with my cigarette pack, not wanted to light one but suddenly needed to do something with my hands. "Wha… what do you mean? We weren't doing anything."

Bo chuckled, emptying the contents of the bag into the orange plate that had a permanent place under the seat and opening the compartment that held the razor blades and straws. "You guys were gone for a minute. Figured you guys were getting friendly." He waggled his eyebrows and gave me a wink.

I laughed softly, trying to mask my anxiety with humor. "As if. You know me better than that. Besides, I'm pretty sure she hates me." I added. That girl seemed colder than an ice cube.

He took his line and passed me the plate. I looked down at the white line, not really wanting to take it since I was already feeling jittery but taking it anyway to curb the cravings. I was doing way too much of this stuff lately.

"She doesn't seem that bad. She was nice to me." He pointed out, recalling the conversation he had earlier with the girl. "She's got an interesting sense of humor." He added.

"She will barely talk to me."

"That's because you're a bitch." He joked, lighting a cigarette. I tossed a piece of receipt paper at him and followed suite, chilling for a bit before we took off. "But in all seriousness, she might just be shy."

Shy wasn't exactly the impression I got from her. Cool and put off maybe. She wasn't quiet because she was shy. She was quiet because she wanted to be. It almost came off as pretentious and broody.

His wife's ringtone interrupted, and he cursed loudly. "What?" He half yelled into the phone. Some muffled woman's voice came through from the other side. She must of been talking too much because the old man started to get agitated. "For fuck's sakes we just got done. Spencer is taking me home now, we're about to get on the bypass." He lied.

The irritation in his voice was obvious, and he was barely trying to keep his voice down. The lady on the other side started to speak when Bo cut her off again. "Damn it woman, I said I was on the way and I am. I'll be home shortly." He paused, listening, and then sighed. "Yeah I'll pick up some diet coke, now can you let me be?" He hung up without waiting for a response and sighed.

"Stop up at that gas station so I can grab her soda please?" He asked, looking tired.

Bo and his old lady had been together for the last 13 years. Originally Julia had been married to his brother, but when he passed, Bo stepped in to take care of her and her elderly father who was mostly bedridden when he wasn't in hospital. You could see that Bo cared for the woman and her father, but she annoyed him endlessly with her simple intelligence and ability to ramble on about nothing in particular. The way he talked to her upset me sometimes. He was downright rude and abusive at times. I always rationalized and told myself it wasn't my place to chastise him, but sometimes I couldn't help but to remind him to be a bit friendlier.

"That's fine. I'm not in any hurry to get home anyway." I pulled out of our spot among the trees and started down the road.

And for the hundredth time that day, I thought about Ashley's kiss in the walk-in.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Double update today. Felt the need to progress a bit further before the break until Thursday. Enjoy! Leave a review and let me know how you think the stories going. Possibly looking for a beta for this story. Let me know if any of you loveys are interested.**

Flick.  
Light.  
Inhale.  
Exhale.  
 _Breathe._

It bothered me. A lot. I was almost pissed off about it.

No, I was pissed off about it. Really pissed off about it. Really pissed off at _her_.

I torched the head of the bowl abd drew a long pull, burning it to the ash in one hit and throwing the ash out the window of my car. I tucked the glass piece back into the safety of my little canvas case and into it's usual hideaway in the glove compartment before I exited the car. Quickly I headed towards my house with my hood up and my head bowed down in hopes of making it to my bedroom before the weed fully hit my system. As I walked I gave the hoodie I wore a quick sniff, hoping that the smell of the marijuana wasn't strong enough to linger too much around me. The route was clear as I made my way through the house and up the stairs to my room, throwing my hoodie to the floor by the dresser and throwing myself onto the bed.

The effects of the marijuana started creeping up to me as I laid there, a warm flush spreading on my face and my hearing interrupted by the echoing of blood pulsing through my ears. I waited for my body to adjust to being horizontal, breathing in and out slowly as my thoughts began to slow from many to just a blissful quiet. My arms and legs tingled, suddenly heavy with fatigue and THC. It felt like my extremities were humming, and I knew I was right on the border between high and too high. This feeling I had about Ashley seemed to remain despite the muffling effect of the weed. The constant struggle to shake it was exhausting, the mental exhaustion mirrored by my physical.

As pissed off at Ashley as I was, I was just as pissed off at myself. There was no reason to be getting so worked up over a person. For one, I didn't know anything about the girl, so it was clear that any attraction I felt towards her was just superficial. It was just curiosity since she was a new koi fish in the fishbowl I lived my life in, something shiny and new to catch my attention. Every thought I dedicated to her was only making the situation larger than was necessary. She was probably right, it didn't mean anything. So why did I keep picking over it?

She was rude and confusing. Most of the conversations we had involved a lot of attitude and general unfriendliness, and I was getting some kind of whiplash from her advances and retreats. She always seemed to look at me with indifference and judgement, and from what I've seen of her interactions with the others and our co-workers I'm the only one receiving this treatment.

At Aiden's she carried off light and easy conversation with Bo without any sign of dismissal or disregard, and she even sounded genuine when she laughed. Aiden had mentioned that she didn't like anyone, but she got along with all the other servers at Boca's. The other servers thought she was nice and friendly, with Nate, the one who trained her, remarking how easily she picked up on the uncommon way the restaurant operated without even so much as a hesitation.

It was like she was perfect, and I was the only one receiving this darker side of her. It really made getting special treatment feel like a bad thing.

My smartphone vibrated, and I noticed the the hostess I was friendly with had sent me a message.

 **Madison: You seemed quiet today**

I sighed. I had basically ignored the Latina when she had come in, pretending to be engrossed in checking things out in dry stock. I knew she would see the conflict in my face and as the closest thing I considered a best friend I would eventually have to tell her what was going on. She was persistent when it came to figuring out what was going on, but at least I could count on her to let the issue lie if I really insisted on it. She was rude like Ashley but it suited her brash personalitlity, and she was rude to everyone regardless of who they were. She was totally no-nonsense and not here for the bullshit, and it appealed to me and after a few conversations at the take-out window we became good friends quickly. It was nice to know someone who could call you out of your bullshit.

 **Spencer: Just tired**

I knew she probably wouldn't buy it, but I prayed that she would accept it and let the issue go. Her next text came almost immediately, and while she had accepted my response, she brought up something else I was hoping to avoid.

 **Madison: What do you think of that new server we got? The one that Nate trained?**

 **Madison: She seems like a bitch if you ask me**

I smirked, glad that at least someone else seemed bothered by the brunette.

 **Spencer: How do you figure?**

 **Madison: She seems fake. I don't like it. Nobody is that friendly**

 **Madison: Everybody else seems to really like her, but I know something is up with her**

 **Madison: Maybe it's wrong of me, but I already hate her. She just has this vibe that I don't jive with.**

I stared at my phone, the weed slowing down my ability to process information. I spent a bit longer than usual trying to think of a way to respond without incriminating myself too much.

 **Spencer: Seemed like she was okay. I didn't see too much of her**

It took a bit longer for my friend to respond than before, probably preoccupying herself as she waited for my reply.

 **Madison: You seemed friendly enough to give her a ride home.**

 _Fuck._

 **Spencer: She's Aiden's cousin. Their ride ditched them. I was doing Aiden a favor. She gave me the cold shoulder for some reason. Maybe she's shy.**

Madison's response was almost instantaneous.

 **Madison: DEF NOT**

 **Madison: Shy people don't flirt obviously to the guy training them. She went out of her way to introduce herself to each of the other servers.**

 **Madison: She screams Type A**

My heart twisted at the word. She was flirting with Nate? Before or after kissing me in the walk-in? Was I just a tool in replace of our co-worker?

 **Spencer: She was flirting with Nate?**

 **Madison: For sure, and he was eating it up. Who could blame her? That muchacha is muy caliente**

 **Madison: like I'm slightly jealous.**

 **Madison: She totally could put some weight on tho.**

 **Spencer: You think that she's into him?**

 **Madison: Are you actually jealous?**

 **Madison: I didn't realize you had a thing for Nate. Not my first pick but ok**

 **Spencer: I don't have a thing for Nate!**

 **Madison: …**

 **Madison: for Ashley…?**

 **Spencer: NO**

I almost yelled my response as I typed it. I wasn't about to have to explain everything to Madison. Madison was good for gossip, and while I didn't think that her knowing about me and Ashley's kiss would mean that information spreading, I did think that Madison would confront Ashley to get to the bottom of it.

And if Ashley was right and it didn't mean anything, then this whole thing could end up blowing up in my face. I didn't want any of this to go further than it was now. It was a dead horse now, and I didn't feel like playing necromancer.

 **Madison: Why do I feel like that is a lie?**

 **Madison: You're insane. Please tell me that it wasn't a lie. That girl is bad news, girlfriend.**

 **Madison: Besides, I would have figured that if you would go lesbo, it would be for me. I'm so much better.**

Her last text made me chuckle. There was about as much of a chance for me crushing on Madison as there was me crushing on Ashley.

Bad comparison. But I was totally not crushing on Ashley. I needed to stop reassuring myself. It was starting to feel like I was trying to convince myself otherwise.

 **Spencer: No one is going lesbo. Although you know I would love you regardless ;P**

 **Spencer: I just don't want to listen to the drama that's all.**

I turned the phone screen off and looked at the blank screen of my tv. It was still relatively early in the evening. Too late to bother going out anywhere without having to worry about patrolling cops, and it was too early to fall asleep. Netflix felt tempting, but I doubted I had the attention span to watch any of my usual shows, and my PlayStation console had been unused for the last several days and I found myself lacking the motivation to immerse myself in a game. I was bored but unmotivated, a side effect of the weed I had smoked. I needed to do something or else I was going to fall asleep anyway.

My body disobeyed my pleas to move and all thinking power had slowed down to a trickle, only forming half thoughts before stalling and disappearing. Every idea I had to entertain myself was lazily thrown out, nothing appealing to me enough to get out of bed. I guess falling asleep didn't sound so bad after all.

I groaned and rolled onto my side, staring at my blue bedroom wall and trying not to feel like an empty shell. For the first time I felt void of emotion since….

No don't even think about it.

I pulled the blanket up over my face and existed in the warm darkness, thoughts still churning but muted. I felt frozen, just inhaling and exhaling slowly.

XOXO

I was woken abruptly by the front door slamming. The time told me it was probably Mike returning home from his double shift at Reno's Pizzeria, Bizket's angry barking confirming. Bizket didn't really like men, especially Mike for some reason. I had joked with Mary that Kerri's jealousy of Mike transferred into the little Jack Russell, the little pooch voicing his owners dislike through his barks.

It was cute at first. Now it was just irritating.

I stood up and stretched, mind considerably less foggy then it was a few hours before. I made my way downstairs to see what there was to eat, spotting Mike in the kitchen with a pizza box.

He was a middle aged man, short graying hair that was pushed back, glasses sitting precariously on the edge of his nose as he read the letter he had opened. He wasn't a very large man, or tall, but his stocky build made him seem larger at a first glance. He was nice for the most part except for first thing in the morning, and he was the only one of the trio who didn't try and hide his displeasure when Kerri started her drama. We were friendly enough; he helped me buy inspection stickers from one of his jail buddies when mine expired and I couldn't afford to get my car worked up.

"Hey," I greeted, standing on the other side of the island from where he stood.

He looked up from the paper he was reading and flipped open the lid to the pizza box, exposing the mushroom and olive toppings. "Great thing about working in a pizza shop. Free pizza!" He said, gesturing to the pizza. "Eat some or I'll eat the whole thing."

I happily grabbed a slice, chewing on it in silence. We stood there for another minute as his finished the letter and piled a few slices onto a plate he had already put out. Picking up the plate, he gave me a quick nod before retreating up the stairs.

He was the easiest to live with. He didn't feel the need to make small talk or fill a silence. He lived with a relaxed, laid-back attitude, and it was refreshing when you were feeling high strung. It was no wonder why Mary thought of him as her soulmate.

My notification tone chimed, and I let it go, thinking it was just Madison responding to my text. I grabbed another slice of pizza and walked upstairs myself, shutting the door and checked on the notification.

 _Ashley Davies has sent you a new friends request. Click to accept or deny._

My finger hovered over the notification, questioning if I really wanted to accept the request. I mean it was only Facebook. Most of the people on my friends list I had accepted without really knowing who they were personally. Some of them were customers who I met through my time in retail that found my public profile. Others were old high school buddies I barely remembered and kept in my social loop as a way to compare the paces our lives moved at. It was a blow to my self-esteem to see those who were far more successful than I was, but it was darkly reassuring to see the ones who were several steps behind and frequently in trouble. I never gave any of those requests a second thought, instead eagerly accepting the new influx of memes and shared stories, and the guilty pleasure of seeing other people who were as miserable as me. And yet despite my nonchalance about social media, I found myself torn over this one request in particular.

I cursed to myself silently before opening the social media app, the need for reconnaissance leading my finger to the accept option . I almost half expected to see a message request pop up after I responded, but the app remained unchanged, the only difference being the new addition to my list of acquaintances.

Curious, I clicked on her profile. She wasn't a very active user. Even with the new friends status, there wasn't much to see on her wall. She posted maybe once a week, usually a news article or something she thought was funny. She had a few pictures, mostly landscapes or pictures of places, and a handful of selfies. Every once and again, scattered between a few weeks, I would find something that seemed a bit more personal or a message someone posted on her wall.

I also noticed that the profile was relatively new. My profile dated back about 8 years. Ashley's only went back to about a year and a half ago. Yeah, I had creeped pretty far back. It was curious considering how most people our age had been on the social network since it first gained popularity. Remembering she had an Instagram account made me wonder if maybe that was her media of choice. I still couldn't help but wonder if she was new to the Facebook scene or if she had a profile she had long since deactivated.

Searching her name brought up over a hundred different profiles, none of the immediately standing out as the brunette. She probably deleted her old account, if she had one.

Her about page didn't really reveal much about the girl that I hadn't known already asides from the fact that she was a Taurus. The page was pretty standard and unrevealing, offering no contact information or even what her likes and dislikes were. I took a little satisfaction that her profile said she was single, but there was no mention of her sexuality.

My finger hesitated over the message icon, wondering what I would even say to the brunette. Before I could come up with something that didn't sound creepy, the Messenger bubble with her profile picture popped up.

 **Ashley: Wyd**

Those three characters were enough to send my mind racing. What were the odds?

 **Ashley: Are u creeping on me**

I froze, eyes glued on her last message. Busted. I felt slightly guilty, but she was the one who sent me the friend request. I was entitled to a little investigation. She probably creeped on me before reaching out.

 **Spencer: Are you?**

 **Ashley: Yes. Wyd**

I was slightly taken aback at her honesty. I had figured she would have avoided answering like she did when we had talked before; like answering with a question of her own.

 **Spencer: Sitting at home. What else would I be doing?**

I couldn't help but to be a little cautious, who knows what she was hitting me up for. Rereading the message made the words feel a little cold, which I hadn't intended. Not that I cared.

 **Ashley: U live in Chester?**

 **Ashley: I'm close by. Can I swing thru?**

My fingers danced over the keyboard, thinking my response over. I wasn't really down to spend time with anyone, but my little nap energized me enough that sleep wouldn't be happening anytime soon.

 **Spencer: Why do you want to hang out with me?**

 **Ashley: Just need some place to meet my ride. We can smoke.**

I can't lie, part of me was kind of hurt that she was just looking for a way point. It was kind of douchey to ask someone you barely know if you can just wait at their house. It seemed unusual that she was close enough to consider me as a camping point, and for a moment I was concerned that she even knew what town i lived in before remembering that it was mentioned on my profile. I could certainly use the opportunity to my advantage to get some answers while we were one on one.

 **Spencer: Can't smoke in the house. We can use my car.**

 **Ashley: Black Ford? What ur address**

It was uncanny how much she remembered. I quickly sent her the address and turned the phone screen off, glancing out the window. It was dark now that it was almost ten at night, and most of the residents of our little posh community had retreated inside to settle for the night. I doubted that we would be bothered.

My notification tone notified me that Ashley was outside, so I put on a heavier sweatshirt than the one I wore earlier and slipped quietly down the stairs. Ashley was sitting on the curb in front of my door, dressed in dark skinny jeans and an old worn looking leather jacket. She had a maroon beanie on her head, keeping her hair out of her face while she scrolled through her news feed.

Noticing me step outside, she stood and looked at me expectantly. She looked the opposite as I felt. She seemed calm and collected, unfazed by the fact she was a stranger loitering in front of someones house. She seemed at ease, like standing outside my house was a totally normal occurance. Meanwhile I just felt nervous and suspicious, antsy about having to spend time with the brunette. I was beginning to have second thoughts, wondering if there was any kind of excuse I could give her that would let me go back inside.

Instead I lead her over to where my car was parked in the empty side lot adjacent to the court, unlocking the doors as we approached and climbing inside.

"What are you doing around here?" I asked. It was a valid question. Cotestown, the city she lived in, was 15 miles away from my place in Chester, so it was unlikely that she was just in the area.

She waved her hand in dismissal, not answering the question. She went to work rolling a decent sized joint, her tongue gliding nimbly across the paper as she sealed it. With a flick of her Bic, she sparked it and passed it to me, blowing the smoke down to her feet. I rolled the window down a few inches. I wasn't a fan of hot-boxing small spaces. it tended to feel suffocating and made me claustrophobic.

We sat there in silence, taking turns smoking from the joint, neither one of us making eye contact with the other. We stared out the windshield, phones abandoned in our laps as we enjoyed the comfortable silence.

I turned to look at her, her dark silhouette faintly illuminated by the streetlamp nearby. She had taken her beanie off so that her hair laid in loose curls, her light brown eyes glassy and shiny in the partial light. Slight creases in her forehead was the only giveaway that she was thinking, and I started to wonder what she could be thinking about that would cause such worry lines.

As if feeling my gaze, she turned her head, glassy eyes meeting glassy eyes.

"You're staring, Spencer."

I shook my head, trying to swim through the mental glue that was left by the THC in my system. "Sorry, weed makes me spacey." I muttered, forcing my eyes back to stare out the windshield.

Her hand reached over and grabbed me by my wrist, pulling my hand into her lap. Her hand was warm despite the cold of the night, fingers tracing over the lines on my palm. They paused for a second before traveling over the large burn mark that was centered over my wrist.

"How did you get that?" She asked curiously, pulling my arm closer into the light so she could see the red burn better. It faintly resembled the United States if Florida didn't exist.

Her movement pulled me forward, my other hand grabbing onto the steering wheel to keep myself from falling into her lap. My palm started to feel clammy the longer she held onto me, and my thoughts all ran into each other as the heat from her hand grew more and more apparent. It was distracting, and I almost forgot what the question she was until i felt her thumb rub the burn scar gently.

"I was carrying hot pans when I used to work in the dish pit. One of the handles was really hot in the stack, and I kind of had to deal with getting burned so I didn't just drop the whole stack before I made it to the sink." I explained, watching her finger travel up the inside of my forearm. Her finger made contact with a few matching scars of various sizes, each one from different instances from working in the kitchen for the past year. It was a surprisingly hazardous working environment.

Once she reached my elbow, she let go of my arm, eyes returning to the windshield.

"What do you want?" I asked, still a little dazed from the unexpected gesture. Feeling her touch me in such an intimate way was doing my head in, and I was getting so tired of trying to read into things.

She didn't answer, face unchanging as she continued to stare out the window. It wasn't long before I felt my irritation returning from the lack of progress I was making.

Finally she looked at me, studying my face. "You're upset. Don't be." She said finally. I almost expected her tone to be cruel, but it was soft, almost regretful.

It was my turn to grab her wrist, gripping it slightly tighter than it needed to be. The sudden movement made her jump, almost tugging her arm out of my grasp. "Why are you really here, Ashley?" This time it was a demand.

Her eyes darkened, her eyes full of anger and sadness. The change in her body language threw me off, and she took advantage of the weakened hold I had and twisted her wrist so she held on to mine. She gave my arm a rough tug, successfully pulling me slightly over the center console.

Our lips collided, her's pressing almost forcefully against my still, tight ones. I felt frozen in shock, body stiff and my head empty. She ran her tongue over my bottom lip, breaking and entering into my mouth. Suddenly her tongue filled the empty space, rubbing up against mine and forcing a moan from somewhere deep in my throat. I found myself reciprocating in spite of my brain telling me to back off. My eyes closed for a moment before I tried to pull away.

"Ashley" I breathed, trying to pull my head away when she tried again, a hand raised as if she was going to cup a cheek.

When I opened my eyes again her face had gone blank, a chill running through my spine at how empty her eyes had gone. She let go of my wrist and sat back in her seat, running her thumb over her lip to clear the dampness from the kiss. She turned back into stone in an instant, eyes staring out the window. It was almost like the kiss had never happened,.

"What the fuck," I breathed, leaning back into my seat, eyes still on the brunette. Her face had hardened, closed off. Asking her why would be as fruitless as asking her before. It had felt more meaningful than the kiss in the walk-in, and I felt certain that there was something going on with the girl that she insisted on denying.

This time the silence felt uncomfortable, and I wondered if maybe I had just made things worse. I fidgeted with my keys, trying to come up with an excuse to leave. It wouldn't be weird to just leave her alone in my car, would it?

"Stop overthinking it."

It was like she could hear the turmoil in my head, her curt words cutting my thoughts short.

"Excuse me? You kissed me, again. What am I supposed to do?" I growled, feeling mildly pissed off.

"You can just drop it." Came her short response.

I turned quickly in my seat so I could fully face her, one leg bent to better accommodate my position. "No way. I'm not going to let it go. You can't just go around kissing people whenever you feel like it. There's this thing called consent. It's inappropriate." I ran a hand through my blond hair, starting to regret accepting the friends request.

"I don't care about those things." She looked down as she said it, and I got the impression that it was just a front. But why lie and try and cover it up?

"I'm not gay." I replied.

"I didn't say you were."

We sat there in a stalemate, neither one of us wanting to break first. She was… frustrating and confusing. It was pissing me off.

"You don't get to do this. Fuck with me like this." I said loudly. She didn't have the right to have this kind of influence on me. I was not okay with it. And I had to make sure she understood.

She shrugged, checking her phone and moving to open the door. "I can do what I want. I don't really think I owe you anything, especially an apology. We aren't really friends." Her eyes stayed shadowed beneath her brunette bangs, mouth curved in a tight grimace. I was beginning to suspect she enjoyed the banter.

Without waiting for my response she got out of the car, putting her beanie back on and walking off into the brisk night. A silver Nissan cruised down the street, pausing next to her and I watched as she climbed in without a glance back. It drove off, leaving me alone with my mixed emotions.

The fucked up part about all this? It turned me on more than I wanted to admit. I could still taste her on my lips, vanilla and honey, and the confession popped into my head without warrant.

I might not be a lesbian, but I was definitely attracted to Ashley Davies for some reason that was beyond my comprehension, and now frustrated to boot.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Posting a day early because I got snowed in and suddenly I have all this time on my hands. I will probably update another chapter later today and/or tomorrow so be sure to check back in. It was tough trying to figure out how much I wanted to expose so early on, but I'm happy with how it turned out. It was loosely reread since all the coffee I drank left me with a short attention span, so I apologize for any errors you might find.**

 **Enjoy this next chapter, and as always, review and follow to show some love. Happy snow day from the east coast, ya'll. first cup of cocoa is on me.**

A week passed and while I hadn't done it intentionally, Ashley and I stayed out of each other's way. Ashley didn't seem to mind, continuing on with her work and maintaining her friendships with the other servers. To be honest, I didn't mind either. The first day or so I'll admit to getting a bit irritated by her lack of attention, the kiss in the car still hot in my mind. After all, to me it was she that started everything. However after a few days of keeping our distance she slipped from my mind, and it wasn't hard to fall back into my usual routine.

"Spencer."

I looked up from the Roma tomatoes I was dicing to Madison. I pointed my blue chef's knife at her, giving her what I hoped was a scolding look. "You know, it's dangerous to sneak up on someone that's holding a lethal weapon."

She offered me a small smile, looking down at the tray of red squares. "I didn't sneak. You just didn't pay attention." she pointed out. She gave me a quick look over. "You seem to be back to your usual self the last few days." She looked up at me, green eyes meeting blue. "What gives? What is really going on with you?"

I frowned, resuming my tomato dicing. It wasn't really like Madison to be suspicious of being normal, in fact she generally accepted normal as... well... normal. "I don't know what you mean," I lied, the words tasting bitter to my tongue. Even I could tell that my lie wasn't convincing. I was a dreadful liar at best. "I just wasn't feeling myself, that's all. I feel better now." I smiled down at my tomatoes. That part was true. Not having a fog of confusion following me around definitely had me feeling lighter.

Madison nodded, accepting it and effectively dropping the topic. "Did you notice that Ashley hasn't been to work the last couple days? You think she quit?" Her voice was light and skeptical, bouncing back into grapevine mode. I was confident that her question wasn't related to her concern about me and was more out general curiosity. Still, the mention of Ashley's name made me stiffen defensively. I hadn't even noticed that Ashley had been absent, and it made not running into her at work seem a bit more plausible.

I admitted to not realizing she hadn't been around. After all, like she said a few days ago, we weren't really friends.

"Well, in any case, can't say I miss her strutting around here." She flicked a piece of tomato at me, hitting me on the shoulder. "Is it wrong of me to wonder if she's dead?"

I punched her, harder than I had meant to, on the arm causing the other girl to wince and rub the bruised spot. "Don't say that! That's rude!" I chastised. "Also incredibly mean, even for you," I added.

She frowned, tapping on her pointed chin thoughtfully. "Somehow I doubt that's the worst thing I've ever said about somebody. In fact, I'm pretty sure most of the rude remarks I made were directed at you once upon a time." She remarked, referring to a time when the pair of us didn't exactly see eye to eye. We had made a lot of progress in the last year. Madison picked up a small yellow paring knife that matched the blade of my chef knife and stabbed an uncut tomato.

XOXO

The air was cold, snow falling gently around me as I sat on a metal bench outside a small bodega in Cotestown. I rubbed my tanned hands together, hoping to chase some of the chill from my fingers. The simmering uneasiness that I had come to acknowledge as anxiety churned in my stomach. I ignored it the best I could; I had no time to question myself. This wasn't the time to make mistakes. This was far too important.

A loose strand of wavy brown hair tickled my forehead and I swiped it back under my maroon beanie, hands trembling slightly from the cold. The loud music of my ringtone made me jump with surprise. I needed to relax. I couldn't let myself succumb to my nervousness. Not now.

Quickly I flipped open my old Nokia, holding the phone up to my ear. "Yes?"

His voice came through from the other side, relaying the address to meet him up at to do the exchange. I closed the phone with a snap, hanging up without another word. A confirmation wasn't necessary. It was time.

XOXO

I spotted Aiden standing in the lobby as I was searching for Whitney, having needed clarification about a certain item on the prep list. Due to the amount of catering orders, the list was a little disorganized. The slightly older man looked nervous as he paced around the lobby, not noticing me as I approached.

"Aiden, what's wrong?"

Instantly his face lit up, seemingly put to ease. "Hey, beautiful, I didn't know you were working today," he said, enveloping me in a tight hug.

"I work every weekend. You okay?" I pulled away and looked at him carefully. If he was worried about something, it didn't reach his face. The nervousness was gone, replaced by genuine cheerfulness.

"Of course I'm 'ight. I just hate snow, you know?" He said, pointing out the window. He was right, snow had started to fall outside, thick flakes blowing around slightly in the wind. It was predicted to be the last snowfall of the year, and the snow estimates showed that nature was going to make this one count.

"Aw fuck. I hate driving in in this shit. Makes me miss California." I sighed, sharing in Aiden's nervousness. "You going to be able to make it home if it gets worse?"

He shrugged, not seeming to be bothered by it. I never really saw Aiden get bothered by much of anything. He rarely seemed to take anything seriously, including his job. It was a bit of a problem. At almost 30, he still didn't have a license or his own place, choosing to crash at different people's houses around Cotestown until he overstayed his welcome. His time in jail had him attempting to make up for lost time for the fun he missed out on, and like someone fresh out of school, he was clueless on how to be an actual adult. I wasn't even sure if the man knew how to do his own taxes. His laissez faire way of approaching life was refreshing at times as well as concerning at others.

"What's up with Ashley?" I asked, regretting asking as soon as the words left my mouth. I wasn't supposed to care. He studied me carefully before giving me a casual shrug.

"Dunno. I'm not her keeper." His tone made it seem like he knew more than he was letting on, as well as sounding slightly displeased.

I let it go, not wanting to let myself get re-involved with the brunette. I was done trying to figure her out, and more than happy to let her disappear. It also was none of my business.

Aiden jutted a thumb to the door, his cheerful smile reappearing. "Wanna get high, babe?" He offered.

XOXO

I paused outside the faded green door of an old rundown two-story in Honeydale, a small town town to the north of Cotestown. This was a new location that I wasn't familiar with and that unfamiliarity seemed to stir up my anxiety once again. I closed my eyes and took a breath, steadying myself as I reinforced my mental barricade. Feeling comfortably guarded, I knocked softly three times and waited.

A few heartbeats later the door opened and I was greeted by an older woman, late-thirties with a tattoo of a heart and doves across her chest. Her face seemed to make her appear older, sun spots and wrinkled, damaged skin from drugs and cigarettes giving her a tired appearance. She raised a pierced eyebrow as she looked me over, forming a silent decision before beckoning me inside.

The walls were stained yellow from cigarette smoke, and the living room I had walked into was ill-lighted and tinged in yellow. It smelled musty like a combination of dust, cat urine and dog. It was clearly ill-maintained, and felt like the trap house that it was. I sat on a worn looking brown leather sofa, sitting on the edge of the cracked cushion. I didn't really trust that the furniture was clean and I thought I spotted a flea jump from the material onto my pant leg. I gave it a swipe, making a mental note to wash my clothes and take a shower when I got home.

The woman disappeared up the stairs, leaving me alone in the dank smelling room.

XOXO

"I don't know why they had to mess with something that was perfect just the way it was." I argued, taking a hit off the blunt and passing it back to Aiden. "Need for Speed was perfectly fine without them tinkering with the car upgrade aspect. I should be able to pay for my parts, not earn some stupid token and hope that the chance upgrade was better than what I had before. Payback can suck my dick."

He shook his head, smoke pouring out of his mouth as he argued back. "The graphics are so much better, so is the vehicle handling. Much more realistic. Plus the car choices are better. So you need tokens and a bit of luck to improve your ride. Doesn't mean that shits worse because of it." He pointed his lighter at me with a wise expression. "You, my love, need to be open to change."

I scoffed, plucking the blunt from his fingers and taking a long drag. "Open or not, it doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with you." I said, letting out a rough cough.

He looked at me with mock offense. "Ouch, I didn't even mean it like that, Spence," he said, green eyes gleaming with good humor. "I just meant that you shouldn't automatically dismiss something because it's different."

I gave him a shove, passing back the blunt and looking at the snow fall. "I didn't dismiss it automatically. I actually thought about it and gave it a chance. It wasn't worth trying to figure out." I said bitterly.

He looked at me quizzically. "This ain't about the game, is it, pretty lady?"

He was more observant than I gave him credit for. "Most things aren't."

XOXO

A short, stocky man climbed down the stairs, a slight limp on his left side. I assumed was the one that called for this meeting. His face, neck, hands and arms were covered in amateur tattoos, some of them looking like they were poke'n'stick, and his messy ginger hair was covered by a faded DC flat-brimmed cap. He had a dark birthmark across one of his glassy eyes and his beard was kept close to unruly, giving him a slightly intimidating appearance. He walked until he was standing a few feet away from me.

"Ashley?" He growled, although I had a feeling he already knew who I was.

"Yes," I confirmed.

He nodded his head to the stairs, signaling me to follow. He lead me to the second floor into a messy, disorganized bedroom. He opened what at first I thought was supposed to be the closet, but turned out to be another set of stairs leading to the attic.

The attic looked like it much better kept than the rest of the house, set up with a bed, desk and a few chairs. There was another door leading to another room in the bag, locked shut with a heavy looking padlock. He pointed to one of the chairs in front of the desk and I sat, closing my jacket just a little tighter like it would help me keep myself together.

He leaned against the desk in front of me, checking me out. "You're aware of the agreement?" He asked, folding his arms across his chest. His icy blue ones met my hazel ones, giving me the impression that nothing escaped his attention. My first impulse was to look away from his stare, the intimidating glare testing my defenses. But I didn't give into the impulse. I hardened my own glare, determined not to be shaken.

"I am."

He nodded and walked around the desk, opening one of the drawers and dropping a box wrapped in parcel paper on the surface. "Two ounces of cocaine, two ounces of heroin, provided by yours truly." He said, returning to his position at the front of the desk. He picked up the box and turned it around in his hands. "Aiden must be pretty desperate if he sent you out here." He said as he set it back down.

"Aiden doesn't exactly approve. He was going to come here himself." I explained, shifting in my seat. I was growing more uncomfortable the longer the guy stared at me. I had never met Landon before now. Aiden had always used him as a last resort when it came to resupplying. The guy's methods were deplorable and shady, and the quality of his goods were inconsistent. With Aiden's clientele getting restless and hungry, and his funding getting low, I had taken it into my hands to convince the sleeze to provide some service.

Landon's gaze twinkled in amusement. "What ever you say, _Ashley_." The way he said my name brought a shiver down my spine. "Somehow I doubt that he even knows that you're here. That makes this even sweeter... for me."

I felt the familiar heat of anger replace the anxiety in my gut, and I sat up a little stronger. "Aiden is completely aware that I'm here, and he's expecting me to come back." I said defiantly.

Landon chuckled. "He must be really desperate if he's sending you as payment." His words made my skin crawl. This was definitely as dirty transaction, and I wasn't proud of it, but I would do anything within my power to help my cousin out when he needed my help. Even if it meant sinking down to this...

I was used to dealing with shady people. People like Landon have walked in and out of my life, always reinforcing my distrust with the majority of the human population. Even though I was used to these kinds of people, it never got easier dealing with them. It wasn't the first trade I've made, which meant that it would be easier to block out, but I still carried the shame around with me. Aiden never approved when I did this, but I knew he was grateful for my sacrifice. Junkies were capable of a lot of things when they were withdrawing, to the point of becoming dangerous. I was just doing what I could to protect him.

"Shall we?" The ginger said, holding out a dirty hand with a smug look stretched across his face. He already thought he had the advantage over me, but he had no idea the kind of person he was dealing with. He might be getting off on this deal, but in the end it was me who was profiting off of it. I took a hold of his hand and allowed him to lead me to the bed.

XOXO

Me and Aiden resumed our discussion about the game until his text tone interrupted us. He glanced down at the text before excusing himself quickly, his face the picture of concern. He put his hood up and walked out into the building snowstorm, phone to his ear as he made a phone call. He disappeared around the corner of the building and out of sight. I got out myself, heading back inside to where I was greeted by my manager.

Whitney, who had been about to check on the storm herself, looked surprised to see me walking back in. I guess you would have to be crazy to go outside in this weather.

"Spencer! There you are. You might as well clean up and get out of here while you can. My phone has been blowing up with weather warnings. They're saying the Nor'easter could drop over a foot overnight," she sighed, looking outside with a worried look. Whitney lived over an hour away in Readford, so I knew she was looking to get out as soon as she could to return to her kids.

"I'll go clean up now," I replied. It wouldn't take me long to close up since the station was still mostly clean.

Madison, overhearing the conversation with the manager followed me back to my station. "You need help cleaning?" She offered.

"As if you've ever cleaned anything in your life," I snorted, grabbing the plastic wrap to cover the six-pans of Alfredo sauce I had been sitting out to cool.

Madison looked from the little green bucket of soapy water to her freshly manicured fingertips, nodding in agreement. "It would be a damn shame to mess these up so soon," she rationalized, instead pulling herself up so she was sitting on one of my counters, watching me as I carried the containers over to the walk-in. "Give me a ride home?" She asked hopefully as I passed. Madison wasn't scared of most things, but she was absolutely terrified of driving in the snow after she and Glenn almost crashed into a guardrail last winter when they had been dating. The relationship ended shortly after.

"Sure thing, Mads."

XOXO

His hands were everywhere, groping and touching roughly as he pressed himself into me. His breath was rank, a mixture of poor hygiene and decaying teeth, his tongue an unwelcome slimy serpent. I withdrew to the safety of my mind, struggling to convince myself that this was necessary.

Aiden hadn't wanted me to come here. He was fully against it. But it wasn't like we had another option. His plug from before got popped, and without a supply, Aiden was facing some pretty dangerous addicts desperate for their fix. This was about protecting my cousin, and protecting his reputation. His reputation was our safety, and our way out. I needed to protect him like he looked out for me.

Landon fumbled with my pants, eager to claim his payment. He exposed himself, shoving his ill-formed choad inside of me. Which each thrust I retreated deeper into my fortress, repeating my mantra over and over. A single tear was all I allowed to escape from my eyes, the fear of showing weakness to the man on top of me trumping the self-hatred I felt. Unexpectedly my mind wandered to a specific blond, finding comfort in the reminiscence of her plump, sweet lips. I thought about the softness of her pale skin and her deep blue eyes, and soon Landon was nothing more than a motion against my body.

It lasted only minutes and the ginger was off of me, readjusting his pants with a slight hop and walking back to the desk. He threw the box between my still parted legs and I tried to keep my face blank, unwilling to expose the disgust I felt within.

"Aiden should feel grateful that I parted with this so cheaply," he said, moving to the staircase. "Tell him he owes me one in the future." With that he walked to the door in the back of the room, unlocking the padlock and disappearing behind the door. I assumed I was seeing myself out.

I shoved the wrapped box into the backpack that I had brought that was still by the chair I had been sat at and made my way out the house. I noted that my ride was still waiting in the driveway for me. I had paid my Uber extra in cash to wait around for me, knowing the exchange would most likely be quick. I opened the door to the back seat and we drove off without a word. I flipped my Nokia back open and sent Aiden a quick text letting him know I had his gear. Almost immediately he called.

"You're on your way back?"

I nodded, forgetting he wouldn't be able to see. "Just left the creeps house now. Are you still at Movie Pub?" I asked, hoping he had been able to leave early so I didn't have to wait in silence pestered by the image of stubby penises.

"No," he replied. "Well, I'm on the way back there now. I was chillin' with Spencer." I could hear the fondness in his voice when he mentioned the blond.

I stayed silent for a moment, not trusting my tone of voice. Spencer. I put a finger to my lips, the ghost of her velveteen ones still haunting me. "Does she know? Where I went?" I asked tentatively.

"No. She asked about you though."

I felt my lips turn up in a small smile against my will. There was something about the girl asking for me that pleased me. It was cute how naive she seemed, demanding answers as if she had a right to. She was a strange combination of corruption and innocence, as comfortable about breaking the law as she was enforcing it. It had a certain appeal. She kept insisting that I had a reason for kissing her, even though I couldn't even find a valid reason for doing so.

I shouldn't need a reason. Kissing her was one of the only things I've done that was of my own volition. My own choice. I did it for me just to see if I was even still capable of wanting things. And it was nice, pleasant and pleasing. There was just something about the girl that was both attractive and repelling, and even if I wanted to give her an answer, I wasn't even sure what I would say.

 **I was originally going to make the entire story in Spencer's POV until I changed my mind. However, Ashley POV's will be rare, if they even happen again. Leave me your thoughts!**


	8. Chapter 8

Madison and I stepped outside and I noticed that while I had been cleaning up the wind had picked up considerably. The flakes before had blown lazily across the parking lot. Now it seemed like they crashed to the ground at a slant, weighed down by their sheer size.

"You'd think that winter would just give up already," Madison mused, surveying the already covered parking lot. It must have picked up recently seeing as the roads had yet to be plowed, and for a moment I questioned if it would even be a good idea to try and drive in this condition with only my little Ford.

"Spencer! Madison!" A figure waved from across the street in the Movie Pub parking lot, and I quickly recognized it as Aiden faded in with the snow. The white leather of his jacket acted as a camouflage against the snow. From this distance you would have never seen him, only barely making out the darkness of his jeans and his dark styled hair. I would have never noticed him if he hadn't called out.

He ran over to us, nearly sliding on the damp snow as he tried to stop in front of us. "Please tell me you can take me home," he gasped, breath fogging as he tried to catch his wind. "I'll give you gas money, or whatever. I just really need to get home, the buses aren't running cuz of the weather and nobody wanna to drive out here." He gave me a pleading look and I felt torn.

I really didn't want to drive so far out of the way in this snowstorm, but the look of desperation on Aiden's face appealed to the part of me that always was willing to help people and never seemed to be able to say no. That part of me gets in in some pretty serious situations at times, but it was a part of me I wasn't exactly willing to let go off. It was the last thing I had that made me feel like I had some kind of connection with my dad.

I groaned dramatically, feeling myself cave. "Fine! But if we die I'm totally blaming you."

Aiden gave a fist pump of victory and started to walk to my car. Madison grabbed my arm, pulling my attention to her. "You're still taking me home, right? Because I'm not about to get stranded so that you can save someone else." Her tone of voice was void of humor and I felt a twinge of guilt for not taking the Latina in consideration when I agree to give the man a ride. I'd have to make it up to her later.

I rolled my eyes. "Of course. Someone needs to make sure that Aiden behaves himself," I winked, hooking my arm with hers and walking to the car.

Madison smirked. "Can't say that I'm really complaining, though. That man is H-O-T."

I pulled a face and let go of my friend. "Ew gross. You have no idea where he's been." Between some of the clientele I've been introduced to over time and the stories he's told, Aiden has been running laps around the block. He assured me he was clean and actually went out and got tested just to prove it to me. Regardless, if Madison knew who some of the girls were, she would likely rethink that decision. I pulled the keys out of my pocket and unlocked the car so the other two could get in.

Once we left the plaza the roads were much better, the plowing priority sitting with the main roads for the commuters rather than with commercial parking. Despite the clear roads I drove below the speed limit on the highway, not having the best of visibility thanks to the over-sized snowflakes. It made the trip last about ten minutes longer than it normally would and by the time we made it to Aiden's house on the west side, the storm had increased in size significantly.

I turned the car off and looked back at Aiden in the back seat. "Any chance you'd be cool with us hanging out here for a bit until this blows over? This storm is making me nervous and I'd rather wait until it slows back down before I try and head back to Chester."

He hesitated for a moment, looking up at the apartment he was camping out at before returning back to Madison and I. "Yeah, that's fine. I would feel terrible if something happened to you pretty ladies," he replied, opening his door. We followed him up the stairs. "Ashley is here, so it'll be like a little party of sexy bitches." He said with a wink.

Madison sucked her teeth. "Fuck, you mean we're stuck here with her? No, Spencer, take me home." She complained, climbing back down the stairs with a click of her fingers.

"Mads! Suck it up, you know it's too dangerous to drive anywhere. I could barely see coming down here as it was!" I snapped even though I was dreading having to spend time with the brunette just as much as she was.

"Fine!" She huffed, throwing her hands up. She brushed her hair with her hands, causing snowflakes to fall off her head as she walked away from my car. "But I swear to God, Spencer, if she pisses me off I make no apologies for what I might do." She warned, green eyes wide as she pointed a finger at me to punctuate her threat. Quickly she ascended the stairs, anxious to get out of the cold.

It was kind of irritating the way Madison seemed to hate Ashley unjustifiably. It was pretty judgmental to blatantly despise someone without really having a valid reason to. At least I had a reason to react to Ashley that way. All Madison had was jealousy and a "hunch".

Aiden unlocked the door, and almost immediately Ashley's voice called out from inside his bedroom and her footsteps as she apporached. "Aiden! I got the…" She entered the kitchen and spotted me and Madison, pausing mid-sentence. "You brought friends." She observed, slowly folding her arms and closing herself off.

Aiden gave her a brief one-armed hug and nodded. "Storm's getting pretty bad, had to beg Spencer to take me home. Least I can do is let them wait out the storm here." He nodded to us and walked into his room, leaving us standing in the kitchen with the broody brunette.

Madison cleared her throat, clearly uncomfortable being a part of the hostile trio. "I'm gonna follow the pretty boy. Not really feeling this vibe." With that, she disappeared down the hall to Aiden's, leaving me alone with Ashley.

I glanced around the room, trying to look everywhere but the glaring brunette standing between me and my friends. Finally my eyes fell onto her and I awkwardly pointed in the direction that Madison had exited, really trying to not get stuck talking to the irritated looking Ashley. I started to walk past her only to be stopped when she reached out and grabbed my arm.

"Why are you really here, Spencer?" She asked suspiciously, cold earthy eyes staring through my azure ones. Her grip was tight, stronger than I thought she's be. I wasn't sure if she was aware of how tight her grip was. I was certain it would leave a bruise.

I pulled my arm out of her grasp, narrowing my eyes. I had hopped from nervous to mad. "You know why I'm here so I'm not sure why I have to explain it again. Maybe I should ask you the same thing, Ashley." I drew out her name mockingly, suddenly aware of the irony of the situation.

We stood in a face-off in the dark kitchen, neither one of us wanting to break eye contact first. Her eyes flicked side to side as she examined mine, her gaze softened when she realized that I had been telling the truth and that I had only been helping Aiden get home. Her grip loosened, slipping so that it rested at my elbow. Her light eyes dropped down. _Was she staring at my lips?_

There it was. Back from the dead. That feeling I got around Ashley that I was so eager to bury. The tingling in my stomach at the idea of kissing her suddenly made me nauseated and I closed my eyes, stepping back and putting a hand between us as I tried to get my thoughts under control. She paused for a moment before dropping her arm to her side, eliminating any physical contact between us.

"I think that it's best," I started, opening my eyes slowly to find that Ashley's gaze had gone empty, that strange look from before wiped clear. For some reason I felt unsettled. This girls chill game was strong. "I think that it's best if you just leave me be." I finished, resuming my exit to Aiden's room.

"Why?"

The question sounded innocent, uttered quietly from the dark girl. It almost seemed like she faded into the shadows, ready to disappear without a sound. I looked back, curious and even concerned, and noticed the confusion that had appeared on Ashley's face. Did she really think that nothing happened? Or was she just oblivious of the effect she had on me? I was seriously growing weary of being the only one over-thinking things.

"Why do you think?" Came my short response. I would be happy if for once Ashley was able to have a straightforward conversation with me about this.

She paused, as if thinking, before she walked to stand before me, standing closer to me than I could admit I was comfortable with. She raised a hand, brushing a loose strand of blond hair behind my ear. She studied me, face not readable but not hostile. It was neutral, as if she was weighing out her argument. She leaned in, and my eyes dropped to her lips, mimicking her action earlier. It was like I was under the brunette's spell. I knew I needed to pull away, cuss her out and walk off. I was frozen in place, something inside of me craving the feeling of her lips against mine.

"Spencer? What the fuck are you guys doing?"

Ashley's hand dropped from its place on my cheek, which I hadn't realized had been placed there, and she backed away, glaring at the Latina that had walked into the kitchen. The air around me suddenly felt cold, and I frowned, no closer to having an answer than I had before. _Damn._ Ashley gave me a annoyed look before walking out of the kitchen and down the hall where she usually seemed to isolate herself.

She walked up to stand beside me, face locked in a look of disbelief. "You were just going to let her kiss you?" She said finally after a moment, face still full of shock and discomfort.

I shook my head. "No, no. I wasn't… I wouldn't have…" I couldn't find the words to defend what almost happened between me and Ashley. I don't think I would have been able to stop it, and I imagine that Madison walking in on Ashley and me in the middle of making out would be much harder to explain. "I'm actually not really sure what was happening. We were just standing there, glaring at each other and then the next thing you know," I tipped my hand. "You saw it." I gave her a weak shrug, not really buying it myself but also not sure how you could even word what had been happening without having to explain everything.

She stared at me, eyes narrowed as she scrutinized my face. Eventually she sighed. "You know what, it's not even really my business, right? Just whatever it is she thinks she's doing, or whatever you're doing, you should put it on pause. That storm isn't slowing any time soon, and I'm in no mood to dent some bitches face in for you." She growled, looking back to me. I had to give Madison credit. She understood me better than I thought she did.

I gave her a playful nudge, batting my eyes dramatically. "Aw Mads, I know you'd do anything for me," I teased, trying to break the tension.

Her gaze softened and she nudged me back. "Shut up, Carlin. Aiden wanted to know if you wanted to do a line. You got to see what he had delivered today." She grinned.

When I first met Madison, it was her first day ever serving, which was just a few weeks after I had started myself. She had come across as bold and pretentious, and it became quickly evident that the girl had a quick temper and a taste for drama. It didn't take long for Whitney to pull her off the floor and into the take-out window after a particular incident involving a picky table and Madison losing her absolute shit; she had slung a full bottle of wine at the wall after spending 20 minutes trying to appease the tables particular taste in wine. I never really considered the idea that Madison would be a drug enthusiast like I was, but after hearing that line coming out of her mouth, it all made sense now. I was surprised the topic never came up between us prior to today.

"Sure thing, right. Lead the way."

Aiden was busy leaning over a small crate covered with a piece of wood like a makeshift table. An open box sat cut open on the bed, and he was carefully weighing out the white powder into baggies over a large mirror from a much larger bag. He noticed Madison and I's entrance, and gave us a wide smile.

"I thought I felt the presence of royalty walk in," he said cheerily, tipping the PlayStation cap at us. He gave us a toothy smile and beckoned us in.

I spotted another bag, covered in duct tape, in the box on his bed. "Is that all coke?" I asked, picking up the box off the bed.

He stood up and picked the box out of my hands. "Not this one. I'd never give this stuff to you." He held up the taped bag so I could see it and then stuffed it into a backpack that was on the ground beside the bed. "This stuff is dangerous, and you aren't allowed to have it."

Curiosity piqued, I took it back, examining it for any sign of what it contained. "What is it?"

"It's heroin."

I almost dropped the phone in my hands. Aiden sat back down and resumed the portioning of the cocaine on his makeshift table. "No shit?" I asked, surprised that it was something he sold. I knew about the coke and the crack, but I never took him as the kind of person who would be okay with selling a substance so… evil.

"Man's gotta make bread, princess." He said defensively, pulling the backpack closer to him and placing it against the wall. He pointed at the white stuff on the makeshift table. "I know you wont reject a line of this though?"

I gave him a small smile and sat down on the office chair, letting Madison go first. She knelt on the floor next to the table, bill already rolled and ready. With a quick practiced move, she quickly snorted the decent sized line Aiden had prepped for her, grin widening as she tilted her head back and embraced the drug. she was certainly more comforShe gave herself a shake and moved, relocating herself to the bed.

I moved to the floor and took my line, then watched as Aiden followed suite. He cut three more and we repeated the process. Madison, still grinning, fidgeted excitedly.

"It's a shame we're stuck inside!" She said cheerfully, standing up and walking towards the window. This was my first time seeing my best friend on cocaine, and it didn't surprise me that she was the excitable type. "This stuff is great! Makes me want to go the the bar," she crooned as she leaned on the windowsill. I noticed that Aiden's eyes were fixed on the Spanish brunette, following her ass as she shook it happily. I couldn't help but feel a little jealous. I was used to being the one that made his eyes linger, even if it wasn't exactly welcomed.

I excused myself to the bathroom, feeling awkward as I sensed some tension increasing between the two. The pair offered a vague acknowledgement when I announced my exit and I quickly slipped out, easing the door closed. I made my way to the bathroom, shutting the door behind me and letting out a sigh of frustration.

I leaned against the sink and stared into my reflection, noticing the slight dilation of my pupils as the drug started to hit my bloodstream. This was definitely different than the stuff that I was used to Aiden getting. He must have gone to a new supplier. This batch made my heart accelerate, and it was like gasoline to the flames of my frustrations. I could feel anger simmering in my chest, and I welcomed it. I always tried my best to rationalize my anger and sort it out, but this time it felt nice to just let myself feel it instead of fighting against it.

I just stood there staring at my reflection, letting the anger roll around undirected in my body. My face was flushed as my blood pressure rose, and it was hard to pinpoint exactly what I was the most angry about. Madison had some nerve to get riled up about the possibility of Ashley kissing me, yet I was certain that she was going to try and hook up with Aiden at some point. Aiden my drug dealer and friend. It felt like it should be breaking some kind of girl code. And speaking of Ashley, I was pretty fucking pissed at her for dodging my questions and distracting me with seduction. I was so angry, at so many things that I couldn't just be angry at one thing. My heart raced, with each heartbeat pulsing the hot red of anger through my body. I was angry. So so angry. It was an entirely new feeling, and overwhelming. I wasn't sure if I could control it.

I barely registered leaving the bathroom and turning the wrong way down the hall. I barely noticed when I walked into the empty bedroom where Ashley sat against the wall with her headphones in. Without a word I closed the door and I stood there, staring her down. All I could think about is how much I wanted to be angry at _her_. The very person who gave me so many reasons to be angry.

Calmly she looked up, and her expression turned into one of confusion when she saw the anger carved on my face. She pulled her headphones out carefully and set the iPad down besides her, standing up slowly with her hand up.

"What's wrong, Spencer?" She asked with hesitation, careful not to move too suddenly. It was almost like she was trying to sooth an angry predator. The apprehension on her face, seeing her unsure for once, was just _so satisfying_. I wasn't predictable, she didn't have the advantage this time. This time the tables were turned, and I held the power over the moment. It made me smirk. This was a side of me I didn't know i had, and it was like I finally had control of the things around me. It was easy to see how villains are created. The adrenaline was intoxicating. Maybe it was the coke.

Ashley moved to step closer but I held my hand up, stopping her in her tracks. "Don't move" I hissed. Instead, I moved forward making her step back nervously until her back hit the wall.

I grinned, recalling that Ashley once had me in a similar position in the walk-in cooler. Only instead of me frozen against the cold metal pillar, it was her frozen with her back against the wall. It made me wonder if she felt what I had felt: nervous, confused, conflicted, maybe even excited. Her eyes flicked to the closed door, and I saw her swallow roughly. Whether her head matched mine a week before or not, the other girl was definitely feeling some type of way. She almost looked afraid.

Emboldened by the cocaine, I continued forward until I was nearly pressed against the brunette, leaning against the wall with one hand at the side of her head as the other reached up to touch her face. She flinched away, eyes glued to the door to avoid looking me in the eyes. I don't blame her. It must be weird for a predator to suddenly become the prey.

"How does it feel, Ashley, to be the one trapped against the wall?" I crooned, trailing a finger down her cheek. Even my voice felt different, giving me a slight chill. A little voice suddenly popped up in the back of my head warning me that this wasn't me. But it felt so nice to be the one in control around Ashley instead standing around helplessly.

She swallowed again, this time meeting my eyes. Her light brown eyes held flecks of green and gold, and I realized for the first time that they were actually hazel. Had they always been this beautiful? "What are you doing, Spencer?" Her voice was steady, not betraying the uneasiness I could see in her glistening orbs. I picked at the front of her t-shirt and gazed down the length of her body, taking a moment to give my appreciation. She was a very attractive woman. There was no doubt about it. I couldn't really fault myself for finding her appealing.

"Returning a gesture." I muttered, bringing our faces together. She froze beneath me, unsure, her hands pressed firmly to her sides. I smirked into my kiss as I felt her start to respond. I pushed up against her more, our bodies flush against each other. I noticed that her body was hot, her body betraying a shiver as our torsos made contact. She started to relax, leaning fully into the wall so she was supported by my body, her tongue running against my bottom lip. Her arms reached up to grab onto my shoulders, almost pushing me back.

She was trying to regain control I realized with dismay.

I pushed her back, breaking contact briefly. "No!" I almost shouted, pushing her back with my body and hitting the wall behind her with the palm of my hand. I leaned my hands against the wall, holding my torso away from hers but keeping her trapped beneath me. "This is all your fault!"

Her eyes widened in a half-dazed surprise, submitting. "What do you mean?" She asked, regaining focus as she realized what this was all about.

"Ever since you kissed me I've been confused. This isn't me!" I cried. I could feel the tears start to surface, and I brushed them away, desperately trying to cling to my anger. I couldn't be weak. Not now. Not when I had her right where I wanted her. In spite of my efforts I felt my grip on my anger slip, giving way to the frustrated confusion that had been following me around.

"You fucked everything up and you don't even have the nerve to even give a shit. Like it was nothing, and you didn't just completely fuck me up." My tears started to flow even harder, and I couldn't stop them. They ran down my face hotly, falling to the floor along with my motivation. I backed away, squeezing my eyes shut and silently begging myself to stop crying.

"Why?" I choked, wiping the tears away and looking at the beautiful, stunned brunette.

"But it didn't mean anything." She whispered so softly to herself that I almost missed it.

I felt my anger twinge, reigniting slightly. "Like hell it did!"

Without another word I left the empty bedroom and fled out the door, forgetting about Madison still in Aiden's room. I threw myself in my car and turned it on, leaning my forehead against the steering wheel and letting the tears flow freely. The door opened and Madison stepped out onto the wooden porch, looking down through the snow at me in the car. I shot her a wet, apologetic look and threw the car into reverse into the road, throwing it into drive and peeling out down the road into the snowstorm.

The falling snow made it difficult to see, but I didn't care. I sped down the bypass with reckless abandon, trying to escape Cotestown as quickly as possible. The roads were clear and salted, and I tore down the road with ease. The storm ensured that the roads were free of other cars, and I pushed the little sedan to almost 100mph.

It was like being in hyperspace, the flakes of snow like passing stars, the road ahead twisted in tunnel vision. My adrenaline spiked, and I found myself grinning as I saw the speedometer hit 110mph.

I missed the state trooper parked along the side of the bypass, and soon enough I saw the flashing red and blues in the rear view mirror.

 _Fuck me._


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Sorry I missed monday! Between being sick and working, I've been sleeping, so writing wasn't much of an option. Sorry this chapter is a bit. short, but I'm doing a double update. The next chapter will be much longer, but it's only half finished and I'm kind of stuck, and I didn't want to not post anything. Enjoy the update! Review or DM me with your thoughts, they are more than appreciated! I always care about what you guys think.**

The snow whipped around the car as I pulled over to the shoulder, bringing the car to a halt. The red and blue lights bounced off the fluffy white flakes against the black backdrop of the night sky, making it seem like there was flashing lights coming from all directions. Panic started to set it, the colors drawing out a sense of claustrophobia and the little sedan suddenly feeling too small and overwhelmingly hot. I rolled down the window, cold air blasting me in the face, the icy chill soothing my hot face and slightly sobering me up. Either way I knew I fucked up, and I struggled to remember how well my skin tone went with the color orange.

My chest felt tight, and I was starting to find that it was getting hard to breathe. I gripped the steering wheel with both hands, taking a deep breath through my nose and exhaling through my mouth, struggling to keep my heart rate and anxiety down. My brain short-circuited, frozen on the image of me in an orange jumpsuit, hair askew and holding up an ID number for my mugshot. My stomach went sour as it filled with dread, and the probability of me puking increased with every minute that I sat waiting for the officer to approach the car. How could I possibly explain this?

Footsteps crunching in the snow to the car made the record in my head scratch, and I glanced at the rear view mirror at the dark figure approaching my car. He flashed a light in through the window onto my face. With the inside of the car dark and the flashlight blinding my eyes, it was almost impossible to see the troopers face.

"You've got to be shitting me, Spencer." The flashlight dropped an inch, the light finally out of my eyes.

I turned the interior light on so that the officers face was illuminated and my jaw dropped in shock. "Glen?" I said with disbelief. I could feel my heart skip a beat. I think I was going to have a heart attack. There was just too much going on for me to process. "You're a cop now?" I said dumbly, eyes glued to the gray uniform of the PA State Police.

His face hardened, blue eyes meeting identical blues. "Yeah one who's supposed to be putting you under arrest for possible DUI and going 110 in a 55." He hooked the flashlight back onto his belt and leaned on an elbow on the window edge. "What the hell are you thinking, Spence? You could have gotten in some pretty serious trouble, or worse," he lowered his voice down to a whisper and widened his eyes dramatically, "Mom could find out. You'd be wishing you had just smashed your little Ford into a telephone pole and and died." His eyes rolled comically.

"That's a bit dark, but frighteningly accurate." I sighed and leaned back into the driver's seat, his attempt at comedy easing me slightly. I covered my face with my hands and breathed in deeply. "What now?" I asked, voice muffled behind my hands.

"What's going on?" He asked instead. I lowered my hands enough so that I could see him and shrugged my shoulders.

"Ruining my life apparently." I waved my hand in defeat. "I have a feeling jail is nothing like Orange is the New Black."

Glen took off his trooper hat and ran a hand through his close trimmed hair. "I'm not going to put you in jail. I know this isn't really you. Something is wrong." He studied me for a moment, taking in my disheveled outfit and the stress worn into my face. I knew I had lost weight and my pupils would be huge from drugs and adrenaline, and judging by the questioning in his eyes he had noticed.

"Are you on drugs?" He asked, in a tone as light as if he had asked if I had eaten dinner yet.. He didn't seem even remotely angry or betrayed. In fact, he didn't even seem particularly concerned. He looked at me with interested curiosity. It was kind of off-putting.

"Um. I plead the fifth?" I tried, not really sure where the truth would take me. This could be a trap.

"That only applies when you're testifying. Seriously, just answer the question." He insisted, reaching for his belt.

I raised my hands in defense, jumping back and almost falling into the passenger seat. Was he reaching for his gun? My eyes widened in fear as I wondered if my own brother would actually shoot me over something like this. Although, anyone who has seen the news knows that the police have been a little trigger happy as of late. Maybe this would make the news. Will this be my ten minutes of fame?

He raised a hand up seeing my reaction, realizing what his action looked like. "I was turning my body cam off!" He explained quickly, standing up with his hands raised, looking down the empty highway for traffic.

I narrowed my eyes in suspicion. "Why would you do that, Glen?" I questioned, feeling more off-put than before.

"I don't want this recorded," he explained. "You can speak freely and off the record. You only have a few minutes. Are you on drugs?"

I hesitated for a moment. Glen and I hadn't spoken the last couple years. I had no idea what kind of a person he was now. He hadn't been very trustworthy or reliable in the past, and being an officer of the law was not really the career I thought he would be into. It made this whole situation unpredictable, and considering how I could barely think straight I wasn't sure I could even trust myself to talk my way out of this.

"Um. Yes." The admission just fell awkwardly out of my mouth. I couldn't deny it now and the admission was out in the open, willingly handing Glen a huge piece of leverage against me.

He nodded, looking back up the road before leaning back down to the window. "Are you carrying anything on you?" It didn't really sound threatening, sound curious as he had before. I patted my pockets down, surprised when I felt the familiar bump of a bag in the front left pocket. _When did I pick this up?_

"Apparently'' I responded, pulling the small baggie of white powder out into the light. Glen did one more check of the road and walked around to the passenger side. He opened the door and sat down next to me, closing the door gently.

"Roll your window up. Its freezing outside." I pushed the button on the door to close the window, eyes still glued to my brother with distrust. "You have a CD case or something?"

I blinked a few times. Was Glen really planning on doing this with me? "What are you doing?" I deadpanned, pointing to the floor between his legs to the space under the seat.

He reached down and felt around for a moment until he found the little orange plate, bringing it up to his lap and holding out his hand. I set the baggie in his palm and he set in on the plate, digging into his pocket for his wallet. I tapped him on the shoulder and slid out the compartment near the radio where I stashed the straw and razor blade.

"I'm splitting this with you. Call it an olive branch to let you know I'm on your side." He explained, cutting the bag open and dumping the contents on the porcelain surface. He chopped it up into two fine lines with a practiced hand, and then inhaled his line without a second thought.

I could feel my brain melting. My brother was a state police officer who had just pulled me over for racing down the bypass like a mad man, and was now doing my coke with his police SUV flashing behind me like a beacon. "I don't really think I can process all of this." I admitted, staring at the plate he handed me in a daze. He passed me the straw and I automatically did my line. I fixed my eyes on the powder residue still left on the plate, trying to comprehend the situation.

"What is it that you want, Glen?" I turned my gaze onto my brother, who was reaching into his pocket and pulling out a notepad. He scribbled something down with a pen that had been stuck in the spiral binding and handed the note to me. A series of numbers was scrawled messily across the page.

"Go home, try and sleep. Call this number in the morning. It's my cellphone. We'll grab breakfast and we can talk then." He put his trooper cap back on and tipped it in my direction before exiting the car.

He paused at my window and I rolled it down a few inches. I noticed he had switched the body cam back on, a small red light blinking on the camera strapped to his shoulder. "Sorry had to change the battery. But I noticed you were going a bit faster than is safe for this weather. I understand you are anxious to get home, but that's no excuse to put yourself in harms way." He gave me a look letting me know to play along.

"Right sir, I'm sorry. I just hate being caught in a storm?" I said carefully, trying to follow his lead.

He nodded, pulling out his book and writing me out a citation. "I gotta write you a ticket for speeding, but I'm letting you off easy, ma'am. Please be sure to drive safely. I'm gonna drive away, but the rest of your trip is up to you." He added with a wink.

He tipped his hat once more and walked off and I rolled my window back up. After a moment or two he turned his lights off and drove away, leaving me along the side of the road in the dark.

XOXO

I was exhausted by the time I got home. All the stress from the day seemed to hit me at once when I stepped through the front door and I was instantly exhausted. The door slammed behind me, the noise loud in the quiet house, and I slipped off my shoes. The clock on the wall showed that it was only half past midnight, and the lack of dog barks told me that everyone was most likely asleep. I breathed a sigh of relief and started up the stairs to my room.

Once inside I flopped onto the mattress on the ground, staring up at the vaulted ceiling. My head ached from trying to sort out the days events, replaying scenes hoping to pick up on new details I missed using hindsight. I couldn't say my life was boring. Not anymore. I could say however that it was starting to feel like it wasn't my life anymore. It was probably drug use that was making me feel a bit out of control. I don't have a problem admitting that. It was finding out that I wasn't the person I thought I was that was truly scary.

It was Ashley's fault. If she hadn't shown up in my life, none of this would have happened. If she hadn't kissed me, I would just be some cheeky prep cook in a 3 star family restaurant, content with living the same day over and over. I would have never realized how much anger I could hold or what it could make me do. Coke would have just made me uncomfortably antsy. I probably would have never found out that my brother was a cop.

I groaned in anger. What was up with that anyway? I pulled the piece of paper that Glen gave me out of my pocket and entered the number in my phone, only to realize that the number was already programmed in the contacts list. Had I really forgotten that I already had his number? I plugged the phone into the charger near the bed and laid back down, closing my eyes.

What was I even doing anymore? I groaned again. Why am I asking myself so many questions? How can I not know the answer to any of these questions? I rolled over to my stomach burying my head in the pillow. I willed the thoughts to stop, but it only seemed to encourage more to surface. Fucking cocaine.

"Why are you blaming Ashley when you know that if she was truly the issue you could have resisted? It's unfair to place that much blame on one person." Wait no, I did resist. Did I? If I really didn't care then I wouldn't have gotten so worked up about it. But I did admit that I cared. A lot.

It was Ashley's fault.

I kicked my feet against my bed like a child throwing a tantrum, infuriated by my disorganized and persistent thoughts. I just needed to fucking sleep.

XOXO

I hovered over the send button, trying to figure out if this was a path I was really willing to go down. Part of me felt like I had no choice, Glen knew about last night, and he could easily report me if he wanted to. He also deeply incriminated himself as a show of faith, and I don't think he would just throw all that away carelessly for nothing. I didn't even know what exactly he wanted to talk about, but I was already jumping to some pretty twisted conclusions just by speculation.

Before I could send the message my phone began to ring, Madison's face taking over the screen. I answered, not even bothering to hold the phone to my ear. I already knew what to expect at this point.

"SPENCER CARLIN. DON'T FUCKING KILL ME LIKE THAT." The Latina's voice rang out clearly from the phone, her tone loud with fury and worry. "I WAS WORRIED THAT YOU WERE GOING TO…"

"Hi Madison" I cut her off, bringing the phone to my ear. "Sorry about yesterday. It's all kind of a blur." I stood up and sat on the deep windowsill, looking out into the parking lot of our court. I spotted the neighbor walking their dog, pausing on the grass in front of our section as her dog took a shit on our grass. They moved on, the neighbor not even bothering to pick up after the small terrier.

"What happened?" She huffed. "Did you and Ashley fight? Cuz she ran off right after you abandoned me. "

"You can say that,"I said, peering through the slats of the blinds, noting that my housemates' cars were gone. "She ran off too?"

"I mean, not really. She just left right after you pulled out without saying anything. You guys were together for a while and we thought we heard shouting. I put two and two together."

I fidgeted with the phone for a minute, thinking before I answered. "We had a mild disagreement. I think we settled it." I said, hoping that it was true. This whole thing with Ashley was starting to get ridiculous, and I didn't even know how to explain it to my friend when I wasn't even sure what was actually going on and what was just me inventing things to fill in the massive blanks the girl was leaving me with. "At least I'm hoping we did. It's mostly my fault."

There I go, contradicting myself again.

"What's with you lately? Is this about Aiden?" She asked, he voice slightly tinged with jealousy.

I felt my face heat up. If only it was that simple. That would be so much easier to explain. "Nope feel free to have at him."

She was quiet for a moment, thinking. I started to wonder if we had been disconnected when her voice popped back up. "So something did happen with you and Ashley, then?" Her question barely disguised her amusement.

"What did you and Aiden do when I left? Did you spend the night there or did you manage to get home?" I asked, changing the topic.

She snorted. "Wow, sure avoid the question. I was right, then." She mused. "I stayed over. He is a surprisingly good host. Even let me have the bed."

We chatted about Aiden for a while before the conversation drifted into an awkward silence. We ended the conversation with quick goodbyes, and I switched back to the text that I was going to send to Glen.

He sent me a response almost immediately with a location and time. I guess it was time to go figure out what his deal was.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Someone sent me a DM asking for me to clarify what they felt was an inconsistency that I thought I'd take a second to explain. In one of the chapter's that gave some background on Aiden mentioned he was a couch hopper who didn't actually have his own place, but his apartment is frequently referred to as "his place" and the apartment owner is never mentioned. This was actually done on purpose. Spencer never actually sees the other roommate or were they introduced. She's only there to see Aiden. The apartment that Aiden is living in has three bedrooms, which fun-fact the owner resides in the one across from Aiden's next to the bathroom. Since Spencer has never met the guy, or been in that room, she really doesn't bother to acknowledge the other resident. You'll meet him later on in the story. Long post! Enjoy. Review and let me know what you think!**

It was almost laughable that the place that Glen had picked to meet up was Boca's. There wasn't any way that he could have known that it was the place that I worked at. I had started working there after we lost touch, and I never really thought to tell him when I recognized the address he sent. At least I felt like I had the advantage of playing on the home field.

I sat in a booth in the back, letting the host know that I was waiting on someone, and stared out the window, lost in a train of thought. The sound of a throat clearing brought me back, and I looked up to see Glen in casual dress, standing at the table.

"You look better," he commented, sitting in the booth across from me. "It seems like they know you here."

"I work here," I replied smugly, taking a sip of my coffee. He looked panicky for a moment until I waved him down. "They don't know you here, and honestly no one could care less anyway. This place is far from classy." I reassured him. He seemed to accept it looking slightly less worried.

Mandy, one of the morning servers, approached the table, smiling. "Hey Spence, who this cutie?" She asked, giving Glen a once over.

"My brother, Glen," I introduced, Mandy glancing at me in surprise.

"You never mentioned having a brother."

"Never came up," I said with a tight smile. "I'll take the lunch eggplant parmesan." I held up the menu for her to take. Glen gave the older server his order and menu and she walked away, leaving us alone for the time being.

"You don't talk about us?" He inquired, looking a bit surprised. He folded his arms on the table, leaning across the table .

"Why? There's nothing to talk about with these guys. We just work together here." I explained, sipping my coffee for a moment and then copying his position. "Although If I do remember correctly, you had something to talk about." I said, getting right to the point.

He gave the back of his neck a quick scratch, giving the restaurant a quick glance over before lowering his voice.

"That was some good shit you had, Spencer," He started carefully, meeting me in the eye. "But I have even better."

I blinked a few times, slightly shaken. That wasn't really what I was expecting. "I'm sorry, what?"

He glanced around again and got up, moving over to the booth I was sitting on and sliding his arm across the back so he could talk more personally.

"That white you gave me last night? Good by the street standards, but I have access to much better stuff, and I need to move it." He licked his lips, glancing around. "I actually found you a week ago while I was doing a patrol in Cotestown and saw you getting out of your car out on Stride Road where the locals were keeping tabs on a guy."

I looked at him confused. "They're keeping tabs on Aiden?"

Glen shook his head. "Not yet. That's why they sent me there to see if there was any activity. After I saw you I told them that I didn't see anything worth looking into, just some low grade pot dealer. Thats not what they're concerned about."

The news just made me more confused. "You lied just because you saw me?"

He shrugged, "I didn't want to see you get in trouble. I'm your brother, I need to protect you." He turned a bit more so he could face me. "But now we have a chance to work together, see?"

"You want me to bring Aiden drugs? From you?" I narrowed my eyes. "This feels really fishy, Glen. How do I know you aren't just setting up a sting?"

"You gotta trust me, Spence. I'm sitting on a lot of money, with so much potential for more." His eyes were lit up with excitement, and I could tell he was being serious. This did seem like a Glen idea. "You'll get a cut for helping me out, and you can even tell your little boyfriend that if he can pull it off and sell the first round, I'll set him up with a warehouse and a set of wheels and my protection." He looked at me pleadingly.

"How much coke are we talking about?" I asked cautiously, glancing around to make sure we were still out of earshot.

"I'm sitting on three keys right now, high grade, like 1970's purity. You can give Aiden the first one, If he can sell it and bring me the cash, he gets another and my part of the deal. It'll be more expensive than what he's selling now, but there is no product around here at the level my shit is. I know, I've been sampling."

He spotted Mandy returning to the section with a basket of bread, a pot of coffee and an extra cup. She let us know that our orders would be out in another fifteen minutes before disappearing back into the kitchen.

"What if you get caught?" I asked. Glen was a state trooper. Surely someone would notice that he's covering something up.

He shook his head. "Don't worry about it. Everything is settled on my end. Believe me, everything around here is not as it appears." He stood back up and sat back down at his side of the table, pouring himself a cup of coffee and sipping it black. "Think about the offer, pitch it to you're boyfriend, give me a call."

I rolled my eyes. "Aiden is not my boyfriend."

He smiled. "But you're familiar enough to walk in and out of his house freely."

His comment truck a chord, and I had a feeling he knew more than he was letting on. "Tell me the truth Glen. Had long have you been watching me?"

"I was telling the truth. I've been trailing you for the last week. Lets just say it wasn't by chance that it was me who pulled you over." He said with a sip. "Just talk to him and get back to me."

I unwrapped the roll of silverware, mulling it over. "Fine, but if this ship goes down, you have to protect me. Mom would lose her absolute shit and I wouldn't even make it to jail."

Glen covered my hands with his. "You know I'll always protect you. That's my job." He assured me. "Have you spoken to mom recently?"

Mandy popped back up, silently setting the plates of food down and disappearing, presumably not wanted to disturb the conversation.

I stabbed at the fried eggplant. "No, not since I left. I haven't heard from Clay either, but he's tried calling a few times." I said regretfully. We used to be a close knit family when we were much younger. We drifted a lot after dad's death, and I knew it had taken a toll on our Mom. I just really didn't want to get involved.

"Me neither, but Clay mentioned that a lady from church thought she might have cancer. Some rumor that was going around."

I snorted in disbelief. "No doubt started by dear Paula. You think there's any truth to it?"

Glen shook his head. "I don't know. I didn't ask too many questions. I figured if it was true she would have tried to tell us. We're all friends with her on Facebook. It's not like she has no way to contact us."

"It's a pretty shitty thing to lie about if it isn't." He added.

I nodded and looked back at the kitchen, dark brunette hair retreating between the cloth curtains blocking the view into the kitchen. I frowned, staring at the curtains.

Glen, noticing my look, turned around to see what I was looking at. Not seeing anything unusual, he turned back around to me. "You okay?" He asked, seeing my face darken.

"Fine. What do you know about an Ashley Davies?" I asked.

He frowned and shrugged. "Name doesn't seem familiar but I can run a check on her. Why is she bothering you?"

I shook my head. "Not really. If anything its the other way around. Maybe started off with her bothering me, but drugs always seem to fuck with me." I sighed. It was far too confusing to even bother trying to explain.

He seemed to accept what I said, not trying to push the matter further. "I'll let you know what I find out." He said, pulling a notebook out and writing her name down. "Catch me up, how have things been?"

XOXO

We talked and ate for about an hour until Glen had to leave to get ready for his patrol shift, leaving me sit quietly at the booth until I figured out my next move.

I suppose I ought to go find Aiden and tell him about Glen's plan. Glen had left me with a sample to bring to my friend to prove the quality, and I hadn't yet tried it. It looked a little different than I was used too, much more fine and powdery, reminiscent of ground up albino fish scales. I tucked it back into my pocked and almost jumped in surprise as someone dropped into the booth across from me.

"Jesus, what is with people just popping up?" I complained, looking up to identify the intruder.

"Who was that?" Ashley demanded, looking at me with almost jealous rage.

I was slightly taken aback. "Excuse me, I don't think this has anything to do with you." I stated, standing up to leave.

She reached out and caught my arm, instantly looking apologetic. "I'm sorry, Spencer. Please. I need to know. I keep seeing him parked around Aiden's watching. I need to protect him. Even if it means protecting him from you."

I felt my face soften. This was probably the first time I ever seen Ashley behaving genuinely. She clearly was worried, and it made me realize that Aiden and Ashley were closer than I gave them credit for. She must really care about him if she was willing to demand answers after last night. I sighed and sat back down.

"Don't worry. He's friendly. That's my brother, and he wants to help." I explained, not sure how familiar Glen wanted to be to my friends.

Ashley looked at me confused. "What do you mean, help? Is Aiden in trouble?" She said firmly, determined to get an answer.

I rubbed my face, really loathing the fact that I had to sit and answer to the brunette. "No, just helping him with business stuff." I reached into my pocked and brought out the plastic pill baggie that glen had given me and threw it down in front of the girl. Her eyes widened in surprised.

"Coke? Thats what you guys were meeting over?" She asked, voice tinged with suspicious. She examined it closely. "This is different that Aiden's. Where did he get this?"

"I don't know. I didn't think it was my place to ask. Something you clearly don't know anything about.

She shot me a look before opening the baggie and dipping her pinky, running the white powder along her lower gums without asking. She was quiet for a moment. "Talk about making your mouth numb."

I grabbed the baggie back and slid it in my pocket. "I'm taking it to show Aiden." I stood up to go, anxious to get away from the brunette. She stood up like she was getting ready to follow me. "Um…" I started.

"I just need to cash out and I'm coming with you." She stated.

I pushed her back with a hand on her shoulder, shaking my head. "What makes you think I'm going to give you a ride?" I demanded.

She shrugged. "We are both heading to the same place. Doesn't make sense for me to call an Uber when we can just go together." She explained as if it was obvious.

"I don't even like you. Why would I want to help you?" I scoffed, moving to walking away. She grabbed my arm again, bringing me back and turning me so she could see my face. She removed her hand, instead bringing it up to fidget with the hoodie string hanging across my chest.

"You don't hate me," She said quietly, glancing up to meet my eyes.

My chest tightened, now a familiar feeling. I could tell the conflict was written across my face for her to see, and it pissed me off when her face pulled up in a look of satisfaction that she still had influence over me.

I pushed her hand away. "Fine, but just this once. I don't owe you anything." I caved, turning around and marching to the exit without another word. The brunette followed me out to the car, letting herself in.

I pulled the baggie out of my pocket. "While we have it we might as well try it, make sure it's worth bringing to Aiden." I suggested, really not feeling like sobriety was the right state of mind to be dealing with being in such close quarters with the other girl. She nodded and reached under her seat, handing me the plate.

The powder fell out of the baggie without too much resistance, so fine it barely needed to be cut into two even lines. I handed the plate to Ashley, who had already obtained a straw from somewhere on her person. It still surprised me when I realized how often people had paraphernalia tucked away somewhere. It reminds me of the day I watched Mandy pull a perfected rolled joint she had tucked inside her sock.

She took her line, instantly widening her eyes and tilted her head back, making sure all the cocaine hit the back of her sinus. "Wow," she explained, passing me the plate.

Curious at her reaction I leaned down and did the other line, the giddiness hitting me almost instantaneously. I looked at Ashley in wonder, picking up the sealed baggie on the console between us.

"Holy fuck that shit is nice." I said, finally able to catch my words. Usually cocaine had a mild effect on me, maybe a little boosted energy, mild euphoria. Heightens strong emotions on occasion. However this was the first time I ever had coke that was strong enough to instantly make me feel happy. I grinned, my feud with Ashley apparently irrelevant.

She looked at me with equal giddiness. "We need to bring this to Aiden," she said.

"After we grab Madison. After yesterday, there is no way she'll ever forgive me if I leave her out of this," I said, eagerly turning the car on and putting it into reverse.

"Wait, what, why? We don't need her." Ashley objected.

"My car, my coke, my rules, cupcake." I responded, turning left instead of right at the highway like we were heading to my house.

XOXO

An hour later we arrived at Aiden's house, after a quick stop to pick up Madison and another round of white. I didn't even bother texting him to let him know I was coming, instead chasing to just walk right into the apartment.

Excitedly I opened his bedroom door, stopped dead in my tracks when I noticed he wasn't alone. Two other women, one heavy set, the other small and thin, were sitting on the ground, Aiden locked in on the video game he was playing. I vaguely remember bumping into these two during previous visits, but it never occurred to me to get their names. They knew me though.

"Spencer! It's been a while!" Exclaimed the heavy set with darkly dyed hair. At a closer examination, I noticed the spoons and syringes lying on the ground in front of them. The tiny dirty blond already had one spoon mixed with a water and coke solution, in the process of sucking it into one of the needles. She seemed unaware that we walked in, rather she wrapped her arm with a shoelace and tapped on her forearm, bringing a vein to a rise. She quickly did the injection and sat back against Aiden's bed with a grin.

"Oh it's you," she greeted finally. I gave them a small wave and moved between the pair, tapping Aiden on the shoulder.

He removed his headphones and looked up, finally realizing that he had more guests. "Oh shit, you didn't say you were coming." He said, glancing at the pair on the floor.

"Yeah well we were kind of in a rush. We got news."

The slightly older man raised an eyebrow, running a hand through his thick dark hair. "Right. I don't think these two will be leaving any time soon." The pair on the floor looked from me to Aiden quizzically, obviously curious on what was happening.

"We can talk in the spare room," Ashley chipped in, trying to emphasize the privacy we needed.

Aiden looked at his guests and back at us, obviously thinking things through. He turned to the two girls on the floor. "I be right back. You touch my shit I break some fingers, 'ight?" He warned them before standing up and following us out the door.

Once we were in the empty room and the door was shut, I dug the baggie out on my pocket it. "Aiden, you need to see this stuff." He closely examined it like Ashley had, even going as far as to dip his pinky in the same fashion that she had. It made me wonder who taught who.

After a moment of considerable he grinned. Then frowned. "Where did you get this?" He demanded, holding up the baggie.

"I have a friend. He wants to help you with a new supply. He sent me with an offer." I explained.

Aiden glanced at Ashley and they exchanged a glance. "What kind of offer?" He asked with caution. It was insane how alike they were.

"He gives you some, but he wants 60%. In exchange you get a new house, protection and a ride if you need it. All you have to do is sell it like normal."

He rolled his eyes. "He wants 60 percent? What's the catch?" He asked

I shrugged. "I don't think there is one. I don't think you'll ever work with him directly. You have to go through me. He just needs your clientele to move this shit as fast as you can." I replied. It really wasn't that bad of a deal, and even a 40 percent cut off of this stuff would be a lot of money.

"How much is he giving me to start?"

"A key."

Aiden nodded then left the room, leaving me with Ashley. "You think he's going to take it?" I asked her.  
"If he's smart he will. He'll be taking a risk with so much gear but if your brother can really protect him like he says he can, than its worth it." She looked at me.

Madison, nodded her head in agreement. "I would take it in a heartbeat. You going to tell him that he's getting his shit from a cop?" She asked. I widened my eyes at Madison, forgetting I had mentioned getting pulled over by my brother when she had asked why I didn't answer the phone the night I took off.

Instantly I felt Ashley's eyes burning into me. "You're brother is a cop? Why didn't you mention this to me when I asked you who he was at Boca's?" She demanded, stepping closer to me.

I held my hands up, preventing her from stepping closer. "I didn't want to freak you at and risk the offer. I figured you would try and convince Aiden not to take the deal." I whispered in a rush, trying to calm the girl down.

"Damn straight I'd tell him not to take it. I thought this smelled fishy." She hissed, pointing a finger into my palm. "I should have figured it would be you to narc."

I looked at Madison for assistance. "He's fine! Thats why he's offering protection. He's on it for the cash and everything will be okay. He promised me it's fine."

"That's exactly what he would say to get you to believe him." She pointed out like it was a well known fact. "I knew this shit was too good to be true."

I looked at her pleadingly. "Come on, Spencer give him a chance. Trust me." I begged, hoping I could get her on my side before Aiden returned.

"Trust you? Why would I trust you. For all I know this is some twisted scheme for revenge." She spat, pushing against my hands.

"Revenge? For what?" Asked Madison, suddenly pushing herself between us. "What did you do to Spencer?" She said, this time the one demanding answers. She looked between the pair of us and threw her hands up. "I knew it. There is something going on between you two." She accused.

"No there's not." Ashley and I said at the same time before glancing back at each other.

"Well if my opinion matters here at all, you two need to keep this drama out of the business. I say you'll never get an opportunity like this again, and if we play it safe, maybe we can get enough information about Glen as we can, and if we see any red flag we jump ship." She looked back and forth between us, gauging our reactions. "We just won't tell him right away. If he feels safe, I'm sure he'll sell it faster."

I nodded my head agreeing, pointing to her as I looked at Ashley. "She has a good point, Ashley." I agreed.

She sighed with resignation. "Fine, but if this shit goes down, its all on you, and if I lose him, I will kill you." She threatened, poking my hands at the last three words. Her look of complete seriousness left me without a doubt that she meant every word. She probably would really kill me.

We stood there in silence for another minute or two before Aiden returned. "I talked to a few buddies of mine and I thin I can make this happen. But," he paused, "I'm need help moving this old shit first. I can't have it lying around, nah mean?"

I looked at Madison, who sighed, already on the same page. "I got a cousin over in the next county would knows some people. If you sell it at a bulk discount I can help with that."

Aiden looked at me and nodded. "Tell him it's on. Just let me know." He said, green eyes dancing with anticipation. He left the room, heading back to his room.

I turned to Ashley and gave her a small smile. "Thanks for keeping what we discussed to yourself."

She frowned and glanced at Madison, who in returned rolled her eyes at me. "I get it. I'm going to go sit with the coke twins and Aiden," she muttered, leaving us alone in the room.

"You didn't have to make her leave." I pointed out, moving to follow my friend.

"I didn't do this for you." She replied. I paused and turned back around.

"What?"

She pointed to the door. "Aiden. I did it for him. Give him a change to get out, you know?" She took in a deep breath and closed her eyes. "I'm worried about him."

She opened her eyes back up and her expression went blank. "Don't make the mistake of believing that I'm helping you for any reason other than that." With that said she exited, leaving me standing in the center of the empty room. I couldn't wait to get this over with.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: thursday update. Posting before work. R &R as always**

The arrangement I made with Glen was relatively simple. I would go to work the next day as usual, leaving the keys to my car tucked up side a wheel well. Glen would pull up like he was doing a parking check, find the keys and stash the coke somewhere in my car. Then he'd return my keys to the take-out window to Madison claiming he found them on the ground. It was short, easy and seemingly fool proof.

I still felt nervous about it. This was the first time that I had done anything of this nature. I wasn't a drug dealer. Drug enthusiast maybe, not not really a dealer. That opened up a whole different side of the law that I was raised to fear. I was still going to go through with it since Glen was my brother and I had a feeling that his eagerness had less to do with the appeal of money and more about something else. Maybe to get him out of trouble. Much like how Ashley was willing to do what she could for her cousin, I was willing do as much more despite our years of separation. It was something that me and Ashley had in common, and while it didn't change how I viewed her, it made it easier to trust her.

I roughly pulled the peeler down the length of the massive carrot, each inch wide peeling dropping into the can below. I set the completely peeled carrot into a stainless steel bowl on the counter, pulling my phone out of my pocket and sighing at the time. Ashley turned the corner and glanced around, checking to make sure we were alone. She stopped in front of me and tapped the phone.

"When is he making the drop?" She asked, looking down at the time on the screen. I locked the phone, the screen going blank in front of her prying eyes.

"Soon, I hope. Madison is supposed to let me know when he drops the keys off. I set the vegetable peeler next to the bowl of carrots, and leaned against the counter.

Ashley gave me a small smile, the first real smile I've seen her give anyone but Aiden. "Its exciting, isn't it? Committing your first major felony?"

I shrugged picking up another carrot. "I feel more nervous than anything. What if he doesn't make the drop?" I chewed on a finger, keeping my eyes trained on the carrot in one hand.

Ashley sucked her teeth. "That's reassuring. You're the one who tried so hard to convince me that everything would work out. Why waver now? What would be the point in making sure I was on board?" She picked up the peeler before I could grab it, twisting it in her hands.

I grabbed it back. "I needed to make sure that Aiden was on board, and you wouldn't make him change his mind.

She grabbed the smallest carrot out of the bowl and took a bite, chewing it silently before speaking. "He already made up his mind, and I can't change his mind. He's his own person. He can make his own mistakes." She said simply.

"So I didn't actually have to go through all that trouble to get you on board?" I said, disbelieving.

She munched thoughtfully on the carrot before giving me a response. "Not really but I'm glad you did. Shows that you were serious about the idea, and that you were willing to do what you needed to to make sure that any loose ends were tied." She smirked. "There's more to you than I thought."

"That's nice to know," I muttered going back to peeling carrots.

She rested a hand on the counter as she read my face. "Why are you so against me, Spencer? I feel like you just assume I'm an evil person when I'm not."

I shook my head slightly, keeping my eyes down. "You started it. I'm just doing what I need to get this over with."

The brunette sighed and brushed her curly locks back. "Why do you keep saying that? What did I do to you?"

My mouth fell open. How can she act like she wasn't the reason why I couldn't control my heart rate when she stood too close? Like feeling her breathe on me didn't make me think of it against my lips? Like I still couldn't feel her pressed up against me still as I pressed her against a wall? She couldn't be that unaffected.

She rolled her eyes at my silence. "Such a child. Are you still concerned about those stupid kisses? They didn't mean anything. I don't see how you can still try and act like it was all my fault." She paused. "Besides, we already discussed this at Aiden's. I thought we settled it."

I tipped my hands up, an _Are you dumb?_ look etched across my face. "What? Are you serious? What is wrong with you?"

She crossed her arms, suddenly defensive. "Wrong with me? What's wrong with you? Why are you so stuck on this? Just because you share a kiss or two with someone doesn't automatically mean that there is something there."

I slammed the peeler down on the counter, the loud bang making the brunette jump in surprise. "Its exhausting trying to keep up with you. I never know what version of you I'm going to meet." I started, moving the trashcan out of the way and stepping forward so I was standing face to face with the girl. "Do you even feel things, or is it only when it's convenient to you?" I challenged.

She swallowed, trying to keep her composure. Sure enough, the mask slipped, and I noticed her try and gulp slowing. "I don't know what you're talking about."

I grabbed the sides of her face, pulling it in close. "So you're saying that being this close doesn't affect you?" I breathed, staring into her hazel eyes, looking for any flicker of a lie.

She closed them, pulling away slightly. "Yes. I don't feel anything." She rested her hands over the ones on either side of her face, sighing lightly. "I don't know what you're expecting from me, Spence." She moved my hands down so that they were now at her sides and off her skin.

"I just want the truth, Ashley."

She let go of one of my hands, using her free hand to rub gently at the side of her mouth. "Why can't you just drop it."

"No! It's driving me nuts that you can't just tell the truth! It's all I can think about; why I can't just let it go. I hate being lied to and I don't know why you have such a hard time just being honest with me."

We stood there, staring each other demand, each of us with questions we refused to say out loud. We were interrupted by Madison, who walked up to us with a set of keys in hand. She looked from one to the other, suspicion clear on her face.

"Were we having a meeting without me?" She inquired, hanging the keys to me.

I shook my head. "No this was personal." I said bluntly, looking at the keys. "I'm assuming this means that Glen made the drop?"

"Yeah, just a minute ago. He looked like he was in a hurry."

"Well, when you just dropped off a shit ton of drugs off somewhere, its no surprise you want to get out of there as soon as possible," Ashley replied, a slight bite to her words.

Madison cocked her head, looking up and down the length of the other girl, a slight smirk on her face. "For someone of your size, you're awfully rude. Aren't you afraid someones going to take you down a peg or two?" She snarked.

Ashley's eyes flicked to me. "Some people definitely try." She snarked back, turning around and walking off back to the front of the store.

Madison turned back to me, rolling her green eyes. "Geez, is she intense as usual. What was she bothering you about now?" She leaned with her back to the counter, leaning on her elbows.

"Hm, more like me trying to get her to be truthful, I think." I resumed my task wth the carrots, slightly annoyed that I was falling behind.

"Truthful? You think she's lying? About what? Can we trust her with the… um…" she waved her hand, looking for some kind of phrase. "I guess it's a job?"

Shaking my head, I reached under the counter for the shredding apparatus for the Hobart machine. "No, I think she's trustworthy as far as that goes. She's lying about other things."

The latina glared at me. "You mean this has something to do with whatever happened between the two of you? Feels like you're fighting a rather pointless battle. Besides, you're too good for her."

Screwing the part in place, I turned the machine on. The circular grating blade spun rapidly, ready to start devouring carrots. I set a white bus bin underneath the bottom, ready to catch the shredded carrot pieces. "It just bothers me how some people can just lie so easily without even seeming remorseful."

Madison handed me a carrot. "She's probably just another dangerous sociopath they warn you about in school." Came her humorous response.

I tightened my lips skeptically. "Somehow I doubt that, though."

She gave me a slight squeeze on my arm and a small smile. "You'd be much happier if you just drop it. She's just not worth it, and in the end you're just going to get hurt, mija." With that, she turned around to go back to her spot in the take-out window.

I blew a stray hair out of my face and shoved a carrot into the machines feeder. If only it was that simple.

XOXO

An hour later I found myself making my way to my car on a smoke break, wondering where Glen managed to hide the brick. Lighting the cigarette and unlocking the car, I checked the back seat.

There was a earthy green knapsack in the back seat that wasn't there before sitting on the floor, and I unzipped it. It was filled with notepads and loose pencils, as well as an opaque pencil box seated comfortable at the bottom. A quick glance confirmed it was indeed the package, and I felt instantly relieved.

"So it's there?" Ashley's voice quipped from besides me. I hadn't realized she had followed me out.

"Following me now? Careful, people might start thinking we're actually friends." I chastised, standing up straight. I pulled my jacket around me tighter as the chilly wind blew, loose hair from my ponytail flailing in the breeze.

"What's wrong with that? Being friends?" She asked, almost shyly.

"You? Want to be friends?" I arched an eyebrow at her.

She leaned against the car, pulling her hair into a loose side bun. "It doesn't really seem like a bad idea, especially since we work together. In and out of this place." She plucked the cigarette out of my fingers, helping herself to a drag.

I reclaimed my cigarette, setting it in my mouth. I noticed that Ashley's eyes seemed to hover on my mouth. "Is that what you really want?"

Her eyes flicked back up to mine. "It wouldn't be the worst thing that happened." She admitted, which was the closest I could expect to get to the truth.

I leaned against the car besides the brunette. "You are like the textbook example of inconsistency." I offered her the cigarette.

She took a small drag, exhaling slowly. "You're one to talk. You can't seem to make up your mind between liking me and hating me. It's kind of annoying if we're being totally honest."

"When did we agree to be honest with one another?"

She closed her eyes, eyebrows furrowing. "We back to that again? Its figure of speech." She opened them, looking at me through the corner of her eye. "The only thing you seem to be consistent with is finding ways to bug me. I could be rude," she held up one hand. "Or I could be nice," she held up the other. "And you still manage to keep finding reasons to talk to me."

I blushed a little bit, grateful that the chill had already left my face red. "I don't know what you're talking about."

She smirked, turning her head. "Now who's being dishonest?"

I turned to my side, leaning against the car on my hip now. "What is it that you really want, Ashley?"

She managed to keep a straight face. "I feel like I've been answering this question every day." She turned back around, facing the store. "I just want to be friends." Her face had gone dark like it had that day in the walk-in fridge, and for a second I felt bad for asking.

I reached over and tugged on her sleeve. "I'm sorry," I said softly.

Then she was in my space, slipping her hands behind my head and pulling me forward. Her lips ghosted over mine, hesitating like she was suddenly second guessing herself. I grabbed her arms closing the rest of the distance between us and our lips connected.

We both paused, looking at each other through heavy-lidded eyes. She started to move like she was pulling away, hands dropping slightly to my shoulders. I held onto her arms, pushing more into the kiss and she started to respond, almost instantly leaning into the kiss.

She was warm, and sweet which was surprising for such a bitter person. I ran my tongue along the bottom of her lip and she let me deepen the kiss. She pressed into me, hands burying into the hair near the nape of my neck.

"Hey, kiddo! Didn't think ya went that way!"

Instantly we separated, the release of contact leaving me cold. She ducked her head and I looked in the direction of the voice, spotting Bo walking towards the car. His graying hair blew in the wind and his face was wide in a crooked grin. "Who's that?"

Ashley turned around, giving the old man a stiff wave. "I'm going back inside," she muttered, pulling her hood closer and striding to the restaurant doors.

"Ashley, huh? Interesting choice," he commented. "Smoke a bowl?"

Before I could respond, Whitney walked outside, calling my name. "Fuck, I've been outside too long. Sorry, Bo I gotta go back in," I said apologetically, gesturing at the manager waving me over.

"No worries, I'll be in in a minute," he said, unfazed.

XOXO

I tapped my number into the computer, clicking on the clock out option. As my slip printed out, I felt a hand rest on my shoulder.

I looked up at Ashley. "Hey," I muttered, looking down at the hours I had logged in for the week.

"Can you give me a ride to Aiden's since you're already heading down that way?" She asked, looking slightly nervous.

I gave her a smile. "I see you've learned to ask me first."

She looked at the doorway, checking to see if anybody was nearby the office. "Are you going to tell Bo about…" she trailed off, hoping I'd catch on.

"I'm pretty sure he saw us making out with his own eyes. Kind of too late to deny it." I smirked, purposely trying to frustrate the girl.

"Drop it. You know what I mean."

I sighed, leaning into the desk chair. "No, I figure the lest people who know the better."

She nodded in agreement. "Smart idea. Plus he's a bit chatty."

We fell into an awkward silence for a minute before I stood up, gesturing to the door. "Let's go deliver this package, shall we?" I offered, letting her exit first.

"Right."


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I'm back! Sorry for the wait. I've been doing some deep thinking about where I want to go with this story and actually decided to go in a different direction than originally planned. There may be a few minor inconsistencies but nothing should change too much from before. Thank you all for waiting! Will be posting another either tonight or tomorrow so check back again. Tell me what you think! Be sure to follow or favorite, or leave me a review. It makes my heart warm and fuzzy to know what ya think.**

I laid back into my bed, eyes trained to this one particular corner of my vaulted ceiling. I had spent the last hour trying to think about what was going on with my life, but it seemed like the harder I tried to think, the more impossible it became. Granted I was high as a kite, but it almost felt like I was just purposefully blocking myself out like a defense tactic.

I growled in annoyance and rubbed my eyes, frustrated that I the only thing I seemed able to think about was about how I couldn't think. It was almost ironic. I really wanted to try and figure out this thing with Ashley, but I don't even know if I know where to begin. What were we even doing?

I mean there's some obvious attraction going on. I feel like it's pretty one sided and Ashley was just going along with it just to get me to shut up about it. Which wasn't exactly wrong and sitting here in my bubble of reflection made me realize was especially annoying. I was annoying myself.

I took a deep sigh and turned onto my side, looking across the room at the steady white light of my PS4 glowing in the dim room. It's not like I could really trust her. She changes it up so often that I can't get a pinpoint on what's she's feeling. I'm missing a point that might not even exist. And she was totally right, no matter what she said or did I just kept coming right back to her with the same fucking questions.

There was just something off about her. I couldn't really put my finger to what it was but I just wanted to know what she was thinking about. It was like sadness or something that showed in those few dark expressions I've seen her make. She's haunted, and I want to know what caused that look, and I want to make it go away. Maybe I am a bit fucked up.

I reached across the bed to my phone, glancing at the time. It had been about three hours since I dropped the package off at Aiden's, making up a lame excuse to leave as soon as the knapsack left my possession. I needed some alone time to figure all this out, and I needed to do it soon.

 _This isn't just about you…_

The thought popped up almost rudely, dragging me back down with heavy reasoning. It wasn't just about me. Whether or not I figured out what I wanted, and figured out what Ashley wanted, I still had to work with her and Aiden on Glen's job. Getting involved with Ashley and then having it blow up in my face would really complicate things considering how I was the only link between them and my brother.

It was probably for the better if I just gave up on pursuing this attraction to Ashley. At least for now.

My phone chimed with my text notification and Madison's name popped up on the screen. I sighed, opting to ignore the message for now. Madison was a whole different problem. She knew there was something going on between Ashley and I, even if I wouldn't admit it out loud. It was only a matter of time before I was subject to her interrogation and there was no way to avoid that conversation. She would pull the truth from me eventually. I wasn't ready for that talk, especially if I didn't really know what was going on. With her being involved with the job and still stubbornly against the other brunette, the three of us working in close quarters was already hard enough without arming the Latina with even more ammunition. If I knew Madison like I thought I did, she would only use that knowledge as an excuse to distrust Ashley even more and put the blame squarely on her shoulders instead of placing it on me.

The whole situation was fucked up and had gotten out of control. I was generally a pretty rational person who rarely acted as impulsively as I have recently, but cocaine has a way of inhibiting rationality. Maybe the best way to handle this is to just ignore it and pretend it never happened. It would make working with everyone easier without the added drama.

The hard part would be not acting on my impulses. It would be hard to pretend to be as unaffected as Ashley was. That last kiss we shared made me believe that Ashley probably felt something towards me and I felt a little guilty that I had been trying to encourage her to return my feelings only to decide to back away. Chances are she would never have considered me if I hadn't been so persistent, so it would be my fault if this blew up in my face.

My phone started to ring, no doubt Madison calling since I hadn't responded to her text message. I gave myself a moment to mentally prepare myself before answering.

"And here I was enjoying my peace and quiet," I tittered as I accepted the call.

"Did you drop off the thing to you know who?" The latina's voice said from the other side of the line.

I rolled my eyes slightly. "Hello, yes how are you too? I'm doing absolutely awesome." I responded, not even bothering to conceal the sarcasm. A snort from the other side told me my friend was not amused.

"What is with you today? You've been short with me today."

I shrugged, despite Madison not being able to see. "A lot on my mind today, that all. A lot to be stressed out about." I explained, sitting up and swinging my legs off the bed.

The brunette let out a sigh and was quiet for a moment before speaking. "Does this mood I see before me have anything to do with a particular someone that you were arguing with earlier?" There it was, just as expected.

"Seriously, Madison, it's nothing. I've decided it's nothing." I paused, contemplating if I wanted to fill her in. I shook my head. Probably best not to. "We just haven't been meeting eye to eye with some things."

Another moment of silence, then a soft chuckling. "Right, right. So then why did I have to hear from Bo about you and Ashley making out in the parking lot? I'm the closest thing you have to a best friend, and you couldn't even just tell me." She sounded mad. Fuck.

"Closest thing? Madison, you are my best friend. Fuck off with that petty shit. How am I supposed to explain it to you if I don't even know what's going on myself?"

"You could have at least mentioned it instead of letting me sit here wondering if I need to stab a bitch. You know how dumb I felt when Bo told me and I had no idea what he was talking about? You've been pushing me off to the side a bit and it's starting to piss me off, Spencer." There was a loud bang on the other side and some faint cursing before Madison spoke again.

"Sorry dropped my phone."

I stood up, walking across the room to turn my flatscreen on. "I'm sorry Madison. I know it wasn't fair to you. I don't even think I want to date Ashley. Pretty sure it was only me who had any feelings, and I can't even say if they are legitimate feelings or just brought on by happy white girl feelings." I stared at the blank tv screen, not really wanting to sit in a quiet room but also not really in the mood to watch anything.

"You are a white girl, Carlin," she joked. "You probably right though. Coke definitely gets you in the feelings sometimes."

I frowned. "Speaking of… I did drop off the brick to Aiden. He asked me to ask you of you gave his old supply to your cousin yet. Doesn't he have your number?"

She cleared her throat a few times. "Um, he does? But me and him have our own problems like you and the bitch."

My eyes widened in surprise. "Really, Mads? And here I was criticizing myself for creating unnecessary conflict. I really hope we can keep our shit together long enough to move all this gear."

She made a noise that sounded as though she agreed. "One can only hope. I still want to know everything thats going on with you and Ashley, but I really need to run. I'll call you back in a few hours."

I smiled weakly. "I love you, Madison, but I really don't want to talk about her. I just want to let it die for now."

She gave me a small humph before hanging up. I put the phone in my pocket and looked around the room, choosing to just grab a sweatshirt and go for a walk instead of slumming about in my room.

The house was quiet as I moved down the stairs to the front door. Things have been unusually peaceful the last few days. No arguments in the morning and no dogs barking at every noise. It was unnerving, and it made me wonder if the other three housemates had gone off without telling me. I shrugged and opened the door, locking it behind me.

A glance around the parking lot confirmed that I was alone in the little townhouse, and also drew my attention to the police cruiser that was idling in an empty space near the court entrance. I could barely make out Glen's face through the tinted windows.

I walked over, tapping the glass on the passenger side and startling my brother who had been looking at the computer mounted on the middle console. He clicked the door unlocked and I sat myself down in the passenger seat.

"Hello, brother." I greeted, closing the door. He gave me a quick smile and surveyed the parking lot, making sure there wasn't any busybodies watching the vehicle.

"How did it go? Did you find it?" He asked, turning his body so he could sit facing me.

I nodded. "Yeah, your hiding spot was a fairly genius idea. I dropped it off to Aiden a few hours ago. Him and Ashley should be bagging it up now."

He pursed his lips, eyebrows narrowed in thought. "How long do you think until he gets ride of it all?"

Shrugging, I pulled my phone out of my pocket, hoping for an update. "I don't know, Glen. Thats a couple grand worth of product. Aiden has a reasonably sized customer base, so it really depends on if they opt to buy in bulk." I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear and bit my lip. "He wants to know when he can move to the safe house. He mentioned not being comfortable in that spot with all the gear on him. And I really can't blame him."

"He can move into it tomorrow after I make sure everything checks out. It's an old hunting cabin owned by one of the officers at the station. He's taking a few months hiatus form duty to do some missionary work with his wife. Building houses is Haiti or something. I asked if it was okay if I used it." His look became serious, the creases from his frown lines making him look tired and older. "He can't mess this house up, Spencer. No parties, no property damage, no visitors. If anyone finds out I have a drug dealer camped out there, I'm fucked."

I rested a hand on his arm. "Don't worry. It'll barely be like anyone is even in there. If anything gets fucked up you can hold me personally responsible," I tried to assure him.

His face remained serious, blue eyes meeting blue. "I have every intention on making you responsible financially if anything happens to that house. I'm putting a lot of trust in you."

Even more of a reason to drop this thing with Ashley. Having drama with Ashley could mean poisoning the deal with Aiden, and impulsivity could be the thing that exposes the whole operation. Now was not the time to get sloppy.

"I understand, Glen. I'm really hoping everything runs smoothly."

This time his hand rested on my arm. "You don't sound very confident. Is everything okay?" He asked, seeming genuinely concerned. I wasn't sure if it was concern over me or the operation, but it felt like old times when we used to be close. It was comforting.

I nodded. "Everything is okay. It's just Aiden's cousin. She seems trustworthy as far as the job goes, but there are a few personal issues that I'm trying to work through when it comes to her. I'm sure it'll be fine."

He gave my arm a squeeze. "As long as you sort it out and it doesn't become a problem. You're a smart kid. I'm sure you'll work it out. You can't get along with everyone, even if they're hard to work with."

"I don't even think she's the problem. I think it's more me causing issues with her." I said, looking out through the windshield.

He let go of my arm, shifting so he was facing the front again. "In that case, you should probably talk to her and settle the issue. You can't let personal drama jeopardize the whole plan."

His words only confirmed what I had been thinking earlier. I sighed. I really should figure out what I was going to do. My phone tinged again, a glance informing me that this time it was Aiden trying to get a hold of me.

 **Aiden: Call me ASAP**

I pressed the phone icon next to his name, glancing at Glen as I put the phone to my ear. It rang twice before Aiden picked up.

"What are you doing?" He asked, sounding rushed.

"Sitting with my brother, why what's wrong? Is everything okay?"

There was a pause and some distant talking on the other side before Aiden responded, no doubt talking to Ashley. "You need to get down here as soon as you can. Bring your brother if you need to."

I gave Glen a worried look. "Aiden said he needs me to come down. He said you can come with if you aren't busy, but you probably shouldn't be in uniform," I told my brother. I put the phone back to my ear.

"I don't like your tone. It worries me. Is there a problem?" I questioned, really hoping there wasn't any issues so early in the game.

"I wouldn't call it a problem as much as a shortage of hands." He explained. He shouted something to someone on his side before repeating his plea for me to come down and then the line went dead. I returned the phone to my sweatshirt pocket.

"Sounds like he needs an extra set of hands. I'm sure everything is fine, but if you want to patrol around his house tonight to make sure everything stays that way until tomorrow, that would be reassuring."

Glen nodded. "Sure thing. I was planning on posting up somewhere and watching over the house anyway. I'll be sure to let you know when the cabin is ready for Aiden." I nodded back to him and got out of the car, giving him a slight wave before heading back inside to collect my things.

XOXO

A half an hour later I found myself pulling into the gravel driveway at the house that Aiden was staying, anxiety prickling away at the nape of my neck. Even though Aiden said there wasn't a problem, I could tell by the tone of his voice that something was up. My confidence in this job was diminishing pretty early in the game and I started to wonder if maybe I was a bit over my head.

The door was unlocked when I made it to the top of the porch and I let myself in, moving quickly through the kitchen and around the corner. I stopped in front of his door, readying myself for whatever news I was about to receive. I could hear Aiden and Ashley's voices through the thin pressed wood. I inhaled and then opened the door.

The floor was covered in a torn up black trash bag, a long mirror without a frame sitting on top. The mirror was covered in a white powder with Aiden and his cousin sat on either side quickly creating bundles by the gram. That was a fuck ton of cocaine.

Aiden noticed the door open and glanced up, worry turning into relief when he realized it was only me. "Oh thank fuck you're here." He said, standing up to give me a hug.

He gestured to the mirror on the floor. "Ima be real with you, Spence, when I first heard this deal I thought it was a sure thing. Like whatever idea I had about how much powder was in a key," He pointed to his temple. "It was nowhere close to how much it actually it actually is." He licked his lips and covered his mouth with a hand, glancing back down to the coke on the floor.

He was quiet for a moment, both of us just staring at the giant mound of cocaine. He glanced back up at me, hand still pressed against his lips. "That's fucking 25 grand of gear, Spencer. I had maybe 5 grand in my head. I'm not used to carrying so much shit at one time, let alone have a base big enough for this supply."

I shot him a look. "What do you mean? Didn't you just have have like two bricks of shit not that long ago?" I asked, a bit surprised at his worry.

He gave me a pained look before shaking his head. "Yeah truth is they weren't even mine. I was just picking up a mule gig and was supposed to just deliver. It wasn't actually mine. That was the first time I ever had that much stuff at once and I didn't really get a solid idea of just how much drugs it really was." He paused, eyes back on the mirror. "Seeing a brick and actually breaking it open and seeing how much it holds are two different things." He ran a hand nervously through his hair.

I narrowed my eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm confused. What?"

Aiden swallowed. "I may have talked myself up a bit before when I said how much gear I sling. I sell maybe ounces at a time, nothing to this level. I'm a bit out of my league here. With my usually customers this would take almost a month to sell."

I rolled my eyes. "Fuck, Aiden! My brother thinks this will be sold in like a week." I growled, annoyed that I knew that something was going to come up. "So like, what. What are we going to do? We have to do something or figure something out because this is not happening."

Ashley turned around, finally acknowledging I was there. "Jeeze Carlin, chill out. Freaking out is not going to solve anything."

I stared at her for a minute, my brain suddenly short circuiting. "Fuck, why are you right?" I muttered, forcing my eyes away from her and to the taller guy beside me.

"You have any ideas?" I asked him.

He scratched at the stubble on his chin thoughtfully. "Bo is always asking for shit. I'm sure he knows people. And you can probably get some people at work to buy some." He pointed to the mirror. "I mean this is some good shit, and with the university down in West Creek, your coworkers probably know some parties where people will buy."

That was true. A lot of the servers at Boca's were college kids at West Creek University. It was basically a cheap party school in the town of West Creek, a town mostly composed of cheap apartments and bars. Having access to those parties could move a lot of this stuff. Not to mention kitchen staff who basically survive off this stuff. There was a problem though.

"Yeah if we could get in on a party it would be easy to spread the product too, but I feel like that would end up putting this on the radar. It seems risky. Work would be more discrete but I don't think it would move as quickly." I pointed out.

Ashley stood up and joined use where we stood, entering the conversation. "Look, we don't have to be at the parties ourselves. Let others take the risk of getting caught. I know a few of the servers who have friends. And they have friends." She offered.

It was a good idea. Mostly. "That's just more people who will know. The servers will know it came from you, me and Bo, and if they get questioned they could spit our names out."

Ashley huffed and shook her head. "If they get caught. And no one that they sell too will know its us behind it. We get three servers, tops, let them spread it around."

Aiden nodded. "I'd risk it. It isn't like its a permanent arrangement. Sell the product quick before someone notices. Plus, unlike most dealers, having a cop on your side gives us an advantage."

"You know that Glen's a cop, then?"

Aiden nodded. "Ashley told me. Honestly this is the only option we have so far, and especially since he is a cop, I'm not about to hand him the drugs back and say never mind."

I exhaled and ran a hand through my hair. It was the only option we came up with. There wasn't much of a choice. "Okay. Want some help bagging all this up."

Aiden looked at me in relief. "Please, babe, that would be tight. As you can see this is a lot of dope."

Ashley just stared at me, her expression hard to read. I looked away and sat down by the mirror, picking up a small scoop they were using to handle the powder. Now was not the time to let my mind linger.

There was time for that later.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Midnight Update! Sorry for the wait. Hope this long chapter makes up for it. You're reviews are awesome and I love it! Follow the story for updates. I'm updating off schedule so if you don't follow then please check in. Review and let me know what you think, whether you love it or hate it. It feeds my soul. JK, but it makes me feel nice.**

It was only two in the afternoon and they were already yelling at each other. It was hard living in a house where one person made the rest of the residents miserable. I was only here because Mary and Mike were nice enough to take me in so I didn't really have a voice in the matter, but it was still a mystery as to why Mary and Mike still haven't kicked Kerri out of the house. I had missed the peace and quiet the last few days, relished it even, and the loud voices from the floor below only seemed to add to my ever growing list of frustrations.

Madison, sitting on my bed with her back to the wall only seemed to feel right at home.

"I'm sorry for the noise. Once Kerri gets going it's hard to get her to stop." I apologized, taking a seat besides my friend. I had felt bad for putting her to the side so I had invited the girl over to hang out. Now I felt even worse that she had to deal with Kerri's bullshit.

"No worries! It reminds me of home. You ever been in a Puerto Rican household? There is never a calm moment," she replied, a knowing smirk on her lips. " _Mami_ is always yelling at someone. It's like she's stuck in a constant PMS."

It didn't make me feel much better. "Still, you should at least be able to find some kind of peace. I should be used to this, but I still find myself throwing my headphones on when she gets going."

Madison reached into her purse and pulled out a small tin container, opening it to reveal a few pre-rolled joints. "This is the way I deal with it. I'll burn a few and suddenly the shouting is like music." She chuckled, putting one in her mouth and pulling a lighter from her purse.

I plucked it from between her lips before she had a chance to light it. "Sorry, no smoking in here. Most of us are in recovery, and drugs and booze aren't allowed in the house. If they smell this, Mary will kill me." I set it back in the tin. "I can't disrespect Mary after she took me in."

She shrugged. "We can go for a stroll? There's a park between our two communities. I'm sure we could go there without being bothered?" She offered, tucking the tin back into the purse.

"It's too cold," I complained, looking at the temperature on my phone. It was only 37 degrees, and growing up in California meant that I had zero tolerance for anything below 45.

"So we take the car," She offered.

"If we take the car, we might as well go somewhere. To be honest, I would much rather not be here." I replied.

She looked at her phone thoughtfully before she opened the message app. Her long, manicured fingernails tapped loudly as her fingers moved across the screen. "Did you guys figure out how you're going to get rid of all the gear?" She asked, barely looking up from the message she was writing.

I grabbed a hair tie from my bed side table and pulled my hair up. "Kind of. Aiden is going to do what he can, but he's going to need help. We can always try and push some at work, but we're going to have to expand and move to West Creek and see if we can unload some on the college kids." I explained. We hadn't really come up with a concrete plan, and I wasn't as familiar with the servers to just up and ask them to help sling some coke around the campus parties.

"I know a few of the servers who can help out. Plus my cousin in Oley Hills has a decent sized client base. He already sold Aiden's original stash." She offered, putting the phone into her purse and grabbing her keys.

"Already? Wait, where are we going?"

She got up off the bed and headed for my bedroom door. "Hurry up. Let's go pick some up from Aiden to take to Hery. He wants to sample it before he picks up any bulk." She gave me a smile. "What would you do without me?" She asked.

"Honestly, some days I feel like you keep me together, Mads. I've been all over the place lately."

She gave me a smug look and we walked out of my bedroom, traveling down the stairs and sneaking past Kerri and Mary who were still arguing in the kitchen. Once outside, Madison unlocked her Benz with her remote and we climbed inside.

"You should give Aiden a call to let him know were on the way." She said as she started the car and started to back out of the parking spot.

Aiden had moved into the new place the day before with the help of Glen and his girlfriend's truck. It was a nice little cabin in the backwoods of Honeydale, closer to where we were in Chester by about 5 minutes. Not that it was that big of a difference, but the trees and lack of neighbors made the location ideal for the kind of business that we were engaging in.

The trip was quick and traffic free. Soon we pulled up the long driveway that lead to the cabin, a green Honda Civic already parked close to the house. That must have been the ride that Glen said that he was providing. The cabin wasn't really that big looking from the outside, the yard neglected and overrun by sticks and fallen branches scattered across the partially melted snow. A stack of logs under a tarp sat along the side of the house, probably for a fireplace that heated the place.

Madison parked in front of the Civic, eyeing up the house with appraisal. "At least your brother picked someplace out of the way. You can't even see the place from the main road. Be nice to throw a party here." She observed.

"Absolutely not. Glen made me personally responsible for anything that gets fucked up here." I countered, hoping that my brother had passed that memo onto the others.

I sent Aiden a quick text letting him know that I had arrived, and we walked up to the front door. Before I could decide to ring the doorbell or not, the door opened with the tall brunette man standing inside. He gave us a wide grin, taking a moment to give Madison some appreciation. I felt a familiar tingle of jealousy from the last time I had spent time with the two, immediately chastising myself. I had no reason to be jealous, especially since I didn't have any attraction to the older man to begin with. Still, I was used to being the one who had his attention.

He lead us into the den, a small room with couches, the fireplace, and a glass coffee table situated in the center with a lock box and a few scales. Ashley sat on one of the couches with her back to us, head buried in a paperback novel. He gestured to the couches as he headed to the kitchen and Madison and I sat, waiting for him.

I stared at Ashley for a moment, expecting her to look up and greet us, but her eyes stayed trained to the pages in front of her. She wasn't reading, her eyes not moving back and forth from line to line. She just sat there, staring blankly at the page, determined not to look up. It was kind of odd, but everything about the girl didn't make sense.

Shortly after he had left, Aiden returned, a few water bottles in hand. He sat on the couch besides me, handing me and Madison a bottle. He unscrewed his and took a long sip before recapping it and setting it on the coffee table.

"So how much do you need to bring to Hery?" He asked, grabbing onto the lock box and dragging it across the glass surface. He turned the combination lock a few times and opened the lid, exposing several opaque bundles. "You think a gram would be enough for now? I don't want to give him too much in case he tries to rip us off."

Madison snorted and grabbed the bundle from the other brunette. "Hery would do no such thing. He knows better than to fuck you over." She reached into her purse and pulled out a thick envelope. "This is what he made off of the stuff you had him get rid of before. Minus his cut." She dropped the envelope on Aiden's lap and set the bundle into a pouch on the side of her purse.

Aiden opened the enveloped and counted the stack, nodding. "Fair enough. Tell him he can keep 10% of whatever he sells as a commission fee. Give him some kind of incentive to push the stuff faster. Have you guys talked to any of the servers at Boca's?"

I shook my head. "I haven't had a chance to. I've been off the last two days. I go back in tomorrow, but I don't know the servers as well as Madison does."

Finally Ashley looked up from her book. "I've been talking to a few of them on and off today. I know at least one who could be a middle man for us." She said, setting the book down. "I'm not sure how reliable he'll be but it's worth looking into."

Madison shot her a look. "And who would that be?" She questioned.

Ashley shrugged nonchalantly before standing up and walking to the kitchen, leaving Madison's question unanswered. Madison gave Aiden a glare.

"She can't just not tell us. We need to know who's getting involved with this in case someone leaks info, and I already don't trust her as far as I can throw her." She hissed. She put her purse down on the floor and leaned over my lap so that she could talk closer to Aiden. "I'm not working with some _pendeja._ Either she plays nice or I'm not helping." She waved a hand and clicked her fingers, the gesture loud with attitude,

Ashley returned from the kitchen, a glass of what looked like iced tea in her hand. She rolled her eyes as she caught the end of Madison's sentence and sat back in her seat on the other couch. "I was talking to Nate, if it's such a big deal."

My stomach clenched at his name. That's who Madison said Ashley was flirting with when she first started at Boca's. If Ashley was able to talk to him about dealing coke, did she talk to him about other things? Did they hang out? I could feel myself getting jealous, and judging by the looks of Ashley was giving me, it was clear on my face. Hastily I tried to wipe the expression off my face, reminding myself that I wasn't supposed to care anymore.

"Is he trustworthy?" I asked carefully. "You shouldn't just trust someone you don't know very well."

She gave me a pointed look. "I barely know you." She took a sip from her glass and set it on the table. "I know him well enough to say that he could be an asset. He's in a fraternity at WCU, has a lot of friends, plenty on connections. His frat throws a lot of parties too, so there's plenty of opportunity to distribute."

Aiden nodded. "That sounds ideal to me, as long as you are sure he's okay."

She gave him a slight nod back, returning to the book she had been pretending to read.

Aiden turned back to us. "'Ight well at least we're getting somewhere. I've already sold two grams the last few days. They say it's legit enough that they coming back, hopefully this time to cop more."

Madison's phone chimed and she dug it out of her purse, frowning as she read the text. "We gotta get going. Hery is home and I'm sure with rush hour starting it'll take us a bit to get to Oley Hills."

"Right," I agreed, standing up and confirming the time on my own phone.

Aiden stood up and grabbed my arm. "Can you take Ashley with you? It's not that I don't trust you, Madison, but I'd rather Ashley went to get a feel for him and tell me what she thinks."

Both me and Ashley shared the same look of surprise. "I don't know if that's necessary…" she said reluctantly.

"Shut up," he said. "I trust your judgement of people, and I'd feel better about fronting him gear if you agreed with Madison." He explained as he moved away from the couch. He circled around the table and opened the lock box, tossing me a baggie from the inside that was much smaller than the other bundles.

"That's for you guys. You know, keep you going." He winked.

I stuck it in a back pocket, looking at Ashley. "Are you ready then? We should get going now."

She gave me the "ok" sign and moved to the front doors, slipping on the loose high tops. "Let's go then."

We gave Aiden our goodbyes and walked out of the cabin. Madison and I sat in the front and Ashley sat in the back, automatically gazing out the window and ignoring us.

"Wanna break some of that up now or wait a bit?" Madison asked me, turning the ignition of the car. It came to like, the Mercedes purring contentedly. I pulled the baggie out of my pocket.

"You have something I can break this up on?" I asked, pulling my wallet out of my back pocket and pulling out a credit card and a dollar bill.

She handed me an old CD case from the door pocket. "Don't judge me. I know, ancient technology." She said apologetically.

I gave her a small smile. "It's cute, Mads. It's been a while since I've seen a…" I glanced at the album cover. "Is this a Green Day album? Didn't figure you to be a fan." I commented, surprised. She gave me a half-hearted shrug.

I dumped out enough of the fine powder and wrapped the open baggie in a piece of foil from my cigarette pack, depositing it into an empty space among the cigs. Using the credit card, I cut the powder and spread It out into three equal lines. Satisfied that they were all about the same size, I turned around and held the CD out to Ashley.

Carefully she took it, accepting the bill as well, and quickly took a line. After handing it back to me, her eyes returned to the window. A minute later Madison and I had taken ours, and she put the car into reverse, doing her best to make a three point turn in the small driveway and off we went.

The trip lasted almost 45 minutes filled with me and Madison's light chatter. Ashley refused to engage, even when we tried to include her in the conversations. She just sat in her seat, either looking out the window or staring down into her phone.

The sun was low to the horizon by the time we made it to Oley Hills. Madison's cousin Hery, whom I've never met, lived in a nice looking trailer home right on the inside of the town. It was nicely kept by a contracted landscaping company, and all the trailers seemed well maintained. It was quiet. Perfect if you were a low-key dealer.

We parked in front of a tan double wide alone at the very back of the park, the porch decorated with a few potted plants, and the brick and stone walkway was free of weeds. Compared to some of the parks I had seen in Honeydale, this park was a five-star location, and Hery hit the jackpot of being neighbor-free. We got out, and Madison lead us up the path and onto the porch, opening the front door without bothering to knock.

It was surprisingly spacious. The front door opened up into a large sitting room, the floor stepped down half a foot from the rest of the trailer. It even had a fireplace. A small Hispanic man, higher twenties, stepped out of a hallway from the right, a black Nike hat flipped backwards on his head. He was shorter than I was, which was surprising seeing as I only stood at five foot five. Standing next to the 5 foot 9 Madison, he was a dwarf. Still they had the same green eyes and tanned skin. The family resemblance was obvious.

He stood up on his toes and gave his cousin a quick peck on the cheek. They exchanged a few words in Spanish before he turned to us, a cautious smile on his face.

"Spencer, yes?" He asked, his voice thick with an accent. Madison's was barely noticeable, only coming to the surface when she was feeling especially riled up.

I nodded, holding my hand out to shake his. "Yeah, and this is Ashley," I said, pointing my thumb over my shoulder to the brunette behind me. He looked around me to see who I was pointing at and gave another nod, holding his hand out for her to take.

"Very nice. Ashley?" He repeated.

"Yes." She replied shortly.

Unfazed by her bluntness he returned to Madison. "So you brought it, yes? Can I see?"

Madison walked over to the couch in front of the fireplace, setting her purse down on the wooden end table and reached in the front pocket for the bundle she had tossed in there earlier. Finding it, she handed it over to the older Hispanic.

He accepted it and moved to the kitchen counter, the open layout of the trailer allowing us to still see him. He pulled a pocket knife out of his front pocket and quickly sliced open the bag, licking the white powder off the tip of the blade. He dumped some of the powder onto the granite surface and pulled a straw from the same pocket, leaning over and taking a quick sniff from the pile. He threw his head back and sniffed again, this time harder to pull the drug farther into his nose. He closed his eyes and dropped his head back down. " _Bueno mierda, Madi_." He said with a shake of his head. "It is good shit."

He tapped the granite a few times with the pocket knife tip, looking back and forth between me and Madison. "How much?"

I stepped forward. "That bag is $70. It's just a sample. We'll sell you and ounce for $600, you can keep 10%. Coke, money, doesn't matter." I said, standing at the opposite end of the counter. He sniffed, looking over my shoulder to Madison. She nodded in agreement and he looked back to me.

"What is _la pureza_?" He asked, separating himself another line.

This time Ashley answered. "85%. It's the purest coke I've seen in a while. You can taste it."

He gave an impressed look and nodded. " _No mal_." He spread out a few more lines and handing me the straw. "Take it. We celebrate."

Madison walked up to stand at the counter with us, taking the straw from my hands to help herself first. "Hery, so this means you're in?" She asked, dipping her head down and doing a line.

" _Si, prima_. I will. Next time bring me a full ounce. I will have the cash up front, and it will be gone _muy rapido_. No worries. I help you guys. If the rest is as good as this, it will be gone like that." He snapped his fingers. " _Por ahora_ , we celebrate the new business. Stay, I bring my guys so you meet. We'll have some drinks, have some fun." He gave us a crooked smile not unlike Madison's, opening his arms in a welcoming gesture.

Ashley stepped forward to be a part of the group. "No offense, but I don't really want to stay." She shot Madison a look, urging her to decline. Madison only gave her a smirk and turned away.

"Of course we will. It would be rude to decline, after all." She responded, clearing not giving a fuck what Ashley thought.

The Latino gave small whoop and pulled a bottle of tequila and a few shot glasses from a cabinet, setting them down on the counter in front of us and pouring the shots. " _Excellente_. Let me make a few calls to tell them to come over, and we have some fun, yes?" He grabbed an iPhone that had been sitting on the counter nearby and disappeared down the hall, speaking in rapid Spanish the the person on the other side.

Ashley grabbed my arm, turning me around so that I was facing her. "Spencer, I can't stay. I need to go back to Aiden. Let him know that everything is good to go here."

Madison tittered. "Didn't you just here me? It would be pretty offensive to just leave after making a deal. We need to celebrate and show that we are willing to get along. You're on my turf, _chica_. My rules." She looked smug, and I had a feeling that she was enjoying making the other brunette uncomfortable. I didn't blame her. Even I felt pretty drug down by the other girl. Plus it had been a while since I had gone out, and I'm sure Madison's cousin knew some attractive guys to help keep me distracted.

Ashley let out a huff of irritation and sat on the couch. She dialed a number and put the phone to her ear, no doubt calling Aiden to update him on the situation.

XOXO

I definitely was not expecting it to get this bad. I had pictured maybe a few guys talking about drugs over drinks, maybe some cards. I was not expecting a full blown party. And when I say full blown, I mean this felt like one of those parties that you see in movies where some guy takes too much molly and jumps out the window. Which I'm almost positive just happened about an hour ago.

I was fucked up. I don't know if I was more drunk or high, but I was feeling something.

The double wide was full of people. It had started off slow, maybe about ten or so people at first. Then more showed up, and then they brought some friends. The whole park might as well have been at this house. The kitchen counters were lines with bottles of booze of every variation. People just kept bringing them along with cases of beer, thrown haphazardly across the counters and in the sinks. Plastic cups, red ones, blue ones, clear ones, all covered the floor and stuffed in black trash bags in the corner. At least some people had the decency to pretend to be neat.

The music was loud, a mix of American hip hop and Spanish rap, and seemed to resonate in every room of the house. It was always in the background wherever you went, like some weird soundtrack narrating the party. The lights where dim from the smoke that floated through the house, a combination of weed, cigarette and god knows what else as people smoked freely despite being inside. One of the rooms had a red sheet thrown over the floor lamp, bathing the room in red.

At first I had thought the house was a trailer like the other ones in the park, it turned out it wasn't. It was actually a house. It was shaped like an L and it even had a basement and a decent yard around it, with a stretch of trees that ran along the back of the trailer park.

I had no idea where Madison had gone. After a few people she knew from before showed up I lost her, ditched in the kitchen as I was fixing my third drink. Hery mostly hung around me, occasionally talking about the deal but mostly exchanging funny stories. He was a good enough guy, and for such a short guy her was pretty attractive. It definitely took me a while before I even realized that Madison had disappeared.

A few shots and some celebratory lines had me feeling restless and I had wandered around the house, which at that point had enough people in it that I had to push past people just to figure out where the bathroom was.

Being in the bathroom was incredibly stressful. The sudden lack of people and the incredibly bright light had me almost flinching as I peed, the small restroom making me feel slightly claustrophobic. Definitely not going back in there.

Which brings me to where I am now, standing in the back yard. I wasn't even entirely sure why I came outside. Maybe for some fresh air. Some semblance of personal space. Fuck, it just felt nice being outside. The chilly air sobered me up a bit, making me lightheaded from all the intoxicants in my system.

A cold hand grabbed my arm from behind and I jumped, almost letting out a scream of surprise. I turned around and my eyes met hazel. Oh fuck. I totally forgot about Ashley. My eyes widened with shock and I opened my mouth to apologize but her hand reached up, covering my mouth to silence me.

"Don't speak, just move."

This time my eyes were wide with fear. I reached up and grabbed her hand, pulling it off my face. "What they fuck, Ashley?" Was all I could manage. I looked down at her hand in mine and let go. I took a step back. "Are you just fucking with me because I swear… like fuck." I ran a hand through my hair, her look of amusement sparking a flame of irritation.

She laughed loudly, obviously just as messed up as I was. "Your face Spence. Fucking hilarious." She drew out the last word, sitting down into the grass and resting her arms on her knees.

I stood there, still fuming over her little prank, arms folded defensively against my chest. She sat there, staring up at me unabashedly. I stubbornly stood there, trying not to glare in her direction, until my legs wobbled and decided that sitting was probably better. I spread my legs out in front of me and rested back on my hands.

"What have you been doing?" I asked after a moment of awkward silence.

Ashley laid her legs out in front of her and leaned forward, stretching out her calves. "Um. I'm not entirely sure. A lot of tequila and I think I might have smoked crack at one point." She paused as if she was surprised, then narrowed her eyes. "I think they threw some dude out the window?" The last part came out like it was a question.

"I was wondering what that was," I replied. We looked at each other, for a moment, and I noticed for the first time how incredibly dilated Ashley's eyes were. I wondered if mine was the same.

"You saw it too?" She asked, leaning back a bit to search the pockets of her sweatpants. I could have sworn she was wearing jeans when she came along. She dropped a phone in her lap and a pack of cigarettes. She opened the pack and pulled a joint out, holding it up to me with a smile.

"Look what I found." She reached into the other pocket, nearly tipping herself over, and pulled out a lighter. After a few flicks she got it lit, reaching across the space between us to pass it to me.

I stared at her for a second before I accepted it, giving it a precautionary sniff before taking a puff. The harsh smoke burned, and I coughed, struggling to catch a breath. I reached back across and gave her back the joint.

I cleared my throat and groaned, mouth suddenly parched. "Fuck. I wish I grabbed a water bottle." I complained.

"Right-o!" Ashley sat up and stood, slightly unsteady. Once she got her legs back she walked off back into the house. Confused and slightly worried, I sat up. I should probably go follow her. Just in case.

I pushed myself up to my feet and stood, checking myself for wooziness. Satisfied, I walked back to the house through the double glass doors to the main sitting room. I didn't see Ashley in the crowd of people so I opted to check the kitchen area. And there she was, talking to Hery by the sink.

I walked over, noticing that he had pulled more powder out and was breaking up lines. He turned his head hearing footsteps and spotted me. "Ah _mija_!" He exclaimed, reaching his arm out to pull me over. He picked up the razor blade on the counter and deftly cut out three lines.

He turned his body slightly, pointing the razor blade at us. "I like you guys, yes? I am happy to work with you. But…" He hesitated, punctuating the pause with at jab of the blade. "… I only work with you two and _mi prima_ , yes?" He set the blade down on the counter. "No one else. No one else must come here. Know one else can know. _Entender_?

I think that means understand. I nodded, and I noticed Ashley did the same. Only us. No biggie. I can make that happen. Hery grinned and handed us the straw. He gave me a pat on the shoulder and walked off, leaving me and Ashley to ourselves. She took the straw from my fingers and sniffed down one of the generous lines.

"This whole night is unreal." I said, half-dazed. She handed me the straw and I leaned closer, readying myself. I let out a breath then leaned in, quickly inhaling my own line. I tossed my head back, the nasty flavor of the powder instantly hitting the back of my throat. "Ugh, gross," I complained, my brain suddenly perking back up.

Ashley stifled a laugh with a hand. " I like you better when you're fucked up." She chucked, hitting me in the arm with her hand. "Not questioning every fucking thing."

I rubbed my eyes, willing myself to let that one go. Just let it be. Don't let it bother you. I sighed. "What they fuck is that supposed to mean?" So much for letting it go.

She seemed surprised. "Spencer, take the fucking compliment." She grumbled, backing up slightly. "No need to get bitey."

I blinked. "I get bitey?" I repeated, somehow lost on the word.

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, like defensive. Relax. Believe it or not I'm not always trying to be mean." She leaned back against the counter, looking behind me at the sitting room full of grinding people. I moved to lean against the spot next to her so I didn't have to speak loudly.

"Certainly doesn't seem like you're trying to be nice either." I grumbled, looking down at my fingernails.

She sighed deeply, crossing her arms. "Maybe my nice is different than your nice." She countered. "Your so stuck on your own perspective that you don't bother to think about mine." She pushed herself off of the counter and strolled through the people, heading back outside.

I pushed through them after her, head starting to spin from trying to think too hard. I didn't notice when she stopped and collided right into her back. We hit the ground with a thud, and I laid there on top of her for a second to catch my wind.

A second turned into a minute of us just laying there, listening to the sound of each others breathing. It was relaxing, and started to make me aware of just how tired I was. The stillness was broken when she shifted, obviously trying to get me off of her. I rolled off of her and onto my back, looking up into the clear night sky. I had no idea what time it was, and I felt so out of it that I wasn't even sure what I had experienced the whole night. I turned my head out towards the house and noticed that the party had dwindled down to about half the size it was, mostly just the people in the center room and the two of us outside. It felt calmer. Maybe I was just that fucked up. I turned my head back towards Ashley and reached out, grabbing her wrist.

"I'm sorry." I said. It was the only thing I could think of to say. I didn't really understand what she meant, but I must have messed up somewhere if she felt misunderstood.

She turned her head over to look at me, her eyes glazed over. "I'm not a good person, Spencer. Not like you." She whispered. I just stared at her.

It was that same dark expression I had seen her wear before, only it didn't seem as angry and more so sad. I tightened my grip on her wrist reassuringly. "That's fine." I whispered back.

That probably wasn't what she was looking to hear, and it certainly wasn't something I would have said if I was sober. But I said it, and it felt right. Kind of. I frowned, second-guessing myself.

She pulled her arm, and I let go, thinking she was pulling her hand away. Instead she twisted her hand up so that she could hold mine, interlacing our fingers. "Thank you."

We laid like that for what felt like hours, neither one of us feeling the cold in the air. At some point someone came out and grabbed us, laying us on a bed in one of the guest rooms. I found myself staring at the dark chocolate curls on the back of Ashley's head until my eyes drooped and I drifted off into sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Enjoy the update! I've been really thinking about this story, it's kind of taking over most of my brain. I'll be posting more frequently, so screw the tuesday/thursday schedule. I'll be updating ever day/ every other day as long as my muse keeps the words flowing. As always, the views and reviews make me feel fluffy that others find the story exciting, and it only gives me more motivation to continue since I have someone to write for. It truly means a lot that you guys are joining me on this journey, and I can only hope you stick with it to the end, and that others join in, too. Yes, the Spashley ship is slow burning, but hold in there. Some things are worth waiting for. XOXO-Gia**

A dull throb in my head roused me from my sleep, and I groaned, slowly opening my eyes against the stream of light pouring from the curtains. I sniffed and buried my head back in the pillow, grimacing slightly when my face hit a wet drool spot on the fabric.

The loud ringing of my cellphone from somewhere in the mess of blankets jerked me with surprise. Using my hand I felt around the sheets, finger tips touching the cool glass screen. I slid my finger accepting the call and brought it to my ear.

"Hello?" I answered, voice hoarse from the raw pain at the back of my throat.

"Spencer! Where are you, why aren't you at work?" A familiar voice demanded on the other side.

I closed my eyes, not ready to go back out into the world. I'd much rather just die from the way I was feeling. Hungover and dehydrated, my body protesting my movements. I wasn't ready to be alive yet. "Oley. Don't go in till ten," I muttered, drifting back off.

"Spence, it's 10:30."

I shot up, looking down at the name of the caller. It was Whitney. "Fuck!" I shouted, jumping out of the bed. I tossed my shirt back on, grabbing the jeans that were on the chair by the bed and struggled to pull them up my legs. Glancing over to the bed, I saw that Ashley was still asleep, curled up in the covers in the space besides mine. I picked up her shirt off the floor and threw it at the sleeping girl.

"Ash, wake up. I'm gonna be so fucking late," I cried. I paused, staring at the girl in the bed and the rest of her clothes still on the floor. Wait, did we?

There was time for that later. I really needed to get to work. Ashley moaned and turned over, obviously as unwilling to get back to life as I was. I shook my head and left the guest room, hoping that Madison was still here.

I poked my head into the room besides this one, only to find it empty. The next room turned out to be Hery's, the older Latino snoring among his tangled sheets. Still no Madison. Frustrated I walked into the living room.

Cups, bottles and broken glass littered to floor, and dark stains covered the light tan carpeting. What a mess. What a night.

A snore from the couch caught my attention, and I noticed my friend tucked into the back cushions of sofa, someones jacket used as a blanket. I walked around, tapping the sleeping brunette on the cheek to draw her into consciousness. She swatted at my finger with a free hand, nose scrunching up in protest.

"G' way." She muttered, burying her face further into the couch cushions.

"Madison. Take me home. I needed to be at work, like, ages ago. Whit is going to kill me if I don't show up." I hissed, starting to pull the jacket off.

Her hand held on to it, keeping it in place. "Take my car. Don't wreck it." She turned over, face to the back of the couch. I glanced around, spotting the keys to the Mercedes underneath the coffee table. I snatched them, scanning the room for my shoes.

Ashley appeared from the hallway, messing curls in a state of disarray. Her eyes were sunken and bloodshot, her face informing me that she was feeling the night before just as much as I was. She gave her eyes a quick rub before looking around the room with heavy lids, eventually falling onto me.

She paused, studying me carefully as if she was looking for something. Her mouth cracked into a slight smirk. She walked over to wear I stood, pulling at a string on the black sweatpants. "Wasn't I wearing these?" She commented with amusement.

I glanced down at the black sweatpants. "You're right, I guess. Where did you even pick theses up?" I inquired, flashing back to the backyard the night before.

She gave me a shrug. "I'm not sure. I don't remember much of anything except that it got crazy out of control. I'm actually surprised that the cops never showed to break the party up." She leaned against the couch, hands in her hair to try and tame the wild curls.

"Right." I muttered to myself, looking around for my shoes. I really needed to get out of here. I doubted that Whitney would fire me seeing as the only other prep cook was Carlos, but I was sure to get quite a lecture when I arrived. Essex was at least a 20 minute drive from Oley Hills, and every minute I wasted meant I was another minute later. So much for asking for a pay increase.

Nearby, Ashley rummaged through a pile of trash, lifting a pair of grubby red Converse high tops. She held them up for me to see. "These are yours, right? I wonder where mine went." She mused, tossing the pair of shoes in my direction and glancing around for her own pair.

"I'm sure Whitney is having quite a fit. Two of her workers showing up late?" She gave a small laugh, barely more than an exhale. "I knew it was a bad idea to stay."

I pulled one of the shoes on, stamping it on the ground to urge my heel into the canvas shoe. "It's Madison's connection. Her cousin. She knew how to navigate the deal to make sure it stuck." I paused, turning my head to look at the other girl. "Although if I had known the night would have turned out like that I would have agreed with you."

Ashley recovered a shoe in the empty fireplace, looking puzzled that the other once was no where in sight. "Shame."

I walked over to her, resting a hand on her shoulder. "Are you okay? After yesterday?" I asked her.

She sighed, hazel eyes shifting down to the floor. "Honestly, I'm a bit worried. Everything last night is such a blur. I barely remember Hery making a point that he only deals with us, and it kind of makes me uneasy."

I was surprised. I was expecting the girl to blow me off, deflect with a general "I'm fine" before shutting me out. It was an interesting change of pace not having to fight her for answers.

 _"I'm not a good person, Spencer. Not like you."_

I doubted anyone was really a good person. It was unsettling that she thought that I was, even more so since I didn't believe I was myself. Her confession gave me some insight to how she thought of herself, but part of me felt like that reflection of self wasn't entirely true.

"Well, we are the only ones that he met. He probably just wants to keep it that way." I replied.

Her look clouded over with doubt. Maybe I was missing something. Or maybe I was just reading too much into things like I was prone to doing.

"You really don't remember anything about last night?" I might not have remembered much about the night before, but I still remembered parts and pieces. It was hard to believe that Ashley had blacked out for the entire night.

She frowned and started to reply but was interrupted when the front door opened. She looked up from the ground to the door behind me, and her frown turned into confusion. I turned my head at the newcomer.

At first glance I thought it was a guy, but the slight bends of curves proved my first assumption false. She was about my height and slim, her skin pale in contrast to the dark materials of the clothes she wore. Her dark wine colored hair was shaved into a mohawk, longer and teased at the top and pushed back to flow into the shorter length of the back. She stood in the doorway, obviously just as surprised to see us as we were to see her.

Her eyes narrowed in suspicion when she failed to recognize us and she quickly scanned to room, taking in the trash and destruction. She quietly closed the door and crossed her arms.

"Who are you?" She questioned, moving around the leather sofa where Madison still slept, giving the sleeping Latina a disapproving look. Her voice was deep, hoarse like Ashley's but smooth all the same. Confident.

Ashley stepped forward in front of me, meeting the other girl before she advanced too far. "I could ask you the same." She answered.

The redhead smirked, obviously tickled by Ashley's attempt at authority. "That's cute, thinking you belong here. Like you're allowed to be asking questions." She sat down on the wooden coffee table, staring at me with silver-blue eyes, flashing with recognition. Her smirk turned into a smile.

"Wait I remember you. From last night. You look almost prettier sober." Her voice was like velvet. Familiar. I furrowed my brow, trying to remember where I might have met this woman.

Ashley turned, her hazel eyes staring at me with question, obviously wondering the same thing.

 _I poked my head into the room as I passed, the red light emanating through the crack in the door pulling at my curiosity. A crimson sheet had been thrown over a floor lamp in the corner, painting the walls with a blood red glow. A guy leaned against the open wall, head bowed over with a trail of drool leaking from his partially open mouth. A bed, sheets dark, took up the other wall, a large queen sized mattress that demanded most of the available space in the small bedroom._

 _On top of the bed laid a small figure, spread eagle on the dark sheets. Slow, chill electronic music played in the background, the room oddly separated from the chaos in the rest of the house. Their head popped up hearing the door widen, and pale eyes reflected back to me in the dim light. The figure sat up, and I realized it was another woman. She sat, position fluid and lethargic, eyes staring into mine with mild curiosity. She was beautiful._

 _Maybe it was all the alcohol and drugs in my system, but I found myself moving forward and climbing up onto the bed. The stranger moved her legs aside, giving me room. She gave me a small smile, exposing perfect white teeth with noticeably elongated canines. Cosmetic?_

 _She started to speak, but everything felt muted, slow. Her words barely registered but yet I still nodded to whatever question she asked. She reached down to the drawer of the end table, puling out a bag of an off-white, almost yellow powder. She poured some out, not bothering to line the substance up. It looked like cocaine, but cocaine was generally a white powder. Maybe it was just the red glow of the room throwing me off._

 _She gave me a reassuring smile and offered me a bill that was taped together to hold its form. She gave me a nod and I bent down, taking the line without another word._

 _At first I didn't feel anything. The woman besides me spoke again, and this time her words registered in my brain. "Give it a minute. You'll feel happier in no time," She crooned, lazily leaning into my shoulder._

 _Sure enough I started to feel it. My limbs slowly felt warm and heavy, like the afterglow of an intense orgasm. A smile forced its way onto my lips, and she was right. I felt happy. It felt good. Whatever it was that I was worried about before I entered the room disappeared. All I felt was the warm contact of another person pressed against my side._

 _Her face pressed into the crook of my neck, slowly pressing weak kisses against my neck. Her hand ran down the length of my forearm repeatedly, almost like she was petting me. I shivered, the overload of dopamine flooding my brain and rendering me helpless. Not that I wanted to stop the woman._

 _Suddenly a loud laugh on the other side of the door tore my attention away from the lithe girl, who had been making her way down my neck and pulling aside my collar to expose my shoulder. It sounded like Madison's laugh._

 _Madison. That's right._

 _I stood up, slowly, the cocaine in my system attempting to counteract whatever substance the strange woman had given me. That was my mission: Finding Madison. I gave her an apologetic look, making note of the room in case I decided to come back._

"The blood room." I stated, snapping out of my flashback. Ashley looked back and forth between the two of us, clearly lost.

The woman gave me a soft laugh, standing up and reaching out to touch my arm. "I suppose we can call it that. I wondered where you had wandered off to." I could feel Ashley's gaze grow cold at the touch, and I turned my head to look at hers. Her eyes blazed green with what looked like jealousy.

"I uh…" I trailed off, not really sure what the best course of action was. A tone from my cell in my pocket brought me back to reality. "Fuck," I cursed, grabbing the keys off the back of the couch where I had set them to put my shoes on.

"Ashley I got to go. Are you coming with?" I asked her, heading to the door. She nodded silently, eyes still flashing at the red haired woman.

"It was nice to meet you… uhh…" I paused, realizing I never got a name from the stranger.

She quirked an eyebrow. "Lena." She introduced.

"Right." I nodded, grabbing Ashley's wrist and walking through the door.

The hairs on the back of my neck prickled. There was something about Lena that made me uneasy. Like admiring a back jaguar. You can appreciate its beauty, but deep down you recognize it as a predator, and you pray that it doesn't escape from its cage.

Once we were in the car and on our way out of the park, Ashley spoke. "Who the fuck was that?" She turned her head to look at me, eyes trained on me watching my expressions.

I swallowed nervously. "I don't really remember." It was a lie, but I wasn't sure how Ashley would react if I told her the truth about what happened in that bedroom. It seemed like we had made some kind of progress the night before. It would be a shame to throw it all away.

She continued to stare at me and I turned my head briefly. Her lips were tight and I could tell that she knew it was a lie. I remembered more than I was letting on. But then again, I felt like she had lied before about not remembering about our conversation.

XOXO

We arrived at Boca's after a quick detour to my house to change, me two hours late and Ashley an hour to our respective shifts. We had barely exchanged a word the whole trip. Whatever step forward we had taken last night turned into two steps back. Back to square one.

Whitney greeted us at the door, a look of irritation spread across her face. "You two had better have a good reason to be showing up so late." She gave me a glare. "If it wasn't so out of character I would fire you right now, Spencer." Her voice was tinged in disappointment.

She turned to Ashley. "As for you… consider this your probationary period. You're still new, but that's even more reason to try to be on time. One more lateness like that and I'm going to have to let you go."

Ashley just stared blankly at the floor, nodding when it seemed appropriate. Whitney shook her head and nodded to me, a wave of her hand signaling me to follow her to her office.

She sat in her chair at the desk, handing me the familiar clipboard. "Here's the list for today. You're lucky that it's the slow season and the prep list isn't so bad. If you work quickly you won't have to worry about being here late. If you can get out of here at a normal time, I won't have to worry about Sara hounding my ass about labor costs." She sighed, leaning against the desk and covering her face with her hands.

"Tired?" I asked, stepping closer.

She sighed again, releasing her face and leaned back into the office chair. "I was here all day yesterday and I didn't get home until late. Eli had me up half the night crying." Eli was her baby. I think he was only about a year or so old. "I'm sorry for freaking out, but Sara has been on my ass about some of the conduct in the store, especially around Bo. I'm just so tired of the phone calls." The dark circles under her eyes made my chest tight with guilt.

Sara, the district manager, was keeping my manager on a tighter leash it seemed. It might make it harder to use the restaurant as a way to distribute the coke. If their eyes were on Bo, we could probably skirt past the spotlight, but it meant that we had to keep Bo out of the business. He was too sloppy, too loud. It wouldn't take much for the organization to be exposed.

I gave Whitney what I hoped was a reassuring pat on the shoulder and left the office. I walked through the kitchen ignoring my station and heading straight to the takeout window, hoping Ashley was hiding out there.

I relaxed a bit when I spotted her sitting at the chair behind the window, scrolling through pictures on Instagram. "Can we talk?" I asked, leaning against the counter.

She looked up, face empty of emotion. "About?"

"Distribution."

A flash of confusion graced her features briefly, leaving behind a furrowed brow. "What do you mean?" She asked.

I folded my arms, scratching my upper arm lightly. "We absolutely cannot let Bo find out about the…" I glanced around, checking to see if Whitney was around. "You know."

She leaned back in her chair, looking up at me. "I wasn't aware that we were considering him seriously."

I twirled a piece of hair between my fingers, inspecting the ends. They were starting to split. I should get them trimmed. "Well, now we have no choice. Whitney mentioned that Sara is putting pressure on her to try and cut back on some of the shenanigans going around, and they're looking at him extra closely." I paused, working over the next words in my head to make sure they sounded neutral. "It's probably best if we keep the distribution out of the store, so Nate included."

She gave me a look not unlike a sneer, eyes rolling with disbelief. "Please tell me this isn't because you're jealous of him."

Exactly the reaction I was trying to avoid. I unfolded my arms, choosing to stick them in my front pockets instead. "I won't lie, it made me a little jealous that of all the servers here you picked Nate. But it's not the reason why I think it's best to not include him." I kicked the tiled floor with the tip of my shoe. "I just don't know if it's the best idea if the district manager and Whitney are going to be watching closely."

She tried to keep her face straight but I caught the edge of her lips turn up. "You were jealous, really? I thought so."

"So were you." I pointed out.

The half-smile faded. "You lied to me about her."

I shrugged. "You really don't remember anything at all? Because I figure that that's a lie as well." I paused, waiting to see if she would deny it. She didn't. "So I guess we still aren't being honest with each other."

She inhaled slowly, eyes dropping down to the blank screen of the phone in her lap. She was silent for a minute, and figuring that she had nothing to say I made a move to leave. I was stopped by her hand grabbing mine.

"I remember, Spencer. I just… I just don't want to talk about it."

I looked down at our joined hands, her hands warm and unusually clammy. She was nervous. I smiled slightly but didn't respond, releasing her hand and moving back to the kitchen to start my days work. I guess you could call it progress.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: New update! Sorry, I had a work related incident and I've been on and off pain meds with 8 stitches to prove that we should never underestimate the sharpness of knives. Thank you for all your reviews! You da real MVP. Follow and review as always and hopefully you enjoy this new chapter. More to be posted soon!**

The rest of my shift went by uneventfully. Ashley kept to her self for the most part, despite the fact that it was slow. Every now and then I would catch her walking through the kitchen or in the front by the host stand, but she never lingered and always disappeared right after I noticed her. I don't think she was doing it intentionally, but she certainly didn't seem to want to try and talk with me. Which in hindsight was better for me, giving me the opportunity to just focus on my work.

By the time four in the afternoon came around, my list was complete and my station had been cleaned. I pulled the key's to Madison's Mercedes out of the third pan that held my measuring utensils and knives, resting the metal container back on it's usual spot on a top shelf out of the way.

I hadn't heard from Madison, which was pretty unusual. On any normal day I would have gotten a variety of texts from various platforms as she tried to grab my attention, but asides from the music I was playing throughout my shift, my phone was pretty quiet. I still had her car, and I hoped that she either stayed in Oley Hills or found a way home.

I pulled up our conversation on my phone and selected her number, putting the phone up to my ear. After a few rings, she picked up.

"Where the fuck is my car?" She responded instantly, a slight uplift of her tone letting me know that she was just messing around.

I gave a small chuckle. "Hello to you, too. You really need to work on your greetings," I pointed out. "I'm surprised that you left me alone all day."

There was some noise in the background, possibly her shuffling her phone around before I got a response.

"I figured if you felt half of what I felt this morning, you would want to be left the fuck alone. Listen, puta, if we go to another one of Hery's parties do not leave me. I wish I was still 16 with the magical gift of hangover immunity."

"Are you still there?" I asked. "I need to give you the car back. I feel bad that I stranded you."

She laughed, blowing it off. "Honestly I didn't wake up until about an hour ago. I'm still here if you want to come and grab me."

"Sure," I said, hanging the phone up without another word. I walked up to one of the touch screen computers in the server's station and punched out quick, grabbing my hoodie off a hook and preparing to leave. I had almost made it to the doors when I heard my name from in the kitchen.

I turned, a hand on the handle of the glass front door, looking for the source of the call. Ashley rounded the corner, entering the lobby.

"Are you leaving?" She asked, gesturing towards the door.

I gave her a nod, backing up a step. "Yeah, I have to go grab Madison so she can have her car back." I explained, holding up the car keys.

She fiddled with a pen she was holding, twirling it around nervously. "Do you mind waiting a half hour? I need a ride home and Aiden said he's out meeting someone and can't pick me up."

My brow furrowed in confusion. "I thought Aiden didn't have his license?"

She shrugged. "Just because he doesn't have a license doesn't mean that he can't drive." She pointed out.

That was true. "I guess I could do that. You'll have to tag along with me to get Madison. She can drop us off at my house and I'll take you home then." I offered.

She looked relieved and gave me a small thank you before disappearing to make sure all of her checks were settled. I sent Madison a text letting her know that Ashley would be tagging along. She responded with a "meh" face emoji. Guess even after last night she still disliked the girl.

I walked outside and sat on the green bench outside the restaurant, figuring I'd smoke a cigarette while I waited for Ashley to finish up. As I leaned down out of the wind, I heard the sound of tires against asphalt pull up in front of me. I glanced up and my eyes landed on the PA State Trooper decal on the side of a Ford SUV.

A tinted window rolled down, and the blue eyes of my brother peered at me from the driver's seat. I glanced around quick before standing to greet my older sibling at the car.

"Hey Officer. Is there a problem?" I joked, leaning over the open window. He smiled, flashing his perfectly white teeth.

"Hey Spencer. How is everything?"

I turned my head and glanced at the store, frowning. "Good and bad. We got a few leads, but we probably won't be able to set up shop here. Managers are keeping a watch on some of us."

He looked concerned. "Are they watching you?" He asked, eyes flicking behind me. I turned my head, spotting Ashley's silhouette though the double glass doors.

I turned back around and shook my head. "No, I doubt it. But some of the pawns we were considering might be, so I figure why chance it, ya know?"

"You should still go through with it. The sooner we can move this stuff, the less attention you'll get." I could see his leg bounce slightly, a slight bite to his voice giving away his impatience.

I gave him a look. "Is everything okay? Your pushiness is making me uneasy about all this."

He leaned across the console so he could speak to me more directly. "You're selling narcotics you got from a police officer, Spencer. It's incredibly illegal. You shouldn't be comfortable. That's how you make mistakes." His blue eyes burned into me with a cold intensity, making the uneasiness I was feeling grow.

Ashley finally came outside, giving me a reason to drop the conversation before the red flags waved too hard to ignore. She gave me a puzzled look when she saw me standing at the police cruiser until she noticed who the officer was. She gave him a quick nod and walked past the cruiser to the Benz parked at the side.

"That's my cue to go," I said, stepping back away from the vehicle. Glen's eyes followed the brunette, watching her stop at the silver Benz.

"I didn't realize she drove a Benz. Doesn't seem like the type." He commented, returning his attention to me.

"I'm driving it, actually." I corrected.

His look was appreciative. "Doing well already, I see?"

I shook my head. "I'm only driving it today. It's Madison's. She got it a few days ago. Last night was pretty crazy so she let me use it to get to work."

He gave the car another look, obviously impressed by the car. "Bet her parents are loaded. Lucky bitch."

"Actually, Madison pays for it herself. Her parent's only helped co-sign for it." I snapped, defending my friend. Sure, it was an upper middle-class area, but I knew my brother's opinions on the privileged, and I wasn't about to let my friend get stuck in the crosshairs of a political rant.

I tapped the SUV before walking away, unlocking Madison's car as I approached. Quickly I hopped in the driver's seat with a long exhale, shutting the door and dropping my head onto the steering wheel. Ashley entered soon after, pausing and giving me a concerned look when she spotted my position.

"Everything alright?" She asked, the concern in her voice matching the look on her face. She looked back to the front of the store where Glen was still parked in his patrol SUV. I turned my head slightly just as he began to pull away. I leaned back against the seat, staring out the windshield at the Movie Pub across the street.

"Fine." I said flatly. Ashley was the last person I wanted to confess my concerns to when it came to my brother. I fought so hard to convince her that he wasn't going to be an issue so having to admit that I was wrong was basically a kick to the teeth. Plus I wanted to do a little digging and see if there really was anything to worry about with Glen before I told the others.

She reached out, resting a hand on the top of my thigh. "Are you sure?"

I removed her hand and stuck the key in the ignition, turning the car on. "I said I'm okay, Ash. Really. If there was a problem I would say so." I could hear the bite in my voice and it made me cringe internally.

Ashley caught it, unfortunately. She turned in the seat to face me, twisting the key and turning the car off. "That is total bullshit and I'm calling you out on it. Seriously, what is going on? You were fine ten minutes ago." She didn't necessarily seem angry, more worried than anything. She glanced back over to the spot that Glen had been parked at before glancing back at me. "What did Glen have to say?" She asked, her face now suddenly suspicious.

I turned the ignition back over, the car purring back to life. "He's just putting pressure on us, that's all." Not a lie, he had been, but it wasn't the root of my worries. I still wouldn't admit that to Ashley.

Her eyes flicked back and forth between mine, trying to figure out what I was hiding. I held her gaze until she sighed. She reached out and took my hand. "I know everything is stressful but if you start getting cold-feet now we're fucked." That was about as close to comforting as Ashley got.

"He just can be kind of a dick, that's all." I admitted. I was definitely going to have to get to the bottom of this job. I just kept getting this sour feeling in the pit of my stomach. Maybe it was just acid reflux. Or an ulcer.

I turned the radio on, ending the conversation as I reversed out of my parking spot.

Soon enough we arrived at Hery's house in Oley, the park quiet and orderly. After I parked in the same spot as before we walked up to the house. I knocked and waited a minute but there was no answer.

I tested the doorknob, finding it unlocked so I let us in. The living room was empty and cleaned up from the night before. Even the stains on the carpet was gone, all signs of the wild party gone like it never happened. A glance at Ashley told me that she looked just as surprised as me.

"Are you sure she's still here?" The brunette asked, walking around the couch, eyes sweeping around the room.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket, checking to see if I had missed a text somewhere. "As far as I know. She told me she was still here," I answered. "Go down that hall there and check and see if she's napping in one of those rooms. I'll check and see if maybe their out in the backyard."

She gave me a quick nod before walking down the hall to check on the bedrooms. I slid open the glass door leading to the back. The last time I was out here I was wasted and didn't really have a chance to look around. A concrete patio covered a small portion of the yard in front of the double glass doors, leaving the majority of the yard open until it hit the edge of the trees. A few yards to the right between a few trees was a string hammock, swaying slowly back and forth. I moved closer to the hammock, wondering if maybe it was Madison taking a nap in the unusually warm weather.

Instead I found the red haired girl from before. My heart jumped when I recognized the woman, an awkward mixture of unwilling eagerness and what almost felt like fear. I froze a few feet away, wondering if it was too late to walk away without being noticed.

It was. Lena turned her head so she could look at me through the shades that hid most of her face. She nudged them down dramatically, giving me a once over. "Hello again. Spencer. I should have figured you'd be back." She sat up, pushing the aviators up onto the top of her head and giving them a quick rub. She glanced behind me as if she was expecting me to be with someone. "Where's the girlfriend?" She asked casually.

"Ashley? She's not my girlfriend," I corrected, almost regretfully.

She chuckled lightly. "As happy as I am to hear that, I was talking about Madison. She's you friend right? I figured you would have found her." Her mouth curled up in a smug smirk.

My face grew warm with a blush of embarrassment. Right. "Ashley is in there checking for her. The house seemed empty when we walked in." I paused. "Wait, why are you still here?"

She pushed against the ground with her feet, making the hammock swing back and forth. "I live here." She stated, her smirk becoming a tight line. I nodded, suddenly out of small talk.

"Well then." I gave an awkward wave before turning around to head back inside.

"Wait." She called and I turned back around. She pulled a small folded aluminum foil square out of a pocket of the dark Slipknot sweatshirt she was wearing, holding it up for me to see. "Want to do a line real quick before I lose your attention?" She crooned, voice lowering an octave.

Her voice was borderline seductive, and I felt myself compelled to accept. I nodded and sat down awkwardly on the hammock besides the other woman. She pulled her smartphone out of her pocket and rested it on her lap, opening the folds of the foil and dumping the same powder as the night before. She made two modest lines before handing me the phone. I eyed the powder. It was fine, like table salt, but an off-white color. I had assumed the hue had come from the lighting in the room, but now it became apparent that it was it's genuine coloring. I wasn't  
Sure that I recognized what drug it was.

"Lena, what is this?" I asked as she handed me a portion of a cut, black straw.

She shrugged nonchalantly. "It's just a bit of Horse. It won't kill you."

Horse? I didn't recognize the name, but it could be a local slang term that I wasn't aware of. In all honesty it just looked like coke, but not as pure. I sniffed a line when I noticed she was staring at me, handing her back the phone. It didn't burn like coke or crank did.

"But what exactly is it?" I rubbed the edge of my nose, checking to see if there was any residue around the nostril.

She shrugged. "It doesn't matter. It's not dangerous, although in a few minutes you'll find yourself feeling pretty relaxed and happy. You're welcome to join me and enjoy this nice spring weather." She gave me a grin and laid back against the netting, arms tucked behind her head.

I glanced at the glass door. I should probably get back inside, but it would be pretty rude to accept free drugs and then bail. I laid back on the opposite side, staring up at the sky. It was transitioning from day into dusk, and a slight chill had started to set in.

I didn't seem to mind the chill at all. Soon I felt my body relax, my skin growing warm and tingly as the Horse started to enter my blood stream. Everything seemed to wind down, the gentle rocking of hammock becoming impossibly slow. The tingling warmth of my skin almost made me want to curl my toes in pleasure, liquid bliss coursing through my veins. I smiled lazily, dropping my head to look at Lena, finding that her steel gray eyes were already watching me.

"You feel it yet?" She asked, dropping a leg off the hammock to give it another push. Her arm moved, grabbing my ankle by her head gently.

It was like hovering in that state right before you fall asleep, a kind of purgatory between conscious and unconsciousness. It felt like it satisfied a need that I didn't know I was craving. The effect that I was feeling compared to the amount of powdered drug I had taken seemed disproportionate, but it felt okay. Everything felt okay.

I rolled over slightly, pressing my cheek against the alt-girls shin and wrapping an arm around her thigh, relishing her warmth in the chill. I blinked at her slowly, feeling almost dozy.

We laid on the hammock for what felt like hours, neither one of us feeling compelled to move, comfortably staring at each other.

"Spencer?" The raspiness of Ashley's voice travelled out into the air, the early dusk making it hard to see the girl from the edge of the yard. I rolled onto my stomach, a hand hanging off the edge of the hammock and grazing the tips of the grass below. I wanted to call out to her but my tongue felt heavy.

Ashley's figure moved across the yard, eventually making it's way to the hammock where me and Lena rested. Soft snoring told me that the other girl had nodded off, something I probably would have done if I hadn't heard Ashley's voice. I had almost entirely forgotten where I was and why I was here.

"What are you doing?" She asked, eyeing up the sleeping figure next to me cautiously. I gave her a lazy shrug, lacking the motivation to give her a real response. In real time, it was probably only an hour that had passed, the warm, cozy bliss from before having faded and left me feeling lax and dozy.

She sat back on her heels and looked at me, as if trying to figure something out from my face.

"Wa' you down," I slurred, looking at her through heavy eyes.

Her eyes narrowed when she met my eyes, her voice hard when she spoke. "Spence, did Lena give you anything?" She asked.

I blinked slowly, debating halfway through if it was better to just keep them closed.

"Mmmhmmm." I could feel my answer vibrate through my chest.

She cursed softly, eyes softening as she pushed back a few stray blond strands and tucked them behind my ear. She stood up quickly and walked back inside.

I closed my eyes once more, only this time they didn't open back up. Before Ashley even made it inside, I had dozed off into a deep sleep.

XOXO

I woke up, wrapped up in the soft black materials of my blanket, the familiar scent of my bed causing me to bury my head further into the pillow. As the fuzziness of sleep faded, the soreness of my body became much more apparent. A soreness similar to the kind you get after an intense workout at the gym. It was becoming much more unbearable as the sleep faded, and the sheets suddenly felt damp and the room cold.

Instantly, a tanned hand reached out, touching the back of their hand to my forehead.

"Shit."

I opened my eyes wider, recognizing the outline of Ashley sitting on the floor next to the bed. I tried to sit up, but the muscles in my arms protested too much and I failed, falling back into the bed. I tried to speak, but found my mouth to be dry like sandpaper. I could feel myself growing more miserable, and I wished to be back on the hammock from earlier, sleeping in a state of bliss.

Wait, how did I get back home?

I tried to sit up again, but this time Ashley pushed me back down. "Spencer, you're okay. Just sweat it out." She said, her voice soft and comforting.

"Wa…Water." I croaked, the roughness of my throat causing my voice to crack. Ashley reached over to the bedside table and pulled a small ice chip from a black coffee mug, setting it inside my mouth. It brought a little relief, and I felt the prickle of tears starting to form in the corners of my eyes.

Ashley must have noticed because she tucked my hair back out of my face. Her fingers slid across my cheek, a look of guilt on her face as she examined my state.

"I should have gone outside with you. You shouldn't be alone with Lena." She muttered, mostly to herself. She grabbed my hand between hers, watching me closely.

I couldn't really move, everything hurting now that the shield that sleep offered me was gone. I've had several different kinds of illness, from strep to the flu, but non of them compared to the how I felt now. I was stuck in between being overheated and cold, like my skin was on fire but my insides were frozen. My mind was a quicksand trap, any thought that formed faded before it really hit the surface. It was like I was stuck in my own body, forced to endure in discomfort.

She seemed uncomfortable, watching me suffer, and soon she stood. I thought she was getting up to leave, closing my eyes and wondering how long until this feeling fades. If it had been possible, I would have flinched in surprise when I felt my mattress dip behind me, long arms wrapping around my body as Ashley held me from behind. It was comforting despite my own discomfort, and I tried to relax into her embrace. Her chin tucked into my neck, her scent filling my nostrils. Her presence made it easier to ignore the protests of my body, and I felt myself slowly fall back into the protection of sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Midnight update. Last for the night. It's a bit short since it's just a filler/transitional chapter.**

Spencer had a rather unique scent. Most girls smell like vanilla or perfume but the blond had her own, natural smell about her. It was raw and human, a mixture of sweet and mellow, with a faint hint of saltiness. As far as I knew, asides from deodorant, she didn't wear any kind of sprays and it was refreshing. It just confirmed how much of a real person she was. She didn't try to impress anyone or pretend so be someone she wasn't. It was almost admirable.

Even now I couldn't help but cuddle into the sleeping girl. It was easy to be brave when I didn't have to worry about being caught. Being able to touch her without having to explain my intentions. She scared me most of the time, her confidence intimidating. She didn't question how she felt and acted as she pleased. She was free, and I was envious.

It's hard to explain the feeling you get when you find someone that you care about in a terrible situation. Finding her on the hammock doped out of her mind… I wasn't sure if I was allowed to be angry, and if I was, I wasn't sure who to be angry at. Spencer wasn't the kind of person you could force to do something she didn't want to, but she was pretty easy to misguide. I doubted that Lena made Spencer do heroin. In fact, I'm pretty sure that Spencer had no idea what substance it was that she was given.

She wasn't injected. I checked her for track marks and her arms were clean. Not that I was expecting any. If someone offered you a needle it wouldn't take much guesswork to figure out what the syringe contained. Lena could have passed it off as coke, but it was doubtful.

I ran a hand over her pale arm, the skin cool to the touch. I could feel the dampness of her sweat through the layers of cloth between us, and I couldn't help the twinge of sympathy for the girl. Withdrawal was rough, and I knew she was suffering. I had watched Aiden go through with it once before, but it was different. He had been hooked on heroin for years, and the withdrawal process was brutal.

He couldn't sleep during the detox, and he used to say that he was in so much pain it was like his veins were on fire. I kept him locked in his room and I would guard the door in case he tried to sneak away, and I could hear his cries and screams of anguish through the thin wood. I think it changed him. He still carries the suffering with him, and I always try and be there to protect him in case he relapsed. I owed it to him. The guy saved my life.

I still feel like I owe him. He saved me from my fucked up family. After my dad died, my mom was beyond fucked every day. Half the time she didn't know where she was or what was going on. Aiden helped me pack my stuff up and moved me into his mom's house, my aunt who my own mother cut off with barely a warning. I hadn't seem her since I was ten, and I wasn't expecting her to accept me without hesitation. I mostly chose to stick by Aiden.

I gently ran a hand through the damp blond hair in front of me, feeling her shiver at the touch. I couldn't claim that Aiden was a saint by any standard. Some of the arrangements we made were far from tasteful. He knew that I would do anything he asked, even if it meant making a few exchanges to get him out of a sticky situation. He wasn't the most honest person either.

The amount of lies I know he's told Spencer are countless, but I would never tell her. I knew he was more than capable of moving this stuff on his own, but I also knew how many eyes were on him all the time, the police cruisers that monitored him on a daily basis. It would have been too risky if he did it alone. Why he didn't just tell Spencer that was beyond me, but I wasn't going to tell her that.

In a way it was selfish. Having her and her friend help meant that I got to spend more time with the blond, and also meant that I was able to monitor the whole operation from both sides in case me and Aiden needed to dip if things got hot.

This though… This wasn't expected. I wasn't expecting to start having feelings for her. The initial attraction was easy to deal with, and I tried to put her off the best I could. I figured that she would soon get bored and leave me be to let the feeling fade, but she was persistent. She was suffering trying to understand what was going on, and all I did was confuse her even more.

It was for her own good. I wasn't right for her. With this feeling of being indebted to Aiden, I could never give her all of my loyalty. I slept around, even traded sex for drugs, and I wasn't exactly mentally stable. She would only suffer more if I finally let her get close.

I sighed, burying my head into her shoulder. I couldn't help it. I could argue with myself all day, listing reasons why I should keep my distance. But every time I looked into those clear blue eyes, I felt myself wishing that I could just drown in them. Like they offered me the key to washing away all my own suffering.

I closed my eyes, relishing the privilege of being able to hold her so closely while she slept off the drug in her system. After today I didn't know when I would allow myself to give in and just exist around her instead of holding myself back.

The door opened, and so did my eyes, peering up over the sleeping girls shoulder at the intruder. It was only Madison.

The Latina knelt down next to the bed and caressed Spencer's cheek, worry digging lines into her forehead. "How is she doing?" She asked, flipping her hand over to check her fever. I noticed it had gone down about an hour ago.

"She's better. Fever has gone down and she's been resting pretty easily. She isn't sweating nearly as heavily as she had been." I said, giving her a brief update.

"Thanks for staying here with her. I don't know what I would have done if I was the one who found her." Her face turned dark and her lips tightened with unspoken anger. "I probably would have pulled that bitch right off the hammock."

I laughed half-heartedly. That was definitely close to what I had planned on doing.

 _It was dark when I glanced out the back door, calling for Spencer. I had almost forgotten about her when I found Madison and Hery in his room, smoking weed and watching some dessert show on his xbox one. I had hung around, hitting the blunt a few times expecting the blond to find us eventually. After a few episodes and her continued absence, curiosity had gotten the best of me._

 _It was hard to see anything in the dim light. I wandered the edges of the yard, hoping that she hadn't been mauled by leftover partiers hiding in the woods or fallen down a hole. Eventually I spotted what looked like a hammock tied to a few trees along the edge of the woods._

 _I walked up to it and spotted Spencer and the weirdo punk lady from earlier that morning snuggled together. Jealousy flashed in my chest at the sight. It had seemed like the two had shared a moment the night before, and it looked like they had definitely been friendly._

 _Her eyes shone, glassy and bloodshot, looking up at me through dark and heavy eyelids. I glanced between her and mohawk girl._

 _"What are you doing?" I questioned, the other girls snoring letting me know that she was out cold._

 _The blond gave me a lethargic shrug, blue eyes fluttering. Something was wrong. At first I had assumed from the bloodshot eyes that maybe she was just stoned, but this wasn't like Spencer. I knelt down, looking at her closer in case I missed something in the dark._

 _Her eyes were glazed over, her pupils a pinpoint. You could tell she was struggling to stay awake._

 _"Wa' you down?" She slurred, eyes fluttering as she tried to focus on my face. Something was definitely wrong. I glanced back at Lena, taking in her thin form and sunken face. Fuck._

 _"Spence, did Lena give you anything?" I asked firmly, already knowing the answer. Spencer looked like she was doped out._

 _"Mmmmhmmm" was the only response she gave me before her eyes drooped even lower, and I could swear I saw a trail of drool make it's way down the corner of her mouth. I pushed some of her hair out of her face, checking her temperature as my skin made contact with hers. Her skin felt hot to the touch, no doubt from her being out in the cold for too long._

 _"Fucking shit." I stood up, glancing at her one more time. Her eyes shut, no doubt nodding off. I headed outside and back to Hery's room, anxiously running my hands through my hair._

 _"Madison, I know we don't get along well, but I need you to help me get Spencer in the car." The Latina gave me a sour look at first until she realized that I was dead serious._

 _"Que pasa? What's going on?" She asked, rising to her feet._

 _I glared at Hery, pointing a finger at the window that faced out into the back yard. "I don't know, why don't you ask your cousins friend? The one who got Spencer all kinds of fucked up out in the yard._

 _The Latina's green eyes widened and she ran outside, with me close behind her. When we arrived at the hammock, she covered her hand with her mouth. "I didn't even think…" She turned to me. "Roofies?" She asked._

 _I shook my head. "No, dope for sure. I don't think Lena would Roofie herself." I moved to Spencer's feet, grabbing a hold of her ankles. "Grab her from under her armpits. We need to get her out of the hammock before we move her to the car." Madison nodded and followed my instructions, and with a few tries we managed to extract our friend from the tangle of string. Since she was completely out of it, she was dead weight and much harder to move than you would think._

 _Without having Spencer to balance the hammock, it flipped, the other girl falling to the ground. Even after impact, the girl remained unmoving, apparently undisturbed by the foot and a half fall. By the time we got Spencer out of the hammock, Hery joined us, lending his strength to lift her up and walk her through the house to Madison's car. We set her lightly on the back seat._

 _"Jesus, Ashley. You think she's okay?" Madison asked, the worry obvious in her voice._

 _"Yeah. She hasn't thrown up and she's still breathing. She was still awake, sort of, when I found her." I yawned, leaning up against the Mercedes. Madison stood in front of the open car door, looking at the sleeping Spencer sprawled across the leather seat._

 _"I can't believe it, you know. I would have never thought…" Her voice trailed off as she continued to stare at her friend, voice cracking. "I should have just left with you guys so you didn't have to come back."_

 _I shook my head. "You can't blame yourself for this. If anything I should have followed her so she didn't have to be around Lena. Or at least warned her what drug she was taking." I twirled one of my brown curls with my fingers. "I wish I had stayed with her last night."_

 _"You know…" Madison started, looking over at me. "You aren't as shitty of a person as I thought you were. It seems like you may actually have a heart." She gave me a small smile, closing the door to the back seat and moving around to the driver's side._

 _I opened the front passenger door. "I disagree."_

"I'm going to head over to my house. I'm right over in the next development down the street. Do you need me to take you back to the cabin?" Madison offered, standing up and stretching out her legs.

I shook my head. "No I'm going to stay and keep an eye on her in case she wakes up or one of her housemates come in to check on her."

We had used Spencer's key to get into the house, surprising the other residents when we dragged the petite blond through the front door. I had told them that she was just really drunk after a night in the bar, but they didn't seem to buy it and only looked at the girl with as much concern as me and the Latina felt. Spencer wasn't really much of a drinker, but there was no way I was telling them that the girl was just in a heroin daze. The stairs had been narrow and it made bringing her up the stairs a bit of a challenge.

Madison gave me a quick goodbye and left the bedroom, making sure the door closed completely as she left. I grabbed Spencer's phone off the bedside table, checking the time. It was close to midnight.

I laid back down onto the mattress. Spencer only had a twin mattress, so there wasn't much space for the both of us. I contemplated putting down some blankets on the cold tile, but I didn't really want to move in case the movement woke the girl up. I gave in, choosing to just nuzzle the space between her shoulder blades.

Then she moved. I let go of her, backing off slightly in case she was waking up to get sick. Instead she just rolled over so that we were face to face, her blue eyes fluttering open. She blinked a few times, trying to adjust to the dark room, and seemed almost surprised to see me in the bed next to her.

"Ash?" She croaked, voice rough with sleep and dehydration. She raised a hand to her eyes, rubbing them firmly for as few minutes and following it with a slight yawn.

"You okay?" I asked, checking her forehead one last time.

She nodded sleepily, grabbing my hand and holding it against her chest. "Thank you." She said it so low I almost missed it, and I felt my heart tug again. I leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss against her forehead, telling myself I was only doing it to better gauge her fever even though I knew it was a lie.

The blond sighed deeply and pressed herself into me, tucking her head under my chin and wrapping her arms around my waist. Even if I wanted to move to the floor still, there was no way I would be able to extract myself from her grip. Not that I was complaining.

Satisfied that she would be okay for the rest of the night, I wrapped and arm protectively around her and drifted off myself.

XOXO

I was woken up the next morning to the smell of fresh coffee and the opening of Spencer's door, the friendly face of Mary, one of Spencer's housemates. She carried two mugs in her hand and set them both on the bedside table.

"I didn't know how you drink it so I made it the way I like it. Theres vanilla creamer I stole from Wawa and a bit of sugar. Hope you don't mind." She said apologetically, looking down at us. "Is she okay?" She asked, pointing down at the sleeping girl still wrapped around my torso.

I gave her a nod, trying not to wake the girl up. "She'll have a hell of a hangover, but I think she'll be okay." I replied. I had to pee, but I felt far too comfortable to want to move.

"I didn't take her as a drinker," Mary said, moving back to stand by the door.

I gave her a small smile. "She didn't really drink much. Ended up passing out in the car. I guess she's a solid sleeper when she's been drinking." I lied.

Mary gave me a look. "Right. You and the other girl seemed fine, though."

"Designated driver," I answered, even though Mary's statement wasn't a question. She looked at me for another few heartbeats before she exited.

Hopefully when Spencer did wake up, she would be feeling okay. The time on her phone said it was 7 in the morning. I debated calling Whitney and letting her know that the blond was too sick for work, but I decided against it. I'd leave that decision to her when she woke.

The urge to pee was much stronger than before, so I carefully extracted myself from the other girl and made my way to the bathroom. Hopefully she would wake up soon. I know I definitely had a few questions of my own to ask.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: New update! All your reviews are well appreciated so I'm updating this long chapter and when the next chapter is ready after proofing I'll be updating that as well. I love to know what you are all thinking so please leave me my love notes and follow for update notifications. Enjoy as always.**

It was like someone had flipped a switch. One second I was in a deep sleep. No noise, no sensations. Just the feeling of nothing. The next second the light pouring from the window burned behind my eyelids, followed shortly but a dull aching in my bones. For a moment I panicked, wondering if the pain was from an injury and I had somehow ended up in hospital. I opened my eyes, taking in the familiar black and white tiles of my bedroom floor and the black blanket that bunched up in a pile over the side of my mattress.

I rolled over onto my back, the change in position causing my muscles to complain even louder that before and I groaned. A dark thought crept up to the back of my mind, only just a whisper, and it brought a shiver down my spine.

Before I could fully realize the thought the bedroom door opened and Ashley walked in, the smell of fresh coffee following her in before she shut the door. She set one of the mugs on the small bedside table, sitting herself down onto the floor.

"You okay?" She asked, a look of concern on her face.

I studied her quietly. She looked tired, as much if not more than me. Dark circles surrounded her hazel eyes, her tan skin looking unusually pallid. Even the color of her eyes seemed drained and tired, and I wondered if she had managed to sleep at all in the night.

"Fine." I turned over onto my side again making it more comfortable to see the other girl. She took a sip from her coffee mug, setting it down into the table besides my own. I noticed that she had chosen the white mug my mom had sent me in the mail of me and my two brothers at Christmas. I smiled when I saw the picture mug, unsure if Ashley chose it because of the picture or if it was just coincidental.

"Mary made coffee. Yours got cold so I just went to get you a fresh one." She paused for a minute, looking down at a receipt paper that had fallen on the floor. "I'm glad your awake."

Her voice was especially raspy and low, and she had a sort of grim look on her face. My stomach churned with anxiety. "You make it sound like I was dying."

She kept her head down, not really responding to my observation. After a heartbeat or two she cleared her voice, lifting herself up from the floor and sitting at the foot of the bed by my feet. Her hand rested on my calf, fingers lightly scratching at my skin. "You can't go back to Hery's." She stated, her eyes moving up my body until they reached my face.

That darkness that was there this morning rose its head up, sparking up a bit of annoyance. I shook my head, pushing myself up so I rested on my elbows so I could look at the brunette more directly. "What do you mean, I can't?" I questioned, unable to keep the edge out of my words.

She paused her fingers so they just rested against my leg, but held her gaze. "It's not good for you. Not with Lena around."

The spark of annoyance turned into a proper flame. "Because of Lena? Is this a jealousy thing?" I accused, sitting up fully and pulling my legs closer to my body.

Her eyes widened, surprised that I had responded with offense instead of worry. "No! I'm not jealous, but she gave you…"

I cut her off before she could finish, holding up a hand to stop her. "What happened was my choice. She didn't force me to do anything. She didn't hold me down and pour drugs down my throat." I stood up, moving to my dresser and opening a drawer harder than was necessary.

Ashley jumped up and reached for me, cool hand touching my arm. "That's not what I meant, Spence. But she wasn't honest with you. You could have died if she gave you too much." She tugged on my arm lightly, urging me to turn around. I shook her hand off my arm, grabbing a black work shirt from inside the drawer.

"Spence, you don't even know what she gave you." She reached out again, this time grabbing my shoulder.

She's right, so I didn't know what it was that Lena gave me. But it didn't mean that Ashley knew what was best for me, and it pissed me off that now was when she decided that she cared. I spun around, meeting her in the eye.

"Why do you suddenly care now?" I asked her flatly, crossing my arms and glaring at her. "You think I can't take care of myself? Of course I knew what she was giving me. I'm not as stupid as you take me for. But again, it was my choice." I poked her in the chest, making her take a step back.

She looked stunned for a second before the annoyance showed on her face as well. She pushed me back, making me step back into the dresser. The bottles of perfume rattled as the wooden furniture shook. "Fuck you, I've always cared. I just spent all night here worrying about you. Did everything I could to make sure you were comfortable."

I clenched my jaw, feeling my temper simmer as I literally had my back to a wall. "I didn't ask you to!" I spat. "I've been trying to get you to see me, Ashley, and be honest with me, but every time I think I'm getting close you back off."

I could see Ashley's eyes flashing as she looked back and forth between my, the muscles of her jaw jumping as she ground her teeth. She almost looked like she wanted to hit me with frustration. Instead she closed her eyes and inhaled slowly, opening them back up on the exhale. "Maybe you just weren't hearing me right." She muttered.

My back pushed back into the dresser, the hard knobs of the drawers pressing into the flesh of my back as Ashley pushed into me, hands rising up and grabbing the sides of my face. She hovered over my mouth for a moment, hazel eyes half-closed and staring at a spot on my cheek. "We're two completely different people, Spencer. You need to learn how to understand me like I'm trying with you."

Her close proximity felt like a petrification spell. I was frozen by her body heat. By her smell. I wanted to stay angry at her and lash out more, but a part of me just wanted her even closer. I felt myself move in to collect her lips in mine, but she backed off, picking long blond strand of hair off the collar of my shirt. "You should get dressed and take us to work. You're going to be late." She squeezed my hand before walking out, leaving me full of mixed emotions.

I re-opened the dresser drawer, pulling off the shirt I slept in, crunching my nose at the off smell of sweat. I had to give her credit for staying by me last night. I probably didn't look very pretty.

XOXO

I ticked off another item off the prep list, scanning down the page at the last item for the day. It was almost two, a lighter list than expected for a Thursday, and despite the dull ache in my body I was a little disappointed that I hadn't been able to get the hours I was hoping for the week. With a sigh, I set the list down and walked to the walk-in to grab the ingredients for the tiramisu the list called for. I walked out with a tray of lady fingers and the mascarpone and set them down on the counter before going back in to grab my espresso-rum batch. As I reached for the container I heard the walk-in door open. I turned my head, meeting the green eyes of my Latina friend.

"Hey Mads. What's up?" I greeted, pulling the metal half-pan off the shelf.

"How you feeling?" She asked me quickly, eyes flicking around to make sure that the cooler was empty. "Are you almost done?"

Surprised, I set the metal pan back down. "Yeah, just the tiramisu. Why?" I asked back, curious.

She pulled out her phone and showed me the text she had just gotten. "Hery's asking about that ounce he asked for the other night. He's got people asking him and shit and I'm stuck here." She clicked her fingers at the door. "I forgot I offered to take Shelly's host tonight so I'm stuck working a double."

"Have you…talked to Ashley?" I asked slowly, reaching for the espresso-rum again.

She rolled her eyes. "No, as if. I still don't trust her. Although she did good last night." She paused, staring at me. "Speaking of, are you okay?" She grabbed my wrist, almost making me drop the container.

"What? Of course I'm fine. I think maybe Ashley went a little overboard yesterday. She was still in my room this morning." I moved around her and we walked out of the walk-in, Madison following me back to my prep area.

She made a face, leaning against the counter as I pulled down a metal half-pan from the shelf above. "I mean, that's a little weird but she was worried about you." I glanced at her and she raised her arms defensively. "I was worried too, but I know you better. You have more self-restraint than most people do, and I doubt that one incident is going to turn into anything more. She's more jealous than anything, I'm sure." She reached over and scooped some of the white mascarpone with a finger, licking the sweet white mixture off until her fingertip was clean.

"Anyway, I doubt doom&gloom is going to be at Hery's anyway. He mentioned she hadn't been home all day. I think you'll be fine." She turned away with a wave of her hand. "I'll let Aiden know you're heading to the cabin later.

I looked down at the ingredients on the counter, a smirk rising to my lips. I dipped my own finger into the sweet cream, helping myself to a taste. Now getting off of work early didn't seem like such a bad idea.

XOXO

I let myself into the cabin with a spare key that Glen had given me and plopped myself onto the leather couch in the den, putting my feet up onto the coffee table to stretch out my calves. I waited for a few minutes, staring at the black lock-box on top of the glass. After a few moments listening to the empty house, I pulled my cellphone from my pocket.

Elsewhere I could hear the faint ringing, coming from up the stairs and mostly likely where Aiden had fallen asleep. It stopped, and I heard Aiden's voice from the other side. "Let yourself in." He mumbled, clearly still half asleep.

"Way ahead of you. I'm in the living room." I hung up the phone, setting it onto the glass top and resting back into the couch. A loud thud and a curse came from up the stairs, and Aiden half walked, half stumbled down the stairs.

Finally he made it to he couch, falling down into it without a word, head thrown back and eyes closed. "I was having such a lit dream, fam." He muttered, curling up against the armrest like he was going to go back to sleep.

"Ew don't talk like that." I complained, hitting his bare back lightly. He rolled back so he was seated correctly, stretching out. He was definitely a pretty man, I had to admit. Perfectly tanned and sculpted with a face to match. Maybe he was just too pretty and that's why I never felt inclined to date him. I tilted my head, pondering the thought.

He looked at me, catching on that I was staring at his shirtless form. "You can touch me if you want." He said with a cheesy grin, sliding down the couch with what I assume was a look of seduction. I rolled my eyes, pulling the blanket that was covering the back of the couch off and over the older guy.

"Just picking up for Madison's cousin."

He paused, playful green eyes suddenly serious. "No messing around up there. Ashley told me someone convinced you to do a little junk."

I rolled my eyes, leaning back into the couch. "I don't know what the big deal is. I don't even remember what that chick said it was called and everyone keeps calling it different things. I'm not some junkie. I don't need any of this shit." I crossed my arms, looking at the black box. "It's like you guys don't even trust me."

He sat up, pulling me up and giving me a side hug. "I wasn't going to say anything about what you can and can't do. I just care about you, and I want you to be careful, you know." With that he let go, and clapped his hands, face resuming its usual cheekiness.

XOXO

Hery was already outside waiting when I pulled up, parking my black Taurus and stepping out. He stood, walking over to meet me at the car. He gave me a quick hug and a peck on the cheek before showing me inside.

"You bring it?" He asked after he closed the door. I nodded and reached into the bag I brought, setting down a bundle the size of a small bar of soap on the granite counter in the kitchen. He walked over and picked it up, turning it around to make sure there wasn't any flaws in the wrapping. He nodded, opening a kitchen drawer and pulling out a large yellow envelope. "Unmarked, non-sequencial."

I opened the envelope, spotting the thick bundles of twenties inside. "That's 600?" I asked. He nodded in confirmation.

"Tell your man that I don't need the 10%. I pay him his, I keep whatever I make." Hery pulled a pack of unfiltered cigarettes out of his pocket, lighting one as he continued to look at the small bundle. "I am a very happy man today." He said with a smile, turning around and walking away, pulling a cellphone out of his back pocket before heading out into the backyard.

I stood there for a moment, unsure If I was supposed to follow him or stay. Or maybe even just leave.

"Hello Blondie."

A husky voice from the couch startled me. I didn't even even notice that someone else was in the room. Lena turned around, arms dangling over the back of the couch. She had changed her hair from a wine red to a deep purple. I was a bit impressed that she was able to pull off both colors so well. She peered at me from darkly lined eyes, amused to see me back.

"Hey." I responded.

She stood up and moved to stand in front of me. For the first time really took her in. I hadn't noticed how thin she was. It wasn't an unnatural thinness. More just a particular litheness about her. Barefoot she stood about the same as me, and from this distance I could seem the faint outline of her contact lenses over her light gray eyes. Her face was eerily symmetric and near flawless, almost so much so that it made me uncomfortable. She was dressed in tight, ripped black jeans and a black ribbed tank, covered by a purple flannel that matched her hair.

"I want to show you something." She sang, grabbing onto my hand and pulling me in the direction of her bedroom.

Unlike before it wasn't cast in red glow. Instead the white walls glowed innocently in the sunlight that came through the windows, making the room feel much less menacing as it did at the party. She closed the door as I sat down on the mattress and then reached for a small fabric bag that was tucked beneath the bed.

I glanced down at the dark tie-die canvas bag, a shiver of unexpected excitement creeping up my spine. The darkness that had settled in my mind stirred. "That's.. a nice bag." I commented.

She smirked, untying the string that held it shut and pulled out a folded square of foil and a red fast-food straw. "Thanks, babe." She responded, ripping off a small square of foil. "Have you ever chased a dragon before?" She asked, pulling a small blue bundle and a lime green lighter out of the bag as well.

I looked at the blue bundle, uneasiness conflicting with excitement. "No, I'm not familiar with any of this." I admitted, watching as she dumped some of the mysterious "Horse" into the center of the foil, folding it so it was like a tiny, aluminum basin. She handed me the cut straw.

"How is this 'chasing a dragon'?" I asked, looking from the straw to the powder. It seemed kind of awkward to snort out of.

She held up the lighter, pinching the corner of the foil to make a handle and holding it up. "Because I'm going to burn it, and you're going to chase the smoke." She flicked the lighter, sparking it dramatically.

"Is it safe?" I asked suspiciously.

She nodded. "Probably. Better than letting the shit clog up your nose."

I lowered the straw, unsure. "I don't know. This stuff seems pretty strong, and everyone seems to think this is wrong."

She set the foil on the bed, reaching up and touching my cheek. "I like you, Blondie. For some reason I like having you around, and I know you like how it feels with me." Her pale eyes latched onto mine persistently. "Just trust me. I'll take care of you."

She reached in and stole a kiss, leaving me to deal with a short-circuiting brain. I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. She smiled and lowered her hand, picking up the foil again. I raise the straw to my lips, holding it over the opening of the foil basin.

With a flick of her fingers, she stuck the burning lighter under the foil, and sure enough the powder began to smoke. She motioned with her free hand and I sucked through the straw, drawing the acrid tasting smoke up and into my lungs. Almost instantaneously I started to cough, dropping the straw into my lap and covering my mouth.

Lena stuck the straw into her own mouth, re-heating the remains of the powder from below and inhaling the smoke with ease.

Unlike before, the high hit me quicker and I felt myself relaxing. I leaned against the wall, legs spread out in front of me. My arms and legs began to tingle pleasantly as my head floated up into the clouds.

Lena moved on the bed, straddling me and running a hand through my blond hair. "Your hair is so soft. It makes me envious." She mumbled, lifting a strand to give it a sniff. She shifted, almost grinding down. "Don't you just love the way this feels?" She crooned, hands falling to rest on top of my shoulders.

I was thrown off at how differently Lena responded to the drug at first before remembering that Lena probably had built a higher tolerance to the stuff. But she was right. The rush of endorphins did make everything feel better.

My body reacted on its own, pushing up to increase the contact between me and the slender girl above me. She pushed against my chest with a hand, stilling my body. "Relax. Enjoy yourself while you can." She smirked, guiding and turning me until my back hit the mattress and she was perched on top of me.

She fiddled with the hem of my black Boca's shirt that I was still wearing, staring down at me. My chest moved noticeably, my breathes slow but deep. I wasn't nervous, but I was calm, limbs heavy and unmoving yet tingling in pleasure. Lena rearranged herself so that she was lying on top of me, hands on either side of my head. "Trust me." She whispered before capturing my lips with hers.

Her lips were like rose petals, soft and delicate as they moved against mine, her tongue swiping the lower lip before invading my mouth. My hands wandered on their own, trailing up her sides and pushing at her unbuttoned flannel, removing the material until my fingers came in contact with her soft ivory skin.

Her hand reached up and met mine, removing it and holding it back down besides my hand. I barely protested, her lips having moved from my mouth to trailing down the length of my neck. She suckled at the pulse point for a moment or two, her thigh shifting to fall between my own.

It was a different feeling than Molly or MDMA. I've had them both, and while the ecstasy-derivatives made ever touch and feeling pop out, a similar feeling of euphoria that horse made me feel, this stuff was more mellow and less intense. Like it left me in a puddle of liquid, dozy happiness. I pulled the other girl by the belt loops lazily, wanting to feel her body heat against my skin.

She pulled off her tank top, followed quickly by mine, and she dipped her chest down. Slowly she rubbed her chest across my stomach and up my chest, causing a shiver of pleasure to run noticeably through my body. Taking the opportunity, she pressed her thigh against my center, causing me to close my eyes at the sensation.

Her hand trailed down my stomach, followed by my mouth until the met the top of the joggers I wore. Deftly she untied the front string, pulling them down my legs, kissing the insides of my thighs.

I could feel the wetness on my center when her breath his, and I let out a shuddering breath. The feeling of wanting to be satisfied combated the feeling of drowsiness the drug seemed to induce, and I closed my eyes, willing to give in to whichever feeling came first.

At least until I felt Lena's velvety tongue press across my clit. I moaned loudly, hips jumping up and my thighs tightening around the other girls head.

 _"It's not good for you…"_

Ashley's voice invaded unexpectedly, a twinge of guilt poisoning the feelings of pleasure given to me by the other girl. I ran a hand through the purple fringe of hair between my legs, intending on slowing Lena, but it only seemed to encourage her work on my clit. I moaned again, the guilt oddly turning me on even more.

Soon I felt a fingertip tease my opening, training between my lips before positioning to the outside of my hole. She slip up my body, mouth reconnecting with mine, the sweetly saltiness of my own excitement covering my tongue.

She entered and my body froze, my inside walls clamped down around the intruding digit.

"Wait."

She paused, lifting her head and gently pulling out her finger. My body relaxed, and I laid there, chest heaving as I struggled to catch my breath. I stared up at the concerned, and almost frustrated, gray eyes of the girl above me.

"I… I can't" I breathed, the guiltiness still digging a hole into my chest. I wasn't cheating on Ashley, we were never a couple. We've barely shared a few kisses. Somehow, though, I felt like I was doing something dirty, betraying Ashley in someway that almost killed the high I was feeling.

The door opened, and Hery stood in the doorway, eyes locked onto the two of us in the bed. He cleared his throat before stepping inside. Quickly I grabbed the blanket to cover myself, Lena seeming unfazed at being exposed.

" _Puedes venir a la cocina, por favor?_ Come with me." He asked, looking at us both. Lena and I glanced at each other, me with worry and her with disinterested before I nodded at the Latino. He left the room, leaving us to compose ourselves.

"You're friends are coming." He shouted as he walked off, causing the guilt to dig just a bit deeper.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Sorry! I was supposed to post this last night but then my buddy had me watch Planet Earth 2 and then Cowspiracy right afterwords... basically had me curled up in a ball re-evaluating my life choices.**

 **Speaking of choices, I see that some of you are not happy with Spencer right now. I wouldn't be me if I didn't try and piss somebody off with my stories LOL. I tried to lighten it up a bit and give you some fluff, but believe me, I'm a sucker for bad choices...**

 **Review as always. Follow for updates. Hope you forgive me for being a button pusher. No topic is too taboo.**

The pale girl reached under the bed and grabbed her small canvas back, setting it on to the mattress. I leaned back, bare skin touching the cool wall behind me, and I watched as she pulled a small container out along with a mirror.

"Looks like we need to perk up quick." She said humorously as she deposited small, clear shards onto the mirror.

"It's not funny, Lena, My friends absolutely can't know about what we did." I snapped, glancing around the room for my shirt. She chuckled again, breaking up the grains into a fine powder.

"Why? It's not like you did anything wrong." She said pointedly, taking a line and passing it to me. Instantly she appeared to perk up, giving herself a quick shake before hopping off the bed. She picked up the two shirts off the floor. She tossed one onto the bed near me, pulling on the purple flannel she wore earlier.

"Besides, it's not like it's really any of their business anyway." She added, grabbing the clean mirror from my hand and examining herself in the reflection. She tidied her hair up a bit before setting the piece down on the bedside table and then left me to collect myself.

Quickly I threw on my shirt, pulling my black joggers back up and running a hand through my hair. After a few futile brushes with my fingers, I opted to just throw my hair up in a hair tie before leaving the bedroom.

Lena sat at the couch in the center of the room, a knowing smirk on her face as she stared at her phone. I decided to sit at one of the bar stools against the kitchen counter, my back facing the other girl. The crystal she had given me had perked me up enough that I hoped that I appeared normal when my friends arrived.

Hery entered from the front door and walked to where I sat, leaning against the counter. He gave me a crooked smile dropping the envelope of cash I had left lying around. "Make sure you hold this close. _La dama_ has a habit of taking what is not hers." He pointed at the woman on the couch. "I don't tell your friends _nada_. I'm sure that you agree, yes?"

I nodded. "Yeah they cannot know about any of this. The whole business could be in jeopardy if they knew."

He smiled again. "Then it's probably best if your shirt wasn't backwards, _mija_."

Lena snorted from where she sat on the couch and I felt my face burn with embarrassment. I fixed my shirt then checked my phone that I had left sitting on the counter.

 **4 missed calls and 3 new messages**

All of them from Madison. I felt slightly relieved. If it was only Madison coming to up to Hery's then I could probably avoid getting the third degree about what I've been doing up here. But then again it was Madison, and if anyone could sniff out drama it was the Latina.

The front door opened again, and I turned around on my stool, my friend in question strolling in without so much as a knock. For a moment it seemed like she had come alone, until the familiar brunette curls followed in, a few footsteps behind.

I glanced over at Lena who's eyes tinkled mischievously before she stood, giving Ashley a smirk as she walked out the front door. Ashley gave her a confused look as she passed, keeping the look as she looked back at me.

"Why didn't you answer the phone, _puta?_ " Madison asked, walking over to the counter and sitting on the stool besides me. Ashley followed, choosing to stand besides us instead of taking the remaining stool.

"My phone was on silent. I didn't hear it go off," I said blandly, keeping my eyes trained on Madison. I wasn't sure I would be able to keep my cover if I made eye contact with Ashley.

Ashley gave a quiet snort of annoyance. "For two hours? You didn't check your phone once?" She looked at me suspiciously, trying to meet my eye. I kept them on Madison's knee, hoping that the shame I was feeling didn't show on my face.

"Yep."

Silence filled the room, making me shuffle uncomfortably as both of my friends stared at me in bewilderment. Madison reached forward and pushed my chin up, searching my eyes for some kind of clue.

"What is going on with you, lately? Ever since we started this job you've been acting mad _loco_ , and now I'm starting to get worried. This isn't like you." She jerked her hand away from my chin, my head dropping to look back down at my knees.

I could feel Ashley's glare through the side of my head, and I could feel my stomach sour. My heart rate was escalating as I started to lose my nerve, and I searched my brain for any excuse for my behavior.

I was coming up empty. I wasn't even sure what was going on with me. Usually I was in control, keeping myself in check to avoid problems like this. If Clay was still around he probably would tell me it was the drugs clouding my judgement. He would probably be right, but my recreational use wasn't really a problem.

"I don't know." That was the first honest thing I said since my friends showed up. "I wish I had an answer for you."

I heard the front door open and slam shut. I looked up and noticed that Ashley had walked out, unhappy no doubt.

Madison raised an eyebrow, turning back to me. "Listen, I may not like her all that much, but she has done nothing but worry about you once she realized I sent you here to drop off Hery's gear." She looked me up and down. "And from the looks of things, she was right to be worried. You need to tell me what's going on, Spencer." The stubborn look on her face told me she wasn't going to let this drop until I gave her a straight answer and I sighed.

"I got distracted. I was just going to drop the stuff off, collect the cash and leave. I didn't anticipate Lena." That was kind of the truth. I lowered my voice. "She is very hard to say 'no' to."

"She give you more of that shit? I don't know if you're aware of this, Spence, but that girl has been giving you heroin, and it's only a matter of time before she gets you hooked."

I feel like deep down I knew what the other girl had been giving me, but it felt nice enough that I was willing to play ignorant and live in denial. It just had a particular allure to it that was more appealing then smoking weed or doing coke. I knew the stuff was dangerous, but it was hard to connect the feelings of euphoria with the dangers that came with such a powerful drug.

"Does it really matter?" I asked casually, reaching over for my phone, anxious to end the conversation.

What Madison did next left me feeling slightly shook. She slapped me clear cross the face. I touched my cheek with my hand at the stinging sensation on my skin, eyes wide with shock as I stared at my friend.

"Cut the shit, Spencer. I'm all for you making your own mistakes, and I figured you were a better person who could resist ruining her life." She grabbed my chin again, making sure that I met her eyes. "You're fucking up, and you're putting this whole deal at risk. I am not going to sit here and baby you, and you need to sort out this shit before it's your funeral I have to attend. You stay away from the girl. _Comprendes_?"

I nodded slightly, jaw still held fast by the Latina. She glared at me for another second before letting go, giving my still tender cheek a light tap before grabbed the yellow envelope and walking to the front door.

She opened it and paused. "Get the fuck out of my way." She snarled, shoving past Lena who had been about to walk in.

The small punk, face stuck in a permanent smirk, walked over to me, sitting on the stool that Madison had just occupied. "I take it you told them?"

I stared at her for a second before standing up, ignoring her and walking out of the house. My two friends stood outside of Madison's Benz, in the middle of a heated argument, no doubt about me. Hearing my feet across the pebbles of the walkway, they stopped.

Using my key fob, I unlocked my Ford as I approached, eyeing up my friends with apprehension. "Am I meeting you at Aiden's or…" I asked, trailing off.

Ashley glanced at Madison before turning to look at me. "Madison is going to Aiden's. I'm coming with you."

I gave her a confused look, opening up the drivers side door. The brunette walked around the car and opened up the passenger side door, sitting herself down without bothering to give me an explanation. Madison just shrugged and got into her own car, quickly backing up and driving off.

I entered my car and after a moment of silence backed up and drove away, the feeling of trepidation dancing around in my gut.

The first five minutes of the drive was spent in silence, the only sound coming from my nervous tapping against the steering wheel. Ashley's gaze stayed fixed out the windshield, but I could see the clenching of her jaw throw my peripherals.

Finally she spoke, but only to give me directions. We didn't speak for the next thirty minutes, the only words coming from Ashley as she told me where to turn. We arrived at a dead end up in the mountains of Birdsbury, a nature reserve that I had only really heard about from old classmates on Facebook. I parked in the dirt parking lot by the roadblock, turning the car off. As soon as the car turned off, Ashley got out and moved to the rear of the car, leaning against the trunk. I got out and joined her, looking across the road and over the cliff edge where a creek babbled clearly in the quiet.

We sat there in silence again, and I started to wonder why she really brought me out here. I voiced the thought.

"I'm trying to figure out why…" She began, pausing as she tried to find the right words. "Mmmm, no what it is that you think you're doing." She crossed her arms, face blank and her voice empty of emotion. "At first I thought maybe it was my fault. I wasn't thinking about how my actions made you felt and you were just trying to throw it in my face. So I tried to give in a bit, give you what I thought you wanted. I let myself get a little closer.

And then I realized that that wasn't the problem. You were acting weird after the party at Hery's, but even weirder after Glen showed up at work and had a talk with you. Something about that conversation put you off so much, and I don't know if this is how you cope or whatever, but it is doing the very opposite of helping. What did your brother say to you?"

I widened my eyes in surprise. This wasn't really where I thought the conversation was going to go. "He didn't really say much, but he was really pushing that we get rid of the coke as quickly as possible. It really bothered me, throwing up red flags and making me wonder if maybe this job is a lot bigger than I thought it would be." I paused, fiddling with the keys in my hand as I struggled to be honest with myself.

"Honestly though, this doesn't have much to do with Glen. Maybe a small portion, but I'm not a great person either, Ashley."

This time it was her turn to look surprised. "What do you mean?" Ashley asked carefully, turning her body slightly to face me.

I pulled myself up onto the trunk of my car, dangling my feet over the edge. I kicked one foot lightly against the car. "At the party, when we were laying out in the yard. You told me you weren't a good person like I was. It felt wrong to hear you say it, like me being such a good person was what kept you from getting close to me. Especially since a good person isn't exactly how I picture myself."

She listened quietly, turning so she could lean against her stomach on the car, resting her arms on top of the trunk looking up at me. Encouraged, I went on.

"I guess this was me trying to show you I'm not that great of a person, and I went too far. It's just… intoxicating."

"The dope?" She questioned.

"Yeah. It made it feel like nothing really mattered, just me feeling this happiness, even if I knew in the back of my head that it was wrong. You felt wrong at first. It went against everything I knew about myself. I went along with it anyway. I don't really know how to explain it."

She rested her head on a hand propped up on the trunk, eyes gazing down the road into the trees. "I can kind of understand. I went through it with Aiden before when he tried to chase the white rabbit."

We stayed silent, listening to the wind in the trees. Ashley broke the silence with another question. "Did you and Lena… you know…" she trailed off, and I could hear the conflict in her voice. Like she needed to know but didn't want to hear the answer confirmed.

"We messed around. Didn't really get far."

Instantly her face wiped clean, and I knew that my answer was the one she didn't want to hear.

"I stopped her though. I was doped and just enjoying the feeling, but when I thought about you, I just felt guilty and made her stop."

She nodded, pulling the hood up of her sweatshirt and went back to just leaning her back against the car. "I don't know why you didn't just talk to me." She muttered, looking out into the creek.

"I tried," I replied, feet swinging to release some of the nervousness built up inside. "You didn't want to talk."

We listened to the creek for a few more minutes, neither of us sure what to say next. I reach over and nudged her shoulder playfully.

"I guess I should thank you. And Madison. She hit me pretty hard at Hery's."

She let out a surprised laugh, covering her mouth when the noise echoed. "She really hit you?"

I nodded. "Yeah. But I guess it was about time we really started to be honest with each other. You, me and her. But I think you're right. It's probably a good idea to stay away from Hery's for a bit."

She walked over so she was standing between my legs, resting her hands on my thighs. "Of course I'm right. It was hard enough watching Aiden struggle with his addiction. But as long as we're being honest…" She drew a circle on the top of my thigh, suddenly seeming shy. "I think that it made me accept that I probably have feelings for you, too."

I smirked, looking down at the brunette in front of me. "Probably?" I teased.

She smacked my leg gently. "Probably. I'm pretty mad that you basically hooked up with someone else. If you were trying to make me jealous, you succeeded." She let out a noise that sounded a lot like a growl. "I almost nailed that smug bitch's face when she walked past me."

"Cute." I giggled. "Are we okay though? I'd hate to have you stay mad." I gave her my best pout, making her annoyed face crack with a smile.

She tapped my leg as if she was thinking before leaning forward, planting a kiss on my cheek. "Hmm I think I'll let myself stay mad for a bit." She gave me a dramatic wink before stepping back and walking to get back into the car.

I smiled to myself, hopping off the trunk and pulling my cellphone out of the pocket of my joggers to check the time. Something else fell out of my pocket and landed onto the dust at my feet, and I looked away from my phone screen in curiosity. A small blue baggie stood out from the light tan dirt, making my stomach flutter. I looked through the back window where I could see Ashley sitting in the passenger seat, eyes down at the phone in her lap.

I looked back down at the baggie on the ground, conflicted. After a moment of hesitation I picked it up, tucking it back into my pocket. I couldn't just leave it on the ground for someone else to find, I rationalized, walking around the car to the driver's side. That would be irresponsible.

I turned the ignition and smiled at the gorgeous brunette besides me. In my mind I tried to recall when Lena would have been able to sneak the drugs into my pocket without me knowing, wondering if she thought I would take the drugs when I found them. It was a good question. If it had been a definite no, I would have left them on the ground. I found myself doubting my resolve as I drove off, the baggie burning against my leg the more I tried to push the craving away.

It was a long drive back to the cabin in the woods.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Thank you, sonfanatic, for reminding me that I've been negligent. Dedicating this chapter to you 3 . Things have been pretty hectic around here and I got swept up. Also got Far Cry: Primal which is taking over my life. Writing is my reprieve of the outside world, and it's high time I revisited the SON universe.**

 **And the SON universe welcome you as well. Enjoy!**

It was quiet in the woods. Despite the unusually warm weather there were no bird calls or even the rustling of the leaves. It was like everything was still in hibernation, hiding away while the rest of us faced the dangers of the real world.

I was sitting on a rock in the woods behind the cabin a few meters out, the cabin barely visible behind the barren trees and pines. The ride with Ashley was almost overwhelming with silence, but the silence in the woods was reassuring in an almost hypocritical manner. But at least out here I didn't feel like I had to question things and that I could breath.

For now me and Ashley were in a better place. She seemed more open she was at first, and she admitted in a very Ashley way to having feelings for me too. With Hery's help it seemed like we might be able to get rid of the coke quick enough for Glen to get off my back, and for it seemed like he was doing his job and keeping us under the radar.

When me and Ashley had first arrived back at the cabin, Aiden updated us saying that he had a few high rollers who were also buying by the ounce. After only a couple of days, our supply was down a quarter. A few more deals were lined up, and we would be halfway to the finish line.

With everything going so well, you would think I would be satisfied. Happy even. I sighed, turning the little blue baggie over and over with my fingers. Madison and Ashley made it clear that they disapproved of this stuff, and knowing Aiden's history with the stuff now helped me understand his concern. I hated myself for even picking the baggie back up instead of leaving it on the ground and driving away. It was a little reminder that I was weaker than I thought, and the thought made me want to throw the little bag of heroin into the woods.

But I didn't, and the blue baggie stayed inside my tightly clenched fist. The little monster hiding in the shadows of my mind growled hungrily as I opened my hand, looking at the blue square resting on my palm. My fingers twitched, anxious to open the bag and taste the inside.

I shook my head, trying to clear my head, clenching my hand shut again.

 _"It's only a matter of time before she gets you hooked."_

Madison's upset words echoed in my mind and I dropped my head. Was I already hooked? Is that why I couldn't just throw the damn thing away? I had never had this kind of resistance with cocaine. The choice was always mine, and turning away from it was as easy as declining another drink at the bar. I knew I didn't need it, or necessarily want it, so walking away from it wasn't much of an issue.

The loud smack of the screen door of the back entrance of the cabin echoed in the empty woods, and I quickly turned my head, slipping the bag back into my pocket. Ashley's familiar brown curls bobbed in the distance until she spotted me, her footsteps crackling as she stepped on the dry brown leaves that covered the forest floor. After a minute she stood in front of where I was perched on the boulder, looking up. I was a good three feet higher than she was, the height of the boulder being the main thing that appealed to me.

She hoisted herself up and sat down besides me, dangling her legs down over the side like I was. "Nice view." She commented, looking out into the woods.

I shrugged, kicking at the stone nervously with my heel. "It looked like a good spot to sit." I replied as my fingers nervously scratched at my knee. She caught the motion and grabbed onto my hand, pulling my hand into her lap and holding it firmly.

"Aiden says the cravings never go away, but they do fade." She said quietly. "At least you didn't fall to far into it. You might escape it."

I sighed, leaning my head on her shoulder. "I don't know how to explain it, Ash. It's like there's something lurking in my head, urging me."

She gave my hand a light squeeze. "Aiden called it the demon in his head. He even talks to it sometimes." She laughed lightly even though it didn't reach her eyes. "It's like the little devil on your shoulder."

I picked my head back up and gazed at her, her face still tired and sad. I felt a little twinge of guilt curl back up in my stomach. Dealing with this with Aiden was probably hard on her, and here I was doing the same thing. I could feel the baggie burning a hole in my pocket and common sense told me to give it to Ashley. The common sense was muted by the monster, and the words wouldn't leave my lips.

Ashley must have seen the conflict on my face because she squeezed my hand harder, forcing me to look at her from where my eyes had lowered. "You will get past this." She was trying to reassure me, but it only seemed to make me feel worse.

"Ashley, I…"

I was cut off by a shout from the cabin, and we turned, barely making out Aiden from behind the trunks and branches. A flash of flesh as he waved beckoned us over. We exchanged a quick glance before climbing off the boulder, walking quickly to where Aiden stood.

He looked nervous, looking at me. "Spence, your brother is here."

I gave him a confused look. "Here? Really?" I walked past him into the house, meeting my brother who was already seated on the couch in the den. His feet were up on the table, looking like he had made himself right at home.

Hearing my footsteps, he looked over, a smile on his face. "Spencer! Good to see you again!" He said, standing up. "I wanted to check in, see how you guys were doing!" The cheerfulness in his voice sounded forced, and his eyes were dull and empty. Something was definitely off.

"What's wrong, Glen?" I asked, perhaps a bit more forcefully than I had meant to be.

His smile dropped and he ran a hand over his blond close-cut hair. He was wearing plainclothes, which was nice in comparison to the gray state uniform he usually wore: an unbuttoned navy Oxford with a white tee and a pair of denim jeans and running shoes. It reminded me of how he was back in high school when we were much closer, and I felt my face soften slightly.

"I know it's been only four days, but things are getting a bit strained on my end. I'm dropping off the second key, and I need it all gone in two weeks tops." He picked up a briefcase that was on the floor and opened it, a paper-wrapped block sitting on a stack of tan files. He pulled it out and dropped it on the table.

"I'm doing what I can on my side to make sure you guys are clear. I've even been taking extra patrol shifts just to be able to keep an eye out." A closer look told me that he was just exhausted as we were, albeit for different reasons. Even though he was only 26, there was traces of gray among the blond on his head, and I wondered just what my older brother was getting into.

Aiden unlocked the lockbox on the glass table and pulled out a stack of bills, dropping it on the table in front of Glen. "I suppose you want your cut now from what we've sold," he said as he grabbed the second brick and locked it inside the black box.

Glen picked up the stack and ruffled through it, nodding. "This helps, thanks. I'm surprised that you've sold so much." He sounded genuinely surprised and looked a little relieved.

I narrowed my eyes. "I told you everything was fine. Just some minor bumps in the road. But me and you are going to have to talk about this." It wasn't an option, and by the look of submission on his face he understood.

"Soon, sis. I promise. Let's just get through this, okay?" His look was pleading. He wasn't going to give me answers now, but I was certainly going to get them in the future. Not what I wanted but at least he was co-operating.

He stood up, lifting the briefcase as he rose. "Have you talked to Mom?" He asked me, face solemn.

The question caught me off guard. Me and my mother haven't spoken in at least two years. "No, is everything okay?"

"She's living with Clay in Harrisburg. You should probably call her." With that he turned away, heading for the door. "Give me an update in a few days. We'll grab a coffee." He lifted his hand in a wave and left.

Why would he tell me to call Mom? My eyes stayed glued on the front door, lost in thought. I haven't talked to Clay in about as long as my mother; he had always been much closer to her than Glen or me. Her moving in with him in the capitol was concerning, considering how she originally moved back to California when I was 20. Why was she here?

Ashley stood behind me and reached out to grab my hand. "Everything okay?" She asked.

I turned to look at the brunette, her eyes full of nothing but concern. It almost felt like most of the time that's all they were filled with. I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

"I think I should head home." I stated. I glanced over at the black box. "Let me grab some of that. I'm going to swing by Boca's on the way home and see if Bo is around. I'm sure he'll want some for his shift tonight."

Aiden nodded and tossed me a gram bag. "Let me know if you need more and I'll run up, okay?" He offered. I nodded and looked around.

"Wait. I thought Madison was here?" I inquired, realizing I had yet to see my Latina friend since arriving at the cabin.

Aiden gave me a confused look. "She had work tonight, I think. You'll probably see her at Boca's." I bit my lip, thinking before walking out the door.

I walked over to my car and started to open the door when I noticed that Ashley had followed me out. I rested a hand on the roof of the car, squinting my eyes against the late afternoon sun. She held up my smartphone for me to see. I must have left it somewhere.

"You forgot your phone!" She said, standing on the other side of the door. "And a goodbye." She added cheekily.

I gave her a half-smile. "I thought you were still mad about Lena." I joked.

"I am." She replied. "You sure you're okay?"

I closed the car door and leaned against it, folding my arms protectively against my chest. "I don't know. Things are weird with my mom. We haven't been close the last few years. She's…" I paused, thinking of the right word to describe my mother. "She's a very complicated woman."

"So are you." Ashley countered, stepping in front of me. She reached forward and untucked my arms, grabbing onto my hands. "I know we've been having issues talking about things, but I am here for you. Especially now." She tugged at my hands, forcing me to stand straight instead of leaning.

"Why now? Why not before?" I asked, looking down. I was starting to feel stressed, mind sifting through possibilities involving my mom's news and everything that my life had become. It made me itch, an itch that only caught the attention of the monster in my head.

She let out a sigh and let go of my hands, one hand rubbing the tip of her nose in frustration. It was almost cute. "I don't know why, Spencer. There's a lot of things I don't know, and don't understand." She took a step back, and for a minute I felt bad. I was always questioning her it seemed.

"There are things inside of me that would scare you. The things I'm capable of, the things that I have done. It's dark and it's shameful. But you," she reached over and reconnected our hands. "You just keep pushing, despite me pushing you away. It makes me think that if I gave you a chance, maybe I'll find the good things."

"Gave me a chance? Like I'm just a trial run?" I could hear the accusation in my voice even though I knew perfectly well what she meant. Still the irritation flared up unwarranted, and I could feel the burn in my pocket.

"Stop." She stated, reaching up so that she could lift my chin up and look me in the eyes. "Stop fighting with me. I know you know what I meant."

I sighed, conceding, and pulled her remaining hand that was still holding mine. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, burying my nose into her hair in a hug. We stood like that for a minute, feeling each other breathe. It was calming, and I was thankful that she had followed me out.

She pulled away so she could look at me. "Call me if you need anything, even if it's just to say hey, please?" She asked. I nodded and she leaned forward, pecking my lips softly before she stepped away. "And if you need company or if you feel tempted at all, I promise, I'll be right by your side."

I gave her a coy look. "I didn't think you were the smoothy type." I teased, shoving her away.

She rolled her eyes and gave me a glare, a look that I had come to associate with the brunette. "Fuck off, Carlin. Go home." She said, her look saying serious but her green eyes lit with humor. She turned away and walked back into the cabin. I smiled before entering the car and starting my trip back to Essex.

XOXO

I pulled into Boca's parking lot, surprised at how empty the parking lot considering it was the middle of dinner. Inside I checked the computer on the host stand, discovering that they only had a handful of tables throughout the day.

I made my way to the back of the kitchen to the dish pit where I spotted Bo, tossing a spoon that was lying on the dish line in his direction. His eyes shot up and he smiled when he saw me.

"Hey kiddo! What brings ya here?" He wiped his hands on the wet and dirty apron he wore before coming around the line. "Missed ya the last couple of days."

I gave him a small smile. "I come bearing gifts." I said, patting my pocket. His eyes lit up and he started to pull the apron off.

"Let me just grab my jacket." He said with a wink.

I nodded and headed to the front of the restaurant, choosing to wait for him in the lobby before I got yelled at for unacceptable footwear. The new KM named Mossman was kind of a dick when it came to safety regulations.

Soon enough Bo appeared, a light spring in his step that made you think the man was in his youth. It was almost comical to witness. We walked to the car and got in, shutting the doors against the wind.

The thing about the town of Essex was that it rested on the top of a flat hill, the mountains in Birdsbury blowing down, turning Essex into a wind tunnel. It made the weather unpredictable, and made me glad that at least Chester was in a valley and away from the hectic weather patterns.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out the baggie, opening my palm to show to the old man.

"Eh? You grabbed two?" He asked, looking puzzled.

I looked at my open palm and saw the clear bag and the blue one sat side by side. I hurriedly shoved the blue one back into my pocket. "No, no, that's something different." I pointed at the floor at his feet. "Plate?" I asked.

He reached under and pulled out the orange plate. "What is it?" He asked, his curiosity obviously piqued.

"Don't worry about it. You'd get upset if you knew anyway." I said the last part under my breath, thinking the old man wouldn't hear me, but the look he gave me told me he did.

"Ya ever hear of a speedball?" He asked, handing me the plate.

I accepted it and set it in my lap, pulling a razor blade from the stash drawer and cutting the small baggie of coke open. I poured out about half and wrapped the opened baggie in a gum wrapper that was on the floor.

"Yes, and I'm not doing that. I was supposed to get rid of this before my friends kill me." I responded.

He gave me a puzzled look. "Then why do you still have it?"

I paused mid-chop. I hadn't been able to bring myself to chuck it; there was a small part of me that was just begging to consume it. That small part was at war with the rest of me, telling me that no good came out of the substance. I found myself pulling it back out of my pocket, shoving it in his direction.

"Then you take it." I said, almost literally spitting the words out. As soon as the bag left my fingers, I could feel my heart ache. If Ashley could give me a chance, then the least I could do is fight the urge for her.

The old man happily tucked it into the front pocket of his blue jacket, grabbing a taped bill already rolled on the way back out. The lines were cut and equally spread, and he handed me the roll.

After a quick glance around the parking lot I did my line, handing the bill back to Bo. He did his, sniffing lightly after and rolling his eyes.

"Damn babe, this is good shit." He looked at me with wide eyes. "This ain't Aiden's normal stuff is it?"

I shook my head. "It's a new temporary supply. Just let him know if you're interested." I paused. "Just anything you buy, keep it to yourself. Management's keeping an eye on you, and I don't want to get you in trouble."

He shrugged. "Aren't they always, though?" He gave me a tap and then hustled out of the car. "Thanks for the pick-me-up. I should head back in before Mossman has a fit." He said cheekily.

I sat for a minute, enjoying the buzz. I guess now would be as good a time as ever to head home and see what was going on with my mother.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: I keep apologizing for disappearing for a few days. I'm not going to in the future because it will just keeping happening. Hopefully you enjoy this next chapter. Ta!**

The sun had set before six, and by seven I was outside walking to the adjacent lot where I had parked my car. I tapped the screen on my phone, turning the screen on where my contacts app was open. I scrolled down to where my mom's name was listed. I hopped up onto the trunk of my ford sedan and stared at her name for a moment. Setting the phone down on the metal, I pulled a half-burned joint out of my pocket. There was no way I was talking to my mom sober.

I pulled headphones out of my pocket and plugged them into the cellphone, opening my Spotify app and putting on some background music while I smoked. The parking lot was empty surprisingly. Usually I would see a few people coming home from work or walking their dogs making it hard to smoke without getting paranoid. Thankfully in the five minutes it took to power smoke the joint I was left in peace.

The weed started to hit my eyes first as I picked the phone up, closing the music app and bringing the contacts list back up. The blue light from the screen felt too bright, and I rubbed my eyes hoping to alleviate the fuzziness weed brought to my sight. My heart beat heavy in my chest and I was unsure if it was from smoking or just the general anxiety that came with calling my mother.

She wasn't a bad person. She was just exhausting to talk to on a good day. We were totally opposite people in most ways, and the conflicting personalities meant that we had a plethora of differing opinions where the conversations were rife with subliminal condescension.

I paused mid-thought. That was a lot of big words in one sentence. I smirked with amusement before remembering that I was in the middle of something. This weed really was something.

I glanced down at my phone, realizing that it had gone back to sleep again and unlocked the screen, frowning at my mom's name. I braced myself before clicking her contact.

The ringtone came in through the headphones, blocking out the noise of the cars from the turnpike behind the development. After a ring or two she picked up, her voice filling my ears at a volume that was fairly uncomfortable. I turned the volume down.

"Spencer! I was wondering if I would ever see your name pop up on my phone again." Her voice was achingly sweet and innocent and it made the hair on the back of my neck stand.

"Glen said to call. It sounded like something was wrong. Are you okay?" I asked her carefully. A small part of me was dreading her response. No matter what the issue was, it was going to cost me a lot of headache.

"Did he? I'm perfectly fine dear. I was actually planning on giving you a call myself." I could tell she was enjoying this.

"So you're perfectly healthy? Why are you at Clay's then?"

I could hear her huff on the other line. "It takes me being gravely ill for my own children to speak to me. Carol's children call her every day you know." She tittered. The sound of her taking a sip barely made it over the line followed by a clink of glass. She cleared her throat before resuming. "I don't know what Glen's issue is. He's been so standoffish lately. Sharon from church said her son David started acting like that when he was addicted to marijuana…"

I cut her off. "You can't get addicted to marijuana." I pointed out, itching for her to get to the point.

"You can get addicted to anything. Your aunt Brenda was addicted to little creepy porcelain kittens for years before we forced her to throw the damn things out."

I rolled my eyes and covered them with my hands. Jesus fucking Christ. "Mom, I don't think that's the right context for that word." I groaned, the impatience clear in my tone.

She gave a sigh and I could almost picture the look of dramatic dismay on her face. "Jeeze, Spence, it almost sounds like you don't want to talk to me."

I leaned back, resting against the rear windshield and looking up into the early cloudy night sky. The stars twinkled between the clouds. It was ironic how everything tonight felt so peaceful when I felt anything but when it came to my life.

"Just get to the point mom. Glen got me worried and it just makes me wonder what you told him that made it seem like something happened. "

"Something did happen. I got engaged. I'm getting married in a month."

I sat up, almost sliding off the car in the process. Married? "I wasn't even aware you were dating anyone." I tried to think back to the last time I talked with her if she had mentioned seeing someone, but it felt like it was too soon since my dad passed. Then again that was over five years ago and if I was being honest I'm surprised it took her this long.

"Well we were only dating for seven months. If you called me more often then you would know these things instead of being left in the dark." I can tell she was trying to play it off, but the uncertainty in her voice gave her away.

"Seven months isn't long enough to even consider marriage, Mom. Especially to a guy your kids haven't even met yet. Isn't that weird to you?"

"Clay knew about it," she answered.

I laughed dryly. "Speaking of Clay, if you're engaged now why are you living with him here in Pennsylvania if you were just living in California?" I questioned. The engagement was news, but I knew it couldn't be the whole story. I would gamble my life away that there was something much bigger going on behind what my mother was trying to tell me.

She paused for a few minutes, probably trying to figure out the best way to word surprise number two. She was quiet for so long that I thought we had been disconnected until her voice came through again. "We're having the wedding here in PA since that is where Steve lives, and Clay said that I could live with him until Steve has his own place."

I blinked, stunned. I wasn't sure if I understood her correctly; maybe I was just that high that I misheard her somehow. "Wait, I'm confused. Steve lives here? I thought you dated for seven months. And he doesn't have his own place?"

I could hear her gulping at her drink, probably wine, before she answered, no doubt preparing herself. "We met online. On Christian Mingle so I know he's a good man. He's flown out to visit a few times a month. He still lives with his parents." Her words sounded rushed.

I choked trying to hold back a snort. " _Lives with his parents_? Mom, you're like 45. What man your age lives with his parents?" I asked in disbelief.

"I'm only 40, Spencer." She said defensively.

"Seriously? You were born in 1972." I countered.

She huffed in annoyance. "Whatever. Steve is just a little younger than I am, and he's going through a difficult time and his parents are helping him out. Why are you being so disagreeable. You sound just like your brother."

I lifted an eyebrow and frowned. "How much younger is he?"

"Why does it matter?" She retorted. After getting a growl of annoyance from me she answered. "He's 29." She said it so lowly that I almost missed it entirely.

"Wait, WHAT." Did she just say what I think she said? "You've got to be fucking joking." I hung up the phone as she started to explain. That was the final straw, and I was no longer willing to continue the conversation. No wonder Glen seemed so dour before. His new step-father was only a few years older than he was.

After a moment of being dumbfounded and ignoring the calls from my mother, I dialed Glen's number. He answered instantly. "So I take it you talked to Mom?" He asked.

"Yeah. What the fuck? I honestly wish she had cancer now. I could deal with that." I replied, lighting a cigarette and taking a deep puff.

He laughed softly. "Yup, same. I figured you wouldn't believe me if I told you. I didn't believe it when Clay called to tell me. He's about as skeptical as us, but he's too nice to shut her down."

I bit my lip, ashing the cigarette over the side of the car. "So what do you think? I ended up hanging up on her." I took another drag off the cigarette, eyeing the peeling skin on the side of my fingernail. Tomato juice always seemed to dry out my hands.

"So did I. I knew if I stayed on the phone with her I would end up being a major dick about it," he replied, making me smile. Mom was right, Glen and I were pretty similar. "I don't like it at all but I know if I say anything she would turn it into something else."

"Yeah she thinks there's something wrong with you. I'm paraphrasing here, but she thinks you're addicted to marijuana." I could hear him laugh, finding the idea as ridiculous as I had.

"I'm sure she'll be asking me about that soon enough."

"Speaking of drugs, what is going on? Are you going to tell me why we're dealing drugs for you or are you going to just keep me in the dark?" I questioned, the change of topic throwing him off.

"I don't want to talk about this on the phone," he said shortly.

"But still, Glen. This is just making me uncomfortable and I get the idea that you're in trouble."

He sighed and hummed lightly. "Um, now is really not a good time to talk about this. But raincheck? When is your next day off? We can grab lunch?" He offered, seemingly distant.

I mentally checked my schedule, a little dismayed that I worked straight the next six days. "I won't have a day off until next Thursday." I informed him.

"That works." The response was absent and quick, followed by the click of him cutting off the call. I suppose that was karma for hanging up on my mother. With a soft sigh I pulled the headphones out of my ears and wrapped them around my phone, shoving them into my pocket.

I unlocked the car and popped open the glove compartment, removing the gray canvas bag that held my weed stuff. Using my blue candy skull pipe, I packed the bowl with some more bud and took a puff, hoping that maybe the weed would help calm my racing thoughts.

I can't even say that the whole engagement thing surprised me. Granted I give her points for the shock effect, but in terms of predictability it ranked high on the list of things only my mother was capable of. It didn't help that I still felt like there was something that she wasn't telling us about this whole engagement, and when that truth finally comes out it would only be the cherry on the cake.

She didn't even bother to tell us she was dating someone knew. Sure, she was right about me not calling. However, communication was a two way street and if my memory was correct, it's not like she tried to call me either. This was one of those moments that felt so surreal, like it was just the product of bad writing from a desperate author hoping to throw a curveball. I paused the thought, looking up into empty space. Did I just break the fourth wall?

I shook my head, banishing the thought. Maybe I was smoking too much weed. My phone vibrated in my pocket, signaling an incoming call. I untangled the device from my pocket and the knot of cord, finally accepting the call and holding it to my ear.

"What?" I asked, putting the weed away and getting out of the car before things got weird.

"You okay?" A smooth rasp answered.

My ears perked up. "Ashley! Good, I thought you were my mother." I replied, feeling a little relieved since I had failed to check who was calling.

"I take it the call didn't go well? Is she sick?" Her voice sounded worried.

I rolled my eyes. "God, no. I wish it was that simple."

"What?" She sounded surprised and slightly appalled by my choice of words. "Do you want me to come get you? You sound weird." The sound of jingling keys told me she was already getting her things to leave, and while the idea was cute, seemed a little out of character for someone who was usually pretty withdrawn.

"It's fine, seriously. I'm just a little high. You don't have to go anywhere." I changed ears, scratching a bit at my neck. "I'll be at work tomorrow, so I can talk to you then."

"Is this you're way of telling me you don't want to talk?" She asked, her tone going from concerned to reserved. That felt a bit more familiar.

"Don't take it personally. I just had a hell of a conversation, and I really just don't want to relive it again." I explained, hoping she would understand. She gave a curt affirmative and hung up, and I couldn't help but feel a bit offended.

I felt pretty conflicted about this new development between Ashley and I. On one hand I was pretty happy. I had torn myself apart accepting these feeling for her, which was something I had never anticipated, and had struggled for what felt like ages trying to get her to be honest. It was a huge accomplishment when she finally admitted to returning feelings.

On the other hand, I felt almost disappointed. As if there had been so much buildup for something so anti-climatic. It felt almost cheap and I wasn't even sure if Ashley was just doing this for me to keep me from doing something stupid or if she genuinely felt the same in return. She seemed to insist that it was what she wanted, but it felt like she was trying too hard. It certainly didn't help the fact that it took me getting strung out on heroin for her to make a decision.

I still liked her. It's not like when you're five crying over candy, only to decide you don't want it after mom gives it to you. I still have feeling and I want to be with her. I just really want it to feel like she feels the same, not like she was obligated to.

I tried to clear the thoughts from my head, the struggle only giving way to a headache. It really just felt too much for one day. I locked the car up and headed back to my townhouse, deciding it would probably be best to just take an early night.

XOXO

February had come and gone, and my first day off in a week landed me on the first day of March. After my phone call with my mom I had gone recluse, keeping my head down and doing my best to avoid everyone. I had succeeded, keeping conversations down to polite small talk and making excuses for not being able to help out. So far I hadn't told anyone about what had happened with my mom, and it stayed in my favor since most people assumed that was the reason I needed space.

To be honest though, I was just exhausted and it was making me depressed. The last week was a mostly sober one asides from the occasional smoke session late at night before bed. Sobriety left me tired and slow, my body burning extra fuel for recovery to reverse the damage the intoxicants left in my body. It left me irritable and miserable, and I fell asleep Wednesday night with relief knowing that I had the day free to do nothing but huddle in my blankets and sleep the day away.

I stretched slightly from my position in my bed, trying to relieve muscles that were stiff from being in the same position for the last ten hours. I glanced at the time on my phone feeling slightly dismayed when I noticed that I had still managed to wake up earlier than planned. I pulled my black blanket up over my head, trying to block out some of the sun so that I could go back to sleep.

Downstairs I could hear Mary and Mike talking quietly to each other as they got ready for their work days. Thursday was the only day when only I had off, free to enjoy my morning and early afternoon without being bothered by the other housemates. They seemed to understand that I wasn't feeling well and left me well enough alone, but I could still tell that Mary was concerned about my wellbeing. She had yet to talk to me about her worries, but I felt that it was only a matter of time.

Soon enough they left, shutting and locking the door behind them, leaving me in total silence in the empty house. Wrapped in my blanket cocoon I laid still, reveling in the comfortable silence. It was nice knowing that I had nowhere to be, no errands to run and no reason to get up other than to respond to the call of nature. I could lie here in the warmth of my own body and pretend that nothing else existed outside my room. I smiled and closed my eyes, trying to recall the dream I woke out of, hoping to return to my little dream land.

I managed to fall asleep for another hour before being rudely awoken by the sound of rapt knocking and Bizket's loud barking. I exhaled through my nose slowly, irate that my peaceful snooze was interrupted by an uninvited guest. I laid still, hoping they would think no one was home. No such luck, the visitor knocked again.

With a huff I stood up, the sudden lack of warmth bringing goosebumps on my skin as I walked through the house. I flung open the front door, totally oblivious to the fact that not only was I sporting some wicked bedhead, but that I was also without pants. The chill from outside brought the bareness of my legs to my attention. Whoops.

Madison and Ashley stood outside on the small stoop outside the door. So much for my peace and quiet. I turned and walked inside, leaving the door open so that they could come it. They entered the townhouse, closing the door quietly and following me upstairs without a word. I crawled back into bed, curling up in the corner against the wall so that my two friends had room to sit if they wanted. Ashley took a seat on the bed, legs crossed and facing me while Madison sat in a similar position on the floor. Since my mattress was on the floor, it made no difference in height and she could comfortably stay in the group.

We stayed in silence, me waiting for them to state their purpose for bothering them and them presumably waiting for me to greet them at least. We ended up just stubbornly staring at one another.

Eventually Ashley was the first to make a move, reaching forward and putting her hand on the blanket covering my thigh. My eyes flicked to meet her hazel eyes, which were blank and without expectation. When they migrated to Madison's green ones, I was surprised to see hers were the opposite. They were furrowed, as if angry, and her lips were tight.

" _Mija_ , you have to stop being miserable. You know I can't be this quiet for so long." She said finally after realizing she had my attention. "Is your mom dying or what?"

Ashley reached over and gave her a shove. "Don't be so insensitive, you fuckwit," she hissed. She looked back at me apologetically.

"She insisted we come over and check in on you. You've been pretty absentminded all week." She explained, hand returning to my leg. I stared at the two of them for a moment before answering.

"She's not dying." I said flatly.

Madison's face turned into relief, and then switched back to annoyance. "So then why the silent treatment, girl?"

I shrugged and sat up, adjusting the blanket so it laid over my shoulders. "She's just getting married."

Ashley looked confused, unsure as to why I was in the mood I was in. "Married? Is that all?" She asked, re-arranging herself so that she was propped up against the wall. I moved back so I was beside her, leaning and resting my head on her shoulder.

"Yeah, to some 29 year old she met on Christian Mingle."

They stared at me blankly, letting the news soak in. "Oh," they said simultaneously. Ashley grabbed my hand, holding it in her lap as we all sat in silence.

"That's, um… interesting." Madison finally commented, uncomfortably fidgeting with her hands. "I didn't think her as the cougar type."

Her reply caused my mouth to twitch into a smile. At least she had a sense of humor about it.

"It's definitely something," I confirmed. The room fell silent again, none of us really sure how to have a conversation about the news. Instead of speaking I just shifted so I could put my head in Ashley's lap, her nimble fingers combing through my tangle of hair.

The silence seemed to suit everyone fine, and soon Madison joined us on the bed, laying on her stomach as she played a match-3 game on her phone. Ashley seemed content playing with my hair, which only seemed to put me to sleep.

Their voices brought me back awake, but I kept my eyes closed, content with them assuming I was still napping.

"It's still fucked up. I'd say anything over five years is pushing it. Her mom has to be in her 40's, and that's like a minimum of a ten year difference. That's fucking gross." I heard Madison's voice say, her voice mimicking her disgust.

"Isn't her brother like, 25 or 26? That guy is young enough to be their brother." Ashley agreed, hands still running through my blond locks.

"Right. I'd be fucked up about it, but I don't see why she's being so moody." I could feel myself stiffen out of reflex at Madison's words, but thankfully it went unnoticed by the two girls.

I could feel Ashley shift uncomfortably. "She's been through a lot, Madison. Give her a break." Ashley said in my defense.

Madison sucked her teeth. "No thanks to you. It's all because of you she had to go though all that stress."

Ashley stiffened underneath me, and I could tell her walls were about to go up. "You don't need to remind me. I'm well aware how much pain I caused her. I'm trying to make up for it."

I could almost see the eye roll Madison gave the girl through my closed eyelids. "I think I do need to remind you. You don't deserve that girl. She's too good for you, and I know you know I'm right." She paused, and the bed shifted slightly as she sat up.

"You let her go all that time thinking that you didn't think twice about her, and yet here you are, playing the part of caring girlfriend. A commitment you have yet to offer her." She pointed out.

Ashley scoffed lightly. "I'm not playing the part. I really do care about her, and I've told her." She said defensively, hand pausing mid-stroke.

"So? Who doesn't care about her. Yet she still is waiting for you to go cold again." Madison bit back.

There was a pause before Ashley's response. "How do you know?" Her question wasn't said with attitude. In fact, it seemed like she was worried, as if Madison knew something she didn't. "Isn't this what she wants?"

Madison let out a laugh before stifling it, trying not to wake me up. "Why does that fucking matter? Is this what you want? Because if it isn't than you are just wasting her time. That's an offense that I could kill you for." Her tone suggested she was joking, but I knew the Latina enough to know that she could kill someone for lesser crimes.

"I don't know. I feel like I need her, but it's kind of scary. I've never felt like I've needed someone around. I don't know if I'm even ready for that." Her response didn't come as a surprise really. She had mentioned to me personally that she didn't know what she was doing. Her response seemed to have surprised Madison however.

"Then why the fuck are you even here? You need to figure yourself out." She snapped.

I decided that now would be a good time to "wake up" before Madison went off. I could already tell where this was going. I stretched my arms out in front of me, snuggling my face into the brunettes lap and yawning a bit excessively. I opened my eyes, noticing that both brunettes were staring down at me. I could see by their expressions they were trying to figure out how long I had been awake.

Madison stood up off the bed, grabbing the keys she had on the floor. "I should get going. My mom's making _empanadas_ for lunch and I am certainly not missing it just to watch you take a nap." She said, giving me a light smile. "You call me, _si_?" She asked.

I nodded the best I could given my position and she left, the front door soon slamming shut and the sound of her Mercedes starting coming in through the cracked window. I turned my body so I was looking up at Ashley from her lap, noticing that she was still staring at the bedroom door.

"You okay?" I asked carefully.

She glanced down at me, a look a doubt darkening her features. "Do you really think I'm just going to stop caring?" She asked, her voice echoing her doubt.

I frowned, reaching over my chest to grab her hand. "Maybe a little. I don't think you can really blame me. You did say you were just giving me a chance last week."

Her eyes darkened in regret as she looked down at my face. "You know I didn't mean it like that." She muttered, intertwining my fingers. "This is just new for me. I don't… do feelings and things."

I sat up, propping myself on an arm as I studied her. "I know, and I'm happy that you're willing to try. But who's to say that a few weeks from now you decide that you still 'don't do feelings' and want out? I don't want you to feel stuck with me."

She looked lost, unsure of what was the right thing to say at this moment. "I don't feel stuck with you now though. This is what I want right now. Why do people expect me to just automatically know these things? Make a decision right here and now? That's not fair." Her eyes looked glassy, like she was holding back tears, and I felt like I understood what she meant.

It tugged on my heart, and for a moment I felt bad for shutting her out the last week. Maybe she was trying too hard, but maybe it was because that's the way she thought she should be acting. I rubbed her thigh, examining the denim threading of her jeans. "You're right." I agreed, giving her leg a light scratch before looking up.

"I just wanted to make sure that this is what you wanted. You don't need to pretend to know what you're doing, or feel like you have to make up for things. Just be yourself and let me know if things change, okay?" I asked, reaching my hand up and touching her cheek. My thumb swiped up, catching a stray tear that had crept out of the corner of her eye.

She leaned into my hand, covering it with her own and sighing. "She's right. I don't deserve you." She whispered into my hand, looking blankly into empty space.

I sighed, not even bothering to correct her, choosing instead to pull myself onto her lap, holding her face softly with both hands. "Who cares?" I replied, tilting her head back with the tip of a finger, gazing into her solemn hazel eyes. I pushed her back until the back of her shoulders hit the wall, pushing my lips against hers. Instantly she responded, hands moving up to grab my by the waist. She pushed me back, changing our position so that my back was supported by the pile of pillows at the head of the bed and situated herself between my legs. One hand reached up to my cheek, reconnecting our lips briefly before pulling away. Her hands traveled down, holding onto my neck gently while her thumbs pushed my chin up, supporting my head from the underside.

Her nose brushed gently against mine, her soft warm breath against my parted lips. Her scent was all around me, intoxicating me, and I could feel the tension rise inside me in excitement and frustration having her so near me at last. She pushed my head back, thumbs traveling to my lips, tracing them to the edges of my mouth as she admired me openly. My eyes closed and my back arched, surprising me with how quickly I was getting turned on. Not that I was complaining at all.

She lowered her hands again, holding my jawline in her hands as she lifted my head up, grinding against me suggestively. She leaned down to capture my lips in an open mouthed kiss, instantly accepting my tongue without complaint. She sucked on it before entangling her own, taking back control as she battled her way into my own mouth. I pushed up so I was sitting upright, her on her knees between my legs, hands firm on either side of my neck.

One of my hands, which had been previously tangled in her brunette curls, slid down to her shoulder and ghosted over the front of her baggy shirt that only seemed to cover one shoulder. I could feel a hardened nipple through the material before my hand moved to grab onto her upper arm, using her arm to try and pull her closer to me.

She responded by separating our mouths, looking down at my blue eyes through hooded hazel ones. "Is this okay?" She panted, making sure she wasn't crossing any lines. I shook my head, eager to resume. I recaptured her lips, biting down tenderly on her lower one before soothing it with my tongue. She responded by pulling back, tilting my head to the side with a finger and capturing my earlobe with her teeth. She tugged on it lightly before licking it, pressing a kiss to the soft spot behind my ear. She felt me shiver, which seemed to only encourage her further. She kissed the spot again, then started to move down the length of my neck, my head still titled to the side with a thumb pressing against the underside of my jaw. It made my heart skip a beat.

Her other hand moved south, wrapping around a bare thigh and pulling it around her waist, pressing our bodies closer together. She continued her work on my neck, sucking and nibbling for a moment on my pulse point before following the trail along my collar bone.

My hands crept up underneath her shirt, feeling the firm muscle hidden by the soft material. My finger ghosted up her sides before feeling the edges of her breasts, the warm skin like silk beneath my fingers. Hard beaded nipples met my palms, and I felt Ashley gasp against the skin of my shoulder. Her hand left my thigh, running up my side and pulling the thin material of my shirt along with it. She moved down my body and placed wet, open mouthed kissed along my stomach as more skin became exposed.

Impatiently I yanked the shirt off, leaving my chest exposed. Her eyes hungrily checked out the freshly revealed skin, a look of appreciation on her face as she took me in. Instantly her mouth encased a nipple, her tongue flicking over the sensitive bud. Reflexively I arched my back, pushing more of the soft flesh into her mouth as she sucked on the rosy flesh. My hands rested on her back near her shoulder blades, pushing her down further into my chest.

With a pop she released the nipple, blowing softly on the wet flesh causing it to stand even further to attention, before moving on to the other one. Her hand moved up to continue teasing the first nipple. I moaned, grateful that we had the house to ourselves. I don't know if I would be able to stop this if my roommates came home right now.

She lifted herself up, pulling off her own shirt and tossing it to the floor. Instantly I leaned forward, brushing my lips to her tanned stomach and grabbing a small breast, thumb teasing over a dark nipple. She pulled my hair gently, pulling my head back and reconnecting our lips. Our tongues battled sloppily as we grew more impatient, pulling and grinding against one another, each aching to be as close as possible. In one smooth motion she pulled her jeans off, throwing them onto the floor with the rest of our clothes. Pale skin met tan, and I felt myself shiver at the contact.

I pulled her closer to me, kissing her taunt stomach as my hands reached around to massage her ass, relishing the feel of her skin on my palms. She threw her head back, brown curls tickling the skin of her back as she let out a small moan of pleasure. I dug my nails down, causing her to grind her center down against my lap.

With a deft movement she pushed me back down onto my back, grabbing at my panties and pulling them down past my knees. She flicked them onto the floor, kissing the inside of my thighs. She took her time, nibbling and biting at the warm flesh, inching her way closer to the apex of my legs. I could feel her warm breath against the wetness of my center, and my legs clenched together at the contact, imprisoning her head between my legs. She glanced up at me and I felt my face flush, chest heaving as I waited for her to make contact. She gave me a smirk before lowering her head.

She kissed the spot right over my slit, my hips jerking up in response. She reached up and grabbed my hip, holding me still. Slowly she licked from the bottom of my slit to the top, lapping up the wetness that had started to build up. Finding my clit, she gave it an experimental lick, causing my hips to jerk again. I whined, suddenly needing her even more. She teased my clit for a few moments, swirling it around with her tongue and occasionally giving it a quick nip.

I tightened my thigh's hold of her head, protesting her teasing, my moans begging her to move lower. Instead she broke free, sliding up my body. Her thumb pushed on my chin, forcing my mouth open, and she licked my bottom lip before filling my open mouth with her tongue. She kept me distracted with her tongue, one hand held fast on my throat while the other wandered somewhere out of sight.

I let out a loud groan, muffled slightly by her mouth, when I felt her fingers make contact with my pussy. She touched my opening, teasingly pushing a fingertip against me. I bit her tongue sharply and thrusted, trying to get her to give me what I needed. She pulled back, giving me a smirk, before entering me as slowly as possible.

My eyes slammed shut, arms falling from their hold on her to grab at the bed sheets, my hips raised to give the brunette better leverage. She retracted her finger, using the wetness to circle my clit again. I whimpered, my arms grabbing onto her shoulders and bringing her face down to my chest. She latched onto a nipple happily, fingers swirling my clit in rhythm with her nips and licks.

After a few seconds of teasing, she inserted two fingers back into my depths, working up a rhythm with the grinding of my hips. She ground against her hand, using her hips to aid in her motions, fingers curling seeking out the soft spot against the front of my walls. As soon as her fingers hit the sweet spot, a cry left my lips, nails digging into the skin of her shoulders.

Encouraged she worked faster, burying her face into the crook of my neck, breaths heavy and damp against my skin. I wrapped my legs around her pushing her fingers in deeper as I felt my walls begin to tighten, my own breaths becoming ragged as pressure built up in the lower part of my stomach.

"Ash…" I managed causing her to lift her head to look up at me. She paused her motions, dark eyes meeting mine with worry. I entangled a hand into her hand and pulled her face to mine, capturing her bottom lip as my hands began their own exploration.

I pushed her panties aside finding she was as equally wet as I was, inserting my fingers deeply into her without warning. She let out a deep, raspy moan that sounded like it came from deep in her chest, a sound that almost brought me to orgasm just from hearing it. She propped herself up with her free arm, head bowed down so her brunette hair cascaded around our faces encasing us in our own little world. We stared into each others eyes as we resumed out motions.

We ground into each other, falling into a rhythm that seemed to satisfy us both, each of us working frantically to get each other off. The room was full of heavy breaths and moans, the wet sounds of fingers pumping and skin making contact. The springs in the mattress squeaked in crescendo as our movement became more desperate, the both of us exchanging bites and scratches, kisses and we neared climax.

My walls tightened and I felt myself floor around her hand as she did the same, the pressure in my stomach releasing as I came. My legs loosened around her waist and dropped to the bed, numb with pleasure. Ashley groaned loudly as she came, falling onto my chest, resting as she struggled to catch our breaths

We both laid there in comfortable silence, listening to each other breath as we enjoyed the static pleasure that rippled though our bodies. After a moment or two Ashley removed her fingers, me jerking from residual sensitivity and did the same. She kept her head on my chest, listening to the heavy thuds of my heart.

"Wow," she muttered, eyes heavy lidded as she stared at the wall. Lazily I ran a hand up her sweat-dampened spine, feeling her shiver against me. She turned her head slightly to plant a kiss on my chest before resting it again.

After a few minutes we pulled ourselves apart, skin sticking to one another. She sat up from her position on my stomach, adjusting so she was laying on her side, propped up on her elbow. "You okay?" She asked, drawing patterns with her index finger around my belly button.

I nodded and rolled onto my side myself, pulling the brunette into me so her head was tucked beneath my chin. "Just cuddle with me." I said lazily, feeling myself growing sleepy. She sighed and pulled the blanket from the floor behind her, pulling it so it covered our naked bodies. After a moment her breaths evened out, and I found myself drifting off, holding the fragile girl tightly in my arms.

Even if she couldn't say how exactly she felt she definitely could demonstrate it, and at this moment, that was all the reassurance I needed.

 **A/N: Sorry if the love scene was a bit awkward. I find them the most difficult to write without being too sleezy.**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Hello, yes it's been a while. Hope ya'll still hanging around. I've been in the pokey (apparently if you don't pay on your disorderly conduct fines, PA can lock you up for a few days. waaaa?). Also have been stress cleaning and updating was at the bottom on my list of priorities. Updates should be more frequent now. Enjoy!**

Ashley was gone when I woke up, which really didn't surprise me. In fact, I was almost relieved that she had. Sleeping with her was not my intention. Don't get me twisted, I didn't regret it. It felt right and it eased all that pent up sexual tension between us. I could confidently say that it was the best sex I've had in ages. I should be feeling warm and fuzzy, full of smooshy girlie feelings. Instead I felt… I don't know, man. A weird combination of feelings.

I feel like I really psyched myself up for something, put all this expectation into it, only to find out it wasn't as grand as I thought it would be. Not that what happened was bad, or that I wasn't happy. I was happy. But I wasn't as happy as I thought I'd be. The idea of being with Ashley had filled my mind for so long, and I thought finally being with her would make me feel full of something, or at least bring me some kind of peace. I should be glowing from this achievement, and completely satisfied. So why wasn't I?

A buzzing sound under my pillow jostled me from my doze and I lifted my head, reaching a hand beneath the pillow to grab my phone. I squinted at the screen through the sleep fog, rubbing my eyes at the message that had popped up.

 **UNKNOWN: hey dragonslayer**

I narrowed my eyes at the text, trying to remember who I could have possibly given my number to. I certainly didn't recognize the number, and the area code was unfamiliar.

 **Spencer: who is this**

I stared at my phone while I waited for the response. After 15 minutes had passed I shrugged it off, figuring the other person had sent the message to the wrong number. I flipped to the Facebook app, feeling the phone vibrate once more after my newsfeed loaded.

 **UNKNOWN: im a little disappointed u haven't come back to Hery's. I'm offended really**

 **Spencer: Lena?**

The thought of Lena brought a shiver up my back and a brief flashback to lying on a hammock, the feeling of relaxed happiness flowing warmly through my blood. The last time that I had felt genuinely happy and carefree. It was easy to see how the stuff could be dangerous. I bit my lip, chewing a little harder shamefully when I realized that I was a bit too excited thinking that the message came from her.

 **Lena: surprise! U remember my name :P come over**

 **Spencer: I'm not supposed to…**

Now I definitely felt shameful.

Before I had a chance to decide on whether to take the invitation or not, my bedroom door swung open. Reflexively I locked the screen, dropping it onto the mattress and turning my body to face the door. To my surprise, and if we're honest my dismay, Ashley closed the bedroom door and approached the bed.

She was smiling slightly to herself; faint melody of a song playing from the headphones she wore was clear in the otherwise silent room. She didn't seem to notice that I was awake at first, and she seemed startled when she looked up from her phone and in my direction. Quickly she ripped out an ear bud.

"I didn't think you were awake yet," she said sheepishly. "I had to run home really quick to shower and change. I didn't think you'd notice." She sat down on the bed besides me, taking a sip from a Wawa cup she had been holding.

"I thought you had left." I responded, plucking the cup from her hand and taking an experimental sip. Apparently Ashley drank her coffee black and unsweetened. I pulled a face, handing her back the bitter drink.

Her brow furrowed, obviously worried that I was upset. I raised my hand before she could say anything. "Don't be concerned, I wasn't upset. I just wasn't sure if you were coming back." I rested my hand on her thigh, the other hand wrapping around my phone.

"I was going to text you but I didn't think it was necessary." She explained, grabbing the hand on her thigh with one of her own. "Have you been up long?" It was hard to tell if she seemed nervous or awkward. It was definitely not a look I was used to seeing on Ashley. I could be reading too much into it.

"About an hour or so." We sat in an awkward silence for a moment, and it seemed to make Ashley all the more uncomfortable. Her hand rhythmically squeezed and loosened, like a nervous tic.

"Are you okay?" She asked finally, breaking the silence. I stiffened, guilty conscience fighting with the dark monster that had been reawakened.

Obviously I knew I should tell her that Lena texted me and confess to considering it. In my head I knew it was the right thing to do, especially since I knew that being around the girl wasn't good for me and I wasn't supposed to be messing around with heroin. The word makes me cringe.

But on the other hand, it really was none of her business, and I can make my own decisions.

I shook my head slightly. What was I doing?

"Lena texted me while you were gone." The admission was blunt and was followed by me showing the texts to Ashley. She glanced down at the phone, scanning the texts with tight lips.

"Were you going to go? If I hadn't come back?" She asked carefully, eyes still staring at the screen on my phone. When I didn't respond right away she glanced back up to me, a questioning look on her eye. I hesitated, and her eyes flashed momentarily with disbelief.

"Seriously?" She rolled her eyes before dropping the phone on the sheet in front of me.

I sat up so I was crosslegged and leaning against the wall. "I humored it for a minute or two. You walked in before I could decide." I couldn't lie. It was almost impossible for me to lie convincingly, and usually ended with me confessing to more than what was asked.

She joined me against the wall, head turned to the side so she could look at me. I kept my eyes trained ahead. I didn't want to see the expression on her face.

Instead of speaking she just reached over and took my hand. She traced the lines on my palm for a few minutes, probably thinking. After a moment she spoke. "Do you still want to?"

Her tone was neutral, if she was displeased she was masking it well. Unlike me she seemed oddly calm considering how she was waiting for me to chose between her and what Lena represented. Obviously I knew that ultimately Ashley would win, but there was still some doubts in my mind about her that I was dealing with and there the promise of artificial happiness with Lena that further caused conflict of interest.

The way I felt waking up was enough to make me question myself when it came to Ashley. I had a theory, one that mostly pointed out that the Ashley I had been pursuing wasn't necessarily the Ashley that I had received. When Ashley and I had first met I had taken up the impression that she was cool and uncompromising, headstrong and full of disregard. Perhaps it was the confusion and my inner need to seek out why I was attracted to her that made finding a resolution so dire. After we had grown more comfortable with one another and I learned more about her it became clear that she cared a lot more than she let on, and once she accepted the relationship there was nothing left to fight for.

I remember faintly stating that I hated conflict, but maybe I did have a taste for drama. It certainly left no time to be bored when something always seemed to be happening.

She cleared her throat and I realized I never answered her, and we were just sitting in silence on the bed staring at the blank flatscreen on the opposite wall. After giving her a quick glance, I noticed that instead of keeping a blank face as she was before her face had become dark and slightly broody.

I guess she had taken my silence as a confirmation. It wasn't necessarily a confirmation, but it did expose the fact that I was certainly conflicted by the choice. A halfway decent person would have outright said 'no' without hesitation.

I uncrossed my legs and stretched them out, instead of returning to the crossed position I kept them bent, pressing my back more firmly against the wall behind me. I grabbed her hand and tucked them in the valley created by my thighs and torso, tangling my fingers between hers.

"No. I'm going to stay here." I said quietly.

It was the right decision, and just because Ashley wasn't who I initially thought she'd be, it didn't mean that she less worthy of giving my time and affection to. We absolutely got along together physically, and seeing her smile still gave me goosebumps. I needed to just let go of my preconceived image of her and learn to appreciate her for who she really is.

As if on cue she gave me a smile, a small one but enough to ease a smile on my own lips. She tightened her grip, leaning her shoulder onto mine.

"That makes me happy."

We sat and stared at the blank t.v. until Ashley's phone let off a chime. She glanced at it and dropped it onto the mattress with a disappointed sigh. "Aiden wants to know if your finally going to show up at the cabin." She relayed, resuming her position besides me.

I mirrored her sigh. "Gee, you would think I had disappeared for over a month."

Another chime from her phone had her standing up, grabbing for her things. "Ever since Glen told you to call your mom he's been worried about you. It's not like you were reaching out to anyone." She paused, standing in front of where I sat on the bed. "Although, you know who didn't seem worried?" She asked.

I looked up at her, brow furrowed. "Who?" I asked back.

"Madison."

 _XOXOXO_

 _I pulled into Pecking Point, the development where I knew Madison lived. It was the next community over from Briar's Hill where Spencer lived, and the only reason I knew was because the Latina mentioned it at some point. Which house it was, however, I hadn't the slightest clue._

 _I pulled the green Civic over into an empty parking space by the community entrance and unplugged my phone from the aux cord. Scanning through my Facebook friend's list I found Madison's name, bringing up the messenger window. I clicked the call button and waited for her to answer._

 _An apparently grumpy Madison picked up the line. "Why are you calling me?" She groaned, voice heavy with sleep. I glanced at the time. Surely she was awake at 10:30 in the morning?_

 _I readjusted the phone as I checked my face in the sun visor mirror, making sure my eyeliner hadn't smudged. Not hearing from Spencer in almost a week had me worried since I had gotten accustomed to her frequently inserting her presence around me, and to be honest, it would be nice if I looked better than a hungover raccoon._

 _"I'm in Pecking Point. I'm grabbing you so that we can go check up on Spencer." I glanced around at all the semi-connected row homes, noting that Madison's Benz was nowhere in sight._

 _She was silent, and for a moment I wondered if the girl had fallen asleep. "It's not even noon. I'm insanely hungover. Can't this wait?" She complained, voice distant like she had the phone set away from her._

 _"Madison," I warned, letting my voice drop to a condescending husk._

 _"2101 Theresa Court. Third right from the entrance." Came her curt, but quick, reply. She hung up and the line went dead. I followed her instructions to the address and pulled into a spot roughly in front of her building. Unlike the row homes near the entrance, her building looked more like multi-level housing similar to the set up that Aiden had previously been in._

 _Her blasé way of reacting to Spencer's check in was irritating. I had gotten over my immediate distaste for the Latina for Spencer's sake considering the girl was her best friend, but she still left a bitter taste in my mouth. She was loud and shallow, indifferent to the people around her. To me she was a definite narcissist, and her lack of concern over her quote-unquote best friend only added fuel to her pyre._

 _After waiting for several minutes the Latina exited the building, hair styled neatly and her hangover masked with make-up. She entered the little Honda and glanced around distastefully at the slightly messy interior._

 _"_ Vamos _! Let's go, I don't have all day." She huffed, tossing her purse down at her feet._

 _I shut the car off and looked at her with irate disbelief._

 _"Seriously? What else do you possibly have to do today that's more important than making sure Spencer isn't dead or strung out?" I hissed, turning to face the other girl._

 _She swiped through her Instagram feed, seemingly unaffected by my tone. "I have my reasons. If I wanted you to know, I would have said so." She replied bluntly. "That information is none of your business, and has nothing to do with Spencer either."_

 _I rolled my eyes. "So what, you aren't even worried about her at all?"_

 _Her eyes stayed trained on her phone, obviously disinterested in the conversation. "I'm sure she has her own reasons for going AWOL, chica."_

 _My eyes narrowed in confusion. "And you don't want to know what those reasons are?"_

 _She shrugged half-heartedly and switched over to the Twitter app, tapping the screen as she responded to tweets. "Not particularly."_

 _"How can you say that? I thought that you were supposed to be her best friend?" I said accusingly. The fact that they were even kind of close baffled my mind._

 _"I say it because I'm her best friend." She locked her screen and finally looked up at me, rolling her eyes as if it was me who was missing the point._

 _"If Spencer is being quiet, then she probably has a reason for it. Unlike you, I've known Spencer for a while, and I know her better than you do." She explained, running a manicured hand through her highlighted waves. "We all deal with shit differently, and she's her own person. She can make her own mistakes. Meanwhile I'll be here when she needs me, ready to put her back together while making it seem like its her idea."_

 _She gave me a pointed glare. "Going to her house is a waste of time because she's fine, and she doesn't need to be lectured or forced to make a decision. And don't think for a second that because she wants to get a feel inside your panties that it makes you her fucking parent hovering over her all the time. She has her reasons, and I'm the one person who never really questions them."_

 _I stared at her, unsure if her speech was reassuring or all the more reason to dislike the girl. It made sense to a point, but people don't always reach out if they need help. Something that dealing with Aiden made perfectly clear._

 _"Whatever," was about all I could manage before I turned the car back on._

 _"Let's go and get this over with," she said with a snap of her fingers, returning her attention back to her phone._

 _XOXO_

I stood up from the bed. "Madison? She has a rather unconventional way of acknowledging other people's problems." I pulled on a hoodie that was on the floor and shoved my phone and keys into the front pocket. My wallet on the desk that held the TV was shoved into the pocket of the green joggers I wore.

She combed through her hair with her hands, not seeming convinced by my defense. "I don't know Spencer. I really doubted she would have checked in on you if it hadn't been at my insistence."

She followed me out of the bedroom and through the house, warily eyeing the rooms in the event that one of the other housemates was home.

I shrugged, opening the front door and stepping out into the late afternoon sun. "I doubt she would have, too. But honestly, I was fine, just moping around at home when I wasn't at work, and I'm sure she figured I'd reach out if I got sucked into the moping too far." I said, unwittingly confirming Madison's defense with Ashley from that morning.

It seemed to quiet Ashley down, and her expression seemed to be one of self-doubt. I circled around to the passenger side of her car, leaning my elbows on the roof. "I'm happy you came over, though." I said earnestly, giving her a toothy smile.

It seemed to reassure her since she returned the grin, entering her car and turning it on. She waved at me to hurry up and I climbed in, fastening the seatbelt.

"So what exactly has been going on along the Aiden front? Is he on track with moving Glen's stuff?" I asked. I had been gone for a week, so it was entirely possible that I had missed out on a lot.

She pulled out of her parking spot and drove through the development, making her way back to the main road. "Yeah we're about on track. Madison dropped off the rest of the first key off at Hery's the other day. He paid her upfront in cash, which made Aiden happy. They have about half of the other still, but it's been slow business-wise the last four days." She glanced at me quick before returning her eyes to the road. "Glen is still insisting it needs to be gone by the end of next week."

I shook my head. I was going to have to ask him about that sooner rather than later, preferably before the last bit gets sold. "I still don't know why he even had that much drugs to begin with." I mused.

She tilted a hand. "Most cops get their drugs from the evidence locker. Maybe he stole it. Maybe he has a gambling problem and a gang is making him pay up. Who knows?"

After a moment of thinking she continued. "Regardless of his reasons, we're on a deadline, and we really need to focus on this right now. Nate at work says there is a major party happening in West Creek tomorrow night, and he got us an in. It's going to be hella dope."

The phrasing was so uncharacteristic of the brunette and startled a laugh out of me. She narrowed her eyes. "His wording not mine." She added to clarify.

I clapped my hands excitedly. "So we're finally going to a West Creek party? There is nothing like partying with the rich kids." I said, finally feeling like I had something to look forward to.

I know lately it seems like I'm anything but the party type, but West Creek parties were legendary, and usually fairly exclusive. It made the impromptu party in Oley Hills look like a birthday party in comparison, and usually they were planned out ahead of time. I also had the perk of having Friday off seeing as I had worked straight through the last week and they had given me a few days to recoup. I couldn't help but feel excited. After what I've been dealing with, I was so about getting white girl wasted.


	22. PROGRESS UPDATE

**Important INFORMATION: PLEASE READ**

 **Story Edit Progress Chapters 9/21**

 **UPDATE: I WILL NOT BE POSTING A NEW CHAPTER UNTIL I'M FINISHED EDITING PREVIOUS CHAPTERS. I'm keeping a progress check updated so check in to see how much closer I am to posting a new chapter. the inconsistencies and stuff are just really bothering me and its making it hard to make any progress on chapter 22. So far it's beefing the story up considerably. In fact, it may pay to go back and reread the old chapters because asides from some clarifying points, i've added a few more details and it's adding about a thousand new words per chapter. If you dont want to reread the whole story I do recommend going back to Chapters 7 & 8 as there were some significant changes that are worth updating yourself on. They don't affect the story, but they do make a lot more sense and flow a lot better. Plus its a bit fluffier/steamier than before. I'm trying to squeeze as much as I can since my schedule is really busy, and if I work all night with the edits, then the new chapter should be up by Monday. I'll be adhering to a strict Monday/Wednesday/Friday schedule after since I need deadlines or I'll just end up going AWOL for weeks. Thanks for hanging in there!**

A/N: Howdy all! So I;m going to be doing story maintenance for then next day or so to go back and correct any spelling and grammatical errors and also a few inconsistencies that i have noticed throughout the last several days. I highly doubt that anything that is being changed should affect the story as it is developing since most of everything written withing the last few chapters to now is not pre-planned, but if you want to go back and re-read the story I can guarantee that I will not stop you. In fact, I will probably end up being happy that some people are that dedicated to the story. The only thing that I will say will change enough to be noticed is Ashley's first POV entrance in Honeydale with Landon, which I am changing in order to better fit the story and make things feel a little less accurate. From what I remember since I never write anything fully sober...(?), I dont often re-read my early chapters and her little snapshots feel completely out of place. Maybe that's just me but I feel really unhappy about it. I won't lie... At this point of time while writing this author's note, I have no idea what chapter title that is so depending on what time of day you frequent fanfiction or whatever, I may not have gotten to that chapter yet. idk

But regardless some changes are being made and I know that a few of you either follow or get alerts for atory changes and as of right now there is no chapter updates until I get the story cleaned up a bit, and I don't know if you will get any notifications that there has been some kind of update. So if you are getting updates and finding no new chapters, I deeply apologize.

I also want to tell everyone else who isn't following a few things on top of the whole "Story Updating" new that I am looking for a beta! Someone who can edit what I write or catch my minor inconsistencies so that i don't have to go back and fix the things that are really just bothering the fuck out of me. The only requirements being that you have to put up with the various scatter-brained antics that include myself (if any of you are familiar with my past works on and off fanfic you know exactly what I mean) and the obvious disregard to spelling and grammar I have, please apply... if you know what I mean, Perks including getting first look at new chapters and maybe even a way to influence further chapters. Just DM me and we can discuss. Proofreading is my biggest enemy.

Also, side note: I love input. I love reactions and questions since it helps me know if my story is really connecting with people, and the better the response the more drive i have to update. I don't care if my stories are hitting peak viewers or reviewers, but I do live off of feedback. I love responding to some of the questions people send me, or even just people pointing out flaws. The more people who respond the better. 'if you have ideas or some recommendations please DM me or leave a comment in the reviews and I will respond ASAP. If you dont feel like responding via FF, just ask and I'll send you a better way to contact me. I have no issues involving others into the inspiration pool and have no problems clarifying minor details. It's always a pleasure when readers get involved in the writer's process, and I have absolutely no problems confirming certain subliminal undertones that are for sure a part of the story.

Not to drag the Author's Note on, but I want to take a minute to refresh my disclaimer, despite personal views, that 110% do not encourage drug use of any kind to anybody and that I do not think that any of the behaviors demonstrated in past or present is acceptable in any way. Except for the use of marijuana which I am always ready to stand behind. Cocaine and other drugs should not be used unless you expect to ruin your life. Full disclaimer, some of this story is based off of prior experience and knowledge, so from personal experience, asides from being able to tell a fin story very once in a while, nothing good comes from engaging in hard-core substance misuse or abuse. Please for the love of whatever you lolites worship, do not think that because of this story you should try drugs. That is the very opposite message I am trying to send. Just don't do it. This isn't a Nike ad. I'm not being suggestive or recommending that life is easier on drugs than it is sober. Just be clean and don't for a second feel like any kind of drug is going to help you figure out how to excel at life. In the end it will only catch up to you and you're either going to harm someone else or yourself, or you will end up in jail (in the United States or other UN countries...). Just don't. You will regret it.

Anyhow a new chapter will be posted within a day or so, but until then feel free to reread what progress my minute attention spam managed to accomplish or reach out with feedback, questions or suggestions to your heart's content. You all are my muse, and I love feeling like I have something to give into the world despite the trials and tribulations. I love each and everyone of you dearly, and rest assured, no matter what form your support is, I widely accept and appreciate it in it's own way, even if it's just reading a new chapter. This story is my therapy, and knowing there is people out there taking the time to follow it to the end is enough to give me hope that maybe there is something useful about me besides working and playing on my PS4. Which I am always looking for friends with similar interests so I will always be excited for fellow PS4 users.

Until the next update, my friends.

XOXO

Giacente Lolita


	23. Chapter 22

**A/N: I'm not done editing, it makes me fall asleep, but I did promise you a new chapter today, so I put off the editing and wrote out a new chapter. As always, leave me a review, let me know what you think. Follow for updates or just because. Show me some love. Next update is Wednesday. Enjoy!**

The white speckles in the road popped out against the dark grays and blacks of the asphalt, the small chips of quartz like flecks of paint contrasted against a dark canvas. The street lamps made the specks stand out, almost like they were hovering over the material of the street. I wasn't sure if those spots were usually so obvious or if it was just amount of chemicals in my system that made them stand out so much as I traveled down from my car to the connected housing that the party was being held just within the jurisdiction of West Creek Township. I staggered as I walked, my legs unwilling to respond to the signals from my brain, looking both ways before crossing the street and praying to someone that nobody noticed my obviously intoxicated form at 10 in the evening. It was still too early to just find my car and pass out, and I still had way to much gear on me to just call it a night. I was working on a deadline here.

EDS-3940

SFX-2145

GKY-1479

The license plate numbers of the cars I passed all seemed to blur in as I tried to make my way through the maze of a parking lot, my hands in the pocket of my red, white and gray hoodie. A snap back cap and sunglasses inappropriate for the time of day were the only things that helped me feel like I was masquerading my identity in the event that someone unwelcome was watching me from a distance. It was almost embarrassing being this messed up so early in the evening.

I wasn't sure if I was that fucked up and unable to collect my thoughts, or if it was only the idea that I ought to be fucked up that messed me up even more. I wasn't sure, but it definitely gotten to the point where it was really hard to think straight. I almost walked past the door of the suburban estate where I was supposed to be, almost toppling over with the force of the turn I took to direct myself.

I stumbled through the front door, at first disoriented by the lack of noise that I had left in. Soon enough the noise began to increase in volume. Was I that unfocused that even my senses were starting to betray me? My feet traveled of their own accord to the bathroom and I fell onto the toilet, joggers already halfway to my knees. Out of reflex I started to urinate, the loud noise of the stream hitting the water almost excessively loud. I caught myself wondering if the noise could be heard from the other side of the door.

I stared at he black material of my high-tops, ass still bare over the toilet seat I was still perched over. Jesus fucking Christ. I really needed to sober up a bit. I was officially cutting myself off for the time being.

I yanked myself up miraculously. Honestly I was pretty sure I could have sat there for over an hour and not have even noticed the time difference. I pulled the dark material of the thin joggers that I wore over the Guardians of the Galaxy boxer briefs I wore and stood up, attempting to motivate myself to go back out into the party and mingle. After a few minutes of staring at the colors in my eyes in the mirror, I managed to coax myself out of the silent tomb of the wash room to the bustling life of the party.

The heavy bass of the house music reverberated though the walls and into my joints as I re-entered the world of the living. Bodies were grinding int each other in the main room of the house, a home sound system providing the building with a backdrop of heavy notes and drops. I found that my heart seemed to beat rapidly in time, my eyes scanning the room in time to the rhythm of the melody. Snatches of couch and carpet entered my vision, and soon my eyes picked up on the evidence that suggested an opening into another room. As soon as I realized what I was looking at, my feet seemed to follow through.

It was like being disoriented with someone helping to navigate you along.

The kitchen was mostly empty surprisingly. Unlike the party at Hery's, the kitchen was reasonably tidy, the exception being a few cups that were scattered along the island in the center of the room. A glance around the kitchen showed a bunch of half empty glass bottles as party contributions; there a wide assortment of liquors from whisky to gin back down to tequilas and vodkas. Just the choices alone were enough to give anyone a feeling of being overwhelmed.

A hand reached out and grabbed the neck of a bottle, the clear liquid the only suggestion of liquor type considering my eyes were fuzzed over and the words on the glass blurred. Nothing really seemed to being connected to the other.

The phantom hand tipped the open bottle into an empty cup that had been nestled by the fridge, filled about a third of the way, probably way over-compensating for what I assumed was only supposed to be a shot or so. A half gallon of sweet tea found in the door of the refrigerator filled the top of the cup up, and soon the phantom hand that was supposed to me my one lifted the plastic solo cup up to my mouth. Before I could take a sip, a voice to my right rose up over the music from the living room, startling me. It almost made me drop the drink entirely,

I blinked a few times at the cup in my hands, suddenly feeling like I had been woken up from a dream. When did I pour myself a drink? Better yet, didn't I already have one lying around somewhere? I turned my head in the direction of the voice, brunette hair covering a vaguely blurry face. The voice seemed fairly impatient.

"…fuck are you doing? Come here…" The voice faded in and out between the heavy noises of the music in the backdrop. Who was I just with? I barely remembered leaving the car.

In fact, I barely remembered what I had done that day. My stomach churned. I wasn't sure if it was the alcohol that was in my stomach or if I was just hungry. It was possible that I was hungry. I don't remember when the last time I ate was. Was this still Friday? Or were we considering this Saturday at this point? I reached to touch the material over my pocket to check if my phone was there, but found it empty. A similar motion on the other side came up fruitless as well. Where was my phone? How was I supposed to check the time?

A hand across my face brought me back for a moment, my eyes flying to focus on the face in front of me. Was this Ashley or was this Madison? The voice from the other human just seemed to zone in and out of the music playing, my body unconsciously swaying back and forth. I really wanted to sit down.

Almost as soon as the thought entered my head my body reacted, sitting down onto the cold tiled floor below me back resting against the wooden cabinets of the kitchen island. Holy fuck it was hard to to focus. My eyes and ears quickly faded out, or for a moment everything seemingly went dark,

When I opened my eyes everything had changed. I had no idea where the fuck I was. I was I what I perceived as the living room, but everything was different. Different furniture, different paint, different carpet. Stairs the traveled up into the ceiling gave me the idea that I was in the basement.

A long, clear tube was in my mouth and I was drinking a foul tasting and sweet beer out of a funnel at the other side. My stomach lurched, the plastic tube falling out of my mouth along with the remaining beer that I had neglected to swallow. After a moment my stomach clenched, and I tasted bitter stomach bile followed by secondhand beer as I vomited into a bucked conveniently placed in front of me. The guys who were watching me chug cheered, one of them giving me a pat on the back in congratulations. One of them praised me. Apparently I had just chugged two bottles of IPA simultaneous. Great.

I blinked and found myself staring at a small scale topped with white powder, a small bag in one hand and a razor blade in the other. I looked up at the blond that sat before me, her side ponytail frayed and snarled. Small pieces of what looked like dried vomit or soup were caught in the tangles, and I frowned in distaste. Her pale face was rosy with a blood flush as she stared anxiously at the small black digital device on the floor, obviously waiting for the transaction to finish. The only problem being that I had no idea how much she was buying. I dumped the powder that rested on top of the razor blade onto the scale, glancing down at the hundred dollar bill that was sitting on the bed I was sitting on. My eyebrows raised in surprise, and I felt a little better knowing that I was at least making some bigger sales. I tied the baggie up, satisfied that the bag looked about right, and promptly faded out again.

This time when I returned, I was in the middle of the backyard, looking at the face of Ashley.  
She seemed tearful and upset, speaking quickly and incoherently into her small flip phone she always carried. It suddenly struck me as odd that she hadn't upgraded a smartphone like the rest of the urban population.

She continued chatting into the device and I could hardly make out the words. It sounded like she was speaking a foreign language. It was possible, as I really had no idea what Ashley's ethnicity was. I never thought to ask. suddenly invested in counting the blades of grass in the patch of yard directly in my view. I had hit about 200 before I felt warm arms circle around me. I looked down at the body encircling me, suddenly unsure of where my body parts were and how they all connected.

Was there something I was missing?

I was laying down in the grass, gazing up at the clear, bright sky above me. Almost instantly my eyes fell on what I had always recognized to be Ursa Minor, finding some kind of comfort in knowing I was only a few points south of nowhere. I mean…. home. Same thing.

I sat up, rubbing my eyes, thankfully feeling slightly more sober that I had been the last couple of hours. I pulled my cellphone out of my pocket, noting that it was half past two in the morning. The night felt like a blur, and it was hard to recall exactly what I had done, but the bag of coke I had brought along with me was significantly lighter than it had been before. A hand in the other pocket pulled out a wad of cash, and I let out a sigh of relief that everything seemed accounted for.

I laid back down, gazing at the stars and willing myself not to fall asleep. I humored the idea of tapping into my coke supply, but something told me I probably I pulled more out of it to use myself than was ideal. It was probably best to just leave it for the time being.

Footsteps traveling through the cold grass from my left crunched loudly in the quiet and I turned my head, spotting a lone figure making its way towards me. As they moved closer it became clear that it was a hooded figure and it wasn't until they were right next to me did I recognize who it was. Steel blue eyes stared bemusedly down at me, a familiar smirk etched on her face.

"Howdy Spencer. Long time, no see."

I squinted, the girls name escaping me. I sat up so I was sitting, racking my brain for a name that seemed to fit the woman in front of me.

She sat down, pulling the hood down to expose a pastel blue mohawk and eyebrows to match. She sported a second piercing on the one brow as opposed to just the one that I had remembered, and noticed that she also had added a lip and septum piercing as well. She threw her legs out and leaned back onto her arms, smiling at me when she realized I was sort of checking her out.

"Have you been ignoring me?" She asked. As if on cue, her name popped into my head. Lena. I felt a little conflicted on how to respond.

"Not exactly. I can't say it was by choice but you aren't exactly good for me." I replied, mimicking her position.

She gave me a small frown. "I mean, it should be your choice. No one else really has the right to tel you otherwise. Even your girlfriend."

I cocked an eyebrow. "How did you know I have a girlfriend?" I asked, feeling a little suspicious.

She chuckled, sitting up and crossing her legs. "I didn't until now. I had just assumed since usually the people we date are the ones with the power to tell us what to do." She paused for a second. "And our parents, but something tells me you don't listen to your parents. You're too rebellious."

My brow furrowed and I found myself frowning. "Rebellious? Usually people assume that I'm straight-edge and quiet until they hear a few stories about me. What makes you think I might be rebellious?"

She shrugged and stayed quiet, rummaging through the large front pocket of the black oversized hoodie she wore. A large red anarchy symbol was embroidered in the front. It almost like it was stitched in by hand. She pulled out an eyeglass case and opened it, pulling out a thin glass tube and a blue balloon that was tied off at the end.

My heart seemed to skip a beat when I realized what she was holding. A familiar tingling spread through my arms, and I licked my lips, suddenly aware of how dry they were from the cold. The little dark monster in my head that had been hibernating in its little cave in my head started to rustle awake with the promise of illicit narcotics.

The blue haired girl opened the balloon with her teeth, dumping some of the white substance into a small opening at the top of the glass tube. I eyed it, trying not to make it obvious, as I fingered over the bulge in my pocket. How was it so bad to do heroin, but Ashley thought it was perfectly acceptable to do cocaine. It seemed hypocritical. I should know, I was the queen of hypocrisy. Wait, that wasn't a good thing.

I frowned and pulled out the bag of coke. Maybe I should do a line before the dope. Take the edge off the high to make it less obvious to my friends that were here as well. I opened the seal and dumped a decent pile onto the top of my phone screen, picking out a piece of straw I found in my pocket as well.

I snorted the pile, not bothering to try and break it up and align it as I would have normally. It had an aftertaste reminiscent of kerosene, making me cough slightly at the taste. I tipped my head back with a sniff, feeling the drip hit the back of my throat. It made me gag a little. The promise of dope made the coke feel like discount goods, and the monster in my head protested when it realized that I had tried to dupe it with a replacement.

Soon the glass pipe was weaseled into my slightly open hand. I looked down at the pipe, fresh white powder lying in the chamber waiting for me. A closer look at the pipe revealed that the chamber was partially closed off to the rest of the pipe, acting as a catch so that the powder didn't fly into your mouth at the start of a hit. There really wasn't any indicator of where I was supposed to light the substance considering how the hole at the top was no bigger than a choke on a marijuana pipe.

Lena must have caught the confused look of my face and pointed to the spot underneath where the powder sat. It already had a thin black film of ash from where the flame of a lighter touched the glass. I think it's an obvious fact that I've never used a crack pipe before. She smiled, handing me a lighter and gesturing to take a hit.

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone if you don't," she joked, giving me a wink and a shove that was meant to be encouraging. I stared at the pipe, feeling nervous out of the blue. It wasn't like this was the first time ever using the drug. It probably wouldn't be the last if the girl popped up randomly. The thought made me frown.

"Wait, why are you here?" I asked her, suddenly interested in how she connect to the WCU party.

The question seemed to throw her off. "Oh. Well, I go to West Creek. I'm getting my Bachelors Degree in Philosophy." She explained, looking a little uncomfortable. She probably got a lot of criticism for choosing that major. Kudos to her for sticking it out.

"What made you choose Philosophy?" I asked her, looking down at the pipe again. I raised it to my lips, holding the lighter under the pipe like I had with the foil before and ignited the tip, holding the flame under the chamber where they powder lie.

The heat from the flame transferred to the powder, and I watched as it turned dark and oily. I kept inhaling until the congealed powder turned resinous and then ashy, exhaling the putrid tasting smoke. I coughed heavily, making the girl beside me laugh.

" I dunno. Whenever I get high I always end up thinking about life and existence. It seemed to make sense at the time I was applying." She tucked her knees up, resting her chin on the top and wrapping her arms around her legs. Her eyes drooped from the drug, giving her a heavy lidded and tired look. "Turns out its just a lot of unnecessary filler classes and the relevant ones as boring as fuck. Turns out existence is only scrutinized by men, and full of sex." She sighed, and for the first time looked serious. I couldn't help but feel bad for her. What a waste of money.

The dope seemed to mix with the coke, keeping me alert but still allowing the mellow, euphoric ooze to course through my veins. Maybe it was the coke, but it didn't feel as fulfilling as before.

Lena handed me a cigarette, and I accepted it gratefully. I sparked it with the yellow lighter I was still holding, taking a deep drag and exhaling it slowly. I looked over at the blue haired girl, who had propped her head up with a hand perched on her knee, watching me intensely.

"It's kind of hot when you breathe out smoke like that," she commented, gray eyes glued to me. It made me shuffle with discomfort, eyes flicking to the house as if Ashley was going to stroll out to the back yard then and there.

"Don't worry. I don't think she knows I'm here," Lena said, as if reading my thoughts. I glanced at her, wondering if I had spoken out loud.

It felt like the dope was settling in fully now, a feeling of being lightheaded suddenly starting to wash over my head. My limbs were getting heavier, and I found myself growing incredibly sleepy to the point where it was getting hard to withstand. My preemptive dosing of cocaine seemed to do little to withhold the lethargy, and it then occurred to me that the high didn't resemble the heroin high that I come to know. I laid onto my back, turning to look at the pale girl with confusion. My limbs were rapidly becoming paralyzed. My mouth drooped open and I moaned, trying to speak but my mouth not responding to my mind. Everything just felt so… fuzzy.

The blue haired nymph made a move, feeling the sides of my pants to my pocket. She discovered the bag of cocaine first, eyeing it up first before shoving it into a bag I hadn't noticed before. She resumed her search and came across the wad of cash, probably a couple hundred bucks, and tossed that into the bag as well along with the phone she had picked up off the ground.

She looked at me sympathetically, kneeling down next to me and bringing her head close to my face. I struggled to keep my eyes open, struggling to comprehend the fact that I was currently being robbed. She rubbed at a spot of drool at the corner of my mouth with her sleeve, shaking her head slightly. "Nothing personal, kid." She brushed the hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear and kissing my forehead.

I screamed inwardly, begging my limbs to move and take back what the girl had taken from me, but I was unsuccessful.

Faintly I heard a yell but I was unable to turn my head. Lena, however, turned hers, quickly getting to her feet and snatching the black pull string bag off the grass. She turned, darting off across the yard in front of me, aiming for the fence.

Before she had made it more than ten feet, a black shadow popped into my vision, chasing after the older girl and tackling her. The pair fell into a pile in the cold frozen grass, and I heard the sound of fist hitting flesh and a lot cry of pain.

"Fucking bitch!"

Was that… Ashley? Relief flooded my system, gratefully that she happened to appear at the right time. The pair struggled, rolling around in the grass. Ashley yelped as her hair was pulled by the other girl, followed by a series of loud smacking noises.

The sound of the back door slamming followed, and another figure entered my point of view, another curly haired brunette I decided was probably Madison. She moved to the fighting pair, grabbing onto Ashley and pulling her off. They exchanged something that sounded like rapid Spanish, and suddenly Madison was on the blue haired chick, grabbing her by the front of the hoodie and yelling at her in Spanish.

Ashley grabbed the bag that had been tossed aside, checking the contents before glancing over at me. It was getting harder and harder to keep my eyes open, and soon they closed completely. Hands touched my face, and I was out cold, the feeling of being safe allowing me to let the drug take over.


	24. Chapter 23

I stared at the large flat screen mounted on the wall, the "no signal" window appearing and disappearing randomly across the black backdrop. The silver micro-fleece blanket that I found myself wrapped in was like an insulated cocoon protecting me from processing what my life has become. My mind was like a blank slate, the only thing that I was focusing on was counting how many times the "no signal" window popped up in one particular spot. I was up to 45.

I had been doing this for a while, which was something my ADD brain was absolutely proud of.

The warm smell of lavender permeated from the silver fabric that was drowning me, and I broke my concentration to bury my nose in it. Ashley has saved my ass for me, rescuing about 1500 dollars between cash and product from Lena after she drugged and robbed me. She had been right to tell me to stay away from her and I didn't listen, so I had totally deserved to get fucked over. It said a lot for her to risk herself just to come to my assistance. I definitely didn't deserve that.

It was hard to really recall what had happened the night before. Everything is pretty hazy. I can get as far as watching the brunette do a flying tackle on the retreating hooded form of Lena but after that it's basically just darkness. When I woke up in this bed, I had an underwhelming realization that it was becoming almost normal to wake up somewhere that wasn't home with an idea that I had fucked up somehow.

I really wanted to feel something strongly like regret, guilt or even fearful or anxious. Instead of just felt this numb hum in the space that used to be my brain and a strong desire to just sleep. I can't make anything worse if I just stayed asleep all the time.

I closed my eyes, inhaling the scent of Ashley hoping to ground myself down. Before I guess I had taken Ashley's softer attitude as a sign of weakness and it had turned me off a bit, as if she had been fake before and lead me on. In hindsight maybe I really was giving her something to worry about, and I half-felt the twinge of guilt at my heart. If she had known that she was unappreciated, she probably would have just left me passed out in the 40 degree cold and just let Lena go.

The foot of the bed squeaked as someone sat down and I flicked my eyes to see the back of Ashley, her faced away from me and looking at something through the window. She had on a thin, gray long sleeved shirt that hung loosely from her thin frame. For the first time I realized just how thin she had gotten, her shoulder blades emphasized through the gray material.

She must have felt my eyes on her because she turned, me becoming surprised when I saw the bruising. She must have taken a pretty solid hit at some point. The strike had missed her eye, landing on her cheekbone just under and following the curve of the bone. If she had been paler, it would have been a bright purple, but against her tanned skin it looked almost brown and black. She also sported a cut on the corner of her bottom lip surrounded by a similar bruise. She gave me a small smile before turning her body around to interact with me.

"You're awake." She said carefully, the words obviously paining her injured lip.

"I'm sorry." The words were out of my mouth before I had time to process them fully, and I wasn't sure if that made the apology more or less valid. I blinked before repeating myself, making sure that I, in fact, meant it.

She reached across the space between the two of us, hand resting over one of my ankles, her brow furrowed as she paused thoughtfully. At first she looked like she wanted to dismiss me, then she seemed to accept it. "It's okay, Spence." Her acceptance was quiet and hesitant. Maybe she thought that I didn't deserve to be saved too. I dropped my eyes off of her, staring at the shadows of the blanket dunes, silvers turning a dark gray or blue.

She sighed and stood off of her bed, and at first I thought I had offended her and she had left. It almost hurt to think about. Instead I felt the bed beneath me depress from my side and I turned my head to look over my shoulder where Ashley had sat down. She reached with a hand to brush some of the blond hair out of my face.

"You okay?" She asked softly, eyes low with empathetic worry. That was a great question. If you compare me to how I would have been if Ashley wasn't there to intervene, I was absolutely dandy. I was also struck by the fact that I was in that situation to begin with because I wasn't okay in the first place. It was a strange case of irony.

I gave her a shrug, because I really wasn't sure how to answer her honestly. I was getting pretty used to failing. I had barely scraped by my senior year and every since then it had been me stumbling around blindly hoping I'd learn every time I tripped. I didn't have a lot of friends, and the ones I did barely looked out for me so I wasn't used to having someone catch me.

It wasn't just me she saved if you really think about it. She saved all of us and my brother by preventing our shit from getting taken. It helped the guilt by thinking that she could have done that just because it was important to our mission and to save us all from future trouble, but I knew that was improbable.

She didn't seem to push the question further, instead pulling the plush silver blanket off of me and spooning me from behind. I let myself relax for a few moments, accepting her gesture of comfort and pulling her tighter around me. Having her heat pressed behind me made me feel like I had been cold before, warming my body up to chase the chill from my bones. She nuzzled the spot between my shoulder blades before resting her forehead.

"You've been running a fever since I brought you home." She said, voice muffled from my shirt and the blanket that was partially covering her head. "It feels like it's gone down a bit." Her fingers brushed against my stomach, slightly tickling me. My stomach muscles clenched against the ticklish feeling.

"Thanks for helping me. I wish I could have seen you kick her ass." I said with a slight chuckle. Ashley was by no means a big person, but I had a feeling that if all she left with was a black eye and a busted lip, Lena must have looked much worse.

I felt the brunette laugh against me. "Yeah, I fucking kicked her ass. I had her on the ground before she even turned around." She preened, and I could almost sense her smile. "When Madison joined in, she was screwed." She went quiet for a second before resuming, voice heavier than previously. "I was actually afraid for a moment that we had killed her. After I saw her leaning over you, I just kind of lost it."

I stiffened up. "I didn't know she was going to be there." I said.

She sighed, sitting up to look down on me. "Spencer, you can do what you want to do. I never made some things clear and that is my fault, okay? I really care about you, but I can't stop you from doing what you really want to do." I swallowed, not really liking the way this conversation was going.

"But I'm not going to just leave you in danger knowing that I could have easily done something to help you. Even if it's because of something I don't agree with." She stroked my cheek with a finger, giving me a smile. "I have my own choices and habits I've made that I know you wouldn't agree with. And we both find ourselves regretting those choices or just finding ourselves in situations that requires rescuing but that doesn't make us any less human. Don't fixate on last night and fall right back into self-sabotage." She leaned down and pressed a kiss to my cheek before getting out of bed.

"Coffee?" She offered as she moved to the door. I nodded and she closed the door quietly, letting me lay there privately to soak in her words. Ashley seemed to be constantly reminding me that she's the same, like having a darker side or doing shameful or regretful things but she never seemed to go into detail. It made me wonder what kinds of things she's seen, what she's been saved from and what things still haunt her at night. I wondered how many times she's saved Aiden.

After a few minutes she returned, a coffee mug in one hand and a drinking glass of coffee in the other. She handed me the mug and set the glass down on the night stand besides the bed. "Madison is coming by in an hour. I guess she swung by Boca's to let them know you were sick since you were absent."

I turned onto my back and groaned, covering my eyes with my hands in frustration. "Fuck, I forgot I had to work today." I let out another growl of frustration and Ashley removed one of my hands.

"Shut up, as if we were going to let you go to work after that fucked up shit. As if. Just relax and go back to sleep if you want."

I removed my remaining hand and stared at her. "I really don't deserve you." I pouted. She hit me lightly on the stomach.

"Please, stop with that. It's such a turn off." She gave me a mocking glare, folding her arms against her chest defiantly.

I rolled onto my side, propping myself up on my right arm. "But you're so out of my league. I'm like a dime to your 99." I flirted back.

She gave me a confused look. "Where did you pick up that phrase?"

I'm coughed lightly into my hand. "I may have heard Aiden try to freestyle to a Migos track and use that line, and I thought it was funny." I laughed, recalling the image of a highly stoned Aiden, blunt tucked between the fingers of his right hand as he held a PS4 controlled, killing Zeds on Killing Floor as he rapped to the other players in his party to different tracks on his Spotify.

She laughed along with me. "Why does that not surprise me. I'm not sure how I feel about you using my cousins lines on me, though." She scrunched her face up at the thought.

I shoved her leg. "Quit, I thought it was cute." We laughed and I moved myself around so that I could place my head in her lap. Instantly her fingers went to my hear, gently brushing out the tangles as she felt them. "I really appreciate it though."

She was comforting, no doubt, and I wished that it could just be as easy as laying around with each other, swapping jokes. It seemed inevitable that something was going to fuck it up.

"Stopping worrying about what's going to go wrong next." The brunette chastised, poking at the head in her lap. I swatted her hand away.

"Stop doing that." I complained, sitting up and pouting a lip at her.

She looked confused. "Playing with your hair? I thought you liked that?"

I rolled my eyes. "Reading my mind. It's like I can't just simmer in my own darkness." I said it lightly, letting her know I was just being darkly humous and wasn't actually upset.

Her eyes widened as she caught on and gave me a subtle smirk. "You're such a downer when you let yourself get depressed. You used to be fun to tease. Now you get broody."

I raised an eyebrow. "Tease? Is that what we're calling it now? I guess if the shoes fit." I gave her a nod and pretended to be interested in the TV on the wall, the gray box still popping up sporadically on the screen.

She tugged at my arm, her look pleading me to bring my attention back. "See, broody. Perk up." I turned my head back to her, giving her a comically large grin and wide eyes, a caricature of happiness.

She stared at me, her face a look of judgment. "No I take it back, you're a weirdo and I don't want you now. Where's Madison?" She made as if to move off the bed.

"Wait what? Madison is my replacement? You really do have bad taste." I looked at her in disbelief, following her off the bed as she moved to look inside her closet.

"Hmm," she hummed thoughtfully, checking out the shirt that hung up inside. "I wouldn't say you were in bad taste though." She looked back over her shoulder, glanced me up and down. "I'd say you tasted pretty good."

I felt my face flush, no doubt turning my whole face red. "I'm going to use the bathroom." My words were rushed as my brain short-circuited, forcefully turning myself around to walk out the room.

I glanced back before closing the door, Ashley already with half her shirt removed. I swallowed, turning around, nearly running into Madison who had just reached Ashley's bedroom.

She took in the redness of my face and the closed door, rolling her eyes in exasperation. "Ay dios mio, Carlin. What are you, 12?" She grabbed the door knob and opened the door without bothering to knock, seemingly undisturbed by a half-naked Ashley changing in the middle of the room. The other girl yelped in surprise, quickly pulling her jeans up and covering her chest with the white tee she was holding.

I closed the bedroom door, walking down the hall to the living room. Aiden was sitting on the couch, sunken into the cushions and legs spread out wide. It was like he had unified with the furniture. He was playing on the PS4 hooked up to the TV on the wall, his usual character on Dead by Daylight creeping through the map. The strong odor of marijuana filled the room, no doubt the source of the mans fluid state. I popped myself down on the couch beside him, watching the man as he found a generator and started to work on it.

We went into our usual partnership, him playing and me playing lookout while he focused on his tasks. The blunt passed back and forth between us, and soon I felt myself become just as immersed in the game, exchanging unspoken hints and warnings as the game progressed. After an hour or so, I had totally forgotten about Ashley and Madison.

I tapped his arm, offering him the blunt while he had a safe moment to pause, scanning the map for rustling grass. Our killer was some chick in a pig mask. If she caught you she would put a trap on your head, forcing you to race to certain objective points to get it off before you could escape. Aiden had just gotten caught by her, and being one of the last people still alive, his odds of succeeding were low.

Ashley and Madison walked into the room, their voices low undoubtedly talking about me. I shrugged it off, willing myself not to think about it and get myself worked up again. Aiden passed the blunt back to me, and I focused on the smoke of the weed, encouraging the high's ability to grant me nonchalance.

After a moment or two Ashley sat beside me and I curled up into her, resting my head on her shoulder and keeping my eyes glued to the screen. Madison sat on the arm or the couch beside Aiden, resting and arm over the top of the couch.

She sucked her teeth when his attention didn't move from the game to her, jealousy apparent. "Mija, you always on this game. Why don't we go do something?" She crooned, brushing her hand through his dar hair. "I beat someone up for you, you should be all over me." She frowned, tugging on his hair slightly.

The tug distracted him enough to fuck up his escape from the killer who was tracking him down and he was captured, the lady in the pig mask dragging him to his final resting place on a butcher's hook. He cursed loudly, throwing the controller into the couch. Madison gave a satisfied smile and resumed petting his hair. "Let's get pancakes from I-HOP." She suggested.

He sighed and grabbed the civic keys off of the glass coffee table. "I'm getting waffles." He differed, obviously moody about having to leave the game.

"I feel bad for Aiden," I mussed. "I don't think he knew what he was getting involved with when he hooked up with Madison."

Ashley laughed, wrapping her arm around my shoulder. "Me too. I don't think he would have put up with her if he wasn't so stoned all the time." She agreed, snuggling into the couch.

The cabin was quiet and the absence of traffic or roommates made everything feel peaceful. It seemed so isolated out here that it felt like the two of us were truly alone.

Ashley seemed to grow warmer underneath me and I looked up, finding that she had already been looking down at me, no doubt sharing the same thought about being alone.

As soon as our eyes met she turned slightly, arm around my shoulder pulling me in and her other hand reaching up to hold my cheek. Our lips connected and I instantly pushed her back, climbing to straddle her lap. Her hands fell to my hips, fingers digging lightly into my sides. Unburdened by the empty house, I let myself moan loudly, internally thrilled that there was no reason to hold myself back. Ashley grinned into her kiss, hands dropping lower to grab onto my backside. With her encouragement, I ground down on her, deepening the kiss with a thrust with my tongue.

The front door opened, Aiden instantly covering his eyes and voicing his displeasure. "Fuck, on the couch?" I jumped off of Ashley onto the couch and spun around, Aiden scowling as he moved around the couch to grab his wallet that was on the coffee table. "Really could wait, huh? Defiling my cousin, damn." He shook his head and retreated back out the front door, the door locking audibly in the awkward silence.

Ashley was red with embarrassment. "What a hypocritical cock blocker. As if I didn't have to put up with Madison's screeching in the middle of the night."

I stared at her, eyes wide. "Ew, I really didn't want that visual, Ash." I leaned back, folding my arms, trying not to picture my best friend as a screamer.

Ashley, seemingly over her embarrassment and itching to continue what we started, crawled back up to my side, hand reaching to grabbed my right cheek as she planted a kiss on my left one. "I can give you a better visual," she crooned into my ear, effectively erasing my brain's mussing of Madison's orgasm face.

She turned my head, capturing my lips in a slow seductive kiss. "Yes please." I agreed, turning myself around to give myself better access to the brunette. She pushed into me, rearranging me until she had positioned me onto my back underneath her, pressing her torso into my body. She laid on top of me, body between my legs and weight sustained on her elbows, lowering herself so that she could give her attention to the soft skin of my neck.

At first she just pressed open-mouthed kisses along the length of my neck until I felt her nibble at the skin over my collarbone, and I reached for her shoulders. She sat up, grabbing the offending hands and holding them down at my head. She gave me a coy smirk before going back to nipping and sucking at my neck, occasionally licking a spot after a particularly rough nip.

I growled in frustration, unable to retaliate with my hands pinned. She left a soft kiss on the corner of my jaw before returning to my lips, instantly breaking through my lips and swiping my tongue with her own. She ground her hips against my center and my hips lurched, legs wrapping around her waist and locking her in position. Her hands let go of mine, instead traveling down to the hem of my shirt. The snuck underneath, hand flayed out as she ran it over my bare stomach. The heat from her palm made me shiver, and I pulled the shirt up and over my head, exposing myself for her attention.

She ran her hand upwards, through the valley of my chest and to the curve where my neck met my shoulder. She lowed her head, capturing and erect nipple in her mouth. I moaned my encouragement as she grazed over it with her teeth, her fingers giving my other nipple a slight roll.

Craving skin contact I fumbled with her shirt, growing frustrated when she made no effort to help me, contentedly fooling around with my breasts. After a few moments of me growling at her she relented, sitting up and removing the garment herself. She unhooked her bra and tossed it the floor unceremoniously, letting me take in a moment to appreciate her evenly tanned body. It was enviable, it was impossible to sustain an even tan in Pennsylvania. Her small breasts were perky and taunting, and I reached up and captured one with my palm. Her hand covered mine, and I noticed that beneath her flesh, her heart was racing with excitement.

She leaned down, slowly dipping her chest onto mind, grinding her soft torso across mine. The contact left my instantly wet, and suddenly I felt as though we were moving too slow.

With a quick movement I swapped our positions, catching Ashley off guard. I kissed at the dip where her neck met her collarbones, leaving a trail of kisses down to her belly button. I fumbled briefly with the button on her jeans, her lending her hands to help me pull them off her hips and down her legs. I tossed them over the side of the couch, her hands already untying the string of my sweatpants to even us out. She pulled them down about halfway down my thighs before the pair of jeans hit the floor, her hand already creeping to the apex of my legs before I could even remove my own pants. She ghosted over my lips, freezing me from taking the sweats off, pushing myself down against the palm of her hand. I could feel my own slickness against her.

She gave her own moan when she felt how wet I was, rubbing her hand back, fingers lightly touching my asshole. I felt myself jolt at the stimulation, her palm firmly on my clit. I shuddered, back arching. She gave me another palmed rub, reaching back like before, enjoying the feeling of me.

I raised myself up a bit, moving up to capture her lips. She winced slightly when I brushed against the cut on her lip. I had totally forgotten. I kissed her again, this time careful not to irritate the sore.

Her fingers continued to explore my folds, me impatiently trying to encourage her to go where I wanted them to. She teased my clit with two fingers, rubbing the little nub expertly. My muscles clenched and my breaths started to get heavier, hips moving to the rhythm she was setting, occasionally moving to try and get her to finally enter me.

She pressed a finger over my opening, backing them away when I tried to move down onto them. I moaned pleadingly, sitting back onto her thighs and scratching at her stomach like a cat scratching at the carpet, leaving parallel straight red lines across her abdomen. I could feel my wet center pressing into the naked skin on her legs.

"Don't tease me, babe. Just fuck me," I begged, rubbing my center achingly across her thighs. She made a stiffled noise, reaching with her hand to touch me again. This time she entered, the teasing abandoned as she gave in. She entered with two fingers, me instantly pressing back down, sitting on her fingers and letting them go as deep as possible. I let out a cry of pleasure, raising myself up to ride her fingers.

Ashley removed her fingers, sitting up quickly and placing a quick kiss on my lips. "One sec, Spence. I have to pee."

I stared at her in disbelief, dumbfounded that she would just leave me like this. I could almost understand now why guys complained about getting blue balled. She disappeared down the hall, naked booty jiggling as she ran.

I was so turned on that it was almost painful, and instinctively my hand travelled south, fingers rubbing at my clit hoping to get some kind of relief. I grabbed the back of the couch with my right hand, holding myself up as I rubbed myself with my left. Just as I got myself building back up, Ashley reappeared, pupils wide as she hungrily watched me play with myself. When she reappears around the couch, I realized what she had really gone to get: a strap on dildo.

My fingers paused their work on my clit, eyes glued to the flesh tone phallus strapped to her thin hips. I glanced up at her, a smirk on my face. A giggle escaped me mouth. She frowned looking down at the contraption. "What's so funny?"

"I pictured you to be the girl that owns a sparkly purple one. If you're going to wear an ugly penis, you might as well glamour it up." I said playfully, walking on my knees to the side of the couch she stood at. I grabbed onto her hips and gave her a smile.

The brunette rolled her eyes. "Now I understand why men are so worried about dick appearance," she said ruefully, hands mimicking mine. She gave me a light kiss, a kiss that deepened again without hesitation. We made out for a moment or two before I grew impatient again, pulling the other girl over the couch arm and falling onto my back. She reached down between my legs, gathering some of the wetness pooling there, her mouth focusing on teasing my nipples as she used my juices to lube up the strap-on. I wrapped my legs around her hips once more, pulling her up for kisses as she positioned herself.

I felt the tip of the dildo pressing against my opening and I moaned into Ashley's mouth, pushing her down with my legs. "God, just fuck me." I growled at her, determined to get what I wanted.

Without hesitation she obeyed, easing the shaft of the toy into me and pushing in as far as she could go. My back arched, the feeling of suddenly being filled causing me to clench. My fingernails dug into her shoulder blades as I grabbed onto her.

"You okay?" She breathed, checking to make sure I wasn't gasping from pain. I nodded and she pulled herself out partially, encouraged to continue. She pumped in and out of me, and we developed a rhythm.

The wet sound of flesh hitting flesh and the popping of her thrusting in and out of me was loud in the empty house, only serving to turn me on even more. I could hear Ashley panting over me, and I tapped her to pause. She pulled out, looking at me in confusion until she say me flip over, kneeling over in a new position to give her easier access.

Instead of resuming her thrusting, I felt her tongue instead, licking wide over my slit, lapping up the juices flowing from my pussy. She sucked my clit, teeth pulling it every once and again, and I pressed my chest into the leather material of the couch, back arched and ass in the air.

I jumped when her hands grabbed my ass, separating the cheeks as she gave my rim a lick. At first I wanted to jump off. This was the second time she grazed my asshole. Then I found out I kind of liked it. I never really gave anal play much thought, but Ashley was certainly giving me motivation to experiment around with the idea.

Not getting immediate rejection, she did it again, this time giving my rim a solid, lethargic lick. I felt my ass clench, my center juicing up even more. She sat up straighter, looking down over my shoulder where I laid bent, covering her fingers with the wet and sliding a finger tip inside my rim.

My back arched with unexpected pleasure, and I felt myself back into her finger. She let me get used to the feeling for a moment, seemingly unbothered by the fact that she currently had a finger up my ass. She rearrange herself, easing the tip of the strap on into my snatch at the same time. Feeling me stiffen up, she waited to see if I would protest. Instead I grabbed a pillow that was a the end of the couch, burying my face in it and gripping the sides.

Ashley started to rock back and forth, simultaneously penetrating me from two holes. It definitely opened a whole new door for pleasure. I moaned loudly, pushing myself up onto my elbows and pushing myself back onto Ashley's dildo, encouraging her to thrust faster and harder.

She held onto me with one hand on my hip, holding me in place while the other reached for my hair, pulling me onto my hands and tilting my head back. The pain from the hair pulling and the sensations pulsing through me forces cries of pleasure from me as I got close to climax.

She removed her finger, pulling me onto my knees with my back to her chest, dildo still inside but still. She wrapped an arm around me, reaching up to toy with an nipple, a distraction tactic to hide the other hand making its way to my clit.

She teased my clit, teasing me until I was pulling at my own hair, legs shaking to hold myself up as my body suddenly filled with pleasure, the pressure low in my stomach erupting as I climaxed. I leaned back against Ashley as my legs grew weak, her pressing her lips to my neck in soft kisses, fingers slowing to a stop as I grew too sensitive. After a moment she eased the dildo out, unstrapping it with experienced hands so that I could rest against her more comfortably.

I reached over my shoulder and played with her hair, humming contentedly. I gave her a kiss to the cheek before glancing at the clothes at the foot of the couch.

"Continue this in your room?" I offered after I caught my second wind. She gave me a smile before helping me up, holding my hand as we grabbed our things and headed back to her room.


	25. Chapter 24

Ashley cut up a few lines on the glass coffee table, expertly chopping the drug down to a fine powder and separating them into four, equal lines. Loud sounds of gunshots resonated from the TV from Aiden, who was in the middle of a long match of Killing Floors. They had returned much happier than before now that Madison was properly fed, and while there was some awkwardness between Aiden, Ashley and I from when he walked in on us, we were all fairly relaxed and in much better moods than before.

Ashley handed me a cut black straw, offering me the first line. She kept her hand on my thigh as she watched me bend over to take the line, mouth curved in a knowing smirk. Aiden, having died, pulled a half-smoked blunt from his pocket, looking around for a lighter.

"Ew who's is this?" He exclaimed, leaping out of his seat and dropping a pair of black thongs I had pulled off of Ashley just an hour and a half before. Madison looked at the undergarment and then at Ashley and I's reddened faces before pulling a face of disgust and getting off the leather couch.

"Are you shitting me? _Follaste en el sofá? De Verdad? Eso es jodidamente repugnante, amigos._ I really hope for both of your sake that you sanitized this couch after you were done fucking each other. _El maldito nervio_." The Latina snapped her fingers at me, and I handed her the straw.

"I mean, we didn't really do anything on the couch," Ashley lied, no doubt taking silent satisfaction knowing exactly what we had done on the couch. At least we had managed to showed before the other two had come back.

The other two friends looked at each other and Aiden gave a skeptical glance at the couch before sitting back down, picking up the controller and exiting out of the game.

He pulled the black lockbox from underneath the coffee table, setting it on the glass and opening it. He ruffled through the inside. "Well, I'm not sure if what you guys are saying is true, but I'm going to ignore it because I really don't want to know." He responded, checking the inventory of the box. "What I do know is that we have two days to sell the rest of this cocaine, and it's about five thousand dollars worth."

He glanced at Madison. "Is Hery still willing to take a grand worth of this after last night?" He asked her.

Madison shrugged. "He seemed it this morning. I don't think he really cared for Lena if you ask me. This is just business to him. You can come with me if you want to give it to him." She sat down on the couch besides him, moving his arm so that it was draped over her shoulders. Aiden shifted, looking slightly uncomfortable. Something tells me he wasn't exactly on board with dating Madison as she was. Poor thing.

Ashley pulled the lock box closer so she could see the inside. "i know someone who could probably take a few hundred bucks worth." She leaned back, resting her back into my side and folding her legs to the side. "I wasn't really going to go to him, but it seems like we don't really have a choice." Her voice betrayed her reluctancy.

Aiden gave her a sideways glance. "You're not going to see him. I'd rather just front the rest of the cash myself." He said bluntly, fully rejecting the idea.

Ashley sucked her teeth in annoyance. "With what? I know you don't have that much cash to front it."

Aiden turned his head fully and frowned. "Stop lurking through my things." He scolded, attempting to removing his arm from Madison. The Latina held it steady with a clawed hand.

Ashley shrugged. "It's not lurking. It's making sure your staying on track. It's not my fault your terrible at hiding things."

"Regardless," he waved her off, "I'm not letting you go to Landon's by yourself."

The name was unfamiliar to me. "Who's Landon?" I questioned.

My inquiry was ignored by the two cousins. "Then I'll bring Spencer." She rebutted, sitting up off of me and and nodding in my direction.

"Wait, what? Who is this guy?" From the sound of it, this guy must not be good news, and if I've learned anything recently is that I always seem to get myself in trouble with these guys.

Aiden shook his head profusely, seeming to follow my own train of thought. "No, absolutely not. Listen, man," he looked at me, hands up defensively. "I don't mean you no disrespect, but you've been in too many scrapes for me to consider you for a mission like that." He grabbed the lock box and shut it with a loud metallic bang, replacing it to its place under the table. "We'll just have to think of something else."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Ashley argued. "Spencer is more than capable of tagging along with me."

Aiden pulled a face, looking pissed that his decision was being challenged. "Listen, just because ya'll fuck buddies doesn't mean that youse will make a good team. How many times have you had to pick her up off the ground when you was supposed to be pushing product?" He pointed out.

His logic stung, but it was true, and I really couldn't be mad that he had called me out. I was thinking the same thing myself. I wasn't a drug dealer by any standards, and I could barely keep myself in check. I'm basically just a girl who grew up as a privileged L.A white girl who was just angry at her mother. Tact was not something that I was ever trained in.

"I really agree with him, Ash," I said, placing a hand on her shoulder.

She spun around and looked at me disbelieving. "Come on, Spencer, you know that's not true. What did I say about being broody?" Her eyes flicked back and forth between mine, begging me to just give in and go with her.

I gulped, willing myself not to cave and follow through with this. "Seriously, though, babe. You've had to pick me up how many times? When have I ever saved you?" I could see her think back, trying to recall when I actually helped her out. She bit her lip, eyes glancing down.

"Okay," she muttered. "Maybe you're right." She leaned back into my side, dropping the subject and conceding to Aiden.

He nodded with a smile, his leadership reinstated by Ashley's surrender. "'Ight, it's settled then. Stay away from there until I get back, and I'll go with you." He stood up, Madison following in suit.

"This is so stupid," Ashley muttered, crossing her arms.

Aiden gave her a pointed glare. "I'm serious, cuz. Just let it go." He gave her another look before grabbing his keys and walking towards the front door. "I swear, if you go without me, I am not afraid to knock to out." His face was serious, and I could help but wonder if Aiden was serious about his threat.

Ashley just scoffed and looked away, keeping silent with defiance. Aiden shook his head and walked out, Madison in hand behind him.

The sound of the Civic pulling away meant that Madison gave Aiden no time to idle, and after a few minutes of making sure they were gone Ashley stood up.

"Put your shoes on. We're going." She stated, walking over to grab her chucks by the door.

I looked at her in confusion. "Aiden totally threatened you to not do that," I said, staying on the couch. She dropped onto the couch, already slipping on her shoes.

"As if I'm taking orders from a man-child who thinks he's a gangster. I'm a grown up too, and I can make my own fucking choices," she growled. Obviously the brunette did not like being told what to do.

"He may be a little immature, but I think he's right, babe. I don't know the guy, but he sounds like he might be dangerous." I glanced at my phone on the table, wondering if I should message Aiden and let him know what I was up to.

She shook her head, giving me a forced laugh. "He's not dangerous. He's just a little sleazy at best." Her voice didn't sound too convincing. She noticed me looking at my phone and grabbed it, shoving it into a bag she had next to the couch. When did she put that there.

"You can't tell Aiden. I'm serious, Spence," she glared, reaching down and grabbing the lock box from under the table. She pulled out the bag that held the remaining coke and shoved that into the backpack as well.

"So was he."

She dropped the bag with a thud, turning to look at me. Her eyes were cold like they were before, and I felt myself shiver as a chill ran up my spine. It had been a while since she looked at me like that.

"You owe this to me." She hissed, turning so she could face me. "After all the times I've helped you out, the least you can do is do this for me." Her jaw was clenched and her hazel eyes seemed to challenge me to deny her.

I gulped, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. "Um, wow." I started, swallowing again. "If that's how you want to play this, then I guess I really have no choice."

I could see regret appear in her eyes but it quickly disappeared. The words were out there, and there was no taking them back. She knew what she was doing.

The way she chose to exploit me made me clench my fist, the bitterness of anger at the brunette making a reappearance. To be honest, all I wanted was to just get back in my Ford and go home. But I knew that even if I left and went home, Ashley would leave without me just to prove a point, and by how this guy seemed to make the two cousins react, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to her.

The car ride was silent, broken only when Ashley needed to give me directions. We ended up in Honeydale, a town I had only been in a few times when Bo needed a ride home. He only lived just past the border from Cotestown, so everything past that point seemed unfamiliar.

Honeydale felt like it was in its own universe. Like a town you would only really see on TV. While Chester was full of suburban developments, Essex a commercial district and Cotestown mostly apartment buildings and city landscape, Honeydale was like a small town that stopped evolving after the 70's. And stopped maintaining its building then too.

The town was primarily composed on one main road that cut through the whole county, stretching about two miles on a section of that road. At first I thought it was cute until I realized the state of disrepair of the buildings and sidewalks, and the citizens who all seemed to look homeless.

Ashley's directions took me off the main road, past a few nicer looking areas that could be like the small towns suburban population, into the back of the town to the woods going up the mountain. It was like we were going out to the cabin, only these woods felt considerably less safe.

We finally made it to an old, worn down looking house. It was painted in a weird shade that was either blue or green, with tan accents that I was sure was supposed to be white. It was two stories and once upon a time was probably a very nice looking house, but the garbage in the yard, crumbling shutters and patchy shingling on the roof made this house look like some trap house. Considering what we were here for, that was most likely an accurate observation.

I followed my girlfriend up the hazardous looking porch, almost stepping through a hole from a broken board on one of the stares. Ashley knocked firmly on the peeling green door, a look of determination disguising any anxiety she had about being here. I however made no attempt to hide it.

I grabbed her arm. "I have a really bad feeling about this place." I muttered into her ear. She brushed me off.

"Shut up, just let me deal with this. You just keep looking fantastic." She said hurriedly as footsteps approached from the other side of the door. She gave me a peck on the cheek reassuringly, however her words did anything but. The door rattled, and I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand.

An older woman, probably the same age as my roommates, possible younger but worn from years of drug use. She had a shabbily drawn tattoo across her chest, a red heart with two names encased in ribbons, with doves holding the ribbons and flames coming from their mouths. It was probably a memorial tattoo, however it came of as incredibly tacky. She had an earring in her brow, a piercing I had recently been interested in but now reconsidering, and another in her lip, hair tied into two braids like an effort to look for youthful.

Her dull brown eyes fell on Ashley, and she gave her a thin-toothed smile. "Didn't think you would be back so soon." She said with amusement, stepping aside to let us in. "Landon didn't mention anyone stopping by." She finally acknowledged me, frowning when she didn't recognize who I was.

"Who's this?" She asked, pointing a finger at me.

Ashley shrugged. "Just a friend, don't worry about her, she's cool. Landon doesn't know I'm stopping by. I have a… person favor to ask." She said, choosing her words carefully.

The older woman narrowed her eyes. "Wasn't that the reason you were here last time? For that owner of yours."

Ashley cringed at the word, and I found myself curious about the word choice. I would have to ask Ashley about it later. For now I just kept my eyes to the ground. "Sure, we can say that."

The older woman gave a light nod before ascending the stairs behind her, leaving us to let ourselves in. The house was just as run down as the outside, a musty smell almost choking me instantly. I eyed the furniture, sure that I would find bugs, and the floor which had recently been sanded and apparently abandoned mid-priming. Cans of wood primer were pushed against the wall and a pile of what was assumed to be cat shit sat in the middle of an unpainted spot, looking green and sickly. It took everything in my not to gag.

"It's not to late to go back, you know," I said to Ashley, hooking my arm with hers, still taking in the horrors that was this house.

Before she could respond, someone descended the stairs. It was a man, who I presumed to be Landon. He looked a few years younger than the lady who greeted us, short and built stockily to make up for the lack of height. His head was covered by a DC flat billed cap, casting a shadow over his pale face. His rough, unkempt beard was bright orange, clearly natural, and his blue eyes seemed slightly out of focus as he stepped down the stairs. As he came closer I notices a dark birthmark over his eye. I'm not one to throw people into stereotypes, but this guy screamed "sketchy motherfucker".

He spotted Ashley and gave her a grin, placing a hand on her shoulder in greeting as he stopped in front of us. "Back so soon?" He grinned. I could see he was missing a few of his back teeth, making his appearance even more so intimidating. His tattoos reminded me of jailhouse tattoos. Why was he in jail? Drugs? Rape? Shit, murder?

My heart started to race with anxiety, my brain recalling the xanax bars I had bought earlier in the week. Maybe I should have taken one of those before coming here.

Ashley on the other hand seemed cool and collected, holding eye contact with the older guy. It was like watching two predators staring each other down. "I have a favor to ask. A personal one, not a favor to Aiden."

He glanced at her up and down, and I couldn't help but to bristle territorially. He licked his lips, as if remembering the last time the predator fed. He caught my stiffening, eyeing me up. "Who's this? Is she yours?" He asked Ashley instead of asking for my introduction.

Ashley paused, as if figuring out the best way to respond. These people seemed to work differently than I was used to. It was like being in a foreign country. She gave him a nod finally. "Don't touch her."

He let out a chuckle. "Fine, whatever. Come upstairs." Ashley hesitated for a moment, like she was figuring out if she was really going through with her plan. Landon cleared his throat and she finally moved, grabbing my hand and pulling me up the stairs along with her.

We entered a door on the left, walking into a room that was filled with bags of clothing and trash, piling on the bed and obscuring the light from the window. It looked like it was being used more as storage space than to actually sleep in. I wasn't sure that this was were the ginger had intended for us to go. He followed us in, moving past us and opening another door I hadn't noticed before, revealing another set of stairs to give us access to the attic. We followed him up the stairs to a room that was set up like an office, only with a bed pushed up against the wall. This was probably Landon's room where he conducted whatever business he was into. Another door, locked up with a padlock, was on the wall opposite of the bed. A desk was in the middle of the room, positioned to face the bed and blocking most of the way to the locked door. Two chairs were positioned in front of the desk, an embossed nameplate giving the office set up more authenticity.

Ashley sat on one of the chairs and I followed her lead, crossing and uncrossing my legs nervously. I was completely out of my element.

Landon took the padded office chair behind the desk, sticking a wood tipped cigarillo between his teeth and lighting it was a match from a matchbook on the desk. He took a drag off the tobacco stick, exhaling sickly sweet smoke. My fingers itched for a cigarette.

He looked at us, amusement on his face, reminding me of an office boss getting pitched a proposal for someone asking for a raise. He tapped some ash onto the floor by his feet before speaking.

"So what is it then? What do you want?" He propped the cigarillo between his teeth, biting down on the wood tip and holding it out of the corner of his mouth.

Ashley reached down for the backpack she had sat at her feet. She unzipped it and fished around as she responded. "We need to get ride of some white quick. It's high quality, but the plug gave us a time frame to turn it and bring him the money." She pulled the bag out and set it onto the desk.

Landon's face was hard to read in the dim light, the shadows cast from his cap making his face only partially lit from the nose down. He stared at the bag for a few moments, finally leaning forward to grab the clear plastic. He cut the bag open, pulling a fine pile of powder on the tip of the butterfly knife he had pulled out of nowhere, holding it under his nose and sampling the powder with a sniff.

He set the knife down, sniffing a few times and rubbing his nose to wipe away any residue. He blinks and smacked the wood loudly, making me and Ashley jump with surprise.

"Damn." He exclaimed, shaking his head. "I almost thought you were going to offer me bullshit." He fiddled with the knife spinning it on the desk with a finger. "I was prepared to get really angry." He took a puff of the cigarillo, putting it out on the desk and setting it aside.

"What are you asking?" He inquired, staring at the brunette over the desk. Since he was short and the seat he was in was low, he had to hold himself up on his elbows to lean on the desk. His awkward positioning was amusing, and I stifled a chuckle that tried to escape.

He heard, and glared at me. "What's so funny?" He asked, grabbing the knife and standing up. He started to move around the desk but Ashley stood up, shielding me.

"Wait, she's got a cold. She was only coughing man." She said lightly with a nervous giggle. She held her hands up in submission. "I swear that was it."

He glared at me again, leaning against the desk with his arms folded. "You fucking watch yourself, girl. You're a guest here." He turned his head, blue eyes trained on me, and spat towards the edge of the room. I struggled to keep a straight face and keep myself from gagging.

The man turned back to Ashley. "How much?" He repeated again, pointing at the bag on the table besides him.

Ashley held firm under his gaze, recovering quickly from once again defending me. "I'm supposed to get 5gs for it but I'm willing to make a deal." She said. I lifted a brow at her. That bag was probably worth no more than 3. She glanced at me, and I knew I should definitely keep my mouth shut.

The ginger man clicked his tongue. "Bold move. This bag is not worth 5gs. For that quality I'd give you four, and that's me being real generous." He licked his lips, eyeing up Ashley's legs. "I'd do a whole 5 if you throw a little extra in for me." He gave her a knowing smirk, and I caught on to the double entendre. I sat up to protest but Ashley threw me a hiss.

"Silence Spencer." She growled at me through her teeth. It made my anxiety spike, and I glanced around wondering if I could just go wait in the car. A hand on my shoulder kept me firmly in my place.

"I think I'll pass, honestly. Like I said, I was willing to cut you a deal so you can still make something off of this. I'll just have to recover my expenses." She said blandly, trying to sound like she was really taking a loss.

Landon sighed. "I'm trying to help you out though. You certainly didn't hesitate when you knew it would get you and extra ounce." He flicked his eyes over to me with a dirty smile, gauging my reaction. It took everything I had not to get up and walk out. The longer I sat here, the more uncomfortable I felt. I was starting to get the idea that this one one of those things that Ashley held some regret over. I didn't want to abandon her per se, but I certainly didn't want to have to offer myself up to this dude.

Ashley looked down at her feet, and I realized that she was actually entertaining the idea. The fuck? I looked at her, eyes wide with surprise that it was something that she was willing to do. With me standing right here. She looked at me apologetically.

We didn't even need 5gs. Would would have been set with three. It was an almost greedy decision.

"Wait in the car." She ordered, her eyes retreating behind walls and her face as cold as when she told me I owed her for saving her. I guess now was my turn.

"No, you can't seriously be considering…"

She cut me off, her voice a hoarse bark. "Just fucking go, okay?"

I turned on my heel, a thought crossing my mind, spinning back around. "Give me my phone then." I said, holding out my hand.

"No way." She said, zipping the backpack.

"Come on, I'll be bored. At least let me play my Solitaire game. I probably don't even get service out here." I pleaded, hoping I was coming off annoyed enough to get her to concede. Finally she gave in, clearly anxious to get this over with.

She handed me my phone and shoved me away towards the stairs, swallowing as she turned to face Landon.

As I climbed down the stairs I turned the phone on, mentally urging the device to start up faster. By the time I was halfway down the second set of stairs it booted up, alerting me to the numerous missed texts and calls from Aiden and Madison.

I started to call Aiden's number and stepped outside the vile living room onto the porch. I closed the front door and turned around, spotting a familiar green civic parked next to my black taurus.

I hung up the phone and walked toward the car. Aiden, spotting me, jumped out the drivers side. He ran over to me, grabbing my shoulders. "Spencer, be honest, where…"

I cut him off with a shrug, brushing his hands off. "She's in the attic, about to do some shady deal for extra cash. It's fucked up man."

Instantly he was off, running to the house and throwing open the door. I leaned against the hood of the green civic, arms folded as I observed the house. I had thought about just leaving, but I was kind of interested to see how this would pan out.

Madison climbed out the civic and stood besides me. "Call me bougie, but I miss my Benz." She complained, copying my posture. "Sure is nice to have a mans with a care though." She said with a purse of her lips.

"You know it's not really his, right?" She gave me a sideways glance, face dropping as she remembered.

The front door was thrown open so violently that one of the hinges broke, the door swaying outwardly in a crooked fashion. The tangle of bodies over the threshold squirmed as each man tried for dominancy, Ashley's voice trying to command them to stop.

I could smell the testosterone from here.

Aiden managed to get on top, the ginger beneath him keeping a tight hold on the collar of his shirt. With a twist of his torso, Aiden managed to free himself while simultaneously checking the guy in the face with an elbow. Landon hollered, clutching at his face, turning to his side as Aiden pushed himself up to he was standing. He looked around for Ashley, not noticing the other guy pull himself up and grab him in a chokehold.

Ashley ran out of the house and down the porch stairs, scanning the yard as if she was looking for something. Meanwhile Aiden stepped back a few paces, forcing Landon to back up with him until they hit the stairs, tumbling down and landing hard on the brick walkway leading to the gravel driveway.

Aiden scrambled to his feet, reached behind him as the other guy recovered from the fall, hat flung off his head exposing a large balding spot amidst curly orange hair. Landon's face was tomato red with fury, hands clenched into fists and veins bulging from his neck.

An audible click cut through the chaos, Ashley freezing in her tracks and the ginger man throwing his hands up. I looked over at Aiden, heart slamming when I spotted the 9mm handgun in his hands, pointed right at the ginger's head.

Landon's chest heaved, jaw clenching as he tried not to show how nervous the gun made him. Aiden wiped his nose, leaving a trail of blood from his thumb to his wrist. He kept the gun trained steady on the older guy. I had to give Landon some credit for even trying to combat my friend. Aiden was tall, and he was solid. The man was like a perfectly cut statue. Also for the fact that he hadn't shit himself yet for having a gun pointed right in his face.

Aiden stepped closer a few paces. "Are we cool, man? Or and I gonna have to put a bullet through that hairless skull of yours?" He spat, eyes dark with fury and blood from his nose pouring down his face. The other guy glared at Aiden for a few minutes before spitting on the ground at Aiden's feet.

"Don't you fucking come back here, boy. Or I'll fucking kill you," the ginger hissed, blood covering his teeth from a blow he took to the mouth. Aiden sniffed and wiped his nose on his sleeve, lowering the weapon and moving to the car.

There was another sound of a click, and Aiden turned to see that the ginger had pulled his own pistol from his pants. Quickly Aiden aimed from his hip, firing at the other guy before he could react. The bullet struck him in the thigh and he went down, clutching at his leg as blood spurted from the bullet wound. From the about of blood it almost seemed like the bullet hit an artery.

The dirt around him turned red as it soaked up the blood, the older woman who greeted us crying out on the porch, cell phone pressed to her ear as she called for help.

I stood frozen in place. I had never seen someone get shot before. And I certainly have never seen someone close to dying either. Aiden shouted at me and grabbed my arm, pushing me to my car.

"-cer you need to go now!" His voice came over the sound go my pounding heart, and I couldn't help but feel like I needed to stay and help, even if the guy was a piece of shit. Nobody deserved to die like that.

Instead my hands found the door handle and I climbed inside my car, Ashley climbing into the passenger seat. She urged me to go, clicking her fingers at me to wake me out of my daze.  
I shook my head, turning the ignition and throwing the car into reverse, not even bothering to pull a u-turn and tearing off to the main road that would lead me to the bypass. As we entered the highway, the sounds of siren from an ambulance wailed close by, and I hoped that the guy would at least survive.


	26. Chapter 25

**A/N: Hi, it's me again. Sorry to leave you guys hanging for so long. Especially after that last chapter. I won'g go into details but last month was pretty rough. I promised you guys that I would see this through, and I meant it. This chapters a bit shorter than what you're used to, but I'm just setting up a new section of the story. Hope you guys are still around, and let me know what you guys think. You'll have to be patient as I'm toying around with new perspectives, and I'm working on letting information bubble up naturally instead of in long narrations. After all, this is a different point of view than you're used to.**

 **I can't say how often I'll be responding, but work has given me off every monday and tuesday, so I would say at minimum its a once a week update, could be more, but guaranteed at least an update on one of those days if I'm not biking on trails that day.**

 **As always I appreciate you all, and thanks for all of your support!**

 **~Gia**

The late July heat was stifling and the outside humidity seemed to find a way to seep into the apartment. I was really hoping for rain.

I leaned over the air conditioning unit, pulling down the front of my ribbed tank top so that the cold-is air that flowed from the vents blew down into the hot crevices of my chest, momentarily relieving me from the hot air that seemed impenetrable despite the efforts of the low-cost unit. It really was insufferable.

A pair of hands rested on the peak of my hips, the warmth of the owner reversing any progress I had made at cooling myself down. With a sigh, I pulled the dark curls off of my neck, the strands clinging to my skin rebelliously. The hands moved from their position of my hips to entwine over my belly button, a gesture that before would have seemed endearing but instead just only seemed to stir up minor irritation.

The owner of the pair of hands seemed to have picked up on my irritation, the hands removing from their previous position and lifting off my person entirely. Sensing that I may have possible upset the Latina behind me, I turned around.

My eyes met green ones, almost appearing to narrow in their own frustration, and I couldn't help but to feel my irritation increase.

"What?" I asked, my gaze unwavering as I continued to look Madison in the eyes.

"Nothing, you just seemed a bit spacey. I just wanted to make sure you're okay." The other girl responded, folding her arms and taking a step back. "If you don't want to do this then just say so."

I leaned back against the window sill, making sure not to put too much weight against the AC and send it toppling out the window. If I was being honest, I would have welcomed the distraction away from the situation.

"No…no this is fine," I started, looking for some kind of valid reason for why I was totally bricking it. "It's just so fucking hot out that it's hard to get in the mood, you know?"

The Latina stepped back, walking out of my person bubble to where my bed stood in the center of the room. She sat down on the grey blanket covering the otherwise bare mattress, one eyebrow perked in the forever present position of attitude.

"When I first met you," she began, "I had assumed you were the easiest person to hook up with."

I shot her a look, displeased at her insinuation. "What is that supposed to mean, do I look like a ho?" I asked, adjusting my position against the window ledge.

The brunette just shrugged, pulling her knees up to her chest and crossing her arms. "I don't know, you seem to sleep around with everyone else just fine. I get that we don't see eye to eye, but this is just fucking, Ashley. I don't know why this is any different."

I closed my eyes, letting myself drop to the floor. I tucked a leg under the other, my elbow on my thigh and my chin resting on my hand. "Why are you even trying to sleep with me? You don't even like girls."

The other girl scoffed, flipping her highlighted hair dramatically. "I'm allowed to experiment. Especially since Aiden isn't around anymore to keep me satisfied." She let out a long groan as she laid back in the bed. "God do I miss that magic dick." She crooned.

I pulled a face, trying not to picture my cousin's junk. "Ew gross, Mads. When was the last you've talked to him?"

She re-positioned herself so that she was lying on her side facing me, head perched similarly to mine. She was silent with recollection. "I don't know. A few weeks now. It's just hard hearing his voice and not being able to touch him." Her eyes darkened for a moment, her soft interior momentarily exposed. "I guess you're about the closest to him as I can get."

I narrowed my eyes at her words. "That's incredibly selfish." I stated, standing up to grab the glass of water that was sitting on the dresser in the corner. I took a long sip, the cool liquid barely relieving the dry cottonmouth.

Madison let out a light laugh through her nose. "Does that honestly surprise you?"

I frowned, swishing the water around in the glass. "No." I set the glass back down and walked across the room, settling on the bed next to the other brunette. "do you know where he is?"

She lifted her legs, putting them into my lap. Instantly my hands went to her legs, gently rubbing at her calf muscles. "About as much as you know where Spencer is." she replied.

My hands stopped. "I don't want to talk about her." I said quickly, feeling myself throwing my defenses up. "She left, and didn't even bother to let me know she was leaving. Honestly, I don't care where she is."

"That's a fucking lie. I know you've been looking her up on Facebook and Instagram hoping she'd be online."

I pushed her legs out of my lap. "Suddenly having sex with you seems much more appealing now." I muttered, pushing myself back against the wall.

Madison furrowed her brow. "Why do you have to make fucking me sound like such a bad thing?"

I pulled my hair up into a messy bun, tying it loosely with a tie around my wrist. "Why are you so keen to sleep with me?" I asked. Madison had recently been hounding me to sleep with her. I had chalked it up to loneliness, but a girl like Madison could get laid in a heart beat, and I certainly wasn't her type.

She shrugged. "I don't know. Spencer flipped from guys to you all of a sudden, and she always bragged about how many times you could get her to come." She sat up, stroking a finger down my thigh. "I'm intrigued. I guess your community calls it bi-curious? I don't really care, and I don't see why my reasons really fucking matter."

"I think I got her to come at least four times in a row one night," I reminisced, pushing her finger off my person. "I can't believe she talked about that stuff with you." I felt a conflicting combination of irritated and proud.

"Who else would she talk to? We were best friends. Besides, you barely knew each other, and you dated for like, a month. There's a lot of things about Spencer you don't know. She was **una perra loca**." She paused, pulling herself up and positioning herself between my legs, resting her back against my chest. "I'm honestly surprised you didn't realize that before."

I frowned. "I don't even know what that means. I don't speak Spanish, so these little bits you throw in go way over my head." I pushed against her back, her body heat repelling the need for human contact. "You're fucking hot, get off."

"Crazy bitch. Also, I am hot, and I'm trying." She retorted, a smirk on her face at her own half-assed wittiness. She slid down off the bed, choosing to sit on the floor instead.

"Did you just call me a crazy bitch?"I questioned.

She turned around, tying her own hair up. "No that's what _perra loca_ means. Can we close the curtain? It might help cool it down in here without the sun coming through the shades." She suggested, standing up to draw the curtains without waiting for my confirmation.

"Have you heard from her?" I asked, gnawing at my bottom lip nervously.

She nodded. "Yup. I talked to her yesterday."

I paused, staring at the Latina who was peering through the curtains. "Wait what? You talked to her and you didn't tell me?"

She glanced at me from over her shoulder, her green eyes vibrant with an energy only the Latina seemed to possess. "She told me not to. I don't blame her. It's kind of your fault she legged it." She said casually. "I even told her we slept together before. She didn't even respond to it, and she would have took that bait in a heartbeat."

"We haven't slept together, though." I countered, standing up to go stand next to the other woman.

She raised an eyebrow. "Yet. I won't stop trying until I figure out what got her so fucked up for so long." She paused. "You know, I was almost certain you would have denied fucking her over instead of whether or not we fucked." She folded her arms and stared at me intensely. It was all a game to Madison.

I clenched my firsts angrily. "It wasn't my fault. I don't need to defend myself when I know I did nothing wrong." I could hear the defensiveness in my tone, but I couldn't help it. I had just managed to convince myself that her leaving wasn't my fault, so the last thing I wanted was to be re-convinced otherwise.

Madison chucked chastely, a hand propped on her hip and the other resting on my shoulder. "It was, and I know you know that." She let go of my shoulder. "Christ, Ash. When Aiden disappeared after he shot Landon, all you cared about was trying to find him. Meanwhile, you're girlfriend was doing her best to stay sober despite hanging around your coke-head ass, while dealing with the trauma of witnessing someone almost die, and the possibility that she could be killed as well.

Not to mention the fact that she was terrified that she was either going to get picked up by the police or killed by Landon. And then the shit with her mom that you weren't there for her for, the depression, the cravings… You're fucking clueless, and it took you over a week to realize she was gone in the first place." She stopped mid-rant, drawing a breath. She looked like she was about to continue, instead closing her mouth and turning away to grab her things.  
"Aiden is the only family that matters to me anymore. What was I supposed to do? Spencer is an adult and she can handle her own issues. I tried to help her with the whole heroin thing, but she made the choice to do it, and she paid the consequence. And I didn't ignore her, she shut me out. I wanted to be there for her." I said, repeating the rationalization I had memorized once again.

"That's fucking bullshit, Ashley, and you know it. And you know better than to bullshit me, because I am a human lie detector, and I can tell you know exactly what I mean." She slung her purse over her shoulder.

"I'm almost positive if you just messaged her, she would respond. That's what I did, and she has more reasons to hate me than you." She added before leaving the room, the sound of the front door closing as she saw herself out.

I fell into the mattress on the floor, staring into the ceiling.

Spencer certainly hadn't handled watching Landon get shot really well. She was shaking the whole drive home, shocked into silence. For two weeks I had to listen to her worry about what was going to happen, whether Landon would seek revenge for the drug deal gone wrong, or if Glen was going to lose it because we hadn't met the deadline. I could see her anxiety eating away at her, and how hard it was to keep it together.

I just didn't understand why it impacted her so much to begin with. Growing up, it wasn't uncommon to witness a shooting, and very rarely in the area did much come from it. I thought Aiden disappearing was a bit of an overreaction, but seeing as Landon was still alive and in recovering Aiden was probably concerned about his own skin.

I picked up the cell phone that was on the floor, unlocking the device with a swipe of my finger and opening the messaging app. My fingers hovered over the keyboard, unsure of what words to use.

I dropped it back to the floor. What would I even say to her? I turned onto my stomach, head resting against the naked pillow at the head of the bed, kicking off the offensive fleece blanket to the floor. After a moment I picked the phone back up, rapidly typing out a quick message and sending it out. I just hoped that she would answer the phone.

XOXOXO

I opened my eyes, squinting into the darkness. Checking my cell phone told me that it was almost ten at night, and my phone was as dry as it was before: no response from Spencer. I had hoped that she would have returned my message, but part of me was relieved that she hadn't. What would I even have said to her? I'm sorry? For what?

I sent Madison a text, asking if Spencer had changed her number or if she knew where she was that I could meet her at. An hour later she had responded with only a phone number and a stinging remark on how Spencer had changed her number right after the shooting, Another thing I obviously didn't pay attention to. I really didn't want to feel like the bad guy in the story, but Madison did make a pretty convincing argument.

I added the number to Spencer's contact info, tapping the message icon again to a new conversation to the correct phone number.

 **Ashley: Spencer, it's Ashley. Checking to see how you are.**

I pulled a box out from the two-tiered bookshelf that doubled as my night stand, opening it up to pull a mirror and my stash out and onto the bed. With shaking hands I dumped a generous portion of cocaine out onto the mirror, not bothering to chop up the drug before inhaling it through a piece of cut up straw I kept with my stash.

If Spencer was to respond, I certainly wasn't about to do it sober.

Sure enough, about an hour later, my phone vibrated and Spencer's picture lit up on my screen. I unlocked the screen, staring at her response.

 **Spencer: ok**

Her response was short and unsettling.

 **Ashley: Where r u**

I bit my lip anxiously. If she told me where she was, what would I even do? Go find her? And do what? Like I was in any position to go demanding answers. Part of me didn't even want to know where she was. I was afraid of what I might have pushed her to do.

 **Spencer: Why do you even care? Its been over a month. You've had plenty of time to figure it out.**

She was definitely upset with me.

 **Ashley: I've never not cared. I just didn't know how to reach you.**

 **Spencer: ok**

I sighed, dropping the phone on the bed. She couldn't have just made this easy for me. I stared at the phone, deciding between trying to continue the conversation or just dropping it. Another vibration hummed through the bed.

 **Spencer: Did you really hook up with Madison?**

I couldn't help the smirk that pulled at my lips.

 **Ashley: No. She wants me bad tho thanks to u.**

 **Spencer: Wym**

 **Ashley: u told her I made u cum so many times she was curious**

 **Spencer: seriously. Why am I not surprised.**

 **Ashley: I wouldn't tho.**

She didn't respond as quickly as she had been before, and at first I was worried that I had fucked up and pissed her off somehow. My heart fluttered slightly when I felt the bed vibrate again.

 **Spencer: Why not. She's hot. You might as well.**

 **Ashley: She's not u**

I waited for about an hour for a response before I fell back to sleep, hoping that the morning would bring me closer to finding out where she was. I hated to admit it, but I really did miss the blonde. It just didn't feel right not having her around.

When I woke in the morning though there was no new messages. I wasn't the kind of person to persist with text messages, and I wasn't going to start now. I'm sure she'd text me back when she was ready. Or at least I kind of hoped she would.


	27. Chapter 26

**A/N: 100,000 words? No way! I mean, a portion of that may be A/N's but still even another solid chapter would make up for that. HoLYsHit**

 **I honestly can say I never thought the story would get this long, and it's not even finished yet. this is like... season two lol. Apologies for errors I've been up finishing this while simultaneously playing Dead by Daylight every moment I'm not working. If anyone else plays let a girl know**

 **Thanks for your supports as always. I wouldn't be this far without ya'll. Much love 3**

Madison quit everything after that day in Honeydale: cocaine, her host job at Boca's, cigarettes, booze, and for a few weeks she even tried to give up sex. She tried for a while to get me to join her in her life cleanse, but the only success she's had was waking me up every morning to go jogging with her at 8 in the morning.

Since the deal was over between the clique and Glen, the cabin wasn't a housing option. Madison had somehow managed to get the owners of Pecking Point to accept my leasing application without a background or credit check for a ridiculously low price considering the fact that Chester County was the most expensive county in Pennsylvania. Unfortunately that apartment was directly beneath hers, and the close proximity to each other meant that Madison was my new best friend. Not my first choice. Not even my second or third. I suppose with Spencer being gone I was really the only other option the Latina had left.

I doubled over, breathing heavily as I struggled to catch my breath. This was the third week that Madison had been forcing me to join her jogging sessions. Madison went out every morning and every night before bed, but only made it mandatory for me to tag along every other morning or night, depending on my working schedule. At first it was incredibly difficult, my out-of-shape-body coercing me with side cramps and asphyxiation to stop every quarter mile. After about a week my endurance picked up to about a half mile without stopping, and a mile checkpoint was reached just recently.

I had to admit the exercise did have me feeling somewhat better on a physical level, but I still hated every part of living. Even Madison couldn't bully that out of me.

I sat on the curbside, legs spread out in the road in front of me, tiny droplets of sweat pooling in the undersides of my knees before falling to the asphalt below. The sun was almost at its highest point, already blazing the temperatures in the upper 80's. If I hadn't been so tan already, my skin would probably be a light rose shade from the strength of the UV rays. It was a killer day to start with, and mentally I begged for it to rain. Madison would probably make me run in that as well.

Finally the other brunette realized that she was jogging alone, me no longer staggering behind. She turned quick on her heels, striding towards me without breaking her momentum. "Bitch, did I say we could stop? The fuck you sitting down for?" She jabbed, standing before me and holding out a perfectly manicured hand.

I stared at it briefly before rolling my eyes to the back of my head, falling backwards until my back hit the hardness of the sidewalk. "It's too fucking hot. I just want to sit in my bed and eat my peanut butter ripple while binging Bojack Horseman." I whined, stretching my arms over my head to play with the grass around my head.

Madison sucked her teeth loudly, her ever present attitude on full force today. "I am not letting you do that. The last time you got drunk and watched that dumb Netflix shit, you got depressed for days and I could barely get you to shower." She narrows her eyes as she folded her arms. "That horse is seriously fucked up."

"I'm fucked up." I replied flatly, not bothering to move.

There was a brief pause before I felt Madison's presence move besides me, long tan legs entering my field of view from where my head was tilted to the side. I looked up, meeting vibrant green eyes that glared angrily into mine.

"Shut up." She growled. "If I have to listen to your self-deprecating bullshit one more time today, I will put you in the ground."

I gave her a light chuckle. "Honestly, with this heat, it would probably be a thousand degrees cooler underground." I waved a hand at my face like a fan, hoping that pushing the hot air at my sweaty skin would cool me off.

Madison sat on the sidewalk, pulling her hair out of a ponytail and into a bun so it wouldn't stick to her neck. "Trust, girl, this is nothing like Puerto Rico. Back home in July, it was almost 100 on a good day. _Mamí_ still tells me that days like this are too cold for her, and winter she goes back to the island."

I scoffed lightly. "Like hell it gets that hot in Puerto Rico. You make it seem like it might as well be Mexico."

She gave my leg a solid smack. "Never compare Puerto Rico to Mexico. We are totally different people. _No somos lo mismo!_ " Her face seemed tinged with anger, and for the first time I think that I had genuinely upset her. Even her accent had thickened with her defensiveness.

"Does it matter? We're are all on the same boat, right?" As soon as I said it I realized how ignorant the comment sounded. Regret swiftly followed. "I didn't mean it like…"

Before I could finish Madison cut me off. "Listen, _cabróna,_ you watch the news, right? See the things on Facebook. America hates Mexico. You start comparing our people to them, you gonna get me kicked out, _comprende_?"

I twisted my face, suddenly confused. "What are you talking about? Our people? I don't even speak Spanish. My family is from Canada, first of all, and only my mom's side of the family is from Puerto Rico. My dad was so white he's basically transparent." She continued to glare at me, hinting that I wasn't making the situation any better. "Can we change topic? Talking about racial shit nowadays always seems to bring the ugly out in people, and makes me feel like I'm racist when I'm not." I shifted uncomfortably.

I never really felt comfortable discussing racial issues growing up. I never actually felt like I was discriminated against, or that slurs were aimed towards me. It was hard trying to understand what Madison felt, feeling some kind of need to differentiate herself from another group so strongly that it got her worked up.

Seeing the panic stretch across my face made her soften up. "Right, I forgot you were some sheltered mixed kid protected by your rich white dad."

My stomach twisted with sudden anger. "Fuck you, don't you judge me because my dad was white. Don't think that I don't know your mom owns this whole development and basically paid for that Benz." I hissed, jabbing her shoulder with a finger. "Don't judge me for my privilege when you are so obviously enjoying yours."

She threw her hands up in defeat, clearly keen to drop the topic before it really got out of hand. "Well, whatever. Are we finishing this run now that you're good and worked up?" She asked, standing up and offering a hand.

I ignored it, pushing myself up and taking off, jogging ahead without waiting for the other brunette.

XOXOX

The conflict in the middle of our jog seemed to encourage us to work it out through exercise, surpassing the original and and a half mile route and completing a second lap. A few months ago I would have laughed at the idea of a three mile run.

I threw open the front door to the one bedroom apartment, pulling open the fridge and removing a pitcher of filtered water. I grabbed a pair of glasses and sat them down on the counter. Madison picked up a glass after I filled it, taking a long sip from it before snagging the dishcloth off the counter and wiping the sweat off her neck.

"How did you know my mom owned Pecking Point?" She asked after a few minutes. I was surprised she was still stuck on our little argument.

I sipped the cool liquid, wishing it was possible to just dump the glass over my head. "Um, I guess I just saw the name on the lease agreement and connected the dots. It's not really something you bring up to people."

I set the glass down. "Like, 'Oh hey! I noticed that the landlord and you have the same last name… does that mean you guys are loaded? Neat-o!'" I added a little fist pump at the end, accenting the satire. "It doesn't even matter anyway."

Madison frowned and started to speak, only to pause with a slightly confused look on her flawless features. "Is that your phone ringing?" She asked, turning her head in the direction of the noise. I mimicked her frown of confusion, trying to identify the sound she heard.

Sure enough I could hear the soft buzzing of a vibrating cellphone, coming from the direction of the bedroom. I had been too drowsy this morning and forgot it, leaving it plugged into the charger. "Good ears," I said to Madison before heading into my bedroom.

Just as I had located the phone where it had fallen to the floor, it went to voicemail, the picture of a certain blonde disappearing from the screen. I grabbed the phone and left the bedroom, returning to the kitchen where Madison had propped herself up onto a bar stool.

"Who is it?" She asked, looking at the phone with mild interest. She probably had a good idea, considering how she seemed to still be on speaking terms with Spencer. They probably had all kinds of things to say about me.

The thought made me frown. Maybe Madison did have an ulterior motive to befriending me. It's not like we ever got along before.

I set the phone down on the counter, eyeing the other girl carefully. "You have any idea why Spencer is calling me?" I asked her, sitting on the stool beside Madison. She looked down at the lit phone screen, spotting the missed call notification on the lock screen. Without a pause she picked the phone up, swiping the screen and tapping the four digit pass code. I hadn't even realized that she knew the code. It would be wise to change it.

The corner of her mouth frowned as she perused the message app, scanning the conversation with Spencer the night before. "You told her you were just checking in? Is there something fucked in that brain of yours?"

I rested my elbow on the counter, stressfully scratching at the skin between my eyebrows. "Is it wrong to want to keeps things light and neutral? I was trying to make sure she would respond, not scared her off." I countered, closing my eyes. Even I could hear the bullshit in my words. Spencer might as well be right: I was a coward when it came to these things. People and social skills were never my forte.

Madison grabbed my wrist, pulling and ruining the support of my forehead. My head dipped from the sudden movement and my eyes opened in surprise at the other Latina's hold.

"Cut it out. This is why she don't take you seriously no more. You can't just say what you mean. You always have to…" she paused, gesturing a hand up and down my figure. "I don't know, own your shit or something, _bicha_." She let go of my wrist and picked the phone back up. Madison stood up before I could protest and grab it back, moving to the other side of the counter.

With a sharp tap tap of her acrylic nails, she rapidly typed something into the phone, a faint swoop tone as she sent whatever message she had typed out. With a smug look of satisfaction she set the phone back down on the counter so I could see the message she had sent.

Ashley: I'm a huge tool who doesn't know how to express my real intentions. I'm really sorry and I miss you terribly. I want to talk to you.

I stared at the message for a second, at first perplexed and then annoyed. "I don't talk like that to her. I don't even use those kinds of words, or send messages that long. She'll know it's not me." I deleted the conversation, convinced that that kind of message wouldn't be taken seriously by the blonde. Shit, I would have disregarded it.

Madison rolled her eyes. "Yeah well if you would quit being such a _pendeja_ I wouldn't have to do this for you." She grabbed her purse that was sitting on the floor near the well-worn sofa, slinging the black bag over her shoulder. "If you can focus on something other than that blonde girl anyway, maybe you could actually do some normal adult stuff like go to work tomorrow." She added as she made her way for the door.

"Work?" I asked, feeling mildly confused. I unlocked the phone again to check my calendar, realizing that I had been giving away all my shifts the last week and a half. I almost forgot I still needed the money.

"Hey," I said loudly, turning in my seat. It made Madison stop in place, arm still outstretched for the doorknob. "Has Spencer been at work at all in the last month?" Spencer wasn't really one to worry about money. It wasn't like she had fantastic money management skills, but she never let herself get too broke. Part of me was worried that she was stranded somewhere without any kind of funding.

The Latina gave a light huff, wrist wrenching open the door. "If you have to ask me that question, Ashley, then you already know the answer. You should really learn to observe things that don't directly involve you." She laughed quietly. "And you call me selfish."

The door closed with a thud, leaving me to myself in the quiet of the one bedroom apartment. Unsettled from Madison's words, I stood up, walking to the refrigerator and pulling out a cold bottle of water. The cold liquid felt hydrating, and I found myself wincing at some slight sensitivity of my teeth.

I stood there, pressing the cool bottle to my forehead, encouraging myself to calm my thoughts down so that I could figure out what I should be doing next. It seemed fruitless considering that nothing was clear and outright in my head, making me feel more chaotic than usual.

Not really getting anywhere, I groaned, slamming my head down on the table.

 _A loud thud of my hands meeting the granite countertop made the blonde jump._

 _"Shit, Ashley. Don't scare me like that." Spencer said, a hand laid over her heart. She had been about to brew coffee, the music playing from her phone muffling the sounds of my approach. I gave her a cheeky grin._

 _"I thought you loved surprises," I moved around the counter in the Spencer's kitchen, the apartment empty for once. I leaned back against the island, reaching forward to tug at my girlfriends belt loops. I was craving her presence._

 _She furrowed her brow, swiping at my hands. "I hate surprises. I don't like scary things either." She bit her lip as she paused, as if rethinking her words. "At least, not anymore. I still get anxious being home alone."_

 _I felt my eyes roll, the action drowning in attitude. "Shit, Spence, you're still not over it? It's been over a week now. Everything's cool." I replied bitterly. Since the shooting at Landon's she's been extra jumpy and skittish, paranoid at every strange person walking across the lot. It was starting to become incredibly tiring to deal with._

 _"How do you know?" She asked, eyes wide with anxiety as she wrung her hands. It felt weird seeing the blonde woman so wound up. While it wasn't uncommon for her to seem anxious, it always passed or she stuck through it until whatever it was she was dealing with was sorted out. That endurance was one of the things that had originally drawn me to her._

 _"Trust me, I'm more worried about what will come of Aiden than whatever might happen to you," I answered, trying to be reassuring._

 _The look on Spencer's face suggested she had taken the words at a different meaning, her look of anxiety transforming into annoyance. "The fuck does that mean?"_

 _Realizing how my words could have been taken wrong, I struggled to backtrack. "No! I just meant that I honestly don't think you'll run into any problems. Landon's beef isn't with you. If anything he would target Aiden or me. You're fine." I straightened my pose, reaching out and resting my hands on her shoulders._

 _She looked down at our feet. "I don't feel fine, Ash. I feel like I'm kind of fighting with myself every day. I swear I saw someone watching the court the other day, looking for someone." She sounded tired and weary, a hand rubbing at the dark circles developing under her eyes._

 _"Has Glen mentioned anything about Aiden? Where he is?" I asked. I still hadn't heard from Aiden, which was unusual. Even when he was on the lam, he always made a point to let me know how he was doing and that he was safe._

 _Glen didn't mention the shooting when Spencer and I had dropped off the money, and he made no attempt to reclaim the cabin, only to sell me the Civic for the low. The stagnant lack of information that continued the last week only made me worry even more._

 _I had made a few calls between his phone and a few people I knew he hopped around with, but either no one had seen him or I had gotten no response back. I just didn't want to turn on the TV and find out he had been brutally murdered. I'd probably jump with glee even if I found out he was in jail._

 _Spencer slumped her shoulder, my hands sliding off of her to my sides. She seemed even more so tired. She ran a hand through her blonde strands, and I noticed for the first time that the color seemed duller, muted, like she hadn't bathed in days._

 _I wrinkled my nose a bit. "Damn, babe, when was the last time you took a shower?" I asked, subconsciously wiping a hand on my pant leg._

 _—_

 _Powder. Cocaine._

 _Line after line, a race to chase away the image of Aiden's face as he dropped the gun to the grass. The last time I saw him before Spencer reversed and tore off away from the crime scene. Abandoned._

 _The vein in my neck trembled, my heart fluttering in my chest as it struggled to meet the demands of the stimulant. Oddly enough despite the fleeing feeling of my cardiovascular system, my body itself felt pretty numb._

 _I glanced around the cabin. It was the last night that Glen had let me stay, leaving me with the option to either go back to my mom's or sleep in my car. I wasn't worrying about that. I wasn't worrying about anything. Except for Aiden._

 _And my girlfriend?_

 _I frowned, dropping the shortened black straw onto the glass coffee table, and stood up to head to the kitchen. The cabin was eerily quiet, the anxiety from the atmosphere and the drug trigging the flush of adrenaline to my system. Finding the kitchen empty, I double backed through the living room and down the hall to the bedrooms. The one Aiden had occupied was empty and as was mine._

 _My heart went from a flutter to a pounding sensation, the anxiety souring into irritation. Had she left without saying goodbye?_

 _Finally I checked the bathroom, finding it empty as well. With a sigh I turned to the sink, eyeing myself in the mirror. My normally neat black eyeliner was raccooned around my eyes, smudged from body grease from the day and rubbing dry, stoned eyes. It only seemed to intensify the heavy bags from sleep deprivation that almost seemed purple in the bluish light of the bathroom._

 _I turned the cold knob on, the faucet pouring out icy cold water immediately. I splashed my face, rubbing the skin gently to freshen up and maybe wake myself up a bit. Almost as a reaction my bladder twinged, the cold suddenly triggered the urge to urinate._

 _Without much resistance my joggers fell to the floor and I sat on the toilet, sighing with relief as I peed. As I reached for the toilet paper I noticed, in the small waste bin we kept by the toilet, the corner of a small blue bag poking out from underneath a piece of used tissue._

 _I blinked almost comically at the foreign object, reaching in to pluck it from under the tissue. A small white opaque picture of a Chinese dragon was stamped on the bag, a brand stamp. My stomach clenched as the image of what this bag was popped into my head and I stood up, yanking my pants back up and kneeling back to the floor._

 _I pulled the waste bin towards me, resting the bag on the shower mat with my other hand. After rummaging around for a few moments, my finger froze at the smooth touch of a plastic cylinder. Carefully I picked it up, bringing it to my view in the light._

 _A mother fucking syringe._

 _A sharp pain hit my chest at the realization, and I wasn't sure what I felt more of: Betrayed, Angry, or Panicked. What the holy fuck…._

 _She fucking lied to me._

 _Anger conquers all. I glanced around the bathroom as I stood, the red vignette of my peripherals tunneling my view. Where was she?_

 _The shower curtain caught my eye, the closed curtain suddenly feeling off for not being in use. I yanked back the curtain, eyes falling to the knocked out junkie doped out in the bath tub._

 _"Spencer!" I growled out, leaning over the bath tub to be closer to her ear. She shifted slightly, a trail of drool slowly dropping down onto a pre-existing puddle down from where her head was tilted to the bath tub ledge._

 _I snapped my fingers, the sound amplified by the small enclosed bathroom. "Spencer! I know you can hear me!" I yelled, my voice louder than it was before. Her left eye that was tilted up to me opened lazily, gazing at me before closing, the woman mumbling something intelligible._

 _I could feel my blood pressure rise. I reached down and grabbed her arm, yanking her up into a upright sitting position. Her eyes re-opened, only managing to open halfway. Her headed nodded again, only pissing me off even further._

 _With another pull I had her partially out of the tub, dropping her limp body to reposition myself so that I hand my arms around her chest under her arms, dragging her out of the bathroom and into my bed room._

 _With a grunt I dropped her on the bed, Spencer falling onto her back. With a slam I closed the door and turned on the light, flooding the room with bright yellow. Dragging and dropping her seemed to have snapped the other girl into coherence as she sat up, the sudden reality of the situation hitting her hard._

 _"Ashley, what the fuck…" she started, her voice low and hoarse from dehydration. She rubbed her eyes and pushed back the strands of blonde that were falling out of her ponytail._

 _"'Ashley, what the fuck?'" I repeated disbelievingly. "Are you fucking joking?" I walked up to her, hands holding onto either side of the other girls face before I even registered their movement. Spencer's blue eyes seemed to widen._

 _"I just found you doped up in my bath tub. After you promised you would stop." I could hear the heaviness in my breathing. I dropped my hands, unsure if I really trusted myself. Spencer's lip curled up and she nodded slightly, head drooping back over her chest._

 _A loud smack resonated through the room._

 _I stared at the red mark across the pale skin of Spencer and then to the hand that had frozen in place after striking her. I lowered it hesitantly, instantly recognizing I was heading into an unpredictable situation._

 _Spencer's hand reached up and touched the side of her face, her eyes and mouth wide with shock. She looked up at me, eyes beginning to water. "I tried so hard." She rasped quietly. "It's all just too much."_

 _I felt frozen, partially from guilt and grievance, fully aware that what I had done was morally wrong. Partially from the anger of what she had done that seemed to validate the action. My brain seemed to be malfunctioning, unable to process the event and its consequences without sending me into a meltdown._

 _I was too high. I felt spun._

 _I looked down at my feet, suddenly feeling lightheaded and short-winded. My feet, operating at a different frequency than my brain, guided me to the bed, falling to my stomach next to where Spencer had curled up._

 _I closed my eyes, begging my racing heart and mind to slow down before I passed out. Was this overdosing? Or was this a heart attack? Could a panic attack really feel like I was dying?_

 _That thought made me freak out even more until I felt soft arms pull on me, helping to pull the t-shirt and sweatpants off to cool me down and repositioning me lengthwise on the bed. The muted floral scent of Spencer covered my head as she tucked me against her chest, her own heart low and slow, a total comparison to mine._

The chime of my text tone woke me up from sleep, waking up to find myself asleep on the sofa, clutching the water bottle to myself. I felt gross and sweaty as well as uncomfortably warm. A touch to my forehead didn't indicate a fever, and my spine tingled as I recalled the dream.

I stood up and stretched, my body sore from falling asleep on the small sofa. I checked my phone on the counter, happy to see I had only drifted off for about an hour an a half. The happiness was short lived when I noticed Spencer's response to the message.

Spencer: Hi Mads

I told her that someone like Spencer would recognize when my texts were off. It almost made me want to throw the phone like a frisbee. My nostrils flared as I forced myself to set the phone down.

I needed to get high.


	28. Goodbye

Some of you may have that there has breen a prolonged absence. I know that Sonfanatic has been messaging me to check in. There are a few things that I need to bring up, as well as informing you that this story will be discontinued due to the personal safely of myself.

There are two things that you should know. The first being the fact that this story is not necessarily a work of fiction. This story is actually based on real time events, running parallel with the character of Spencer, with mild liberties being taken to accommodate the story or fill in gaps of what i imagined what was happening beyond my own perspective. I would say about 80% of Spencer's perspective is based entirely on mine. Including the heroin parts. My apologies to my dear Sonfanatic for lying about that part, but at the time i didnt want that judgement passed.

The second thing is that on August 2nd, i attempted to take my own life. Yesterday was the first day that I've been home, and i wanted to take a moment to reach out to the readers of this story. From the beginning i warned against drug use, and ive written about it and hinted at mental illness, and it is a serious issue and should never be taken lightly. During my rehabilitation, my counselors urged me to discontinue the story in order to curb temptations and to avoid potential triggers.

Perhaps one day I'll return to give the story a happy ending, because i know writing this story a happy ending was all i was hoping for.

In the meanwhile I'll be working on a much more positive story that perhaps touches these topics on a more enlightening way, and i truly hope that many of you will continue to follow me and my work.

Thank you all for your support. Truly, seeing the responses sometimes gave me hope, or allowed me to feel some form of self confidence. Whether you knew it or not, some days seeing those responses prolonged the inevitable for just another day. I'm sorry that the story hasnt reached a conclusion, like i mentioned, i may give this story an ending after wounds have healed, and i have a happy ending to put in.

With much love,

GGia


	29. The Return

Hello! It's been a while. It's been a long while. And for that I apologize with deepest sincerities.

The last year has been a whirlwind, and now that things are slowing down and my life has maintained some semblance of stability, and after noticing the story was still active, I decided to continue the story of Love, Drugs, and Roma Tomatoes. I will be updating regularly, I'm aiming for a weekly update until the story's completion.

As I may have mentioned before the story was roughly based around some things that were going on in my personal life, and as you can imagine, it would be hard to follow that trend and I would rather not rehash old news. The story may seem off track a bit as I regain my bearings and actually give the story more direction. I intend on finishing the story. Permanently. No excuses. No side tracking. No side stories as a distraction.

I want to take a moment to thank everyone who has read and supported the story, given feedback and complements. You guys are what matters. and having your appreciation means a lot. I hope that you guys will continue to follow up on the story in the future.

I dont have a new chapter as of this moment, but expect to see one pop up in the upcoming week.

Special shoutout to sonfanatic for checking in. You rock my socks, my friend 3


	30. Chapter 27

**A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for being patient. I had computer issues, and then I had focus issues. I'm not totally happy with some of this chapter but getting caught up on events and going back and forth was exhausting. Its definitely not a long chapter but its setting things up for late on.**

 **A FOREWARNING:**

 **There may be triggers in this chapter. Like, graphic drug use, some sexual things. If you need to skip this chapter let me know. I can PM you an abridged version so that next chapter you arent confused about Spencer's part. Ashley is probably easier to read. But I dont want to trigger anyone, and this story is a pretty heavy tale.**

 **SPENCER**

A Month Earlier

The car came to a halt, Ashley and I still as we both took in the moment, the car still humming beneath the grip I held on the steering wheel. It felt so hard to process, my brain acting on autopilot while most of my brain function was dedicating to deciphering the scene that played out before my eyes.

There was a lot of blood. The bullet must have shot straight through the guys leg, blood spattered across the patch of dirt and grass behind where he laid. It was like a movie scene, the blood squirting in the air like cheap effects. The shrill scream from his girlfriend on the porch; no doubt the same thought passing through our minds.

 _Is he going to die?_

A heartbeat later and everything started moving again and I knew we needed to be anywhere but there. Away from the blood, the screams, Aiden's panicked look as he shouted at me, shoving me into the car. We just left him there. All alone.

Finally Ashley spoke, suddenly realizing that I had drove us to Aiden's. "Why are we here?" She asked, quietly unbuckling her seat belt and reaching for her things.

I gave her a slight look. "No, you are not going anywhere. You've made things bad enough as it is." I explained, pulling my wallet out of my bag. "I'm going to go see if maybe the house is unlocked. Leave Aiden some money in case he makes it here. We don't even know if he stayed or ran."

She sighed, settling back into the leather seats of the Civic. "He probably stayed."

I paused, considering her answer. From what I know of Aiden, he would want to do the right thing. Returning the sigh I threw the wallet back in the bag and sat back in the seat. "I think you should stay here tonight. Just in case he comes around." Immediately the locks popped open. I looked down. I hadn't even realized I had been reaching for the car door controls. It seemed to catch Ashley off-guard.

"You want me to leave?" her brows rose in surprise. "You think that's what best? I don't know if you should be alone tonight." She said, reaching for the door lock.

"I don't really want to be around you right now."

The words fell out of my mouth, dropping heavy into our laps. Ashley's mouth gaped open and shut, searching for words. "I'm sorry?" she said finally.

"Get out of the car."

She lingered for a moment, confusion in her eyes as she searched mine. But my mind went blank, empty.

Despite what I said I went back to Ashley. How could I not? For some reason I was pulled to her, and only a day passed before I was knocking on Aiden's door asking her to come back to me, that it was all just shock from the incident, and that being alone was too hard while the event continued to play out. Landon survived like the roach he was but Aiden was missing. Things were fine for a while, but both of us were having troubles coping. Ashley was obsessed with freeing her cousin. Her cocaine consumption was through the roof, and it was beginning to take a toll on our relationship.

All she could focus on was Aiden. I think she felt guilty. But it meant that my struggles were overlooked, and she didn't even realize I had slipped back into old habits. She was staying at the cabin since being in the apartment was too hard on her, lost in her issues in Aiden's old room and leaving me to my own devices.

I had Lena come to the cabin while Ashley went out to drop off some stuff to me. I knew it was wrong, but I knew that without Ashley, I wasn't going to be able to cope alone. I hid in my room, waiting for Ashley to settle into her routine of calling lawyers and family members, hoping some of her family hoping someone had heard from him or could get advice on what might happen to Aiden if he had been caught. But she still never bothered to ask me anything other than if I had heard from my brother.

I shot up in the bathroom, only to be wrenched out of my blissful peace by a raging Ashley. Being manhandled into the bedroom, the words, the accusations… she fucking hit me. That's when I knew: I couldn't be with Ashley like this.

Present Day

It was like a ritual. The kit, the process: all of it perfected between my handler and from experience. I pulled the soft gray canvas bag that used to hold my marijuana and my pipe, now replaced by a baggy of brown powder, a burned spoon, lighter and a few clean syringes taken from a safe injection site. With a quick zip I unfastened it, opening the gray shell and exposing its contents, the needles and spoon gleaming dully in the ill-lit room. My hands were shaking slightly, no doubt a combination of excitement and need, as I pulled out my supplies laying them out onto the bed in front of me. The light from the red room bathed the spoon in its red glow almost ominously, a reminder that it was possible that any dose could be the last one.

I shivered slightly at the thought, reaching onto the ground for the bottle of filtered water I kept near our bed. Settling it between my legs, I grabbed the spoon, baggy and a small lump of cotton we kept in the bed side drawer. Just as I began portioning out the brown powder, somebody walked in.

I used to flinch when Lena walked in. The memories and guilt I connected with her making me jumpy whenever she was nearby; a nervous paranoid feeling that came from knowing you're doing the wrong thing. She sat down, her hair a bit longer, matted and blue, eyes raccooned from make-up and stress. She rested her head on my shoulder, watching my process with pale gray eyes. They used to burn with mischief, but whatever had happened after the attempted theft seemed to pull the light right out of them until there was nothing but hopelessness and need.

"Can you drop enough for two?" she asked, her voices raspy and languid. I gave her a small nod, dumping a little extra powder into the spoon. It stood out like gold dust against the burned and resin covered spoon. It was probably time to steal another one from the kitchen. A little water was poured into the spoon, cooking it slightly with a lighter to boil the liquid until the horse was dissolved. The metal of the spoon grew warm rapidly and when it was finished I set the hot metal onto the bed and dropped a rolled up piece of cotton into the center of the mix. Using one of my clean needles, I sucked up half the mixture through the cotton. I bent my arm, holding the filled needle in the other girls direction.

"Can you do it?" she inquired, kissing the bare skin of my shoulder. I nodded, and she sat back, resting her back against the wall. I reached to the floor grabbing a belt that was lying under the bed and wrapped it around the girls bicep, tightening until I noticed a small blue vein pop up. Her other arm was already littered with injection sites, and the sight of it made me question for the hundredth time if I was doing the wrong thing. I was, but I didn't care as much as I should.

I tapped her vein to make it pop more and angled the needle to the right position before pushing it into her skin. The plunger was pushed down to half way, a few moments wait before I pushed the other half through. Instantly Lena's eyes fluttered shut and her body eased from its previously tension state, moving from the wall to lie on her back on the gray sheets of the bed.

I looked down at my portion, wondering if I really needed the hit. Instantly my body protested, the need for the substance out-voting my common sense. Deftly I prepared the next needle, taking care to use a fresh one instead of the one I used on the blue haired girl.

The sharp pain of the needle was quickly dulled by the ice that ran through my veins, a contradiction of feelings before the warm weight of the heroin killed my synapses. I laid on my side, looking at Lena who was zoned out besides me.

"You think it's too late for us?" I asked her.

She stirred, pulling herself from the embrace of the drug, rolling over until she faced me in an equal position. "Yeah. I do. Don't you?" she replied.

"I'd like to think I still have a chance." I said, playing with a ripple in the sheet.

She reached out and grabbed my hand, pulling it into her chest. "It's okay, babe. But honestly is this so bad? Everything you need is here. Food, drugs, a place to sleep? What more do you want?" Her eyes struggled to stay open, and I knew that shortly she was going to nod off. I could feel the pull myself, but I stayed against it, trying to relish the feeling as long as I could. Briefly my mind turned to Ashley.

I shook my head, clearing her face from my mind. Fucking bitch.

Lena's eyes snapped open. "Did you just call me a bitch? What did I do?"

My eyes widened. I hadn't meant to say that out loud. "No, no, not you." I defended.

She propped herself up on an elbow, pale eyes searching my face for a lie. "You thinking about her again?" Her tone wasn't accusatory, but it still held traces of salt. "Have you spoke to her recently?"

I glanced at my phone. "I guess sort of. She messaged me the other day checking in." It had taken her over a month to message me after that night. Maybe she thought she was giving me space. I don't blame her. It was me who said I didn't want to be around her.

But I don't think it ever occurred to her why. That moment she was willing to give herself to Landon for extra cash… That was the moment where I realized that being with Ashley was a mistake. It was hypocritical, considering how I've done similar things to score heroin, but somehow Ashley had convinced me that I meant something. Her pulling that… her so readily able to give herself to some low life piece of shit for a little extra… Two people can't be self-destructing in the same relationship. And I never imagined that one day Ashley might lay a hand on me. I give her leniency because coked out Ashley was not the Ashley I imagined falling for, and I don't think I ever imagined that I'd be in this situation.

"Spence?"

I reopened my eyes, now aware that I had nodded off, lost in my thoughts.

"Is it bad I miss her?" I asked.

Lena scooted across the bed, embracing me in her arms. "Look, drugs make people do some weird shit. Shit we didn't think we were capable of. Does it make us bad people? No." She paused, stroking my hair. "But she wasn't right for you. You should never treat your partner like she did. Ignoring your needs? Domestic abuse..." she trailed off.

"I know that, but is this any better?"

Before Lena could respond the door opened, the short and stout figure of Heri walking into the room. He hadn't grown any, but his presence was bigger, filling the room and filling me with a dirty guilty feeling as I knew what his appearance meant.

"Spencer, I need you, mija." he said, beckoning me with a slightly over-sized hand.

I slipped off the bed and followed him through the double wide to the opposite hall, into a poorly lit bedroom. I glanced at myself over the mirror, my pupils nearly non-existant and encircled by dark shadows. I seemed thinner, my cheekbones a little more present, face a little more sallow.

Shortly after a john walked in, heavy and obese, smelling of beef and cheese. He gave me a crooked smile, teeth stained yellow and gray, and gestured to the bed.

With a sigh I nodded.

It didn't get easier since the first time. Perhaps slightly more bearable, especially when I was high. It was probably the reason Heri made sure we were fed as much heroin as we could need. I inhaled, steeling myself, the heroin dulling any sort of anxiety or fear. I almost felt as though I didn't care. I stumbled out of my sweat pants leaving my bottom half bare.

I leaned my hands onto the bed, bent with my ass out to face the John and closed my eyes. His cold hands trailed across the smooth skin of my buttocks in appreciation. The sound of his belt clinking and falling and his grunts as we went about his business. All of these things seemed to happen in the background as my mind shut down, blocking out what it could.

It was over quick, a sticky and warm liquid spilling across my tailbone as he came on me. And as quick as the john came in he left, leaving me to do whatever it was that I needed to do.

The dresser near the bed contained everything I might need. Quickly I plopped an emergency contraceptive and grabbed a towel, heading for the bathroom to rinse the dirty feeling off my skin. Not that it ever helped. Sometimes the warm water just encouraged the thoughts.

I crept back into the bedroom, Lena fast asleep. Soon enough I followed, hoping to not get awoken anytime soon.

 **ASHLEY**

"Just calm down. What is it you need?"

I focused on the coffee table, hoping it would help me collect my thoughts together. "Madison, I swear, just come down here and help me because I'm about to use."

The powder rested on a mirror on the table, already chopped and lined up. The straw twitched in my hands, anxious to get to it. I was trying to quit. I really was. Spencer's silence told me that I had fucked up, and it was all because of drugs. All of our problems had somehow become drug related. If I had any hope of eventually getting the blonde back, I would have to get clean.

"What am I, your NA sponsor? Go to a meeting." she stated.

"Mads, seriously. Please come downstairs, I know you're home. I can hear Shania Twain through the floor." I protested, flicking the straw against my fingers anxiously. The line clicked, and I couldn't tell if it was a good sign or a bad sign.

It was probably a bad sign. At least I could say I tried. I leaned over the table, putting the straw to my nose and inhaling the first line. A second one chased the first before I could give it another thought, two of the three gone.

Just as I was about the hit the third, the door shot open, Madison rolling her eyes when she took me in.

"Jesucristo, ni siquiera pudiste esperar cinco minutos. Voy a llamar a tu madre.!" she growled irritably, pulling me off the couch and to my feet. "Collect your things, your staying with me for a few weeks until you knock this habit."

"You can't call my mother. She's dead." I said, struggling against her grip. "And you can't make me do anything." With the skill boost from the coke I managed to wrench my arm from her grip and back to the table, quickly inhaling the last line.

She grabbed me again, this time more firm, pulling me away and towards the door. "You know what, we get your stuff later, okay? I need to lock you up somewhere before I drop some news on you."

I stopped struggling, pushing brunette curls out of my face. "Wait what news?"

She shrugged. "Stop fighting me and come upstairs, you fucking cokehead."

I wanted to take it offensively but she was totally right. About a lot of stuff. I sighed, defeated. "Fine, let me grab some clothes."

As I walked into my bedroom I heard her call: "If I look through that bag and find drugs, I will be the one that murders you, mija."

 **A/N: Just a side note, I really really wanted to give Spencer a happy start. Like give her a break or something. But lets face it, you dont go through some shit and not totally go off the wagon. It's not realistic. I wanted her to go through recovery, and I had half the chapter written before I went: I can not publish something like this. So if you were expecting a happy chapter, I appologize, but ya'll know that's not how I came. It's just how it be.**


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